


Lucky Strike

by xoelectric



Category: Blake Shelton (Musician), Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, F/M, Sexual Frustration, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:00:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 112,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26383768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoelectric/pseuds/xoelectric
Summary: Stuck in her elevator, she take me to the skyAnd I don't wanna go down, go downShe said I'll feel you later, go ahead and fantasizeShe'll make me want her right now, right nowAnd I can't wait another minuteI can't take the look she's givingYour body rocking, keep me up all nightOne in a million, my lucky strike
Relationships: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani, Shefani - Relationship
Comments: 348
Kudos: 398





	1. Keeps Me Up All Night

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, lining up my usual disclaimers here...
> 
> 1) I am not abandoning Mysterious Ways  
> 2) I am not abandoning Bad at Love (actually, almost done with the next chapter...)  
> 3) This one is a little more "out there" for an AU, but I'm not giving anything away. It's more fun for me to build the world through writing instead of just spoiling it. But I'm happy to take burning questions you might have after you read the first chapter...
> 
> Life is hard, kids. It's difficult to only write one thing, because at least in my life, it takes a lot of turns and it's not been a good few weeks. I never want my own issues to ruin a story that I have outlined, and sometimes I just can't write what the story needs if it's radically different from how I feel. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy ❤️

She remembered 25 like it was yesterday.

She was still young, still full of so much untapped potential. The year 1995 was such a simpler time, and not just in a nostalgic way - things were just less complicated in general. Her and the band had finally felt like they were gaining momentum. They were on the cusp of releasing _Tragic Kingdom_ , their lives truly changed and molded in ways they would have never imagined possible. She hadn’t even wanted to be a singer when she was growing up, but it’s insane the twists and turns that life can take when you’re too busy planning. 

Sixteen years later now - three more albums, dozens of singles and music videos, grueling tours. The best people she had ever met as well as the worst. The kind of drama you only see in the movies, the crazy situations you find yourself in that nobody believes when you tell them the stories. A life _lived_ , but what did that actually really mean?

Gwen was starting to realize you could have all of the fame and success in the world, but not only would it disappear in the blink of an eye, it could be incredibly unfulfilling if it was the only thing you had to show for yourself. And it was within that realization that it dawned on her why her mind was wandering back to that specific time in her life.

1995 felt like a new beginning. And lately, the present day felt like it was all ending. For good.

Her body jumped slightly as a cold french fry hit her in the shoulder, bringing her back to reality.

“Wake up, sleepyhead, we’ve got a song to finish writing.”

Gwen’s gaze went over to Tony, the source of the rogue french fry. She stretched and rolled her eyes, sitting up a bit straighter.

“I’m not asleep,” she said groggily, even though she would have liked to have been curled up in her bed in those moments. Her eyes flashed over to the clock on the studio wall and she sighed. “I don’t have any new brilliant ideas in the last ten minutes, either. I’m sorry dude, I just don’t see us figuring out this chorus tonight.”

Tony’s phone went off to indicate a text message coming through, and he snatched it up from the small table between them. “Saved by the bell,” he said. “Or rather, saved by Erin and one of her late night pregnancy cravings and her wondering when I’ll be home tonight.”

Gwen’s eyes rested on Tony as he rapidly texted his wife back. “Whatever it is, be a good man and get it for her on the way home,” she joked lightly, already knowing Tony was planning on doing exactly that. Though Erin hadn’t experienced the most easy pregnancy so far, according to Tony at least, Gwen couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealously deep inside of her. 

At this point in her life, she felt less and less hope with every passing day that she’d ever get to experience that for herself.

“Oh, I know better than to show up at the house empty handed,” he said, distracted as he was still texting his wife. Tony grimaced and put his phone in his pocket, looking up to Gwen. “I swear to god, though, her cravings get weirder by the minute. At least tonight the only thing she wants is a slurpee from 7-11. I can handle that.”

Gwen chuckled softly. Even though Tony complained, she knew deep down his wife meant the world to him and he would do anything for her.

“What’s on the agenda for you tonight?” He asked, flicking the instrument case on the ground next to him open. 

She shrugged once, closing the notebook in front of her. “Home, I guess.” 

_Alone. Same as every other night._

“It’s Friday night. You should go out or something,” Tony suggested. 

“It’s eleven o’clock,” she raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m…well, _over_ forty years old.” Her voice dipped quieter when talking about her own age, because she still felt like that 25 year old running around on a stage for two hours straight. “This is what sucks about not being in your twenties anymore, right here. All your friends are married with kids, while you go home alone at night to the same apartment to eat the same cheese and crackers for dinner and continue binge watching the same TV show, because you’re too old for anyone else to hang out with you.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re not _old_ ,” he emphasized. “Get that shit out of your head. Also, try eating something more than cheese and crackers. They’re obviously making you cranky.”

Gwen chuckled. “Whatever,” she said with a shrug. “Point is, Friday night is the same as any other night.”

“How do you expect to meet anyone if you stay cooped up?” He inquired honestly. “You stay cooped up in the studio all day. Maybe you pick up take out on the way home, but you spend nights cooped up in that penthouse by yourself.” He sighed. “You’re not living, Gwen. You’re merely existing.”

“That’s exactly what I need right now, a relationship, because my relationships always panned out so well,” she scoffed sarcastically and laughed, shaking her head. “That’s exactly what I need to do with my time, waste it on another ticking time bomb waiting to explode.”

“You and I are still friends, aren’t we?” Tony responded pointedly. “We weren’t a ticking time bomb, we weren’t so bad.”

She had to hold back her ironic laughter at his comment. “Were you deaf during the 90’s?” She asked, obviously referring to all of the songs that resulted from their breakup. 

Tony chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah, okay, there was some _angst_ there, but look at us today, come on,” he nudged her. “You’re one of my best friends. When we don’t have writer’s block, we make a fucking good team in here.” He gestured to the studio.

“And we’ve been trying to solve the same problem this entire time,” she laughed. “Getting stuck on song lyrics. Always happens to us.”

“I’m worried about you, G,” Tony admitted suddenly, with a sigh. “I mean, after this album is over…Adrian’s getting married soon. Tom’s got that producer gig lined up that he’s always wanted.” He paused. “What are you planning on doing? Are you going to try the solo thing?”

“That would never happen,” she said quietly, casting her gaze down into her lap. It used to feel more possible back in the day, but as the years wore on, she had managed to beat all of the confidence out of herself all on her own.

“Well, all I know is that you don’t know how to live without being around a studio,” Tony suggested next. “You’re a workaholic. You won’t go out. You should really start to think about what you want to do next.”

“It’s so easy for you,” she remarked, her gaze going up to him. “You have Erin, you have the baby. Adrien has Nina. Tom has his wife and the kids.” She swallowed. “I don’t have anything like that.”

The silence fell between them for a few minutes before she spoke again. “Don’t you think I’m already freaking out about that?” she inquired of him softly. “Not knowing what’s next?”

“I really don’t know why you don’t try a solo album,” he replied honestly. “You’ve always wanted to do it, you sacrificed it time and time again for the band. I don’t know what’s stopping you.”

“It’s complicated,” she shrugged it off. “Why would I leave the band to try and do something on my own? We’ve been nonstop these last two decades. You all needed me to stay.”

“We could have taken a break before now,” he challenged her. “Gwen, the past is the past, and I know you don’t regret it. All I’m saying is, really think about what you want to do. Don’t waste the time. Life’s too short.”

She looked at him for a moment, reeling over their conversation. 

“You said it yourself a minute ago, you and I are good together in here,” she countered. “So why don’t you stay after this?”

He sighed, visibly debating if he was going to answer that question honestly, or if he was going to fudge the truth. Gwen’s eyes were already suspicious, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get away with anything that wasn’t the full truth. 

“I promised Erin to take at _least_ six months off,” he said easily, but then hesitated to continue. 

“And?” Gwen asked, prompting him further.

Tony sighed. “I need to do something different for a while,” he admitted. “Creatively, I’m drained.” He paused. “And I have a few people that have already approached…”

“ _Oh_ ,” she said with a nod and a curt smile as her gaze went to her lap. 

“Come on G, don’t look at me like that,” he almost begged. “This probably wasn’t the _best_ way to tell you that little piece of information, but…”

“I’m not even looking at you right now, Tony,” she responded softly. A moment later she forced her gaze up to him. “I’m happy for you, I really am.”

Tony moved to stand, wrapping his arms around her a moment later.

“God, you must really feel bad, you’re hugging me,” she laughed a minute later, taken aback by his sudden movement towards her. Tony wasn’t exactly the most affectionate person, and she suddenly felt awkward in this conversation. 

Tony stood up straight and laughed. “Come on, I can drop you off on my way,” he offered. 

“That’s okay, I’ll call my car,” she declined politely. “I’m going to stick around here for a little while longer.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Go get your girl her slurpee.”

He looked at her with sadness in his eyes. There was so much that he wanted to say, but also so much damage he could have done on accident with his words. 

_It was almost me getting slurpees for you instead, at one point._

_I know how badly you want to be a mom. It will happen for you, you still have time._

Anything he could have said along those lines felt lame. Instead, Tony grabbed his bag and swung it over his shoulder, opting to walk towards the door to leave. He stopped when his hand touched the door handle, and looked back to Gwen.

“You’ll figure it out, you know,” he said simply. “You always do. You’re pretty incredible like that.”

She exhaled softly. “Thanks, Tones.”

Tony nodded, a small smile on his face before he left the room, leaving Gwen alone with her thoughts. 

She spun around in her chair, settling back into it. Her eyes squinted as the fluorescent lights in the corner seemed to get just a bit brighter - but she chalked it up to the impending tiredness she felt coursing through her veins. 

The last number of years felt like such a sprint - when did it get like this? She’s alone in the studio late on a Friday night. Nothing to do, nothing to go home to. She felt like an imposter, a passerby even as everyone else seemed to so easily go about living their lives. 

Her eyes fell and locked on the microphone in the recording booth. For something that was so familiar to her, soothing at times, even, it was also the most daunting. She had to force her eyes away from it, just the simple _thought_ of entertaining a solo album made her stomach hurt. 

She didn’t know how long she stayed in the studio by herself, but she was soon standing up, pressing a few buttons on her phone to call her car. She walked through the empty building, confirming that she was officially the only one still there. An eerie quiet lingered as she opened one of the small fridge doors, retrieving a flavored water after realizing how thirsty she was. 

Gwen stepped outside into the darkness of the night, making sure to hear the _click_ for the door locking behind her. The sounds of the city hit her senses immediately, and she inhaled a sharp breath.

She knew her life was about to change drastically sooner rather than later, and she’d just have to get used to that fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, what do you guys think?
> 
> I know not everything has been revealed or built out just yet, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on where you think this might go! (Don't worry, Blakey is coming in the next chapter ❤️ - but it certainly won't be free of drama!)
> 
> xoxo


	2. I Can't Take The Look She's Giving

Cowboys in Los Angeles seemed so out of place. And the six foot something one towering in the front lobby was absolutely no exception, and impossible to miss.

Gwen had looked at him out of the corner of her eye as she passed him in the front lobby, soon swiping her access card to gain entry back beyond the front reception area. Their eyes had met briefly, before Gwen’s turned to focus in front of her. She continued walking down the halls, Starbucks cup in hand as she sipped on the hot liquid, her eyes searching for the guys. 

She soon spotted them together, sprawled out in the open area lounge couches, and made her way over. She took a seat on the edge and took another sip as her attention went to the conversation at hand. Usually she expected them to be talking about the newest musical gear or video games, but the topic at hand intrigued her as she tried to catch up to news she had supposedly missed. 

“Apparently, he’s one of the top grossing country artists of all time,” Tom said with a shrug. “He’s had over a dozen number one hits just in the last few years…”

“Guess that corroborates the rumors about the knock-down, drag-out fight the label had,” Adrian commented.

“What are you guys talking about?” Gwen raised an eyebrow, sipping on her coffee again.

“The label’s new shiny toy,” Tony chuckled and shook his head. “It’s about to be a _hoedown_.”

“You’re hella trippin’,” Gwen scoffed with a small laugh. “There’s no way they signed a country…”

Her words halted suddenly, looking between her band mates in confusion.

“Where have you been? It’s all anyone’s been talking about,” Tom inquired once he realized Gwen wasn’t finishing her sentence. But her gaze was elsewhere - that tall cowboy from the lobby was walking through the double doors on the other side of the room, a dozen or so people fawning over him. 

“His name is Blake Shelton,” Adrian said, handing his phone out to Gwen. “Looks legit on the internet, at least.”

She gently pushed his hand away. “I don’t want your phone, Adrian,” she said, even though she was distracted. She was observing him instead. He stood up almost perfectly straight, walking his boots in a heel-toe motion as he seemed out of place. He was laughing as someone made a joke, various employees of the label were approaching him and introducing themselves. His entourage stuck out like a sore thumb, though not as badly as him with all of his stature. He was getting the grand tour.

“Is this really what mainstream has come to?” she mumbled, rolling her eyes to herself and looking back to the guys. 

“Some of it’s not all that bad,” Tom shrugged. “It’s a lot more modern than the version I know that’s going through your head right now.”

Tony nudged her, drawing her attention down to him. “C’mon Gwen, you know how this goes,” he began. “Hot one day, gone the next.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly. “ _One day_ certainly lasted a lot more than…well, _one day_ for us.” More like two decades - she had to sigh, feeling like it was all falling apart too soon.

“He doesn’t look so bad though,” Adrian said. “Looks friendly enough.” He paused. “Why is he such a threat?”

There was something profoundly irritating about the new guy already, and Gwen hadn’t even met him. Adrian’s comment only amplified that.

“I need a seltzer,” Gwen said suddenly and stood, ignoring the fact that her half-full Starbucks cup probably called her out on that lie. Regardless, she put one foot in front of the other and carried herself off to the kitchenette area nearby. 

Anything to not have to look at the label’s shiny new time and resource suck.

————

The long hallway that was usually quiet was filled with activity. 

There was laughter, general chatter, not usually the things she heard as she went to coup herself up in a private studio by herself before she had time scheduled to meet with the band and knock out these lyrics they’ve been pushing through for what felt like _weeks_.

Gwen glanced at her phone once she arrived at Studio A - she was five minutes early. The door was partially cracked open, there must have been at least ten people inside. 

She decided to wait.

Five minutes turned to ten, and ten to fifteen. Her hand clutched tighter around her phone in annoyance as she listened to whoever it was carrying on in the studio. Finally she had enough, and she pushed the door open just enough to fit inside, and stood back against the wall stubbornly.

She wasn’t usually the type to be confrontational, but at least she could make it awkward. She stuck out like a sore thumb - everyone else was laughing and carrying on, one of the guys in boots and a cowboy hat strumming a guitar casually on the couch nearby. Blake suddenly popped up from across the room, he must have been sitting on the ground or something.

Her arms were crossed, and her fingers tapped as she just stared straight.

“Oh, great!” Blake exclaimed suddenly, and he laughed as someone tugged him over to the couch. His gaze quickly went to Gwen for a moment before he was distracted again. “Can you go get us a round of coffees?”

Gwen blinked, finding herself in shock as the realization slowly hit that he was talking to _her_.

Suddenly, it was like a switch flipped - she was over this.

“ _Excuse me?_ ” she snipped at him, a bit louder than she intended. The room quieted down instantly, most of the others turning to look at her. Blake was last, his eyes widening once he realized his mistake.

Before he could say anything, she was already speaking again.

“You have two legs that look like they can walk, and two hands that look like they can make your own damn coffee,” she stated boldly, an eyebrow raised. “The label might be throwing out the red carpet, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us are destined to get your _coffee order_.”

Blake rose to his feet, his face slightly in shock at her boldness, but also mentally beating himself up over the fact that he just asked _Gwen Stefani_ to get him coffee.

“Uhh,” was the only word he could manage at first, trying to figure out how to dig himself out of this hole he found himself in. “I didn’t think you were — I mean, I apologize, I just saw the blonde hair and thought you were Janie, from reception — “

“Maybe one day when your ego deflates a little you’ll realize that not everyone with blonde hair looks the same,” she mumbled. 

Blake chuckled. “Well you’re certainly helping accelerate that process,” he quipped awkwardly. “I, umm,” he started again, and stuck out his hand almost out of panic. “I know who you are. Of course I do. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Blake…”

Gwen’s eyes went down to his outstretched hand, then back up to his gaze. She wished he wasn’t so… _nice_.

“Well, _Blake_ ,” she responded, without moving an inch. “I get that you’re the new guy around here, but I’m sure you’ve been in a recording studio or two before that operates on a schedule. Like the one over there, that says this room was booked by me, starting fifteen minutes ago.” She paused. “If it’s true you know who I am, you’ll have no problem confirming that little detail with those legs of yours that look like they can walk over there to check…”

“Oh,” was all he said, and retracted his hand as soon as he realized she was not in the mood to take that olive branch. “Sorry, again. Yeah, we can just…”

“Wait, wait, wait,” someone moved forward towards the two of them, and Gwen sighed as soon as she heard Pete’s voice. He was the general manager, and she already knew exactly what was coming next. “Gwen, why don’t you take Studio B today? They’ve got a big group in here, it’s going to be a tight squeeze if they have to move…”

Even just the simple downgrading of a letter was confrontational for her. It was clear where she stood - Blake was the new priority. There was so much she felt like saying, but she simply stared at Pete for a moment, glanced at Blake, and turned around to leave without another word. 

She certainly had _enough_ , indeed.

————

“I hate this damn studio,” she mumbled to nobody in particular. 

Gwen had all but given up on her own studio time, she was still fuming from the encounter with Blake. She also wanted to hit Pete upside the head to see if it would knock any sense into him. They had spent years - grueling _decades_ of hard work to get where they were, they had made this label so much money, and it suddenly felt like none of it even mattered. 

Maybe she was just resentful about her life in general, but she’d never actually admit it. It was jarring when you were at the top for so long, and now it just felt like a struggle to keep up.

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Tom chimed in, somewhat distracted as he listened to a playback of what they had been working on for the last hour. “It’s a little smaller in here, but so what?”

Gwen placed her hand on the wall that separated the two studios - it was vibrating. “Are they really just coming in here and taking over like this? How is it possible that they can make _so much noise_ and not even a supposed soundproof wall can insulate them?”

“Well if you stand on the other side of the studio, I bet you won’t hear it,” Adrian chuckled, shaking his head. 

Gwen glanced at Adrian, unamused with his joke. She blinked a few times, and soon her feet were carrying her to the door.

“Gwen, where are you going?” Tony asked, his attention going over to her.

“Don’t worry about it,” she responded, her hand now on the door.

It dawned on Tony exactly what she was up to. “G, that’s not a good idea.”

She ignored Tony, and pushed out into the hallway.

Her feet carried her down the hallway, and she was at the entrance to the other studio in no time. She exhaled once as she hesitated, before pushing the door open and letting herself inside. 

She looked around, the likes of a frat party already what she had imagined, but this just further confirmed it for her. She couldn’t understand how anyone could get actual work done with all of this noise and commotion, and she couldn’t even hear herself think.

“Hey!” Blake popped up over the noise, spotting Gwen over the crowd as he made his way over to her. “Outside…” he motioned, not wanting to continue to try and talk over the noise. 

As soon as Blake and Gwen were both in the hallway and he closed the door to the studio, he glanced over at her with a neutral, but friendly gaze.

“What can I do you for?” He asked easily. Gwen just blinked, still trying to take it all in. 

Gwen looked taken aback. “You’re not going to do _anything_ to me,” she cringed, physically taking a step away from him. 

Blake blinked once, realizing she didn’t understand the expression. “Oh, no, I meant — “ he trailed off. “Let me start over. Hi, _what brings you here_?”

It was Gwen’s turn to blink. This awkward southern man was certainly getting on her nerves for all kinds of reasons.

“Some of us can’t concentrate with all of the noise,” she said simply. “Soundproof walls are not actually fully soundproof. Can you guys please keep it down? We can hear everything in Studio B.”

Blake’s face fell just a bit. “Sorry about that,” he began. “Yeah, I can tell them to tone it down, no problem.”

Gwen nodded once as a silent _thanks_ , and turned on her heel to leave.

“Gwen?” Blake called after her, causing her to stop. 

She hesitated to turn around, but did so anyway.

“We seem to keep getting off on the wrong foot,” he continued. “I’m sorry for that. Truly.”

An apology was really the last thing she was expecting, and it somewhat threw her for a loop. She couldn’t find the words to respond, and just stared at him somewhat awkwardly.

“I’m not the kind of guy that has any issues with people,” Blake spoke again. “I already told Pete we’ll be moving to Studio B starting tomorrow, so ya’ll can have it back. I didn’t mean to cause an inconvenience.” 

Gwen had already spent so much time being annoyed with him and trying not to like this guy, but he was suddenly making that incredibly difficult to do. Her eyes narrowed in on him. Though he sounded genuine, she still had a distrust of people that tried to disarm her with niceties. She wasn’t ready to get to the part yet that she’d consider he actually meant it.

“Thank you,” she replied eventually, keeping her tone simple with a nod. It was genuine, but also guarded, which seemed to spark a curiosity in his eye. 

“You know, I’d really like to apologize to the guys too, for the inconvenience,” Blake said next, his eyes going to the door at Studio B.

“That’s really not necessary,” she responded quickly. “I can let them know.” She turned again to leave, and she began to walk back to the studio. 

Blake wasn’t satisfied with that, however, and he began to walk behind her. 

“Hogwash, it will only take a minute,” he said. “Us southerners don’t believe in letting others do our apologizin’ for us.”

Reluctantly, Gwen let Blake follow her into Studio B, despite really feeling like closing the door in his face.

“Hi everyone!” his southern accent greeted as he awkwardly waved his hand. Tom, Adrian, and Tony’s attentions pulled to the front door immediately. Gwen went and stood in a corner, trying to have no part of this. “Listen, just wanted to introduce myself officially and apologize for all of the noise - my people aren’t the most considerate sometimes but I’ll make sure they won’t interrupt ya’ll again.” He offered a smile. “I’m Blake, by the way.”

The guys sounded off their names one after another with a wave back. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m half deaf sometimes and didn’t hear a thing,” Adrian joked, and stuck out his hand to shake Blake’s in greeting. 

Blake smiled gratefully and returned the gesture, his eyes going back to the room. Just as he was about to excuse himself, his eyes fell on the guitar sitting in Tom’s lap.

“Is that a vintage Gibson?” Blake’s eyes narrowed in on it as he couldn’t help but step forward, admiring the instrument. 

“Yeah, you a guitar man?” Tom’s interest piqued, making room for Blake to sit next to him on the small, two-person couch. Blake took a seat without realizing it, and Tom was soon handing him the guitar.

“Absolutely, I’m a country guy, it’s literally in my DNA somewhere,” Blake chuckled, taking the instrument into his hands. “Damn, she’s a beauty.”

“Please,” Tom gestured, giving Blake permission to strum a few chords. Blake did so, and rocked his head back and forth slightly as he adjusted and got comfortable with it.

“They don’t make ‘em like this anymore,” Blake remarked, strumming a few more minutes.

“You’ve got to be kidding me right now,” Gwen mumbled under her breath and sighed to nobody in particular, taking a seat in the far corner of the room. 

“What are ya’ll working on in here, if you don’t mind me asking?” Blake asked next. “New album coming out soon?”

“Coming out whenever we can get it finished,” Adrian shook his head. “Man, I’m sure you know how it is. Good music doesn’t just happen, it’s a process. It’ll be a nice break though when it’s done.”

“A break sounds nice,” Blake commented. “I’ve pretty much been non-stop since I started.”

“Us too, but it’s time,” Tom chimed in. “Time to spend some time with the family.” He paused. “Tony over there is expecting his first child soon, and Adrian’s getting married. My kids are growing up too quick. Seemed like a good enough time as any.”

The reality of it all was hitting Gwen straight on again. She felt uncomfortable, like she wanted to get out of that room and drag the guys with her. She felt weird about how chummy they all were so quickly. 

“What about you, Gwen? Any plans after the record?” Blake asked, trying to pull her into the conversation.

The frustration and anger that was boiling inside of her - and slight embarrassment not having an answer to that question - was seconds from bubbling over, but Tony intervened. 

“Gwen’s going to do a solo album,” Tony said with a grin, looking over at her. 

“Don’t hold your fucking breath,” Gwen said, rolling her eyes and readjusting her position in the chair. 

“I think that’s a great idea,” Blake responded, his eyes going over to Gwen and staying on her until he was able to get her gaze on him. “You’ll kill it.”

“I highly doubt you’ve listened to our music to actually know that,” Gwen said quietly, her eyes glancing down on the table next to her. 

Blake hummed to himself, keeping an eye on her for a moment as the room was suddenly silent. Tom, Tony, and Adrian looked between themselves as they tried to collectively think of a way to break the awkward tension in the room. Before they could say anything, Blake adjusted the guitar in his arms and strummed a few chords, before he began playing a song.

The acoustic guitar made it hard to immediately recognize, but it immediately sounded familiar. When Gwen soon realized he was playing an acoustic version of _Don’t Speak_ , her eyes went back to him quickly, as if she had to see it to believe it. 

Blake’s eyes were downcast, concentrating and playing the chords with such an ease as if he had done it so many times before. Gwen’s eyes glanced to the guys, who were equally as awestruck that Blake had just seemingly pulled that out of thin air. The guitar seemed to suspend time and space, and they were just there - and mesmerized by it. She didn’t even realize how much time was passing. The slow, meticulous, albeit almost sad chords were all she could focus on. The song sounded so different, a stronger sense of melancholy and rawness that was hard to describe in words.

He soon hit the final strum, his eyes going up to Gwen without hesitation - locking with hers. The guys were all obviously impressed with him, but Blake didn’t even seem to notice. He just seemed to want _Gwen_ to notice. 

“Dude, that’s incredible, I’ve never thought about that sound on acoustic before,” Tom remarked. “Did you figure it out on your own?”

The locked gaze with Gwen had grown in such intensity in those moments, it was hard to pull away; and yet, he felt like his eyes would actually burn if he didn’t. Blake came back to reality as he felt Adrian pat him on the shoulder, and looked between the others with a soft chuckle. 

“Nah, that was just me messing around one day,” Blake dismissed, and handed the guitar back to Tom with a _thanks_. “I like a lot of different genres. And I mean, how could I not know some of ya’ll’s music?” He paused. “Besides, everyone’s heard of _Gwen Stefani_ , unless they’re living under a rock.”

She couldn’t take it anymore - she turned in her chair, away from the conversation, as she quietly kept her eyes on the glass separating them and the recording booth. It was too much going through her mind - it was like everything that she ever had and everything she felt like she never would hit her all at once, and it was overwhelming. 

“Anyways, I’ll let ya’ll get back, they’re probably wondering where I am,” Blake said suddenly standing up.

“You should come with us to happy hour on Thursday,” Tom responded with a nod. “We usually meet in the open lounge around 4:30 or so.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Blake said kindly, with a nod. “See you guys around.”

And with that, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would love to know what you guys think so far with this dynamic at play ❤️ Thank you so much to everyone that is reading!
> 
> xoxo


	3. Take It Or Leave It, That's Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needs to get a little tense before we get going too far, guys 😬 Enjoy...
> 
> xoxo

He remained completely still in the back corner shadows of Studio A.

It was large enough that he could slip in quietly, unannounced, not causing too much of a stir to anyone that was in the room already. His eyes watched Gwen - she was in the recording booth, headphones on, getting herself into the zone right before she was about to launch into another take of recording the song she had been working on.

There was a man that he didn’t recognize sitting at the mixing console, who didn’t seem to mind nor care about Blake’s concealed presence. Gwen seemed to get so lost in what she was doing, she didn’t notice. She probably had spent years with people coming and going constantly, he assumed it likely didn’t bother her. 

“I’m ready to go again,” Gwen said through the mic. The music soon started over from the beginning, and she closed her eyes right before she threw herself into the chorus.

_  
You work it hard  
Boy you got me good  
How you push and shove  
Ooh boy, you're hustlin' me  
You work it hard  
Boy you got me good how you push and shove  
Ooh boy, you're hustlin' me  
_

The music died slowly, and Gwen came over the mic again.

“Is that enough? Are you going to layer over it?” she asked.

“I think we got it,” the man responded. “Let’s do the other lyrics, yeah.”

Gwen nodded, and the music started again. She exhaled, mentally focused and counted herself in.

_  
You work it hard, you gonna lie some  
You work it hard, you gonna lie some  
_

She stopped briefly, clearing her throat and taking a drink of water. She threw her hand in the air, indicating to have the music start over.

_  
You work it hard, gonna survive some  
You work it hard, gonna survive some  
_

She attempted the additional lyrics, approaching them in slightly different ways each time. The emotion she portrayed each time, with every word, made him feel like she was _living_ it. She was so much better in person than he could have ever imagined - while he had only meant to stay for a few minutes, he found himself unable to move. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed as she went over many versions of it, a seeming perfectionist. 

He thought back to the conversation he had with his manager earlier that day as Gwen took another drink of water in between recordings. As soon as the music started again, he waited until she was lost again in her singing before swiftly slipping out of the studio, undetected.

———

She spun her chair around in the small conference room - her view changed from one blank, white wall, to another. 

Waiting was never exactly her strongest skill set. 

Her attention turned to the door immediately as it opened, and she watched Pete step inside, coffee in hand. Her eyebrow raised in curiosity as he took a seat across from her at the six-person table.

“This is weird for you, meeting in a conference room and not your office,” she commented, and narrowed her eyes in on him. “ _Why?_ And what’s this _super urgent_ “thing” you want to talk about?”

Pete chuckled and shook his head. “Okay, straight to the point, I see,” he remarked. “You’ve met Blake, right? The new artist that we’ve signed?”

She blinked once, and Pete decided to just continue speaking when he realized that was all he was going to get from her in those moments.

“Blake has been doing work on a new album, much like yourself,” Pete explained. “Sometimes it’s more challenging being a solo artist, you have so many additional resources available to you when you’re in a band.” He paused. “Anyways, Blake needs additional vocals for a specific song he’s working on. Specifically, _female_ vocals.”

Gwen chuckled. “Good luck with that, hope she doesn’t have an ego that might overpower his in a room.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure _she_ does.”

Gwen stopped laughing, and blinked a few times. She wasn’t sure if he was actually saying, was he actually _suggesting_ …

“Look, I know the band is working mostly on instrumentals for the album over the next few weeks, and you have a little free time in your schedule,” Pete continued. 

“Excuse me??” she couldn’t help but gasp, and sit upright in the chair as she tried to process all of this. “That’s the most _insane_ idea I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.”

“Why is it insane?” Pete asked honestly.

“Are you serious?” she asked immediately. “We couldn’t be any more different. Since when do you think sticking me on a _country_ album ever made sense?” She almost stuttered to get the next part out. “And you’re in here honest to God asking me to sing _backup_ for someone? I don’t even know where to _begin_ to take offense in the middle of all of this.” 

“Gwen, I think this would actually be _really_ good for you,” Pete emphasized.

“How?” she snapped immediately. “How is any of this any good for me? At all?”

“You’ve spent your entire musical career working with the same band,” Pete began. “And they’re great, you’re all great together, don’t get me wrong. But a little new experience never hurt anyone…”

“I’m still waiting to hear a reasonable explanation as to why I shouldn’t be extremely offended by all of this,” she said, her words deadpanned.

“The label needs you to play ball, Gwen,” Pete sighed. “I was trying to get you to see what a good idea this was for you, but the truth is, there’s not really room for negotiation in all of this…”

That bit of information might have been what stunned her the most. “I don’t have a choice,” she said softly, looking away from him in those moments. 

“The label worked _really_ hard to get Blake,” Pete was practically pleading with her to understand now. “We need to keep him happy. They’ve been looking to find the perfect female to pair with him for _months_.” He paused. “Does it help at all to hear that they asked specifically for you?”

“I don’t recall partaking in those meetings,” she mumbled and looked away. “And that’s even more confusing to me. Pete, I’m not country.”

“Maybe that’s exactly why they’re interested?” He shrugged. “I don’t know. They’ve tried a few other artists out with him on the song and they haven’t gotten what they are listening for.”

“Do they even know what they want? Or am I just the next random to be thrown in line?” She asked, raising her eyebrow. “Be honest.”

Pete sighed. “I have no idea how many people they might be thinking about right now, all I know is that they specifically asked to see if you’d be willing to try…”

Gwen sighed, shaking her head after running her fingers back through her hair. Her arms crossed as her gaze went into her lap.

She simply couldn’t believe this was her life now. She felt competing ways about it, too. Normally she was _fine_ to help out where they needed her, but everything considered, this just felt like so much of a mental burden that she didn’t want to deal with.

Pete cleared his throat, soon realizing Gwen wasn’t exactly going to be the one to speak up anymore unless prompted. 

“One song,” Pete said. “One session. Let’s see first if this might even work out.”

———

Gwen felt uneasy as her eyes fixated on the door, hesitating to move her hand forward to enter the studio.

She wasn’t happy to be there - that was for sure. She didn’t want to be in the same room with him longer than she had to be. She didn’t want to sing _back-up_ , for heaven’s sake. Why was she even agreeing to entertain this?

_It’s because you literally have nothing else in your life and Pete is a horrible kiss-ass sometimes._

That reality was cold as it hit her dead on. She hated feeling like she wasn’t where she was supposed to be in life, despite how much success she had been fortunate to find. The way Pete was - well, she couldn’t exactly help that.

As the door pushed open, her eyes fell on Blake - the only one in the room, sitting casually in front of the controls. He offered a small smile and a nod when she walked in, her eyes going around the room. 

“No entourage today?” she asked, not unkindly. She had fully expected to walk in on a fraternity style party in full swing, considering their last few encounters.

“I don’t always have a lot of people around,” he chuckled. “Thank god, because they make it hard to think and get actual work done sometimes.”

“Well, it’s the only way I’ve seen you,” she shrugged softly, letting the door close behind her.

She soon moved forward, taking a seat somewhat near him - but careful not to sit _right next to him_. The feeling in the room was already awkward, and she kept her gaze forward. 

“You didn’t want to come,” he observed, tilting his head slightly. 

Her attention went over to him, her eyes meeting his.

“Not exactly, if I’m being honest.” She paused. “It’s not really a career highlight of mine to entertain the idea of singing _back-up_.”

Blake hummed, taking her words in - some with a grain of salt. “Then why did you?”

The silence fell between them, and she instead decided to turn the question back on him.

“Why did you ask for me?” She redirected. 

He could have been petty - could have made her feel worse, pinned it on his manager as his suggestion instead. But he decided honesty was the best policy - especially as he wanted to try and win her over once and for all.

But she wasn’t going to make that easy on him. 

“Because you have an incredible voice,” he admitted. “Unique. I think we could be good together.” He paused. “I’d really like it if we could at least _try_.”

“I’m not country,” she said next. “And I’m not going to fake an accent.”

Blake chuckled and shook his head. “As much as I would pay money to hear that, I didn’t expect you to.” He paused. “I know who you are. It’s part of the appeal - an unlikely pair.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” she corrected, her eyes going to his. “You just know what I sound like, you know about the band. It doesn’t mean you have the first clue — “

“ — you’re right, I don’t know you,” he cut her off mid-sentence. “Apologies for the assumption.” He wanted to press a little more, he wanted to make it clear that he _wanted_ to know her - be friends, or at least friendly, but he wasn’t sure if that was the best idea just yet. He felt himself slightly regretting this decision, but he was strangely optimistic that most of what she was putting on right then and there was a front.

“Do you have the lyrics?” she asked next, purposefully trying not to have to respond to any of his many sentiments.

Blake handed her a piece of paper, which she took and glanced over. The top read _Go Ahead And Break My Heart_.

“The highlighted lyrics are your part,” Blake explained. 

“Okay,” she said simply, and stood up.

Blake raised an eyebrow. “Where are you going?” He asked.

“Typically singers record with the microphone, in the booth,” Gwen replied, pointing to the set up.

Blake chuckled. “We aren’t in a hurry, can you just sit down for a few minutes?”

It was Gwen’s turn to raise an eyebrow, confused as she took a seat again. 

“Tell me about yourself,” Blake tried next. “I appreciate trying to get to know the people I work with a little.”

“You can find plenty about me on google if you’re really curious,” she remarked. “You need female vocals for a song. The label wants me to do it. It shouldn’t take too long.” She paused - she was about to continue, but Blake instead spoke up instead.

Blake chuckled to himself and shook his head. “Damn, I have no idea why they thought I could help you.” He exhaled. “You don’t want help from anyone, that’s obvious.”

“Help _me_?” Her words were pointed, as she sat up straighter in her chair. The confusion was all over her face as the conversation abruptly changed. “What are you talking about?”

“It doesn’t matter, Gwen, because it’s never going to happen,” Blake said with a shrug.

“No, you don’t get to do that,” she responded immediately. “What in god’s name are you supposed to be helping _me_ with, Blake? I’m here because _you_ need help, not the other way around.”

He sighed and hesitated briefly before responding - though he didn’t hesitate enough for it to dawn on him that revealing the information he was about to share with her might not have been the best idea. He hated feeling like he was lying, though, and it ultimately won out. 

“The label thinks there’s a solo album in you,” he explained. “Obviously your band does, too. You seem to be the only one that doesn’t. Pete thought…”

“Pete thought he could just set me up like this?” Her voice was strained. “He went behind my back and, and what, told you to _help_ me?” She sighed, exasperated. “Help me _what_? I’ve lived in recording studios probably at least over a decade longer than the first time you ever had the privilege to walk into one.”

He ignored the implication. “Why are you so scared of it?”

“Don’t pass judgement on things you know nothing about,” she snipped back at him.

“You’re talented as hell, I don’t know what else it could be.”

“Why do you care so much?!”

“Talent is a terrible thing to waste.”

“Seriously, what do you even know about it?” She huffed in annoyance, as she felt her body fully tense now in the heat of the conversation. “Did they build you up, tell you you’re some expert about solo albums or something? Come on, Blake, what did they say to you that gives you the _audacity_ to come in here and tell me that you’re here to help me?”

Realizing he should have done it sooner, Blake sighed and kept quiet, his gaze casting downward, his demeanor remaining calm.

The silence agitated her. Her teeth clenched as she suddenly felt the impending embarrassment catching up - just the fact that someone thought this was a brilliant idea after all of her hard work and experience was soul crushing. She stood up, and abruptly placed the lyrics back in his hands.

“I can’t do this,” she said, with a shake of her head. She turned to leave.

“Gwen, come on,” Blake tried. “Please don’t — “

“ — Please don’t _what_?” It was her turn to interrupt him, as she abruptly spun on her heel to face him. “I came in here because I didn’t have a choice. The label forced me to meet with you. I have no interest in a country album, don’t have the right voice for it, and your proceed to insult me by insinuating I’m some damsel in distress needing your help?” She exhaled. “Tell me why I shouldn’t leave right now. Just one reason.”

“What the hell happened to you?” Blake responded, blinking a few times in shock at the additional outburst. “No, really, what happened to you that made you hate your own life so much?” Blake started to feel awkward sitting in the low chair and soon stood up on his feet, his eyes narrowing in on her. “As _twisted_ as this sounds, whatever negative thing is _driving_ you right now - it’s exactly the emotion that I needed and I haven’t been able to find for this song. I just had no idea how bad it was, I had no idea that it actually consumed your life.”

Her eyes widened at his comments. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about right now,” she responded, obviously frustrated with him. 

“I slipped into the studio a few days ago when you were recording,” he admitted boldly. “I knew you were good, but damnit, I didn’t realize _how_ good until it hit me in the face like it did.” He sighed. “You got so lost in — I don’t know, the _intensity_ , the _pain_ of the song you were singing. I’ve never seen anything like it. _That_ is why I asked to see if you’d be willing to try.”

“You shouldn’t always trust the performance,” she said quietly. “We’re all actors. We’re all pretending.”

Silence fell for a few moments between them. 

“I didn’t _ask_ them about you beyond helping me with the song,” he said next. “Once they heard I was interested in you, they asked _me_ to…I don’t know. See if you’d be willing to listen, try something new. See if you could get over whatever is holding you back.”

Their eyes locked in the following moments, an air of uncertainty between them after everything had been spoken. When she was able to tear them away, she focused them on the door again. Her hand clutched the door knob, and she hesitated to turn it. 

A moment later she found the will to do so, and she left without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still enjoying this story? Please let me know! ❤️


	4. So Sick Of Saying Yes, Sir

Gwen’s eyes narrowed in as she scanned the contents of the refrigerator.

“How’s working with Blake going?”

Pete’s words startled her and she jumped suddenly, sighing as she reached forward to grab an avocado before closing the fridge door. 

“Oh, you mean the set up?” she responded simply, walking behind him and moving over to the drawer where she knew she would find a knife. 

“Set up?” Pete questioned, now it was his turn to open the fridge door.

Her eyes glanced over to him, resting on him for a moment - she was clearly not amused with the games. 

“You were always a terrible liar,” she rolled her eyes, and looked down to the avocado in her hand. She cut into it with a knife, soon splitting it apart in two pieces. “Don’t tell me you didn’t try to pump him up and fill his head with these grandeur ideas of him _helping_ me. It took him less than five minutes to spill the beans.”

“I’m not going to tell you anything controversial with that knife in your hand,” Pete grinned sheepishly, snagging a soda before closing the fridge door. 

“More lies,” she mumbled, hitting the knife with some force into the pit of the fruit, subsequently pulling it out and tossing it in the nearby trashcan. 

“It wasn’t a _lie_ ,” Pete emphasized. “He really does want you to record a song with him. A real song. One that’s going to go on an actual album.”

“Is that supposed to impress me?” She questioned, her eyes going over to him. Pete popped the top on the soda and took a drink. She turned back to her avocado and began to cut a lattice pattern into it. “I have plenty of albums already, _thanks_.”

“No _solo_ albums,” Pete shrugged. 

“What you did to me was _embarrassing_ ,” she practically growled next. “How _dare_ you.”

“You can choose to feel about it however you want to,” Pete shrugged. “But, the guy knows what he’s doing. He’s made it on his own.”

“Why wouldn’t you just be honest about it then?” She asked next. “That’s the part that’s really bothering me, Pete. I feel lied to. I feel like all of a sudden, everyone thinks I need _help_ and it’s really fucking tiring.”

“Would you have let him help you if I had asked?”

“That’s not the point.”

“Sooner or later, you’re going to realize we know what we’re talking about,” Pete replied. “And I just hope that when you get to that point, you haven’t run out of people that are willing to help you.”

She placed both hands on the counter on the sides of the bowl that she was cutting up the avocado into and just stared at it. Pete’s hand came over hers that was holding the knife in a fist, lowering the blade. 

“We don’t carry insurance for _musicians gone wild_ ,” he joked. “Just think about it. Preferably, after the knife has made its way into the dishwasher.”

She felt as if any response would get her further in a hole. She stayed silent, and released the knife at Pete’s request.

“I was done with it anyway,” she responded neutrally. 

Pete offered her a smile, took it, and walked off without another word. 

Gwen turned, pulling a fork out of the drawer and walking over to one of the few dining tables adjacent to the kitchen, taking a seat at a small round table. It was big enough to seat five, but she settled down alone. 

Her fork poked into the bits of avocado in the bowl, suddenly not feeling as hungry as she was before she cut open the fruit. 

She wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting there, but as soon as someone approached, it jolted her back to reality. 

“Mind if I sit here?”

She didn’t have to look up to know who it was - the country accent was truly one of a kind around these parts. 

“Sure,” she said quietly, as she absentmindedly continued to swirl her fork around in the bowl. 

Blake took a seat right next to her, soon biting into a sandwich as he settled back in the chair. He swallowed the bite, and glanced over to her.

“I’d offer you some of my sandwich, but it has turkey in it, so I don’t think you’d like it.”

She looked over to him, confused. “What?”

“Turkey,” he repeated again. “You don’t eat meat, right?”

“How did you know that?”

Blake shrugged. “You told me to google ya,” he responded, flashing a grin. “You were right, you can find out a lot about _Gwen Stefani_ on google.” He took another bite, his eyes not leaving hers.

Gwen seemed immediately disarmed, and the only reaction she could muster up was soft laughter as a response. It wasn’t necessarily in the spirit of friendliness - it was reserved, shocked, even, but not unkind.

Still, a small victory. 

“I didn’t mean to _encourage_ you,” she responded neutrally. Her voice lowered unknowingly. “I’m not that interesting, really.”

“That’s your opinion, I guess,” Blake said with a shrug, taking another bite. “Most people that aren’t interesting, though, don’t end up with millions of search results off of their name alone on the internet.”

“Interest in someone doesn’t make someone _interesting_ ,” she countered. “I never understood fame anyway.”

Blake laughed. “For someone who doesn’t understand it, you’ve certainly mastered it.”

She put her fork down in the bowl once she realized she wasn’t going to take a bite anytime soon, and her eyes went to Blake.

“I’ve already had a long day,” she stated. “As much as I love playing word games with you to pass the time, I’m _tired_.” She sighed. “Is there something I can do for you?”

There was something about her directness that always seemed to throw him off a bit, though he did recover well. 

“Yesterday…” he began, as he tried to find the words. “Yesterday was…intense. And I’m sorry to be such a broken record here, but I came over here to apologize for my part in it and just say that...” He paused, sighing again. “Can we try again? Is there any possibility of that?”

“Back-up singing isn’t exactly my style,” she responded cooly.

“Why do you keep saying it’s back-up singing?” Blake asked. “Did you even listen to the rough demo of the song? Did you listen to the lyrics?”

“No, I didn’t,” she admitted.

“Well, I think you should, at least before saying no,” Blake tried again. “It’s not some _dumb country song_. There’s nothing about tailgatin’, no fishin’ or huntin’, and the word _redneck_ doesn’t appear once. I swear.” He paused. “I think you’d like it actually, but what do I know.”

“Apparently a lot, since you’ve been on google,” she remarked, her tone staying neutral. There wasn’t the same fire behind her words as there was during their previous encounter - it almost felt like _progress_.

“You know, a smart man would probably smile and nod and excuse himself and leave it on that note…”

“Oh, but you’re not a smart man now, are you, Blake?”

He hesitated, but soon slid a CD case towards her. Gwen looked at him questioningly. 

“Look. I don’t know your history, I don’t know what they told you. But it doesn’t matter. All I want to say is…you are so damn _good_ , and I understand why you were upset when you found out they asked me to try and help.” He paused, before continuing. “I must have a death wish, because I wanted to offer you…well, I mean, if there’s anything I can do to help, I want to. Screw the label. This isn’t about them - this is just me talking to you.”

Gwen glanced down at the CD sitting on the table, then back up to him. 

“What is that?” She asked. 

“You left it behind, in the studio,” he replied. “For what it’s worth, I think there’s a lot you could teach me, too.”

“You listened to it?” she asked, a hit of nervousness coming over her as she reached out for the CD case.

“I didn’t mean to,” he admitted. “I didn’t know what it was. But then…” He sighed and shrugged once. “I couldn’t _stop_ listening to it.”

Her eyes didn’t move from the CD case. “Did you let anyone else listen to it?”

“No,” he replied genuinely. “I wouldn’t do that. It felt… _personal_.” He tilted his head. “Far beyond what you can find on the internet, at least.” He hesitated, but soon jumped fully in as he said the rest of what was on his mind. “I think other people should listen to it, for what it’s worth.”

“I’ll take it under advisement,” she said swiftly, tucking the CD case away into her lap - as if hiding it from view would suddenly make it exist less than it already did.

“Doing the solo thing isn’t easy,” he said with a shrug. “It’s hard to make it. You’ve had the support of a band this whole time, I can understand that after so long of having all of that support, the thought of doing without it can be…intimidating, in the least.” He paused, and took a drink of his soda. “I had to do it on my own. It’s a lot of pressure sometimes. A lot of hard work.”

“Are you insinuating that just because I’m part of a band instead of a solo act that you’ve worked harder than me to get where you are?” Her eyes went to him - it seemed like an honest enough question, not fueled by any underlying rage.

_Yet._

Blake laughed to himself. “Oh, maybe I should have listened to myself ten minutes ago when my brain was screaming at my internally to shut up,” he remarked. “It’s amazing how you can take something meant to be positive or helpful and you manipulate it into something negative.”

Gwen hummed, offering a shrug as she suddenly stood from the table. 

“Stick around in this business long enough, and it’ll feel like the only talent you have left,” she responded. “Before you know it, you’ll realize you’re not the one doing the manipulating.”

It was somewhat cryptic, but also somewhat telling as he watched her slowly walk away towards the kitchen. She opened up the trashcan with her foot, pushing down on the small pedal and she scraped the avocado into it. 

“I have the studio booked again on Friday,” he called after her. “To work on the song. Will you at least think about it? Trying again?”

Gwen glanced back to him in those moments. She wanted to tell him she didn’t exactly have a choice - but she hated giving in like that so easily, showing her hand.

“We’ll see,” she offered. 

It was simply the best she was able to do for the time being - and likely the only response that would allow her the swift exit she was suddenly craving.

————

“Can I ask you guys something?”

Blake’s words caused Tom and Adrian to perk up - the three of them casually sitting spread out on the few couches in the small lounge.

“What’s up?” Adrian asked, looking from Tom back over to Blake. 

“What’s the deal with Gwen?” he asked, uncertain on exactly _where_ he wanted to take that question next. “I mean…” his words trailed off and he sighed, defeated for the time being. 

“You’re going to have to be a bit more specific,” Tom chuckled, glancing over to him. 

“I guess she’s just nothing like I thought she would be,” Blake admitted. “I don’t know how else to describe it - and I don’t know how to convince her to try a song with me.”

Tom and Adrian exchanged glances again - and Blake caught on to it.

“What?” He prompted, obviously clueless. 

“She’s…just a little on edge right now,” Tom offered delicately. 

The sound of a soda can opening caused the three of them to glance to the side, seeing Tony walk up and take a seat on the same couch Adrian was on.

“What are we talking about?” He asked, before taking a drink. 

“Gwen’s being _difficult_ ,” Adrian emphasized. “Poor bloke here is fishing for some advice.”

“Cut her a break,” Tony said. “None of this is easy on her right now, okay?”

“None of what?” Adrian asked, puzzled. 

“You guys really need me to spell it out for you?” Tony questioned, looking between Tom and Adrian. “I mean, _Christ_ , part of me briefly considered _not_ taking a break because truth be told, I don’t know how she’s going to handle it.”

“Yeah, obviously we need you to spell it out,” Adrian prompted, still not getting it. 

Tony looked back to them, almost frustrated that he didn’t put the pieces together.

“Adrian - you’re running off to get married. Tom - you’re planning all of these vacations and things to do with your wife and kids. And I’m over here spending most of the day freaking out as I’m about to be a _father_ for the first time,” he explained, his eyes moving between them. “And we deserve the time off, we’ve been at this so long. But what does Gwen have that even compares to any of that?”

Tom and Adrian fell silent, the realization hitting them straight on. 

“I’m not saying we should feel bad that we have things to look forward to,” Tony clarified. “It’s just that, she _doesn’t_ , and I don’t know, I worry.” He paused. “Don’t you think that would put anyone on edge?”

“Did she tell you that?” Tom asked next.

“In her own way,” Tony responded. “I mean, we can barely get her to go to happy hour with us most of the time. She spends all of her time in that penthouse. I don’t know what to do to help.”

Silence fell for a few moments, but Blake felt led to ask a question. 

“Why won’t she do a solo album?” He asked gently, trying to gauge more information while he could. 

“Far be it from me to rationalize or explain anything that woman thinks,” Tony said first in defense. “But that one’s easy. She’s just scared of it. Always has been.”

“Scared of what, though?”

“Doing it alone. Her age. Her appearance. Her voice. You name it, dude, and it’s not good enough for her.”

Well, this was certainly more of a project to overcome than he anticipated. Blake remained silent as he processed this new information. 

“You want my advice?” Tom asked, directed at Blake. “Ladurée.”

“Lada - what?” Blake tried.

“Her favorite macarons,” Tom explained. “Trust me. If she walks into that recording studio, that’s your best case scenario.”

“Bribery?” Blake chuckled. 

“She takes her macarons seriously,” Tom shrugged. “Gives them a little too much credit in my opinion, but some of her best studio sessions happened after she inhaled a small box of them.” He paused. “Think about it more like her weird superstition thing instead of food, because it’s definitely more of a superstition thing with her.”

“So uh, how do you spell that?”

Tom laughed. “I’ll text it to you. There’s one in Beverly Hills.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm so I'm not really sure if you guys are feeling this story. I'd appreciate some feedback from those that are reading ❤️ I know that it's not as quick to dive in like Bad At Love was, and there are still a few major things that are going to be revealed in the next few chapters (and even a few bigger bombshells a bit later!) but I want to make sure that it's something you want me to continue because the planning is a big time commitment. 
> 
> Thanks 😘


	5. You're Shaking Like An Earthquake

“That was a great session today, your voice is in incredible shape right now.”

Gwen glanced over to Tony, offering him a small, slightly shy smile. Despite how many years they had known each other, the occasional genuine compliment from him still could manage to throw her for a loop. 

“Thanks,” she responded quietly. “I guess it’s all I’ve really done lately.”

Tony zipped up his bag, and reached down to grab his instrument case. “Finally feels like some progress, too, like we’re _actually_ going to be able to get an album out _this century_.” 

It had been a long road, that’s for sure. Gwen hoisted her handbag up onto her shoulder, and walked out into the hallway. “I knew we would,” she responded. “But yeah, it felt a million miles away at one point.”

The two walked down the hallway together - in silence for a few moments, but their attentions turned at the same time as the sound of an acoustic guitar hit them suddenly. 

Their eyes fell upon Tom, strumming along - which wouldn’t have been annoying on its own, but the fact that Blake was sitting on the same couch as him and seemed interested in what he was doing changed the picture for Gwen.

_Great, and now he has my band._

As if Tony knew she would try and walk away, his arm hooked around hers and he pulled her along gently, both soon approaching towards them.

“He’s not really that bad,” Tony said under his breath, directed at her. “Can you just give the poor guy a chance?”

Gwen sighed, awkwardly following him over to where the guys were sitting. She suddenly felt out of place, which was such an odd and new feeling to grapple with. These were _her_ people. She shouldn’t be the one to feel out of place.

“All done?” Adrian asked as soon as Tony and Gwen drew up behind the back of the couch. 

“Yeah, it’s a wrap for the day,” Tony confirmed. “You guys ready to walk over?”

Gwen mentally paused, trying to figure out what he was talking about. She glanced at her phone, realizing it was Thursday - which meant happy hour. 

“You got Gwen to agree to go?” Tom asked, raising his eyebrow in disbelief. 

Tony glanced over to her.

“Ahhhh…no, thanks, I’m going to head out actually,” Gwen politely declined, a small raise of her hand as she felt herself step half a step back on instinct. 

Tony crossed his arms. “Why?” He questioned. 

She shrugged and chuckled. “Do I need a reason to leave work when I’m _done_ with work?”

“You need a reason for why you’re ditching another happy hour,” he responded pointedly. “It’s tradition, and I highly doubt you actually have anything else to do.”

“Come on, I do _things_ ,” she huffed, with a slight roll of her eyes. The way Tony was looking at her - and the way she felt Adrian and Tom were looking at her, too, didn’t inspire confidence that she was believed in those moments.

“Come on, G, we all know you’re just going to back to your lofty little penthouse and go to bed early,” Adrian rolled his eyes. “You don’t have a choice. You’re going.”

Gwen sighed, her voice almost pitching to a whine. “Guys, not tonight,” she tried again. “Go and have a good time. I swear, you’ll have plenty of fun without me. Actually, I’ll probably make it _worse_ …”

“We aren’t taking no as an answer,” Tom chimed in. She stared at him, unamused. 

“Come on, come out with us,” Blake unexpectedly joined in the conversation, trying to encourage her. Ironically, half the reason she didn’t want to go was the fact that he _was_ going. He stood up, his body turning to face hers. “An empty penthouse sounds boring.” 

Now Blake’s eyes were burning directly into hers. She literally felt the heat radiating between them, and it rendered her speechless. She was trying to find an ulterior motive as she searched, but she only turned up with this sticky sweet genuine friendliness that she was still skeptical of. 

As Blake’s eyes searched hers, he was watching for her reaction. He was watching for what her next move would be - he was trying to concentrate to read her better. She did an excellent job putting up a rough exterior so far, but there was more there. He saw hesitancy. He saw skepticism. There was uncertainty, and even a little bit of hurt. It wasn’t hard for him to look at her, but something seemed to suddenly overwhelm Gwen as he watched her force her eyes away from him. 

It was like she had accidentally let him see too much, and she was ashamed. 

“C’mon,” Tom spoke up, his hand tapping Blake on his back which brought him back to reality. Tom walked past Blake, his frame soon towering next to Gwen just before his arm went around her, encouraging her along. Gwen exhaled and didn’t fight it, giving in to him as they led the way towards the exit.

Blake blinked twice, realizing Tony and Adrian had followed up right behind them, shuffling his feet a bit faster to keep up with the group.

——

She felt a small rush as her eyes locked on the elegant crystal glass in the bartender’s hands.

The guys had all grabbed beers rather quickly and took up residence on a few couches in a far back corner, while Gwen took a seat at a high barstool by default knowing hers would take a bit longer. She never minded, of course - she believed the dirty martini shouldn’t be rushed, and a bartender who was careless could easily ruin it. 

“So you like them dirty, do you?”

Those words announced Blake’s arrival as he walked up and stood next to her, leaning casually on the bar with his eyes fixated forward. His words had thrown her at first, a single eyebrow raising as high as it could go as she tried to mentally unpack the meaning of his words. However, she wasn’t able to get her head fully around it before he spoke again.

“Interesting choice. I don’t think I pegged you for that.”

Gwen’s attention turned to the bartender as he placed the crystal glass in front of her, sliding a cocktail napkin to the side. Her barely noticeable inhale detected the distinct scents and flavors - the olive juice prominent to her senses, complimented by the gin and vermouth. 

She brought the glass delicately to her lips - savoring that first sip, setting the glass back down gently as she took in the familiar flavors. He noticed her red lipstick stained the side of the crystal, which somehow made her even slightly more intriguing to him.

“What is that supposed to mean, exactly?” She asked, tone neutral, albeit curious. 

“You just really don’t seem like the band type,” Blake said with a shrug. 

“Well, I’ve been in one since the eighties. I’m not sure what constitutes being the “band type”, but I guess I’ll just have to remain a contradiction in your mind.”

Blake hummed in response, pausing a moment before responding. “Your drink order, for one. Too fancy for a band.”

“Well, as someone in a band, you don’t exactly seem like the “band type” to me. And yet you keep showing up to hang out with mine.” Her eyes glanced over to him as she took another sip, awaiting his response. 

Blake chuckled to himself. “Oh, that’s a southern thing, I guess,” he responded. “I figure if I’m around you enough you’ll eventually get used to me - and you can’t hate me forever.”

There was something about the word _hate_ that struck a chord. Sure, Blake had annoyed her up to that point - but she hadn’t actually considered that as _hating_ him.

“I’ve never said anything about hating you.” Her voice was slightly less confident - more stunned, even, as she felt her hand bringing her drink up to her lips once more. She suddenly felt like she needed it. 

Blake simply flashed her a grin, his eyes meeting hers briefly as he motioned for the bartender. “I guess we’re making progress, then.” As soon as the bartender came up, he mumbled out his drink order with a nod. And it caused Gwen to chuckle and shake her head, leading to her sipping her drink once more. “Is something funny?” His eyebrow raised.

She swallowed her drink. “You came over here to tell me I was out of place with a dirty martini, and yet you just ordered a _mojito_.” She couldn’t help but chuckle again. “Don’t you know that’s the fastest way to get a bartender to hate you?”

“You sure you weren’t feeling out of place _before_ we even stepped into this bar?” He inquired, ignoring the jab at the drink he ordered for the time being. 

Her eyes went to him, narrowing as she was trying to make sense of what he meant by that. 

“I don’t exactly know what you’re trying to imply,” she stated candidly. “I’ve been at this a long time.”

“Being in a band, or ordering drinks at a bar?”

“Both?” She responded immediately, not meaning for it to come off as a question. “I mean, _being in a band_.” She huffed in annoyance, more so at herself than anything else. 

“Oh, I know. I’m well aware. I’ve heard your music for a long time.”

Gwen drank again - not even realizing how fast she was taking down her martini. 

“Yeah right. You thought I was the coffee girl the other day,” she remarked pointedly. Her voice lowered to a mumble. “You got lucky that you just knew one song of ours long enough to fake it on a guitar…”

“You’re not going to ever let me forget that, are you?” He still cringed inwardly, hating that he had mistaken her for someone else as a first impression.

Gwen motioned at the bartender to get a second drink started. She took another sip.

“Not a chance.”

The bartender brought Blake’s mojito over and placed it in front of him, signaling to Gwen it would be just another moment on her second drink. She took that as her cue to take back the remainder of her first, gently placing the glass on the bar. She plucked the cocktail pick from the glass, placing the olive on it between her teeth as she pulled it out slowly, her eyes happening to lock with Blake’s in those moments. 

Her gaze went down as the flicked the cocktail pick back into the glass, sliding it forward just in time to slide the martini back in the same motion. 

“Have you decided if you’re coming to the studio tomorrow?” Blake asked next. “I’d really appreciate if we could just try one more time - and if it doesn’t work, I swear I’ll leave you alone about the song forever.”

“How about if it doesn’t work, you’ll leave me alone about _all_ of it forever,” she mumbled without thinking, taking a sip.

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” Blake said confidently, his posture straightening up just a bit as a smile came across his face.

The confidence was disarming to her suddenly, she blinked and looked up to him. “What?” She was trying to figure out what she had just done, but she had even confused herself at this point. 

“One shot. One honest try. And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll leave you alone about not only this duet, but about your solo career,” he reiterated. “But if it works out _a little_ …”

“… _tough chance_ …”

“… _then_ that’s when we’re really going to get down to work,” he finished. “Then there’s no more excuses, and there’s nowhere else to hide. Because we’re going to just do it.”

“ _Do it_?” If her eyebrow didn’t get a break soon, she felt like it might permanently stay that way.

“All of it,” Blake nodded. “The duet first. And then your first album as a solo artist.”

It was like the confidence she exuded only moments before had been shaken from her. She remembered the drink in her hand and took another long sip. She had taken so many sips back to back, she had really confused herself at that point. Had she technically already agreed to this deal? Was she going to look like an idiot to go back on it now if she had? 

“Fine,” she said without thinking, after feeling a brief rush that the initial piece of this duet working out was a slim to none chance. “Studio. Tomorrow.”

Blake sipped on his drink with a grin. “Studio. Tomorrow.” His words mimicked hers, accompanied with a confirming nod. 

Gwen felt the sudden stress fall on her shoulders as her mind was reeling over this deal they seemed to strike that she still wasn’t sure if she had walked into that by accident or not. She motioned for a third, her teeth gripping the olive on the cocktail pick on the second in the same manner as she had on the first. 

She stood up a little too quickly, her eyes closing for a moment in a slight moment of weakness as she oriented herself in that position. Before anything could be said, she plucked her third drink up from the bar and passed by him, making her way back into the corner to join the guys. With a slight chuckle, Blake took a drink - he shook his head once and followed closely behind.

——

It was dark outside.

One moment it had been light, like they hadn’t even been in the bar for an hour, and the next her eyes gazed out the window near the front of the bar and it was suddenly dark. Tony and Tom had taken off, and Adrian had just stepped out to take a call from his fiancé. There were more people in the bar suddenly, and the addition of waitresses meant that Gwen’s drinks had kept coming without delay and she had lost track.

She was leaned up against the side of the couch, Blake sitting right next to her. His arm was stretched along the back, and he was now holding a beer bottle in his hand. She had already forgotten why she had a smile on her face, or what she had been laughing at so hard only moments before - but the alcohol fueling through her veins reminded her she didn’t have to care anymore.

“Be careful, you don’t want to have too much fun,” his words her warm against her skin, and she couldn’t help but laugh at the absurd sentiment.

“I do what I want, cowboy,” she poked back, just before taking the rest of her drink back to finish it off. She held the glass for a few moments before Blake reached forward and took it from her hands, bending forward again to place it on the table in front of them. 

As soon as she settled back, her eyes closed and he felt her body leaning into his. His arm moved down from the couch around her shoulder.

“Hey, you feeling alright?” He asked, a bit of concern apparent. 

“I’m sleepy,” she admitted, not even a second later yawning to confirm the obvious. Her hands covered her face as she did so, her eyes opened slightly droopy. 

“Come on, let’s get you home before you fall asleep,” Blake suggested, his hand shaking her arm gently to keep her attention. She nodded and placed her hands on the edge of the couch, concentrated for a moment and unexpectedly pushed herself up into a wobbly standing position - one she couldn’t handle, and she felt herself falling back onto the couch before a pair of strong arms caught her to hold her up. 

“Easy, now,” Blake chuckled a little, his arm shifting to adjust her position next to him. He held onto her around her shoulders for help in the stability department as they made their way out of the suddenly crowded bar and out onto the much quieter sidewalk. 

She drew closer to him - her arm fully around his midsection as her head was leaning against him without hesitation. 

“Did you drive?” Blake asked her. “Do we need to worry about your car?”

“I don’t drive,” she responded honestly. “No car. Cause there’s nobody to drive it.” She shrugged, and stopped walking suddenly and looked down at herself. “I need my purse. Where’s my purse? Because my purse has my phone and my phone has my car.”

Blake shifted his opposite arm, handing her the purse she was looking for. He couldn’t help but laugh softly as he did so, and she started rummaging in her purse. “That’s some _successful people_ shit right there, you’ve been famous for so long you don’t even drive yourself around anymore. I don’t know what I’d do without the ability to get in my truck and drive around to clear my head…”

The shift was abrupt. As soon as his words hit her, Gwen’s body jerked away from him until he wasn’t touching her anymore. “Wow, how fucking _great_ for you Blake, but I don’t _recall_ asking or _giving a damn_ about _your thoughts_ about driving a _fucking car_ , nor your judgement on me for it either.”

Just when he felt like he had gotten somewhere, it felt like all of that progress disappeared instantly before his eyes. 

“Hey, I didn’t mean — “

He was reaching forward, and she was struggling to step backwards. “Don’t fucking touch me. Don’t touch me!” she snapped. Blake stopped, retracting immediately and even taking a step back. Her eyes shut tightly as she couldn’t bear to keep them open for another moment, and she was suddenly visibly distraught. 

Blake had said something wrong, but even as he replayed everything back in his head - he honestly had no idea what that was. He exhaled and let the silence fall between them, hoping that it would somewhat help whatever had just happened. 

“Hey!” Adrian’s chipper voice called over to them, and pulled both of their attentions immediately. He tucked his phone in his pocket as he approached, suddenly feeling the weird tension in the air. Adrian’s eyes narrowed in on Gwen, and she looked away as soon as she felt he had spotted the tears in her eyes. “What’s…going…on?”

“Nothing,” Gwen shut down the inquiry immediately. “I just want to go home. I’m tired.”

“Did you call Jon?” Adrian asked, though he still looked a bit skeptical that she wasn't telling the full truth.

Gwen sighed and looked pathetically defeated. “I was looking for my phone…” she whined.

“May I?” Adrian asked, indicating at her purse. Gwen nodded and released it to him, and it only took Adrian a moment to fish out her phone. He looked back and forth between her and Blake, still a bit skeptical. “Are you sure everything’s okay here?”

“Everything’s _fine_ ,” she emphasized. “I’m fine. I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine.” Proving slightly to the alternative her body wobbled forward a bit, and she caught herself on Adrian’s shoulder as he was using the touchscreen on her phone. A few moments of silence passed and Gwen hiccuped, her eyes trying to watch what Adrian was doing, though none of it registered. Before she knew it, he was turning her around to walk towards the sidewalk.

“Come on, Jon is pulling up,” Adrian said, walking her to the backseat. A sharply dressed gentleman rushed around the car and opened the door, and Adrian helped her climb inside.

Adrian stood back up and looked over at Blake. Though he was still entirely unsure if something had happened, he was more confused than anything else and wasn’t going to be rude. “Hey man, do you want to grab a ride?”

“I’ll be alright,” Blake motioned with a thankful nod. “Are you making sure she gets back?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll go with her,” Adrian confirmed. “Total confidence in Jon here, but she might need a little extra help tonight.”

The sharply dressed driver chuckled to himself and shook his head. “Nothing I’ve not handled before, Mr. Adrian,” he nodded. 

Blake was amused that they seemed to know the driver so well - these kinds of relationships were interesting to him. 

“I’m sorry,” Blake said with a sigh. “If I said something to her. I don’t know what I did, but she got upset when I made a joke about her having a driver. I didn’t mean anything negative by it, I swear.”

Adrian sighed, and nodded. “Don’t beat yourself up about that,” he replied genuinely. “Gwen…” his words trailed off. “She keeps things to herself. We don’t know what’s going on in her head half the time, and we’ve known her most of her life.” He chuckled ironically. “Seriously man, just forget it. All’s good.”

Blake noticed the way Adrian didn’t seem surprised that Gwen reacted that way, but he could also tell that Adrian wasn’t let in on the secret, either. 

“Take it easy, man,” Blake waved. “Thanks for having me out tonight.”

Adrian nodded, and even saluted quickly before dipping back down into the car with Gwen - Blake soon unable to see either one of them behind the darkly tinted glass. 

“Goodnight,” he mumbled to nobody in particular. A moment later, he watched as the car pulled off of the curb and joined the traffic. He exhaled, his mind still processing the evening. 

Tomorrow should prove to be interesting, that’s for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the love - as always please let me know your thoughts ❤️ Life sucks and who knows if I even wrote this the way I imagined it originally. Sigh.


	6. You Wanna Play The Game

She closed her eyes as her hand made contact with the doorknob to Studio A. And she hesitated. 

It had taken all of her strength to get herself out of bed that morning, put herself together and force herself into the studio. The hangover she could deal with. The awkwardness she felt like she was suddenly responsible for - the way she felt even more out of place before all of this began was an entirely different story. 

She was able to push it out of her mind entirely for the two seconds she needed to find the strength to push open the door - walking right into the middle of an issue that she didn’t know how to fix. Into a room that she didn’t know what to expect, but had to face.

Her eyes fell on Blake, who was casually laid back on the couch with a pen in hand. She wasn’t sure if she expected him to be alone or not, but that fact hit her immediately as she closed the door slowly behind her.

“You came,” Blake said, the surprise apparent in his voice as he stood up fully.

She nodded once. “I said I would,” she responded, her gaze going to the right. She propped her things up on a chair next to her, and soon crossed her arms protectively - but loosely - across her midsection. 

Blake’s subtle smile was genuine as he searched for the words - frankly, almost anything at that point would have sounded absurd. He couldn’t make a comment on the night before without sounding like a liar or possibly making things worse - so he didn’t. Gwen seemed a little hungover - it was just something about her demeanor, really - but he didn’t think he should mention that either.

“Can we forget about last night, maybe?”

Her words were soft as her eyes went back to him. It took banishing every last nerve to find the guts to just say what they were both thinking. She felt like this was going to be difficult enough - there was so much _stuff_ already in the room between them, the last thing they needed was to hold onto that.

“We can do that,” Blake replied genuinely, with a nod. His head tilted to the side as he observed her. “Might take you a few more hours, though.”

She knew he was referring to the slight signs that she was still feeling that martini hangover. “I’m fine,” she stated a bit more confidently than she felt. She reached down into her handbag next to her, pulling a small folder and a pen from it. “I’m here to work, so…”

“…mmm, don’t open that notebook just yet,” Blake put his hand up in a small accompanying gesture, but then turned around to his own bag and began to rummage a bit. 

Confusion flashed across Gwen’s face as she watched him, and her mind couldn’t register fast enough as he retrieved a familiar, unmistakable trademark pale green box with matching ribbon.

“How did you — “ she choked out weakly, her eyes not moving from it. “Why did you — “

Blake took the opportunity provided by her speechlessness to continue. “I uh — “ he chuckled awkwardly at first. “In my head this was a lot smoother, and I admit I cheated and I might have asked the guys for some help…” he sighed at his own difficulty in getting his words out, but tried to offer her a small smile. “I was already planning to have a box ready for today, but the box got a little bigger after that thing we don’t remember from last night and…” His hand ran back through his hair. “I know I said something dumb, and I feel like a broken record that keeps having to apologize for things and I’m trying not to do that - but it’s literally all I know how to do right now, and I _am_ actually, genuinely sorry that I upset you and I _want_ to apologize until I lose my voice…”

His words were speeding up and going a hundred miles a minute. The only thing that seemed to shock him out of it and silenced him immediately was when he realized Gwen had moved forward, and her arms were securely around his midsection.

She was _hugging_ him.

He had to blink a few times to realize what was happening. Just as he realized it, his arm not currently occupied by holding the box of macaroons closed loosely around her.

“You’ve apologized enough,” she said lowly. “Please stop.” 

She moved away from his embrace, her hands landing on the box of macaroons. She couldn’t even get out a _thank you_ if she tried yet, feeling like she might actually break. Instead, she walked around him and curled her body up on the couch, staring at the Ladurée logo on top. 

Blake turned, cautiously taking a seat near her. He felt himself breaking again, even as he watched her trace the logo mindlessly with her finger.

“They know you there, you know,” he said casually, trying to fill the air between them. Her eyes flashed up to his as he spoke. “This might surprise you, but I’m not exactly up to snuff on my fancy French desserts. I told the lady I didn’t know what I was doing and she was able to check on past orders.”

His words caused her gaze to immediately glance down at the box, and she didn’t hesitate to open it then. Staring back at her were twenty four perfectly positioned macarons - four rows of six - color coordinated to showcase her four favorite flavors. She had expected an assortment, but just that small detail alone could have gutted her again. 

“Go on, I’ve been made aware of the deal,” he chuckled. “I know you have to finish the entire box before we get to work.” He settled back casually into the couch cushion. “Take your time.”

“I can’t…I can’t eat all of these by myself,” she finally found her words. Her eyes went to him. “You’re going to have to help.”

“Darlin’, I promised myself long ago I’d never eat a dessert that costs more than a dinner for a family of five at a restaurant,” he chuckled. “I sure hope those taste like gold.” He paused. “Except not, because I’m pretty sure that _actual_ gold would be disgusting.”

“Well, then I guess you’ve doomed everything,” she responded with a shrug.

“How so?” He raised his eyebrow.

“Not only have you damned this duet to hell, but also my entire solo career. All because you wouldn’t eat a few macarons.”

“Wait,” he chuckled again. “I am literally so lost right now. What are you on about?”

“You introduced the macarons into the studio,” Gwen explained. “You brought a quantity that isn’t possible for me to eat on my own. Didn’t the _guys_ tell you about the infamous studio session when I _didn’t_ finish the box because I tried to save some for later?”

“No…” there was a hint of worry in his voice, as he was beckoning her with his eyes to tell him more.

“Much like last night, it was so awful that it hasn’t been mentioned in ten years,” she whispered. “So, I mean, if you want to condemn this duet from the start because you wouldn’t eat a few macarons, that’s your prerogative. But with how _pushy_ you’ve been about my solo career, I just didn’t imagine that you wanted the idea of that to go down with it…”

“Gimme one of those,” Blake said suddenly, sitting up as he shifted closer to her. He looked at the box, trying to remember what they all were.

Gwen could tell he had already forgotten all of the flavors - but it amused her for a few moments as he tried. Without saying a word, she reached down and picked one up delicately, handing it out to him. 

“Chocolate,” she explained. “It’s probably a safe bet for you.”

Blake took the delicate macaron from her fingers, his eyes on hers the entire time. He watched her pick up one of the salted caramel ones for herself, and she soon took a bite. He followed suit, but popped the entire one in his mouth instead. Gwen’s eyes widened as he seemed to have difficulty handling the entire thing at first, but he soon swallowed and grinned proudly. 

“And?” She beckoned him, wanting to hear his reaction.

“Not bad,” he shrugged. “Tasted like chocolate. Weird texture. Deceiving in size.” He paused. “I actually kind of like the texture. Damn, how do they do that?”

Gwen shrugged as she finished off the macaroon in her hand. “Some old guy in Paris,” she responded. Her slightly deadpanned humor soon caused both of them to laugh. 

“What are the other ones?” He inquired.

“Pistachio, Coffee, and Salted Caramel,” she answered, picking up another salted caramel for herself. 

“Well I can see know which one is your favorite of your favorites,” Blake quipped. He raised an eyebrow. “How can you tell the difference between the coffee and the chocolate?”

“They’re literally different colors,” she said blankly, taking another bite.

“They’re both brown,” he retorted. 

“Coffee is _light brown_. Chocolate is _medium brown_.” She looked up to him again - quarreling with men over different colors never seemed to work out for anyone. “What are you looking for?”

“I’ll try a coffee,” he said hesitantly, after ponding a moment. 

She plucked one of the coffee macarons up with her fingers and held it out to him. Just as he took it, she spoke again.

“Seems I ended up getting you that _coffee_ anyways,” she quipped neutrally, her eyes going back to the box. Blake picked up on her tone and demeanor about it - it was decidedly different, and much more jovial than it had been to date. 

“ _Technically_ , I’m the one who brought them,” he commented back. He managed to get a small smile from her, one that disappeared moments later as she picked another up for herself. 

He didn’t care how many macarons it would take, he was determined now more than ever that he was going to win over Gwen Stefani. Because the small rush he felt when he was able to get a smile out of her - no matter how small - was an entirely new feeling to him. And it was certainly one he wanted to replicate.

——

Gwen sighed, hanging the headphones up just before both hands rested on top of her head. She was visibly frustrated - her lips were pursed together, and her eyes were burning a hole in the ground beneath her. 

“What’s wrong? That was great,” Blake’s voice came over the microphone, as he observed her from the other side. 

“It’s wrong,” she shook her head. “Something isn’t working.”

“Well come on out here, let’s talk it through,” he suggested. She didn’t seem to move. “Look, you can sing it twenty more times on top of the twenty you’ve already sang it today, but it sounds like we need to try somethin’ else.” He motioned her to come out of the recording booth. She nodded, feeling defeated, and came back into the small studio space with him. She snagged her notebook before plopping herself down in one of the rolling chairs, propping her leg up as she hunched back. 

“Is it the music?” He asked first, his head tilting as he watched her. 

Gwen’s eyes were burning into a copy of the lyrics. “Do you have a pen?” She asked instead, her eyes flashing up to his. Blake reached across and retrieved one, handing it to her. Gwen immediately propped her notebook on the table, hunching over slightly as she began to scribble a few things down.

He got lost in just watching her work. So far, the recording session had exceeded his expectations - her voice was even more perfect for the song than he could have imagined, and its just sounded _right_. But in the short time he knew her, he already had her pegged as a perfectionist with anxiety. Everything had to be right - there wasn’t any room for mediocrity or errors. 

“I know how to fix it,” she mumbled to herself a few minutes later, but didn’t stop. At the risk of interrupting her creative flow, he remained silent. But he didn’t stop the smile forming on his face in response to that.

Apparently, one of the receptionists was not as considerate - the next minute one was pushing open the door to the studio, and both Blake and Gwen turned to witness her sudden presence in their bubble. 

“Gwen, you’re here,” she said, looking back and forth between the two of them. “Uh, do you have your phone on you? Your building valet keeps calling nonstop…”

“What??” She immediately jumped up to her feet, jogged to the other side of the room and grabbed her phone from the buried depths of her purse. “What did they say?”

“Not much, they said they just need you to call them,” she shrugged. But Gwen was already half a step ahead - she was dialing as she jogged out the door without another word. 

Ten minutes passed before Blake was starting to get curious. After checking a few more emails on his phone he stood up, opening the door out into the hallway and looking down both sides. His second head turn caught a glimpse of Gwen, pacing back and forth while holding her phone in her hand. 

“Is everything alright?” He approached cautiously, seeing the stress written all over her face. 

“No, I need to get home, and I can’t get home.” She paused. “I need to figure out a way to get home, like, _ten minutes ago_. But then, that…that doesn’t even help all the way, because I can’t lift heavy shit and _why_ has nobody in this freaking down invented _emergency movers_ yet??”

“Where’s Jon?” Blake asked, trying to be helpful. 

She glanced to him, a bit taken aback that he knew her driver by name, but got past it to respond. “I sent him to Santa Barbara after he dropped me off. I needed him to pick up a few things, run errands, it will literally take him at least two hours to get here.”

“What’s going on? What _heavy shit_ are you talking about?”

“I ordered new furniture weeks ago,” she exhaled in a stressful manner. “Furniture gets held up at customs and there’s a huge delay. It’s not supposed to be here for another month. And…and the building just called and said it was delivered and they literally dumped all of it right in front of the lobby and left. They…they’ve been calling me saying they’re going to fine me like a million dollars if I don’t come take care of it within an hour. So even if I figure out how to get back home, I can’t even fix the problem.”

Blake thought for a moment before he spoke up again to respond. “I know someone,” he said suddenly, pulling his phone out of his pocket to dial. “Where do you live?”

“Metropolis tower, downtown,” she sighed. “Wait, Blake — “ her hand went to his arm to prevent him from calling anyone just yet. “Look, I appreciate it but this stuff is heavy. It’s not like the movies where you can just call your friends to come move this stuff. This stuff requires like, _professional_ body builders.”

“Well I don’t know if they’re _body builders_ , but they are professionals,” he offered with a shrug. “Buddy of mine owns one of the larger moving franchises in the city. They’re legit.”

Their eyes met for a moment - Gwen’s were stressed and helpless, though a hint of hope seemed to also soon be apparent. She released his arm and started to nod.

“Okay,” she said, exhaling roughly. He pushed a button on his phone and brought it to his ear. A few moments later he was speaking with someone, and it seemed to be positive news. When Blake ended the brief call with a lot of gratitude, she felt like an impatient child waiting for her mother to get off the phone to ask for a piece of cake. 

“He’ll have four guys at your place in about an hour,” Blake confirmed. 

Gwen’s eyes widened. “Oh my god,” she panicked, walking around him and going back into the studio. She was in a rush to pack her things up. “I don’t…I don’t even…I mean, if I _walk_ it’s going to take me at least 5 hours to get there.”

“Walk??” he gasped. “Gwen, don’t you live downtown? These maniac LA drivers would take you out on the first street you crossed.” He paused. “We can at least call you a car…”

“I don’t take cabs,” she declined simply, continuing to pack her things. “I’m not getting in a car with a stranger and putting my life in their hands when I don’t know them.”

He was a bit taken aback, but had already learned not to say anything. He knew there was something else at play here - she didn’t drive, and she didn’t trust cabs. She’d only let Jon take her places. He wondered if there were any exceptions to the rule. 

“Well then I’m driving you,” Blake said boldly, and it caused her to stop immediately and look at him.

“What?” Her voice inquired softly.

“How else are you going to get there?” He asked. “Realistically, I mean. If Jon’s not here, and you won’t take a cab…come on, you’re not going to walk. That’s not even possible.”

She blinked, her gaze blankly staring at him as she tried to process what he was saying.

“Are you even a good driver?” She inquired as soon as she was able to pull herself together. Her back straightened up a little as she waited for his answer. 

Blake stopped himself from cracking a joke - having already lived through finding out that she was sensitive about all of this. 

“Never had a ticket,” he confirmed. “Never got into a wreck. Swear it.”

The only thing that tore her eyes away from his in those moments was the sudden buzzing of her phone again in her hand. Her face fell as she read the screen - it was her building calling her again.

“Okay,” she relented. “I mean, _thank you_ , I just…”

“…s’okay, you don’t have to say anything,” he closed the sentiment immediately. 

“C’mon. Truck’s out back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please let me know what you think and if I should keep going ❤️


	7. She Takes Me To The Sky

He noticed she was tense from the moment she climbed up into the truck. 

Her arm was outstretched against the inside of the passenger door, her hand gripping the side the entire time. Her gaze remained fixated out of the window, almost as if any moment she would need to figure out an escape. Blake kept his eyes on the road, occasionally glancing over to observe her to see if anything about her demeanor would change, or just relax a little bit.

It didn’t.

“What were you going to say earlier, about the song?” He asked suddenly, trying to create a distraction through light conversation.

“Hmm?” She asked back, distracted. 

“You said you had an idea on how to fix it,” he reminded her. 

“Oh, yeah, um…” she pondered for a moment. “I think it’s some of the lyrics. They work fine if you were singing the song solo, but they’re a little odd for a duet. I think it needs to be more of a conversation.” She paused. “You have female vocals, and she never responds back to you in the song.”

“Makes sense,” he said with a nod. “Well, I’d love to try any of your ideas, see if we can make it better.”

That sentiment caused her head to turn to look at him. “Why?” She asked gently, her eyes expectantly awaiting an answer.

He chuckled softly, but his eyes didn’t leave the road. “That song has been the bane of my existence on this album,” he confessed. “I can’t tell you how many people I’ve tried to have on it. Some of my team wanted me to throw it out months ago, but I chose to step away from it and come back later. I guess it’s _later_ now.” He paused. “Nobody else has touched the song in months, it’s nice to get a new perspective on it.”

While his answer wasn’t disappointing, she realized she was craving a lot _more_ out of the question of why. As in, why was he trying so hard with her? Why was he so determined to be nice to her when she thought she had made it clear that she wanted to stay away from him? But then…why, despite all of that, was she constantly pulled into his orbit lately and she couldn’t _exactly_ say that she was hating being around him?

“Sounds like I was pretty far down on the list,” she joked neutrally, her gaze going back out the window.

Blake chuckled and shook his head. “The possibility of _you_ only happened by luck.”

“Luck?”

“Ending up at the same company,” he clarified. “Gwen, if you got a call from your manager saying some random country dude named Blake Shelton from Oklahoma wanted to meet with you to collaborate on a song, what would you have said?”

“I mean, I’m gullible, but I really wouldn’t have believed him for a second.”

“Exactly,” he quipped. “But we ended up in the same building. I heard you sing. I’ve _heard_ you sing for years. And suddenly it was possible.”

“I guess I still don’t get it,” she shrugged lightly. “Plenty of great singers in our shared building.” She swallowed roughly. “And I’m not sure if you noticed, but I’m not exactly one of the popular ones anymore.”

“Well, works in your favor that I wasn’t trying to pick someone who was the most popular, whatever the hell that even means.” 

“It means I have an expiration date,” she clarified. “We all do. I can just see mine.” _And I can’t even see anything after it, either._

“Hmm. Well, do you want to be done?”

She didn’t answer immediately - frankly, because she hadn’t actually considered the thought so directly. She went years doing things because she thought she needed to, or thought there wasn’t anything else to do. Her mind was a jumbled mess trying to come up with a response to that, but she was distracted as they were pulling up to the valet stand at her building. She sat up straighter and got even closer to the window as she spotted a stockpile of furniture and large boxes in a corner, and she saw two men lift one of the larger boxes together.

“Oh my god let me out those people are taking my stuff,” she panicked suddenly, feeling like she was only a moment away from jumping out of a moving truck. 

“Gwen, chill, those are my guys,” Blake chuckled, pulling up to the curb. She looked back over to him in disbelief - she couldn’t believe he had _guys_ like that, and nonetheless _guys_ that managed to beat them back to her own house. Her attention drew immediately as she felt the truck door open, one of the valets opening it for her.

“Good afternoon, Miss Stefani,” the well dressed gentleman greeted with a slight bow and a smile. 

“Gerald, how many times do I have to tell you to drop the _Miss Stefani_ bit?” Gwen rolled her eyes and took his hand to help her jump out of the truck.

“My apologies Miss - _ergh_ , Gwen,” he smiled sheepishly at her. “I’m so sorry about all of this. I tried to get the manager to cut you a break…” Gerald sighed. “I would have taken it up myself, but — “

“Don’t worry about it,” she said quickly, pecking a friendly kiss on his cheek. “You’re still my favorite. Thank you for doing what you could.” She paused, realizing Blake had come around the truck. “Take good care of my friend’s truck for a while, please?”

_Friend._

She heard it come out of her own mouth first. And she couldn’t pinpoint why, but she felt like she was going to possibly regret that later. Blake just grinned proudly, as if he had just won an award. She diverted her own attention from him, not trying to let it become a big deal.

“Absolutely,” Gerald nodded. Gwen squeezed the side of his arm as a _thanks_ and was soon taking off towards the giant pile of things that had her name all over it. Just as she exhaled, thinking she had somewhat of a handle on the situation, she felt a drop of water hit her bare shoulder. 

Her eyes glanced up to the sky.

_Damnit._

——

It felt like they were playing chicken with the weather.

As soon as the first drop was felt, they got to work immediately just pulling all of the pieces inside of the lobby to get them to safety before worrying about getting them up to the penthouse. To Gwen’s surprise, she watched Blake pick up a few of the larger pieces on his own without much effort - and she felt nearly useless as she grabbed the smaller, much lighter components and followed behind. The movers took their time laying down blankets across the penthouse to protect the floors, and when she was confident that they had a handle on it, she tugged Blake’s arm towards the elevator for them to head up to her unit.

Gwen’s arms crossed as a shiver went down her spine. They weren’t completely drenched from the rain, but they certainly hadn’t escaped it entirely. 

“So…we’re _friends_ now…” Blake’s gentle voice broke the silence. Gwen glanced over to him just as a big grin came to his features, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“I knew that was going to bite me in the ass,” she joked back, causing them both to laugh softly. 

“Did you mean it?” He asked.

She shrugged lightly. “I guess I’ve had worse.”

“Yeah, me too,” Blake agreed. Their eyes locked in a peculiar way, their gazes only breaking from one another once the elevator dinged to let them know they had arrived. Gwen turned to lead the way, and a moment after taking off their shoes, they were walking down the somewhat long entry way and came into a very large and plush living room. 

As soon as Blake was able to take in his surroundings, he stopped and just seemed to stare in awe. 

The penthouse had sweeping floor to ceiling city views across the entire room - he didn’t even see an outside wall yet that wasn’t made of glass. There were a few ornate, but modern crystal chandeliers placed intentionally throughout the unit. Everything was done up in silver and metallic tones, definitely by far the fanciest house he had ever been in. 

Gwen rejoined him a few moments later, handing him a few towels to help dry off. He noticed she had thrown a hoodie on and brushed her hair down.

“This place is… _wow_ ,” he said, nodding a thank you to her as he took the towels from her hands. “I’m sure you can’t beat the views up here at night — and when it’s not raining especially.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged a little. “It’s fine, I guess.” Her attention pulled to the door as the movers began to roll in with various pieces of furniture. 

Blake couldn’t help but laugh a little. “You have an interesting definition of _fine_.”

She raised an eyebrow and hummed, walking around him to the bar cart that wasn’t too far away from them. “Any alcohol that you’re not a fan of?” she asked next, her hand reaching for the cocktail shaker.

“I, uh — no,” Blake responded. Gwen hummed in response, and started getting to work on a creation. 

“It’s _fine_ when you feel like you don’t belong here,” she admitted with a soft sigh, her back turned to him as she mixed. She plucked the two glasses up from the second shelf and walked over to the freezer to pop two extra large cocktail ice cubes into them from a specialty tray. “The view’s nice, but it’s only a view.”

She closed the lid and shook the cocktail for a few moments before slowly pouring it between the two glasses.

“Where do you think you belong?” He asked genuinely as he watched her precision in pouring the two drinks.

“It’s more that I’m not who I’m supposed to be,” she responded, placing the shaker on the cart. She reached and began to cut a few squares of lime for garnish. “I should be married with like, at least a handful of kids by now. Instead, I live in an expensive penthouse at the top of the city, and the only thing I have to show for myself is my career.”

She quickly stirred both cocktails one more time and picked them up, turning to look at Blake as she walked over to him. “I don’t regret my career. But it’s also the only thing I have.”

He took the freshly made cocktail from her as he took in this new information. 

“And to top it off, the people I would consider as some of the most important to me are paid to be there. Knowing they’d probably be gone if they just simply changed jobs isn’t the most stable feeling in the world, either.”

She sipped her cocktail and walked around him, placing it on the large coffee table. She tugged one of the large, dry towels and draped it over the couch before taking a seat. Blake glanced over at her, and chuckled nervously when she indicated for him to sit with her.

“I have to admit, I’m a little scared to sit on your furniture,” he grinned sheepishly. 

“Why?” She asked. “Couches are meant to be sat on.”

Well, he couldn’t argue with that.

He moved forward, closing the distance, and soon took a seat on the towel next to her. He brought the drink to his lips and took in the aroma, his eyebrow raised as it piqued his interest. He took a long sip off of it, his eyes lighting up right at the end as they glanced over to Gwen. 

“That’s incredible,” he beamed, taking another drink. He hummed. “What’s in this?”

“Mmm…crown, peach schnapps, coconut rum, raspberry liqueur, cranberry and lime,” she rattled off the ingredients from memory. 

“I’d say I didn’t peg you for a professional mixologist, but you’ve surprised me so much lately, it feels redundant.”

She laughed ironically and scoffed. “Anyone can mix a drink,” she downplayed with a shake of her head. 

“Damnit, Gwen, will you just let _one_ compliment get by you for once with a simple _thank you_?”

He said the words in such a lighthearted way, she couldn’t help but feel charmingly _disarmed_ by it. She sipped her drink, her eyes watching his closely for a moment.

“Thank you,” she gave in simply and genuinely. 

He grinned again - in that same way that took over his entire face. The one that could have fooled someone into thinking he won the lottery.

“You’re welcome,” he replied confidently. “ _Friend_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for everything! Things are turning a corner (but with lots of upcoming...uhhh...revelations?) so hopefully that's gonna calm some of you down now 😂❤️


	8. Still Stuck In That Time

Gwen sipped on her coffee slowly, her eyes reading over the same lyrics on the page that she had poured over throughout the extra long weekend. 

Her lips pressed together as she scribbled yet another part of the page away, still not fully decided on the lyrics she wanted to present to Blake a bit later in the day. He had given her carte blanche to make suggestions, and she was such a perfectionist now that she was realizing that alone had been slightly intimidating as she tried to nail the right ones down. 

Her eyes glanced around the somewhat quiet lounge area at the label - the guys were off doing their own things that day, and she had really only come in to meet Blake. With nothing much else to do, she had been early. She felt like she had to get out of the house, that maybe it was making all of the lyrics more difficult.

Maybe it was just _her_ that was making it difficult. 

Her eyes got lost on the scribbled page in her lap. She hadn’t even realized how long she had just been staring at the words she had written down, when she felt a small shift on the couch. It startled her, realizing someone sat next to her on the opposite end, and she glanced up to see who it was. 

“Bizzy, _come here_ ,” an older, unfamiliar lady said through gritted teeth and under her breath, looking in the opposite direction. A small and giggly blonde girl - she couldn’t have been more than seven or so - soon joined her at the couch. “We’ve been here for five minutes and you’re already running off. What am I going to do with you, little girl?”

The girl just giggled and shrugged in response. The lady handed her a coloring book and a pack of crayons. “Perhaps this will keep you out of trouble for at least five minutes?”

“Okay, grammy,” the little girl said with a sigh, taking the items from her and taking a seat on the ground in between Gwen and the lady, soon propping her coloring book up on the table. Before she opened it, she curiously turned her gaze over to Gwen. By then, Gwen’s eyes were back on her notebook, as if staring at the words was going to do any good at that point.

“Do you want to color with me?” The little girl asked her. When Gwen realized she was talking to _her_ , she looked up and made eye contact with the blonde girl. 

Gwen was about to open her mouth to respond, but the _grammy_ jumped in. 

“Bizzy, not every stranger you meet likes to color with you,” she reminded her, then looked to Gwen. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t feel pressured. I have an incredibly social granddaughter that would ask a rock to color with her if she thought it might contribute.”

The two women laughed softly, and Gwen noticed Bizzy sighing and looking down to her coloring book without another word. It struck her in those moments how familiar this little girl looked, but she had no idea where she would have even known her from. She pushed the thought out of her head before responding directly to the little girl.

“Well, actually, coloring is one of my favorite things to do,” Gwen said with a sad smile, as she lowered herself onto the ground with her. Being around kids was always a catch-22 for her - she loved it more than anything, but at the same time, it was so easy to completely ruin her emotions for the day.

Bizzy’s face lit up and even her posture straightened as Gwen joined her. “Really??” The little girl pushed the now open coloring book towards the middle of them and propped the box of crayons up closer to Gwen, too. 

“I don’t lie about coloring. I take it _very_ seriously,” Gwen responded with a smile. 

“What’s your name?” The little girl tilted her head to the side, curiously looking up to Gwen.

“Gwen,” she answered with a smile. 

“Gwen,” she repeated. “Well, I’m Bizzy. That’s grammy. And daddy is around here somewhere. He’s _super_ busy all the time.”

“I’m sure your dad isn’t too busy for a sweet little girl like you,” Gwen responded with a smile. 

“Whoaaa, pretty,” Bizzy was immediately distracted by one of Gwen’s necklaces and she moved forward, delicately taking the pendant into her small hands. Gwen just giggled softly; it was always so endearing how children lacked any boundaries, especially when they were this adorable. “I can’t wait until I’m grown up and my daddy will let me have all the jewelry and make-up I want.”

“Don’t rush into that, being an adult is a trap,” Gwen warned her, which caused the _grammy_ to start chuckling softly. “You should try to stay a little girl for as long as you can.”

“It’s ok I guess,” Bizzy shrugged. “I heard that adults don’t get to go on field trips, and I do like those a lot.”

Gwen’s hands reached behind her neck, a moment later unfastening the necklace that Bizzy was so fascinated with. “Come ‘ere,” she encouraged her, and the little girl’s eyes lit up when she realized what Gwen was doing. Bizzy sat in Gwen’s lap and Gwen draped the necklace around her neck, fastening it closed in the back. “Stay a little girl as long as you can, but maybe as a compromise daddy will let you have _one_ piece of jewelry in the meantime.”

Bizzy gasped as she took the pendant in her hand, looking at it even closer. And in the next minute she had jumped up and out of Gwen’s lap, her arms flying around Gwen in a hug. 

“Are you sure?” Bizzy’s grammy looked down to Gwen as the two of them were in an embrace. 

Gwen nodded, but before Gwen could answer, in words Bizzy was piping up again. “Miss Gwen, the necklace has an “E” on the back. How did you know??”

“How did I know what?” Gwen looked to the little girl confused as she watched her sit back up to face her. 

“That’s my name!” She exclaimed. “It’s an _E_ for _Elizabeth_!”

She swallowed roughly, but managed to keep a small smile plastered on her features. This was not the time nor the place to let herself think too much about the significance behind the necklace.

“Well, then it was obviously meant to be yours all along!” Gwen responded cheerfully, her smile growing bigger. “I was just the person that had to make sure it got to you.”

Bizzy’s face scrunched up a moment later, and she glanced up at Gwen. “Mmm..don’t call me Elizabeth though, I don’t like it,” the little girl said tentatively, a sheepish smile on her face. 

“Bizzy it is,” Gwen responded quickly with a smile to ease the little girl’s unrest over her full name. The little girl was already on to the next thing mentally, but soon Gwen watched as her eyes widened and she jumped up suddenly.

“Daddy!” She exclaimed in a high pitched fit of glee, and off she went. Gwen laughed softly to herself and her eyes followed the little girl as she went flying across the room. Her laughter abruptly ended as she felt herself freeze when she realized the arms she was running towards.

Blake was crouched down to her level, arms wide open and a huge smile on his face as he waited for Bizzy to inevitably go crashing into him.

“Bizzy Bee!” He exclaimed, right before she tackled into him and sent him falling back onto the ground. Blake’s arms held her tightly in a hug. 

Gwen was staring. She wasn’t sure if it was in awe or shock, but probably both. Her mouth was slightly agape, as if she had words for this - but she really didn’t. Blake’s gaze caught hers, and she only lasted a few moments before she had to look away. 

Blake looked back to his daughter. “What is this around your neck?” He beckoned her with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh! You have to meet Miss Gwen. Miss Gwen gave it to me. She’s my new friend. She’s _so_ nice and she’s really pretty,” Bizzy explained excitedly. 

“Miss Gwen, hmm?” Blake pretended to think. “I think I’ve met _Miss Gwen_ actually…”

“Look, it even has an _E_ on the back!” 

Blake chuckled. He was forever amused by the small things that seemed to amuse her. 

“Dad, can I get a matching bracelet to go with my new necklace?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle again and shake his head. “Lord, child, let me show you the studio here before you ask for a ring and pierced ears for earrings to go with it.” Blake stood up tall, scooping Bizzy up in his one arm. He glanced back to where he had seen Gwen sitting, but noticed that she had disappeared. 

“Is it like the studio in Nashville?” she asked innocently, the only reference point she really had for a studio at that point. 

“It’s _bigger_ ,” he said. “And they keep ice creams and ten flavors of soda in the kitchen here,” he whispered in a lower voice as soon as he saw his mom approaching.

“Ice cream _after lunch_ , Blake Shelton,” Dot said with a roll of her eyes. “I swear, it’s really just like I have _two_ kids now, not a kid and a grandkid.”

“See how boring living with grammy is,” Bizzy mumbled to Blake, which caused him to laugh.

“I remember,” he pecked a kiss on Bizzy’s cheek. “But she’s your grammy, and she usually knows better than both of us, I promise you that.”

“We should go to lunch first before the studio so we can get ice cream even faster!” Bizzy suggested. Blake chuckled again and looked over to Dot, who simply nodded in the affirmative and smiled. 

Blake glanced back to the small lounge area, half hoping that maybe he would see Gwen again, but it was still empty. His eyes lingered a few moments longer than he intended, and Dot caught onto it.

“Looking for someone?” She inquired gently.

“What? Oh, uh — no,” Blake shook his head. “Alright kid, what’ll it be? Pizza or sandwiches?”

——

She had to step away when she watched Blake with Bizzy. 

Just sitting on the ground and coloring with the small blonde was challenging enough for her - she loved every minute of it, but it often felt like it ventured into the territory of she loved it too much. The kind of enjoyment that physically hurt when she realized it was temporary, and never hers to claim. 

The opportune time to slip away had come - Blake was laughing and completely enamored with his daughter in his arms and he wasn’t paying any attention to her. So she briskly tucked herself out of view, down a hallway and into a private washroom to compose herself. 

She didn’t even know why there were tears in her eyes. None of it had anything to do with her.

But it still, for some reason, _hurt_.

The eeriness of the situation was only really felt by her. The way the girl looked so familiar, the way she was drawn to that one particular necklace out of the four or five she had around her neck that day. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to give it to her, but one stupid little letter on the back - what were the freaking odds? Twenty six letters in the alphabet, and the small _E_ etched onto the pendant just so happened to be the letter that girl’s name started with?

She was losing her mind. If she didn’t get herself together, this would be where her dissent into madness was sure to begin.

Gwen straightened her posture and forced herself together. Her hands ran through her hair and she splashed water on her face delicately in a way that wouldn’t ruin her eye makeup. She pulled gloss from her bag and reapplied. She was going to go force herself to eat something for lunch, and then she was going to face Blake. 

She had a sneaking suspicion Blake wouldn’t be alone in that studio, either. 

When it was time, she inhaled a shaky breath as she realized it was happening again - she was anxious and nervous standing outside of Studio A, and this was starting to just feel like a routine. She closed her eyes and pushed her way in.

“Miss Gwen!”

Bizzy was partially standing on a chair and leaning on the control table, having pushed a few buttons to listen to the sound effects right before Gwen entered the room. The little blonde jumped up and shuffled over and gave Gwen a hug, and she had to force a smile on her face to keep herself contained. 

God, this was going to be harder than she thought.

“Did you come to see me? Did you know I was here?”

Gwen chuckled as her hand placed on top of Bizzy’s head. “I wish I had half your energy, little one,” she said at first. “I’m supposed to be here actually, and I’m glad to see you again.”

“Oh?” Bizzy inquired, looking from Gwen and then to Blake, who had just taken a few steps forward towards them. Bizzy hadn’t let Gwen go yet, but her eyes didn’t leave her father. “Did you finally get a girlfriend, daddy? Because you _really_ need a girlfriend, and you can just tell me if it’s Gwen because I’d really like that.”

Gwen took in this new information - even though her mind was a rollercoaster at the moment, it registered that he was a single dad. She had wondered what the story was, but she had just guessed that there was another woman in the picture. It ached in a way that she wasn’t prepared for - the ache was for him this time, and not herself.

“ _Elizabeth_ …” Blake said through gritted teeth, though he was holding back laughter on his part. He wasn’t sure if it was laughter out of embarrassment or otherwise, but he was certainly used to his own kid’s antics. 

Bizzy looked back to Gwen. “See why I don’t like my name,” she whispered. “Because it sounds like _that_.”

“Bla — _your dad and I_ , uh, we’re working together actually,” Gwen covered up quickly with a smile. “Are you here to help us today?”

The little girl couldn’t get off of the subject though. “Do you have a boyfriend, Miss Gwen?”

“Oh. I, uh — “

“ _Elizabeth Rae…_ ” Blake sighed. “Will you let the poor woman breathe, please?”

“Sorry,” Bizzy mumbled and dropped her arms from around Gwen, and shuffled her feet to walk past Blake to go back to her chair to sit down. 

“I’m sorry,” Blake said with a small, hesitant smile. “Bizzy is uh, _spirited_ , to say the least.”

Gwen’s eyes were stuck, following the little girl as she sat back down in the chair. She knew her cards were going to show soon if they weren’t already - that it was _hard_ to look at that little girl - but she couldn’t tear her eyes away. “She’s fine,” Gwen swallowed, distracting herself by looking down into her bag to fish for her notebook.

“If she’s too much of a distraction…”

“…no, let her stay,” Gwen cut off his thought, her voice small. “I like her.”

Blake’s smile grew at her response. “They won’t be here for too long, actually. They’re leaving to get on a flight back to Oklahoma in about an hour or so. They just came out for the long weekend.”

“She’s your daughter, she’s welcome here however long you want her to be.”

“Thank you,” Blake said. “I’ll uh, get your necklace back too…”

“I gave it to her to keep,” Gwen dismissed. “Are you sure you want to spend your last hour with them in a studio? We can do this later…”

“Bizzy loves it actually,” Blake responded. “It was part of the deal, I promised her she could watch.” He paused, the question on his mind burning even hotter as the moments passed. “You doing alright today?”

“Yep, great,” Gwen said with a forced smile and a nod. “Ready to work. Shall we?”

She held up her notebook and walked around him, taking a seat at the small table nearby. Blake sighed to himself, knowing it was a lie, but pushing the thought aside for now as he pulled up a chair to join her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! ❤️


	9. Searching For A Song Tonight

Gwen couldn’t stop staring at the young girl, no matter how much she tried to control the urge to compartmentalize her thoughts and focus on the writing task at hand. 

When she caught herself doing it, she’d force her gaze away to the nearest thing that she could force herself to focus on - usually it was the notebook in her lap, or the controls on the console next to where she was sitting. But other times it was impossible, given that Bizzy had an opinion (and an adorable one, at that) over _everything_. It was amusing, and Blake was a saint as she watched him being so patient with her. It was obvious he loved teaching Bizzy about music and his career, and it was even more obvious that Bizzy was simply enamored and just thought she had a superhero for a dad. In the short amount of time Gwen witnessed their relationship, the dull ache she felt only intensified. 

“…don’t you think?” Blake’s words hit her as she realized he was speaking to her, and it pulled her out of her thoughts.

“What?” Gwen replied immediately, her eyes meeting his. “I, uh — _sorry_ ,” she shook her head. “Can you say that again?”

She felt like she was caught again, unable to concentrate fully.

“I said I like the edits on the chorus, it really made the song better, don’t you think?”

“Oh,” she nodded. “Yeah, the chorus, I think it’s good for now,” she agreed, her eyes going back down to the paper she was scribbling on. “I think I’ll try to work on the other lyrics again, I don’t like them anymore with the new chorus - needs some edits.”

“You really are a perfectionist, aren’t you?” 

His words were painfully genuine, and when she looked up to him again he was smiling at her warmly. 

She shrugged gently. “Everyone has a character flaw.”

“Daddy, what’s a character flaw?”

A small, but still slightly wistful smile came to Gwen’s lips - of course Bizzy wanted in on the conversation. 

Blake just chuckled and shook his head. “Something that I’ll explain to you when you’re older,” he responded, his eyes going back to Gwen. “And also something that’s not true.” He paused. “You work hard. You care about your art. I appreciate it, and you don’t ever have to downgrade your talents as a _character flaw_.”

Her gaze lingered on him a moment before she forced it away. “Did you uh, want to record today a little?” She asked, trying to change the subject. “I’m sure Bizzy would love to hear you sing…”

“Yeah! I want to hear you sing!” The little girl piped up immediately, a big smile across her face. “Please, daddy?”

Blake chuckled and ruffled Bizzy’s hair. “I’ll go in the recording booth for a little while if you promise not to bother Gwen to death if I leave you out here with her,” he offered, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t know when Grammy will be back, but without her to keep an eye on you…”

“Oh I’ll be really good,” she replied. “And Miss Gwen likes me, we’re friends. She gave me a present remember?”

The way Gwen observed Bizzy delicately clutching the pendant around her neck sent another rollercoaster of emotions through her own body. 

Blake looked to Gwen for confirmation - or maybe even permission - to get her thoughts on the matter. 

“Go,” Gwen encouraged him. “We’ll be just fine out here. I think it would be nice for her to hear you sing.” She nodded to further confirm that they’d be alright - his gaze lingered on Gwen for a few moments before shifting to Bizzy before making the final call.

“Alright,” he gave in. He leaned forward and kissed the top of Bizzy’s head. “ _Behave_ , little bee.” He mumbled the words delicately as he straightened his posture, soon walking back into the recording booth. 

“I love when my daddy sings,” Bizzy admitted in a completely honest and lighthearted tone as soon as Blake disappeared behind the recording booth door. The little girl drew closer and stood right next to Gwen, their shoulders touching even as Gwen didn’t move from her chair. “He used to sing me to sleep every night when we lived in Nashville.” Her words were suddenly quieter as she offered up the next admission. “ _I miss it._ ”

“Does he know that?” Gwen asked gently, her gaze turning to the side to look at her. The image of Blake sitting next to his daughter’s bedside each night to sing her a song could have gutted her on the spot.

“No,” Bizzy almost whispered back, a slight shake of her head. “Please don’t tell him that, okay? I don’t want him to be sad.”

“I won’t,” Gwen promised, a slight look of concern flashing across her face. Without thinking about it, her hand stroked the girl’s hair back out of her face. “But I think you should think about telling him yourself.”

Suddenly she felt two little arms around her neck, and they were squeezing her in a tight hug. Gwen felt a small gasp catch in the back of her throat as she felt her body freeze up, obviously surprised over the gesture. She felt someone else looking at her, and her own arms went around Bizzy to return the hug moments before her slightly water filled eyes made contact with Blake’s. The tall cowboy seemed to suddenly show a mix of emotions as their gazes locked - at first confusion, then concern, and ending with gratitude. 

Blake was silent for a few moments, but soon came over the intercom system. “Biz, are you going to help Miss Gwen with the controls?”

Bizzy dropped her arms from Gwen and turned to look at her father behind the glass. Gwen’s fingers swiped once under each eye before she sat up straighter, rolling forward in her chair. 

“Yeah, she’s in charge, I’ll get her up to speed in no time,” Gwen answered, forcing her eyes down to the controls. Her arm went around Bizzy and tugged her back closer, and forced herself to concentrate. “Have you done this before? Do you know what some of the buttons are?”

“It’s what they pay me for,” Bizzy said with a shrug, and a delayed grin. Gwen burst out in laughter, shaking her head.

“Oh really?” She asked. 

“I mean, they paid me in candy bars, but that’s ok because candy was the best,” the little girl explained. “Dad says I have to earn my keep, whatever that means, but I think it means that’s how I get more ice cream later.”

“You’re a smart little cookie,” Gwen commented in awe of her. 

Bizzy began to point to a few of the buttons as she observed them. “That one will start the music,” she said first, her eyes glancing around. “That’s daddy’s microphone,” she pointed to another. “Those are the volumes,” she pointed again. “And that’s the button you press if you want to record something, and the one next to it stops the recording, I think.” She suddenly giggled, and pointed to another button. “And when daddy starts talking too much you can push that one and you can’t hear him anymore.”

“ _Bizzy_ …” Gwen emphasized with a chuckle and a shake of her head. “How many times have you muted him??”

“More than he knows,” the little girl responded, laughing her way through the words. “It’s for his own good. He talks too much sometimes.”

“You’re trouble, aren’t you?” Gwen teased her back. Bizzy grinned at first, but her face seemed to change slightly. A moment later, she looked over to Gwen, who was slightly regretting the joke as it seemed to make the young girl’s face turn so serious all of a sudden. 

“Do you think that’s why he sent me to live with Grammy?”

Bizzy’s inquiry was quiet, as if she had just had an epiphany. Gwen felt her body freeze and she felt herself getting choked up again as the two of them just looked at each other. Gwen was desperate to find an answer to that, even though she had zero clue about the situation, but soon she was distracted as Dot pushed open the door and returned to join them once more. 

“Ohh, is daddy going to sing?” Dot asked, taking a seat on the small couch behind them a moment later.

“Press this one for the microphone,” Gwen directed Bizzy’s attention to one of the buttons. “Make sure he’s ready. And then, you can turn the music and the recording on…” Gwen pointed to the others as well, even though Bizzy had already pointed them out. 

“Are you ready, daddy?” Bizzy asked, her eyes turning back to the glass.

“Locked and loaded, little bee,” Blake gave her two thumbs up and a smile. As if she was doing it from muscle memory, Bizzy reached over and pressed the button to start the music and turn on the recording device. She looked back to her dad who gave her a signal, and Bizzy knew exactly what to do as she reached over and adjusted the volume for the music. 

“You’re a professional, that’s for sure,” Gwen whispered to her, a small grin on her face. “They should put you on payroll.”

“Or just my name on that box of ice cream bars,” Bizzy giggled, but it soon died down as her little body leaned forward just as Blake began to sing.

_  
The sun is setting on your last good try  
Here I am again with half a goodbye  
Wonder if you're really gone this time  
Just when I'm about to lose my mind  
There you are again on my phone  
The moon is rising and you're all alone  
Maybe we could just hang a while  
Maybe we can make each other smile  
_

The words he sang were delicate yet intentional, and Gwen almost didn’t notice that Bizzy was so enamored she was the stillest she had been since she met the little girl as she just watched her dad. Similarly, Gwen couldn’t pull her eyes off of Blake either. She completely forgot anyone else was in the room as Blake launched into their newly revised chorus. 

It felt like she only blinked once and it was over, Blake’s eyes turning back to Bizzy with a grin. Her approval was important to him, and the ache in her stomach felt even more intense. 

Bizzy’s hand reached out to cut the music which brought Gwen back to reality. 

“That will sell at LEAST a zillion copies,” Bizzy reassured him, which caused Blake to laugh. 

“Bizzy Bee, I don’t even have a _zillion_ fans,” he joked back. “But Gwen does, so maybe it will after all.”

“Daddy will you sing another?” She asked sweetly. “One of your old songs?”

Blake’s face changed slightly, while still maintaining a smile. He looked like he was about to launch into declining her request, but Gwen hit the intercom to speak directly to Blake instead.

“Yeah, _dad_ , come on, do another,” her eyes were fixated on his as the words left her lips. Deep down she knew she wasn’t going to be productive at all, and there was something about his voice she was already addicted to and though it may have been difficult for her to admit it, she herself wanted more, too. 

The tension in their eyes was simply undeniable. Blake tried searching hers as they locked again, but it almost felt too overwhelming for the both of them in those moments. 

“Your pick, Bizzy,” he agreed, but he was still watching Gwen.

“Miss Gwen?”

It was only then that Gwen’s eyes pulled away from Blake, focused on the little girl standing in front of her.

“Where are the tracks?”

“Oh,” Gwen breathed, reaching forward to click a few things on the laptop to find Blake’s music for her. “That’s what they have uploaded,” Gwen pointed. “Just double click and it should be ready for when you want to start it.”

Bizzy began to scroll slowly through the track selections, with Gwen keeping watch right behind to make sure she didn’t need more help. She felt Blake’s eyes on her again and couldn’t help but glance up at him for a few moments, before being distracted again by the little girl.

“Got it,” she grinned, and double clicked on the track she wanted. She looked up to her dad with a grin, and Blake chuckled softly, preparing for anything she was about to throw his way. 

The music began, and it only took him a second to chuckle again at Bizzy’s choice.

“This song is older than _you_ ,” he emphasized with another laugh. “Aren’t you tired of it?”

“Nope!” Bizzy grinned, and turned to Gwen. “Miss Gwen, do you know this one?”

The guitar was twangy, and there was a familiar feel to the song without it being familiar to her at all. “I think this one is new for me,” Gwen admitted in a whisper, not exactly feeling the need to explain to Bizzy she had _no idea_ about country music, let alone Blake’s songs. 

Blake soon launched into the lyrics of _Ol’ Red_ as soon as his cue came.

_  
Well I caught my wife with another man  
And it cost me ninety nine  
On a prison farm in Georgia  
Close to the Florida line  
Well I'd been here for 2 long years  
I finally made the warden my friend  
And so he sentenced me to a life of ease  
Taking care of Ol Red  
_

Gwen glanced over to Bizzy who was mouthing every word excitedly along with him, not faltering once. She glanced to Blake who was only focused on his daughter, singing the song of her choice directly to her with as much enthusiasm as if he had picked it out himself. 

And for the life of her, she still didn’t understand how all of this was still so emotionally overwhelming for her to witness, given that these two humans didn’t have anything to do with her and her own life. Maybe it was just the simple _reminder_ of what her life should have been, but this hit even differently than that. It had never felt this intense, and she never felt this out of control of her emotions as she just felt like she was _feeling_ harder for some reason.

_  
And the warden sang  
Come on somebody  
Why don't you run  
Ol' Red's itchin' to have a little fun  
Get my lantern  
Get my gun  
Red'll have you treed before the mornin' comes  
_

Blake continued the lyrics, singing the song in its entirety. Bizzy’s grin never faded, and as soon as he sang the last lyric, she was already making another request.

“One more!” She said into the intercom. “Please?”

Blake chuckled and laughed. “I’m onto you, I know what “one more” _really_ means…” he sighed. “Biz, Miss Gwen didn’t come to watch me sing…we’ve gotta work on the song…”

Gwen cleared her throat and joined in the conversation. “Maybe we need a break from the song, Blake. We made progress on it but I don’t know if either of us are in the mindset today,” she said delicately. She certainly felt distracted herself. She looked to Bizzy next. 

“Go on, pick out another one for him.”

—————

 _One more_ song became more like _six more_ songs, with Bizzy joining Blake in the booth for the last one. In the small amount of time she spent with them, _she_ was even dreading the fact that they were leaving. She couldn’t imagine how Blake must have felt, but it was also somewhat written all over his face.

Blake gathered their bags when it was time and walked them outside to the car that was taking them to the airport, leaving Gwen alone in Studio A. Before she was completely alone, two energetic arms were flung around Gwen.

“Please watch out for my daddy,” she whispered into Gwen’s ear so that only she could hear. “He’s all alone out here.”

“Okay,” Gwen agreed, hugging the girl back. When Bizzy stood up straight, she pushed back her hair out of her face. “You be good too, yeah?”

Bizzy had nodded the promise back, soon taking a few steps away to take hold of Blake’s hand.

As soon as she was alone, she inhaled a sharp breath as her mind reeled over the events of the day. Completely unexpected, and they left her questioning so many things. She wasn’t prepared for any of it, and try as she might to hide that fact, she knew she would have to answer for it one way or another. 

Her eyes went to the studio door as it opened, Blake returning solo. It was then she realized she hadn’t even moved from where he left her, and she swallowed roughly as she sat up a bit straighter.

“Thank you,” Blake said quietly, taking a seat near her. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Gwen said with a small shrug. 

“You did, though,” he responded. “It really meant the entire world for her to be included. I’m sorry we didn’t get a lot of work done.”

“She’s easy to include,” Gwen responded simply. “I’m not sure either of us were really going to get much farther on work today. And that’s ok. It’s a process.”

Blake had to restrain himself to push further on that. He knew something was under the surface, he felt it all day, but it wasn’t worth risking the beginnings of a relationship they had started to form. He didn’t want to upset her unintentionally. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Blake said next, standing up tall in the next moment.

Gwen blinked. “What?” She glanced up to him, confused. 

“You said it yourself - I don’t think sitting here and trying to force it is going to do us any good,” he responded. “And if all you have to do for the rest of the day is go back to that penthouse of yours and watch TV — well, that’s not good enough.”

“Where do you want to go?” She asked next, coming to her feet and still looking at him questioningly. 

“I know a place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has reached out both on here and on twitter. It's been a really rough few months and just hearing anything back means more than you know ❤️


	10. We Drew A Map To A Better Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you that know me - what's my favorite thing to write? Yes, smut. So for my birthday, I thought I'd give -you- a present instead. Enjoy 😉

The _place_ Blake knew ended up being a taco food truck situated at the end of a small, quiet pier overlooking the Pacific. 

Blake noticed Gwen seemed more relaxed on the drive over - a stark contrast to the time when he drove her home. But she still seemed uptight in general, something that he had a feeling would take a lot longer than a few hours to help ease. He couldn’t help but grin as Gwen raised an eyebrow at him, questioning why they were there.

“Tacos?” She asked, with a small accompanying laugh. 

“Come on, don’t tell me you don’t like tacos,” Blake laughed in response as he parked his truck. “Aren’t you from here? Doesn’t that mean you have to love tacos?”

“Something else you found on google?” She joked back, knowing she wouldn’t let him forget that one anytime soon.

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “I’m no longer revealing my sources.”

As the laughter died down between them, their eyes seemed to lock again. It kept happening, she realized, and she blinked a few times and placed her hand on the truck door to push it open. 

“I guess I _am_ kind of hungry,” she admitted, sliding out of the passenger seat. 

Blake shut the driver side door and walked around to join her. “They rated high on vegetarian options,” Blake said. “I guess I’ll reveal my source on that one, that was according to Google _and_ Yelp, so I think it’s doubly true.”

“You checked?” Her voice was small, as his consideration of her was astounding. 

“I wasn’t going to bring you someplace you couldn’t eat anything,” Blake responded with a shrug. “That would be rude.”

They stood in the small line leading up to the food truck, Gwen’s arms crossing at her stomach as they waiting in line. 

“Cold?” Blake asked. 

“I’m okay,” she responded quickly. 

Blake hummed, a moment later stepping out of the line and making his way back to the parked truck. He opened the back seat and tugged something into his arm, locking up and walking back to Gwen. He draped the small blanket over her shoulders. 

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Blake said gently. “You’re allowed to let someone else help you.” He paused. “You won’t be judged for it.”

“I only really have myself,” she admitted quietly, moments before they stepped up to the front of the line to order. 

After collecting their food, Blake nudged her to indicate for Gwen to follow him. They walked side by side down the pier, away from the small crowd of people surrounding the food truck. As they went further, it got even quieter, and they eventually found a bench overlooking the water. 

He watched her face light up as soon as she took a bite, and she looked over to him. 

“ _Wow_ ,” she commented, thoroughly impressed. He grinned as she immediately took another bite. “This is actually incredible.”

“What, you thought a country cowboy like me couldn’t possibly find good tacos?” He teased, taking a bite of his own with a laugh. 

Gwen’s expression was slightly amused as she watched him. “I don’t know anything about you, actually,” she admitted with a small shrug. “ _Sorry I didn’t google you_.”

Blake chuckled. “There are literally thousands less of search results,” he commented. “Trust me.” He paused, as they both took a few more bites of their tacos. “Are you always this tense?”

She felt called out as her eyes went back to him. “What?”

Blake shrugged and took another bite. “I just don’t think I’ve seen you relax even for a second since I met you, that’s all.”

“I guess I’m not the relaxing type,” she responded quietly, her eyes drifting away from him to watch the view instead.

“Maybe you should try to be,” he said a moment later. He watched as her hand moved to the base of her neck subconsciously, and she pressed her fingers into her own skin as her lips pressed together. “Would probably help with that, anyway.”

“Help with what?” She looked back to him again.

“The knot in your shoulder,” he replied. “You don’t relax, you stay worked up about things and stress will wreck your body. Trust me.”

“Sounds like you’re talking from a place of experience.”

“Being a single father to a feisty little girl that only keeps getting older and growing bigger by the day?” He chuckled softly. “Yeah, I guess you could say that’s relevant experience.” 

Blake took the last bite of his taco, bending forward to throw the container in the trash can once he was finished. Gwen still had her food in her lap, working the last bit of guacamole onto a chip. He moved closer to her, his hand gently resting on top of her shoulder. 

“Can I try something?” he asked, which caused Gwen to glance back to him.

“Oh, uh, you don’t _have_ …”

She gasped in suddenly as he didn’t exactly wait for her permission, as he knew he probably would never actually get it. His thumb slowly applied pressure into the knot she had just been messing with.

“Am I hurting you?” He asked a few moments later.

“I uh — _no_ ,” she responded with an exhale, indicating that it was obviously helping. “Why are you — “

“We’re _friends_ , remember?” Blake reminded her. “Sometimes _friends_ are stubborn - that’s _you_ \- and they need someone to ignore them for five minutes when they need help and they don’t know how to accept it.”

She sat quiet and even let her eyes close a moment as he gently worked the sore muscle under his thumb. His free hand swept her blonde locks to her opposite shoulder when they started to get in the way. A small, content smile came to his lips when he finally felt her shoulder relax in the slightest, under his touch. 

“Where’s Bizzy’s mom?” Gwen almost whispered, keeping her eyes in her own lap. 

The small smile fell slowly from his face, and his thumb slowed pace. 

“It’s just me and my mom in the picture,” he answered quietly. “It’s always been like that. I’m really lucky to have her help, I’d rather her than having to hire a nanny.”

Blake paused, his hand resting on Gwen’s shoulder a moment before withdrawing it. “Any better?” He asked.

Gwen’s hand went to the base of her neck and she stretched it out a little. “Yeah, actually,” she admitted, and glanced at him. “Thanks. You didn’t need to do that.” She shifted her back up against the bench again, realizing they were so close now she could almost feel the warmth from his body.

“Megan had, uh…some _issues_ ,” Blake continued. “Bizzy was only a baby the last time we saw her. I hate to say it, but I’m not even sure if she’s still alive at this point. She completely disappeared.” 

“Little girls need their mothers,” Gwen whispered sadly to herself. She couldn’t help the fact that her heart was aching all over again. 

“Tell me about it,” Blake said with a gentle scoff. “They only get older, not younger. I have no idea what I’m going to do when she’s a teenager. I don’t know how to handle a teenage girl.” He paused and chuckled. “Mostly because I was at one point a teenage boy, and all that makes me do is want to lock her up in her room like, _now_.”

Gwen hummed, agreeing with him. She couldn’t imagine Blake and a thirteen year old Bizzy - she was a complete handful already, and Gwen was sure she was only going to get more spirited as she got older. 

“I think you should call her before she goes to bed tonight,” Gwen suggested gently. Their eyes met again - Blake’s questioning hers. Gwen sighed softly. “Look, I promised her I wouldn’t say anything…but she might have mentioned that you used to sing to her before bed and she _might_ have commented that she missed you doing that…” Gwen bit her lip.

Blake blinked twice. “Oh,” he breathed. “She uh, wow — she told you that?”

Gwen just nodded.

“Yeah, I uh…” Blake checked the time on his phone and nodded. “I will, thanks.” He paused. “I’m really surprised how quickly she took to you, to be honest.” He chuckled before adding an additional thought. “Bizzy loves anyone that gives her a present, but I don’t know, with you it’s just…. _different_.”

“Sorry,” she whispered, her gaze going down.

“No, I didn’t mean that in a bad way - it’s more like, _thank you_.”

“Not a big deal,” Gwen shrugged. She held everything else in tightly, not wanting to let him see how much she was already enamored with his daughter.

“Can I ask you something now?” Blake inquired gently. 

Gwen’s gaze went to his, silently nodding him to continue. She swallowed roughly, not knowing which way this was going, and frankly, being terrified of that unknown. 

“I uh…” Blake began, soon sighing right after the words escaped his mouth. “I kind of know about, ummm…”

“What?” Her voice broke, prompting him to get the words out before she exploded. 

“I know you were in a bad car accident several years ago,” he admitted. “I admit, I stumbled on it when I was checking up on you…”

“And?” She almost snapped, her arms closing in protectively around herself. 

“…and I was just wondering if maybe that’s the reason you don’t drive anymore,” he finished. 

She thought back to the accident. The articles written about it filled her mind like a photographic memory. She knew that was an easy event of her life to find out information about from the internet, it had been a huge spectacle. It had taken her a handful of weeks to wake up from it. And it had defined her life in so many ways, even ways that couldn’t be easily found on the internet. 

“Yeah, that’s it,” the partial truth that she would admit to left her lips, her gaze going back to the water. “It’s not like I have to drive anyways, I have Jon.”.

“He seems nice,” Blake admitted with a nod. 

“He is,” Gwen agreed. 

“Why did you let me drive you out here today?” Blake asked next. 

Her eyes went to his, lingering a moment before she spoke. “I don’t know,” she admitted, her head tilting in the slightest. _I guess I trust you._

Blake seemed to catch the unspoken implication, and nodded once. “Well, thank you for having faith in me.” He let the silence linger a few minutes before he spoke again, a small smile coming to his face. “You have to admit though, coming out with me to get tacos was _so_ much better than going back to that stuffy penthouse of yours alone.”

Gwen scoffed. “You know, for someone who’s only spent a literal five minutes in that _stuffy penthouse_ , you sure have a hell of an opinion about it.” Her eyebrow raised, as if to challenge him on his point.

Blake chuckled. “I don’t have much of one,” he said with a shrug. 

“Come on, then,” Gwen said, standing up suddenly. She bent to the side to toss the empty food container she was holding onto, and looked back to him. “Take me back to my _stuffy penthouse_ , and I’ll show you what you’re missing.”

———

As soon as they stepped off the private elevator and into Gwen’s unit, Blake realized her place looked completely different at night. 

It was _stunning_.

He had been right about what the city lights would do to the place, the ambiance it created. There was a covered tray sitting on the kitchen counter which Gwen picked up to hand to him. 

“Meet me on the terrace outside,” Gwen pointed to the sliding door on the other side of the living room. “I’ll mix drinks and bring them out.”

“What is this?” Blake asked, gesturing to the tray in his hands.

“Dessert,” she said, tilting her head. “I ordered it on my phone on the way back.”

“And they just brought it up?” Blake asked again. He wasn’t used to room service being a perk of a permanent living arrangement. 

She chuckled softly. “Not such a bad perk of a stuffy penthouse, hmm?”

Blake rolled his eyes and followed her command - taking the tray and heading towards the sliding door. He pushed it open, the mild Fall air and sounds of the city below hitting his senses immediately. Gwen flipped a switch nearby, and a fire pit came roaring to life in front of his eyes.

Gwen made her way to the drink cart, her nerves suddenly getting the best of her. She didn’t know why she was nervous, she didn’t know why he made her feel like this. She took a small shot glass and poured a shot of vodka, taking it back quickly. She sighed, taking another. And then she exhaled as she let the alcohol course into her veins, helping to calm her nerves slightly. She reached for the pitcher on the lower shelf, and got to work on mixing.

Soon she stepped outside, a tray in hand with a full pitcher and two glasses. She walked up beside Blake, placing it on the table and taking a seat next to him. She picked up the pitcher and poured two glasses. 

“What’s on the drink menu tonight?” Blake inquired, sniffing his glass that she handed to him. 

“Just one of my sangria recipes,” she said gently. “A few different liqueurs mixed in.”

Blake looked over to her and couldn’t help chuckle softly.

“What?” Gwen asked, sipping on her drink. 

“I have a song about that, you know.”

“Sangria?”

“Yeah,” he responded. “Are you _sure_ you didn’t google me, too?”

“I didn’t, I swear!” Gwen gasped and sat up. “I don’t believe you. You didn’t really write a song about Sangria.”

“Get your phone out,” he said with a soft smile, his eyes challenging her. “It’s on YouTube.”

She kept her eyes on his for a moment before digging her phone out of her pocket. Blake glanced down to his own, realizing the time.

“Hey wait, hold that thought,” he said gently, sitting up straight. “Bizzy should be getting ready to go to bed, I want to FaceTime her.” Blake took another drink and finished it off, placing the empty glass on the table as he started swiping on his phone. 

“Do you want some privacy?” Gwen asked.

“Nah,” Blake dismissed. “Stay here. I’m sure she’d love to say hi.”

Gwen listened to the familiar sound of FaceTime coming to life, Bizzy’s voice soon beaming from the other side.

“Hi daddy!” She said excitedly. 

Blake’s grin took up his entire face. “Hi, little bee,” he said lovingly.

“Daddy, where are you? Are you outside?”

“Yeah, I’m on a rooftop actually,” he said, soon turning the camera towards the fire pit. “There’s a cool fire pit up here too, but definitely not as cool as the ones you and I build together.”

“It’s so pretty,” Bizzy beamed. “Are you _alone_ on this rooftop?” 

Blake laughed. “You’re too smart for me, kid,” he joked. Blake’s arm reached out and around Gwen, and he tugged her closer to him to also bring her into the frame.

“Miss Gwen!” She got even more excited to see her than she had when her dad had called. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” Gwen said with a wave, a huge smile on her face. And it wasn’t soon after that, the deep ache was back. 

“Did you brush your teeth, are you already in your PJ’s?” Blake asked next.

“Yes and yes,” Bizzy confirmed. 

“I was thinking earlier…I think it’s been a little too long since I got to sing to you before bed.”

“Miss Gwen told you, didn’t she?”

Gwen bit her lip as her eyes squinted, but soon they both laughed softly. 

“Come on, why don’t you lay down,” Blake encouraged her.

Gwen swallowed roughly at how close they were now - Blake’s arm was around her, holding her in the camera frame to involve her in the call to Bizzy. The heat she felt earlier was now right up against her, and it was calming and overwhelming at the same time. She took a long drink from the glass as Bizzy rustled around and got settled on the other end of the call. 

“Miss Gwen wants me to sing _Sangria_ , is that alright with you?”

Gwen chuckled and shook her head, and Bizzy just grinned.

“I love all of your songs, daddy,” she admitted softly. 

Blake glanced to Gwen and cleared his throat, launching into the lyrics a moment later.

_  
You're crashing into me like waves on the coast  
Every time we talk, you move in close  
I don't want you to stop, I don't want you to stop tonight…  
_

Just the way the two of them interacted made her unable to move. Being huddled in this close to Blake, practically feeling the vibrations of him singing against her skin - watching the way Bizzy’s gaze was growing more tired, but never losing the content smile. 

She felt like she could stay like that for an eternity. 

But all good things come to an end, even though it was almost a bit painful once she realized the song was over. 

“Good night daddy and Miss Gwen,” Bizzy whispered tiredly. A few moments later, Blake ended the call, and placed his phone face down on his thigh.

And a few moments after that, he had looked over to Gwen who was still tucked under his arm and against him - their eyes latched like magnets, and neither one of them could look away.

Neither of them _wanted_ to look away.

She felt her nerves creeping up on her again - her body was tense, despite her best efforts to try and normalize it, and she felt her heart beating out of her chest at a rapid pace. The way he looked at her was too much for her to handle, and she was afraid the intensity might even make her _nauseous_ if she didn’t try to manage it. 

She watched the light breeze gently push his hair back, she noticed the slight roughness of the stubble on his face.

“We uh…we don’t have to watch YouTube anymore,” she whispered stupidly. And she felt it was lame, and the only way to cover that one up was to keep talking. “I mean, I heard your song, the Sangria one, you sang it, you were right it exists…and I mean, we can still watch it on YouTube if you want because I’m sure it’s great and I’m sure it will sound really different with all of the….guitars — “

“ — will you _shut up_ already?”

The way he cut her off so aggressively yet _gently_ at the same time immediately stopped her words in their tracks. She only registered a second of his eyes searching hers before she felt his hand on the back of her neck, and his lips pressing into hers. 

She was pretty sure he had sucked the oxygen out of her as she didn’t hesitate to reciprocate, her return kiss was enthusiastic but still a bit hesitant. She suddenly pulled back, stunned over her own actions.

“ _Blake_ …”

“Will you stop overthinking everything for one night?” His words whispered against her skin. “Don’t you want just a _night_ where you’re not so damn _tense_?” His finger gently caressed down her bare arm. “Your body is practically _begging_ for a release. Are you going to try and deny that?”

She felt a chill go down her spine. She felt her body drawing in closer to him, even as his lips hovered near her skin, even as it was just the soft breath against her neck that she could concentrate on. 

“You don’t…want to get involved with me,” she managed. “I’m a mess, Blake. My problems will ruin your life. _Bizzy_. You would regret every minute of it.” She paused briefly. “I’m not a good person to be in your life — “

His gaze moved up to hers, completely unfazed by anything she just said. 

“You’re gonna get laid right now. Any more half-assed objections before that happens?”

She felt the smallest gasp catch in the back of her throat. She couldn’t help it, there was something about this mix of aggressive and gentle Blake that was driving her insane. And she only wanted more of it.

Her heart rate was erratic, and it was the only thing she registered before her lips were crashing into his.

The kissing was intense - they were immediately battling for dominance, their hands were grabbing and smoothing over any surface they could reach. She somehow managed to straddle and sit in his lap, her thighs clutching around him tightly as she deepened their kisses.

“Bed?” she asked breathlessly, a few minutes later. And before she could think of anything else, she gasped as he stood up with her in his arms, before gently placing her back on the ground. Gwen broke their kiss and grabbed his hand, tugging him briskly back inside.

She hit a button on the side of the wall once in the bedroom, and greedily pushed Blake’s back up against the wall next to it a second later. Her arms snaked around his neck as she was on her toes, intensely kissing him once more, using the wall behind him for leverage. 

“Button?” Blake managed as a question against her neck as he began to suck, referring to what Gwen just hit on the side.

“Privacy,” she breathed, her head snapping back as he worked onto her neck. “We can see out, nobody can see in.”

Her hands grabbed the hem of his shirt, tugging it up, Blake finishing it off as he chucked it to the ground and didn’t even take a breath before his hands were back and wandering her body. She greedily grabbed his belt buckle next, unbuttoning and unzipping and taking his jeans and briefs to the ground in one fell swoop.

His naked body was even more delicious than she imagined, and _fuck_ , she was staring. 

He chuckled softly, his hands pulling her shirt up and over her head next. It only took him another second for her bra to meet the same fate. She moaned as his hands grabbed her ass suddenly, picking her up again and flipping their positions against the wall, now Gwen’s back against it. 

“Fuck,” she exhaled, biting her lip as Blake’s were on her neck again. 

“That’s the point, baby,” he almost groaned, his mouth getting more greedy for her as the moments passed.

A soft giggle caught at the back of her throat in response to that, her hands suddenly tugging him back up to kiss her lips. She pulled back from the kiss and nibbled his bottom lip briefly before speaking.

“I want you to fuck me the way you _want_ to fuck me,” she whispered. “Don’t ask permission. Don’t _apologize_. Just do it.”

Blake moaned and groaned at her words, his hands gripping her tighter as he forcefully kissed her again.

“Do you want to _know_ how I want to fuck you?”

“No. Just _fucking_ do it.”

He couldn’t control the aggressive groan that her words made come out of his mouth and he suddenly felt the adrenaline through his veins and pulled her off the wall, walking her over to the bed and letting her back drop onto it with a little more intensity than he had intended. His hands greedily grabbed the waistband of her jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping and tugging the damned tight things down her legs. She shimmied her hips to help him undress her fully, her eyes watching him as she bit her lip in anticipation. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, moving to lay on top of her and kissing her deeply again.

Just the feeling of his body coming down on top of hers - feeling his hardness against her center, not having a layer of clothing between them any longer - she had to wonder if it was possible to orgasm off of that feeling alone.

She didn’t have time to find out - she felt his hands grip her hips, turning her over onto her stomach and repositioning her body in line with the bed. He hovered behind her, stretching her arms out, opening her hands until they were flat against the sheets. His hands smoothed back and over to grip her hips, pulling her ass into the air.

The anticipation was going to kill her. 

A half moan, half whine fell from her lips as soon as she felt Blake’s fingers reach in between her legs, stroking her center at first, before pushing inside to open her up just a bit more. Her hands clutched the sheets tightly in anticipation, and she stopped breathing as soon as she felt his erection push against her, and then inside of her. 

“You’re so fucking tight,” Blake groaned, his hands gripping her ass harder as he fought to contain himself. 

“Maybe you’re just _so fucking large_ ,” she managed with a moan, and she rocked her hips back once against him to take a jab at him, but she gasped at the feeling and suddenly didn’t know which one of them it would have more of an effect on. She bit her lip in satisfaction as she heard the loud groan escape his lips again, and she’d be willing to bet that they were both too distracted to even notice the other. 

His hands moved to get a better grip on her hips as his pace quickened. He wasn’t messing around - his moves were deliberate and even though the possibility of dragging it out was tempting, he felt the mutual desperation and knew they wouldn’t be able to hold out that much longer. 

Gwen’s moaning got louder with every thrust - and though he couldn’t see her facial expression, he took it as a sign that he was on the right track - so he thrust harder.

She gasped again as his pace quickened, her hands tightening on the sheets again. She felt completely full of _him_ , she could feel him penetrating so deep that she couldn’t even think anymore - he kept hitting that _spot_ , and soon the latter was her complete undoing.

Her entire body tensed as her orgasm hit her intensely - her forehead dropped to the mattress and her hands gripped the sheets even tighter as she rode it out. She was gasping for breath - the few extra thrusts Blake worked in just before he let himself go felt like they might have actually paralyzed her. She felt like she momentarily lost consciousness - like he had knocked her _out_ from the intensity. It took her a moment to realize when Blake pulled out and gently fell on his back next to her, trying to catch his own breath. 

Blake glanced over at Gwen - her body was slumped into itself and almost curled into a ball, her forehead and arms still resting on the mattress. It was as if she had simply let her body crumble in the position he left her, and she hadn’t tried to move yet. He noticed the slightest tremble across her skin - a small smile came to his face as his arms reached out for her.

“You good?” He mumbled against her skin, his hand lightly trailing over her back.

It took her a moment just to hum a response. 

He couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face - because deep down, he knew he had fucked her _good_.

Blake shifted his hands and physically stretched her body out enough for him to pull her close, having her laying beside him. His arms brought her into his chest; the lengths of their bodies fully touching once more. He stroked down the side of her arm - she hadn’t recovered enough to open her eyes, and he wanted to calm the part of her that was still trembling. They were like small aftershocks laced amongst her small gasps for more air. 

“How long had it been?” He asked lowly, after letting a few minutes pass.

“You’re _enjoying_ this,” she mumbled, her head burying just a bit deeper into his chest.

“I am,” he admitted, placing a quick kiss on the top of her head. “Because despite the fact that you’re still shaking, I think it’s safe to say you finally _relaxed_.”

She didn’t know what compelled her to do it, she wasn’t really able to form complete thoughts about anything just yet, but in the next moment she stretched her neck up slightly for her lips to meet his. Blake moaned softly at the surprise, and kissed her back as his arms held her just a bit more. 

She let their lips part, but she let them hover close.

“Did you — uhmm…”

When he smiled, she felt it against her lips. The warmth was reassuring.

“I didn’t stand a _chance_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for commenting and letting me know what you think ❤️


	11. There For You In Your Darkest Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been almost 3 weeks since an update - I'm sorry! I'm not dead, I'm not leaving, etc...
> 
> The last time I posted was on my birthday, and I had an incredible present come through in the form of basically the best job ever. So I packed up my life in 5 days and jumped a few states over and literally pulled a "Georgia on My Mind" Gwen and moved to Atlanta, and I STILL can't believe I live here (in a good way). Coincidentally, I was also in the middle of redecorating when I got this job offer, so I got rid of most of my furniture and I've been living in Homegoods almost as much as I've been in the office. I just went grocery shopping today for the first time since I moved in and it's been almost 2 weeks lol. 
> 
> Needless to say, life is exceptionally insane right now, and it's going to take me some time to adjust (and unpack - I've been good on this, but ohmygod my closet looks like a bomb went off). If it makes you feel better, I've had a lot of extra ideas come to mind and I've added to my outline for this story so it's still very much in my head. I'd say all bets are off if I go to a country concert with new work friends and fall madly in love with a country superstar who fetches me from the crowd to dance and then meet him backstage but considering COVID and all that shit... slim chance right now 🙄 So you're stuck with me.
> 
> Ok, I'm stopping now, enjoy ❤️

There was no way he could sleep after the night they just had - he was able to snooze, but he knew that actual, full sleep would be difficult to come by.

He was exhausted. It was one of those days that felt like it was really a week’s worth of days packed into one - how he had gone from making Bizzy pancakes that morning and now he was in Gwen’s bed as time was slowly creeping into the early morning hours. He wondered briefly if he should leave. It was an understatement to say that Gwen was difficult to read, and he couldn’t yet predict with any level of certainty what she would want him to do in this type of situation.

He didn’t think either of them had actually considered the _possibility_.

The city lights view - even this late at night - was simply stunning to him, and an easy distraction from his thoughts. Laying there in her bed, he felt like he was on top of the world - and in more ways than one. He was soon reminded of the words she used to describe it - it was _just_ a view - and strangely it hit differently in those moments as he contemplated them in the present tense.

Blake glanced next to him, and down to her. Gwen was sprawled out and sleeping on her stomach, one of the sheets twisted up around her body. Though their bodies were apart and he wasn’t holding her anymore, his arm was outstretched above her head. And one of her hands was extended up and holding his. 

He felt her hand flex in his just slightly, as if gripping in her sleep to check and see if he was still there.

He didn’t have the heart to even move an inch. 

His eyes closed as he felt another snooze coming over him. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he closed his eyes when he felt an almost violent jolt next to him, and he blinked his tired eyes open to glance over to Gwen. She went from peacefully sleeping to suddenly in distress.

Her body jerked again, even more this time as she was tossing and turning. The distress grew quickly as she whined and groaned in her sleep, and he was especially worried when fear flashed across her face.

“Gwen,” he said, his arm reaching over to go to her shoulder in an attempt to still her. “Wake up, come on, _Gwen_ …”

It wasn’t immediate, but her body thrashed a few more times before it jolted up into a sitting position - the blood curdling scream that came from her lungs to accompany the sudden move was equally terrifying as it was worrisome. He felt his body stiffen and brace over the impact, as he found himself in his own kind of shock.

Gwen was breathing so hard and trying to catch her breath as if she had just run a full marathon. Her eyes were wide open and already filled with tears, and her body was trembling. Blake sat up next to her just in time to see the fearful and stunned look on her face, almost as if her own scream had scared her.

Blake carefully placed his hand against her bare back. She gasped as she felt the warmth against her skin.

“Hey, you’re alright,” he said reassuringly. “It was just a bad dream.” He exhaled. “ _You’re safe_.”

Her head snapped to the side to look at him as he spoke. Her eyes were still wide as she struggled to catch her breath, and she was already crying. There was a delay in response as she stayed like this for a few moments, before she hunched forward at her stomach and completely broke down crying.

They were loud, painful cries. Both of his hands went to her shoulders and he tried to help as best he could, but felt useless as her entire body felt like it was convulsing. She cried so hard that she gasped loudly three - then four times in a row - an indication she was having trouble breathing.

“Gwen, you can cry as much as you need to, but you need to breathe first.” When she wasn’t making any progress, one of his hands reached forward and took her by the chin, turning her gaze up to him. “It’s not _optional_.”

Her face broke again as her eyes closed tight, and she made a little progress to breathe, but couldn’t stop crying. Almost as if she realized this, she inhaled sharply as she felt herself getting worked up all over again. His hand moved to her cheek as his lips pressed against her forehead, his arm tugging her closer to him.

“Lay down, c’mon,” Blake said gently after a few minutes, his hand pushing into her arm softly to encourage her to do so. Her body was tense and froze to fight him, but he pushed a bit harder. “ _Gwen_ ,” he said a bit more sternly in an attempt to keep her attention on him. 

She relented and let her body lay down, her head half-burying itself in the pillow as she just continued to cry. Blake pushed back the hair out of her eyes, his hand stroking her arm in an attempt to give even just a little bit of comfort. 

“ _You’re safe_ ,” he tried again gently. But the fear in her eyes was obvious even though he hadn’t a clue about what was going on - but it was suddenly clear to him that this was much more than a random bad dream.

It was _trauma_.

He placed a kiss on her forehead as he moved forward to console her, whispering a few barely audible sentiments and _sshhh’s_ as he pulled her close to him, turning her so that her back would press up against his chest once his arm adjusted and held her close. Her body curled up into a ball, she was trying to make herself as small as possible as she tried but failed to cease her cries.

“ _It wasn’t a dream_ ,” her whispered voice broke and cracked in a way that felt like a punch to his own gut. 

He watched as she closed her eyes and just started crying harder. He felt so incredibly helpless, as it felt like no amount of him _physically_ trying to hold her was really helping enough. A somewhat radical idea entered his head next - one he hesitated on at first. But looking down at her now, damnit, it was worth a try.

Blake exhaled, and softly began to sing to her.

_  
You're crashin' into me like waves on the coast  
Every time we talk, you move in close  
I don't want you stop, I don't want you to stop tonight  
We've got the last two glasses on a straw hut bar  
Tryin' to remember what number we are  
String of white lights making your eyes shine tonight  
_

It was working. Just after the first verse, he heard her sniffling more than she was crying. He was surprised how simple that was, despite that he knew the magic it worked on Bizzy when she was upset. Gwen was obviously different, and a hell of a lot more stubborn (years of practice, he assumed) - but he immediately moved on to the second verse without pause, as to not lose the momentum. He’d sing to her for however long it took, however long it was helping. 

When he felt her body sink lower into the mattress, her eyes closing as she was letting go even in the slightest, he was relieved. He placed a kiss on her cheek in between verses and she exhaled. 

And he kept hold of her, not stopping once, until he was completely sure she had drifted off once more.

———

The worst headaches usually came from night she had cried herself to sleep - and this one was no different.

She felt no desire to open her eyes, let alone leave her bed. Her head tilted to the other side as one eye opened partially, confirming she was alone. She sighed, feeling like she wanted to die from the embarrassment and guilt of the events of the night before. 

But she needed strength to do that, the kind that would only come from coffee.

She soon found herself tugging a short, silk robe over her body, and throwing her hair on top of her head in a messy bun with the hair tie on her wrist. She felt like she was way past caring at that point - not even bothering to look at herself in the mirror.

Frankly, she doubted that she’d like what was staring back at her. 

Gwen walked towards the kitchen but soon hesitated as she was fully expecting Jon to be hunched over the stovetop cooking breakfast, but Jon was nowhere to be found.

However, there was still someone hunched over the stovetop cooking breakfast. 

With nowhere to hide, but still no easy discussion ahead, she sighed to herself and quietly stepped over to the kitchen island, taking a seat on one of the high barstools. Despite everything on her mind, she couldn’t help herself as she got distracted by the fact he was just standing there in a t-shirt and his boxer briefs.

Words felt difficult, but she eventually managed them.

“Part of me hoped you were actually just a douchebag that would leave before I woke up…” she remarked quietly, her eyes on the counter in front of her. _So I wouldn’t have to face you._

Blake turned around to look at her after she spoke, a neutral but friendly look on his face that she caught after a few moments. His face fell a little when he saw just how defeated she looked. 

“You didn’t actually expect me to leave, did you?”

Gwen just shrugged gently. She learned a long time ago to not fully trust that she understood the intentions of others.

“Jon came by a little ago to start breakfast and coffee,” Blake explained. “I told him I’d do it - gave him the day off, too.”

Her face flashed confusion. “Why?” She managed eventually. “Jon gets paid for that.”

Blake hummed, a knowing look coming across his face as he turned away again towards the stove, moving some of the hash browns around in the skillet. 

“I think it might do you some good to realize that you have friends that would cook you breakfast for free.”

If she was in a more combative mood, she might have said something to that. But she couldn’t. All she could manage to feel was guilt.

Blake set the spatula down near the skillet, and took two steps to the right and retrieved a coffee mug. He lifted the pot of freshly brewed coffee from the counter and poured it into the mug. He turned, sliding the mug across the kitchen island towards her. 

“It was my turn to _fetch the coffee_ ,” he said quietly, hoping in the very least the jab about their first encounter might amuse her. But she was a hard read that morning, and he wasn’t even able to manage a flinch reaction to his comment. Gwen slid the mug in front of her but just looked down into it instead of drinking it.

“I don’t have any expectations, here,” her words were almost whispered. “You really don’t have to…” 

Her words trailed off as the rest of that sentence and though failed her. 

Blake hummed. “I have a feeling that you haven’t had expectations of anyone in quite some time.”

She swallowed hard as she processed his words. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

“I’m trying to say…” he sighed, his words trailing off. “Whatever _it_ is, whatever you’re dealing with…”

Her eyes went up to his. “It was just a bad dream, that’s all. I’ll be fine after I drink some of this coffee.” She paused, and brought the mug to her lips as she took a sip, before setting it back down. “Thanks, by the way.” 

Her attempt to change the subject was weak, and she felt that. His eyes met hers, and wouldn’t let her off so easy. 

“You and I both know that’s not true,” he said gently, watching his tone as to not upset her. “You didn’t say much last night, but that’s the one thing you did make clear.”

“ _I had a bad night_ ,” she responded immediately. “I’m _sorry_ , I don’t know why, I couldn’t control it. I just — “ she exhaled shakily as she realized she hadn’t allowed herself to breathe. The frustrated tears were starting to well in her eyes again.

He watched as it happened - she had her composure fully one moment, and the next there was a glaring crack that threatened to break. A sign that she didn’t have it all together, something so telling to him about what was upsetting her being that big of a deal that she couldn’t hold it in any longer. 

Blake had learned fast that for some reason he couldn’t stand to watch her get upset. His body moved to the side, rounding the island to come up next to her.

She sat up straighter immediately as she realized what was happening, soon holding her hand out between them to try and keep distance as he approached her. She knew he was trying to hug her, which might be the one final break for her.

“Blake, _please_ …” 

He stopped before he touched her. “Please _what_?”

“If you make me cry right now, I might not be able to stop.”

He sighed. “You don’t have to stop.” He paused. “Maybe you _need_ to cry.”

“God, yes I _do_ need to stop,” the slight frustration was returning to her voice. She blinked a few tears down her cheeks. 

“Why?”

“Because I’m already so fucking _embarrassed_.”

He paused briefly before he prompted again. “Why?”

“Were you in the same room as I was last night?” Her voice inflected higher as she looked at him in disbelief. 

“I was,” he confirmed simply, then shrugged. “You were upset. That’s nothing to be — “

“ — _Do you not understand how hard it is for me to be around you_?”

Gwen sucked in air as she realized she had admitted to something she hadn’t intended to admit to. He quickly recovered from the surprise of being cut off mid-sentence, and instead took in those words carefully. 

_Now we’re getting somewhere._

He let the silence linger for a few moments before responding quietly. “Why is it hard for you, Gwen?” He paused, his eyes looking her over. “What is it that I remind you of?”

“You’re _pushy_ ,” she lied, as her defenses were going up. “You just want to know everything. You’re trying to make me tell you everything about myself like, _on command_ , and I’m not built that way. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, I don’t shout my problems from the rooftop, I can’t _stand_ when people pity me, I _hate_ — ”

Her words trailed off abruptly as she was force to take a breath. She watched as he took a small step forward, her body stiffening as soon as she realized it. He still didn’t reach for her - he just kept his gentle, worried eyes rested on her for the time being.

“Don’t look at me like that,” her voice broke, as she felt herself desperately clinging for any distraction. It was weak, and she felt like she was dwindling fast - expelling all of her energy just to keep herself at whatever level of partially composed she was presently at. 

“You changed the minute I saw you with Bizzy,” he whispered delicately, his eyes not leaving her. Blake watched as Gwen’s eyes closed shut tightly at the mention of his daughter. “Something about her makes you different. And I’m not sure yet if it’s for better or worse.”

Gwen’s face turned to shock as she opened her eyes to meet his. “What?” It was the only thing she could manage at first as she blinked a few times, not even knowing how to respond to that. “She doesn’t have anything to do with this.” She exhaled, before adding. “I don’t even understand what you’re trying to say. Are you trying to say I don’t like her around? Do you need to get your eyes checked? Because god, Blake, I don’t even have a _response_ …”

“Are you ever going to let anyone in?”

Blake’s words made her swallow roughly - she didn’t have a quick response to that.

“I don’t know _how_ ,” she admitted, and just a bit calmer than he expected. It was slightly timid, even. Her glance went down to the floor as a few tears went down her cheeks. Her arms crossed protectively over her body. Not only could she not say anything more than that, but she couldn’t move, either. 

“It starts with faith,” Blake stated gently, his words so soft and quiet that she felt them as if they had physically punctured her heart. “Having faith that you can open up to just one person, and that you won’t be judged for it.” He paused, before clarifying. “I’m not here to judge you.” He paused. “I just want to be your _friend_ …”

She felt her body swaying forward, even though she didn’t mean for it to. Her eyes closed as it was quiet between the two of them. She knew deep down that she _did_ want to be closer to him in those moments. She wanted him to hold her, she wanted his arms to pull her into that fully engulfing bear hug she could so vividly imagine. She knew it would feel safe. _She wanted to feel safe._

He must have read her mind, as the next moment he took another small step forward. Blake didn’t make any sudden movements beyond that, but the small step was enough to get her attention again. Her eyes only held onto his for a moment before she quickly slid off the barstool and took the remaining few steps between them - her arms tight around his midsection, her face buried into his chest.

Despite the sudden emotional breakdown happening in his arms, his shoulders almost relaxed just over the relief that he had gotten through to her. But nothing could have prepared him for the shattered, completely broken words that she would utter next.

“ _She would have been almost thirteen by now_ ,” her small voice broke, just as her body stiffened and her arms clung tighter. A few moments later she added in a whisper, “ _And it’s my fault_.”

He was stunned as the puzzle pieces were falling together in a way they hadn’t before. Those words opened up this entire new world to him - his arms held her against him slightly tighter, and he remained quiet as she let herself break. She let herself be vulnerable, and she was letting him be there for her in a way that she hadn’t allowed previously. And as the dots were connecting, he felt as if he was witnessing all thirteen years of pent up anger and sorrow spilling out onto the perfectly manicured hardwood floors of the most expensive penthouse he had ever been inside. 

She inhaled sharply as her posture straightened - her legs felt weak underneath her, her body leaning back into his immediately even as she tried to compose herself enough to step away. Blake kept ahold of her, steadying her.

“Don’t do that, don’t push me away again,” he almost begged, knowing that it was exactly what she was trying to do. “The hardest part is over.”

“Dizzy…” she whispered faintly, her head hanging. “ _Blake_ ….”

Her body swayed to one side a bit more drastically and his grip tightened in response. His arm came under her, and without a word, he led her back into the bedroom. She sat on the side of the bed, her body curling into a tiny ball a moment later as her head hit the pillow, tears coming back suddenly. He sat next to her, his hand gently stroking her hair back.

Minutes later, Blake maneuvered himself to lay next to her, facing her, as she gradually began to calm. He was surprised when she reached forward for one of his hands, holding it with hers between them. 

“Come ‘ere,” Blake whispered a few minutes later, his arm reaching out for her body. He shifted her to lay on her other side before pulling her in close to him, her back resting against his chest. The weight of his body wrapped around hers was calming, as he soon felt her more at ease. Her body wasn’t shaking, and she had downgraded to softer cries and sniffles as she found a semblance of composure again.

“You have an incredible daughter, Blake,” her voice was still weak, and she kept her eyes set out straight in front of her and unmoving. _And it’s so hard to watch, and impossible to not feel my own emptiness…_

“Dunno how that happened,” Blake mumbled into her hair. “Just when I think I’m getting decent at the whole parenting thing, something blows up.”

“She adores you,” Gwen responded immediately, rolling her eyes at his extreme modesty. “You have to be doing something right.”

“She’s always been a great judge of character,” Blake mused, his eyes glancing down to Gwen, his hand tightening a bit to nudge her. Gwen looked up to him just as he added on to the sentiment. “I want you to remember that next time you see her. Pretty sure she’s going to be stuck to you like super glue.”

Gwen sighed, her eyes not moving. “If only you knew…” A moment later her head shook once as her eyes closed, and she turned to lay her cheek back on the pillow. It was ominous, and his curiosity was insatiable, but the mixture of guilt, terror, and embarrassment that flashed across her face within moments of each other caused him to keep quiet. “ _It was my fault_.”

“What happened to her?” Blake whispered next, daringly so, as Gwen hadn’t exactly confirmed anything. The signs were all there, but it was still a bit of a leap. He swallowed roughly as he watched Gwen’s gaze turn back to his abruptly, her eyes widening. He just hoped that he hadn’t just reset back to square one. 

Her eyes were searching his - silently wondering, and even asking if he could be trusted. 

“I’ve never — “ she whispered nervously, quietly, as her eyes continued to search even as her words failed. 

“Maybe it’s time,” he replied back gently, and it only took a few moments before he felt her starting to get fidgety as a nervous and uncertain look flashed across her face. 

“All I ever wanted out of life was to be a mom,” she admitted unexpectedly. “I had a chance once. And I _really_ fucked it up.”

Her eyes closed and she shook her head, turning back onto her side as a few tears were pushed down her cheeks. She felt uncomfortable and exposed, her body shrinking up once more. 

“I didn’t even get to meet her,” she whispered, barely audible. “It’s pathetic to be this upset over it still.”

“That doesn’t matter,” he responded softly. 

“I’m sorry,” she offered next, her gaze blankly fixated in front of her. 

“Nothing to apologize for,” he replied dismissively. 

“You have no obligation to have to deal with me like this.”

Before he could respond, she sat straight up and turned back to look down to him. 

“I think you should go,” she suggested, her voice weak. She sniffled once, and swiped a tear from under her eye. “I _can’t_ do this…”

Blake shifted to sit up next to her, the concern returning to his features. 

“You _can’t_ tell anyone,” she added, her voice a bit stronger as her eyes locked back on his. They narrowed, almost threateningly so, even though she wasn’t able to hold that gaze for long. “ _Nobody_ knows, and I really need it to stay that way.” When she wasn’t sure if that had resonated with him due to his lack of immediate agreement, she continued. “This is the type of secret that ruins people, Blake. You can’t fucking tell anyone.”

“You didn’t even tell your family?”

His words punched her so hard in the gut, her guilt over the situation flooding to the surface as she looked down to her lap. 

“… _what about the father…?_ ”

“ _Blake_ ,” Gwen snapped suddenly, her demeanor changing to anger almost instantly. 

He sighed as her snapping at him indicated he was on the brink of pushing too far. While she had let herself be vulnerable, she was obviously conflicted in that decision as she wavered back and forth. She was fragile, and he didn’t want to actually find the point where she would break.

His arm slipped around her waist and he kissed the top of her head suddenly. “Of course I’m not going to tell anyone,” he mumbled into her hair. “But I’m still worried about you.”

She exhaled audibly as her body relaxed slightly. “I’m fine,” she responded a few moments later. “I just need to be alone today.”

He nodded his head and exhaled. “Okay,” he relented, and a moment later he shifted towards the edge of the bed, standing up tall in the next. His eyes watched her for a bit before he spoke again. “But if I leave now, I want to check on you later,” he added. “Will you at least keep your phone with you?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, her gaze once again in her lap. Her fingers swiped under her eyes, and she inhaled a deep breath. 

“Call me if you need me,” he said genuinely, finding it incredibly hard to leave her. There was something that he was drawn to, he felt like he should stay, but she was telling him that she needed to be alone. 

“Okay,” she whispered again, her body not moving. 

“I mean it,” he added softly. “I really do.” She nodded silently. He sighed, forcing himself to turn to take his leave. 

“Blake?”

The small voice immediately shifted his course, and he turned back to look at her almost immediately. To his surprise, her teary eyes were fixated on his, and they locked a moment before she spoke again.

“ _Truth takes time_ ,” she offered as best she could - though it was all she had to give. Anything else felt too difficult. 

He nodded once at the somewhat ominous statement, responding to it best he could. 

“And I’m not plannin’ on goin’ anywhere.”

He watched a few moments as she took in his response, dissected his words, grappled with the meaning. She nodded once, as if accepting them, and turned away to lay back down. 

Blake was finding it difficult again to just leave her, but he forced himself too. He turned slowly, half hoping she might say his name again for him to come back - but no such luck. As he made it to the front door, he lost hope in the possibility. 

Sighing, he reached out and pressed the elevator call button - silently making his exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah....so I'm sure that was hard, but it'll be okay ❤️
> 
> Please let me know what you think ❤️


	12. I Miss The Taste Of A Sweeter Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. This one is gonna be fun. Enjoy ❤️

As soon as she pushed him back up against the wall in Studio B, her lips hungrily pressing into his as her hands desperately roamed across his body, she had forgotten everything that had led up to this moment. 

It slipped her mind that she had spent most of the day feeling awkward and frustrated, mostly at _him_ to begin with. She knew she hadn’t made the greatest choice when she didn’t return his calls or texts for the almost week since they had slept together, but she also couldn’t help it. She found herself feeling anxious constantly, and embarrassed about their entire encounter. She felt exposed in a way that she vowed she would never be, and there wasn’t exactly a way to fix that. 

Gwen should not have been surprised by Blake’s persistence - showing up to the band’s rehearsal that day, an old invitation that Gwen had extended before anything had happened between them - and it would have just been worse if she had said anything.

But the _looks_ they exchanged silently all day long were torture. 

The way he _watched_ her when she was recording. The way she knew her gaze lingered just a little too long on him after he looked away, secretly and silently willing him to look back at her. Seconds before they called time for lunch, her hand was clutching his wrist and pulling him only somewhat subtly towards the door. 

Her stride had quickened as she had tugged him into the smaller studio, immediately positioning him exactly where she wanted him, and immediately taking control.

The kissing only grew in sudden intensity. His arms grabbed her tightly against him as she was up on her toes, her own arms around his neck - her lips demanding more.

Blake subtly pulled their lips apart and trailed soft kisses down her neck as they both gasped for the air they had been missing. She felt both of his hands rest on her shoulders as his pace drastically slowed, and soon she felt an exhale against her skin instead of another kiss. 

“ _Gwen…_ ”

“ _Don’t do this…_ ” she said almost immediately, feeling her jaw tighten. 

His hands gripped her shoulders a bit and he physically - but gently - pulled her back to meet her eyes. 

“I can’t just do _this_ …” his words trailed off, as he suddenly felt like he wasn’t sure how to say it anymore. “After the way I saw you last…”

“Are you serious right now?” Her words were flat, and difficult to decipher. “I’m standing here in my bra and you want to _talk_?” 

“I haven’t heard a word from you in a week,” he responded immediately. “You can’t even respond to a text to let me know that you’re okay?” He paused. “I go by your place and you’d rather pretend you weren’t home, even though I watched you walk into the building?”

The last one hit her like a tidal wave of guilt, the remains of which were plastered all over her face. But her face suddenly hardened again before she responded indirectly. 

“Yeah Blake, I’m just _fine_. Having the time of my life actually, between hardly sleeping and feeling anxious for a week now,” her words stung at him a little, but he preferred a biting response than none at all. “And then the _second_ I might actually get a small chance at a little _stress relief_ …” her words trailed off as she just looked at him, the remainder of her thought clear to both of them - it was too soon, and she didn’t want to talk about it. 

Her arms were crossed as she made a move to walk past him. “Forget this,” she mumbled and shook her head as she walked to the side of him, but his arm extended out in front of her - his hand clasping onto her opposite shoulder - which stopped her in her tracks. The next moment he swooped down, his lips pressing into hers. She savored the gesture, before she felt like a realization hit her and she was pulling away. 

“Don’t _pity fuck_ me,” she groaned, even though his touch felt good. If she was honest with herself, she probably didn’t care much about what _kind_ of fuck it was, she just wanted to be fucked. 

He didn’t listen. Both hands came to her hips and turned her back into the wall, gently - but forcefully - pushing her up against it. His body fully pressed into hers and held her there as his lips went back to hers, his hands now wandering her body. One hand reached up and tilted and held her neck to one side, exposing the skin to him there moments before he seized the opportunity to swirl his tongue against her collarbone right before kissing a trail up her neck. His hand slid down her front, feeling her through her jeans, the sensation of which caused her to gasp and moan, her body easily becoming putty in his hands.

“I think you’re right, you’re a little too wound up,” he mumbled against her skin, and kissed his way up to hover near her ear to speak again. “You definitely need to release some of that stress.”

Her hand gripped his shoulder as he whispered the words to her, and she felt a pang of excitement deep in her stomach as Blake’s hands went to her jeans. He unbuttoned and unzipped, dragging them down her legs. He hovered near the ground a moment, his eyes glancing up to her to take her in fully. 

“Go sit on the couch,” he ordered next, with a small kiss placed on one of her knees. The intense hit of anticipation came suddenly, as she felt him brush close to her underwear line. It caused her to temporarily stop breathing, her body twitching unnoticeably as she just focused on the touch. Gwen blinked a few times as their eyes met, but soon turned hers to the side where the couch was. She kicked off the last part of her jeans and made her way over, taking a seat in the center of the couch. She looked back, her eyes meeting his as he had stood up fully, and walked over only a few steps behind her. Gwen’s hands clutched onto the edge of the couch almost nervously, her gaze not moving from his the entire time. 

Where she expected him to take a seat with her, she was thrown as he instead went down to his knees in front of her. He slowly opened and positioned himself between her legs, and let his hands drag up her thighs as he watched her reaction. Blake pushed up onto his knees, his hands tugging her at the small of her back closer to him and he took her in for another long kiss. 

“Just lay back and relax,” he whispered to her. “I promise once I get started, you won’t remember a thing.”

His hands teased down her sides as he pulled back, hooking onto the fabric on her hips that was the only thing separating them now. She took direction and allowed herself to lay back against the couch cushions, and a moment later she bit her lip and closed her eyes as she felt Blake teasing her underwear down her legs. She gasped suddenly as his mouth was on her center without warning, her back arching towards him as her hands gripped the couch cushion below her. 

His tongue swirled and teased her, almost immediately causing her to half moan and half whine as her muscles tightened as a response to the pleasure. His hands gripped hers suddenly, fingers interlacing quickly in a bid for control as he began working her up. Her breathing intensified and her body attempted to writhe, but his hold on her tightened as he continued just a bit faster. 

But he slowed gradually, soon withdrawing just slightly and placing a kiss on her inner thigh, right next to the very place she wanted him to still be pleasuring.

“Why were you mad at me, again?” Blake asked coyly, another kiss placed on her thigh as his lips pulled up into a smug smile. 

“ _Blake_ ,” his name came out somewhere between a growl and a whine, and it caused him to chuckle as he watched her body jerk underneath him. He extended his tongue forward, letting it drag along her center - the remnants of another whine immediately emitting from her lips. It was satisfying to watch. But he was also impatient with his own tactics, and went in on her in full force once again. 

She gasped and bucked as soon as he came back, the sensation even more delicious the second time around. The following moments she felt like he was playing with her, being coy and attentive at the same time as he made her want it even more. And just when she thought she was going to scream out in frustration, it was as if he read her mind and immediately picked up the pace, her muscles relaxing in the slightest as she felt temporarily satisfied once more. But the satisfaction didn’t last long as soon as he started to build her up again, inching her closer to the edge. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” she whispered, as her back arched once more and her interlaced fingers clutched onto his tighter. She bit her bottom lip as he intensified his pace, the sudden gasp catching in the back of her throat as her muscles contracted and she was jolted to orgasm. 

The soft, sweet feminine moans fell from her lips without second thought as his tongue worked her through orgasm gently, but with intention. He felt her body give out, sinking into the couch cushion as she came down. He worked his lips out, placing kisses on her inner thigh as his eyes glanced up to take her in. Gwen’s head was snapped back on the couch - eyes closed, gaze aimed up to the ceiling - god, she was so damn _beautiful_ like that. Blake caught himself staring and blinked a few times before rubbing her outer legs with his hands softly. He closed her thighs together slowly, his body sliding up next to hers to join her on the couch. His hand reached out and brushed a few stray hairs from her face, which was just enough to start to bring her back to reality. 

Her eyes opened and she looked up to the ceiling a moment, before her head turned to look at him. Their eyes met; but a moment later her gaze went to his lips, and she found herself kissing him deeply in the next. 

Gwen pulled back slightly, her lips hovering just above his.

“Mmm. I taste good,” she murmured coyly, and her eyebrow raised slightly.

“Goddamn it,” Blake muttered. “Do you even realize how hot you are when you’re that _cocky_.”

“Or maybe I just want… _one_ …” her words trailed off, her breath hot against his cheek. And her hand was gently tugging at his belt as she bit her lip, anticipating his reaction. 

She didn’t have to wait long for it - she suddenly felt weightless as his hands gripped her sides, positioning her swiftly on her back as he laid her down on the couch. Blake hovered between her legs as he quickly began shedding clothing, obviously finding it difficult to concentrate on much else other than a very naked Gwen below him.

She moaned softly as he moved forward on her - lowering his weight down gently, his hand reaching out for her cheek moments before his lips were on hers again. What started out soft and gentle took a drastic shift as he pushed inside of her, his hands gripping her hips rougher as he began to thrust.

Gwen sighed heavily, allowing her arms to reach back and grip the edge of the couch behind her as his thrusts intensified. If anyone could make her come twice it was Blake, a reality that she felt herself inching closer to as the moments wore on. 

“Fuck, I need more,” she begged. “You’re gonna make me come again.”

Her words seemed like pure motivation for him, the sly and satisfied smile plastered on his features as he thrust harder. While keeping pace, his hand slid behind her neck, angling her gaze up to him.

“I want you to look at me when you come again,” Blake insisted, and there was something about the way he said it that she felt deep down she would never be able to deny him that. The tell tale gasp caught in the back of her throat as her entire body tensed, indicating he had gotten her over the edge. Blake had been holding back and finally let go himself, making sure to keep her gaze as best they could maintain as they rode it out together. 

He slumped over immediately on top of her - his damp curls hitting her chest, causing her to twitch and wiggle under him as a few strands brushed across a sensitive area. 

Her eyes opened first - immediately gazed over the post-sex cowboy on top of her, feeling a confusing and wide array and mix of things she couldn’t quite put her finger on. There was a hit of guilt, even though she had just been fucked within an inch of her life. Blake suddenly shifted and stretched up to meet her lips, kissing her deeply in the following moments.

She returned the kiss - there was a hint of hesitancy to it, and this only magnified as she gently broke the kiss apart. Gwen pushed to sit up, taking Blake with her - her eyes catching his for a moment, and then her arm going across her chest. Blake’s hand was resting on her opposite shoulder, tracing small patterns as his gaze was fixated on her - something was going on in that head of hers, and he was trying to figure it out by observation. 

He watched her eyes dart around the room, trying to locate her things that were strewn all about. She looked a little uncomfortable, her body tilting forward as if she wanted to retrieve them but didn’t know if she should. Without being asked, Blake moved and stood up, collecting the discarded clothes and returning to sit next to her a moment later, placing them in her lap. He felt something was off when she didn’t say anything - her hands fidgeted and adjusted her clothing that had been pulled inside out. He placed a kiss on the top of her head, and he felt the slightest reaction in that she _pulled away_.

Blake couldn’t recall a more intense feeling of devastation. 

But it was indirect, and he needed to know for sure. His hand went to her chin, gently turned her gaze to look at him, and kissed her on the lips. 

Her sudden hesitation to return the gesture could have gutted him. 

Gwen’s eyes closed as she froze in place. “Blake…”

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked immediately. “What just happened?”

Gwen pulled her chin out of his grasp and looked down, as she began tugging her socks onto her feet. “It…it can’t be like that, don’t you see that?” She sighed quietly to herself. “Feelings. I can’t do feelings. They’re too messy.”

“Are you saying that you have feelings for me?”

He’s completely disarmed her once more. And she can’t even get a word out before he speaks up again.

“Because I feel something for you, and I’m pretty sure you do too.”

“No, don’t do that,” she said hoarsely, shaking her head as she exhaled shakily. “Fight it. Get rid of it. I can’t — “ her words dropped again as they failed her. “Why did you have to — “ and again, she stammered, unable to even form one fully complete sentence. “I can’t give you what you want. This needs to be just sex. I can’t — I can’t handle anything else…”

“No, _you_ don’t do that,” he responded immediately. “So what, is that how this goes? You want me to get you off and then you go back to hating me?” He huffed and rolled his eyes in frustration. “I’m not that type of guy, Gwen. I don’t play fucking games. I can’t just sleep around, I have a _child_ …”

“We’ve established that,” she muttered bitterly, as she continued to get dressed. 

“What the hell just happened here?”

His words were desperately pleading, his hand on her arm a moment later. She shrugged herself away from his hold.

“So what are you saying, exactly?” She changed the course of the conversation abruptly, her arms crossed at her chest.

“I’m saying that I can see right through you, Gwen,” he remarked quickly, standing up and pulling his jeans and boxers on at the same time. “I’m _saying_ it’s so obvious how scared and alone you are, and how terrified you are to even think about getting close to anyone.”

Her eyes closed as she felt the moisture flush within them, threatening to turn to tears as his harsh words hit her.

“I don’t have anything else to give right now,” she whispered, painfully quiet.

“Open you eyes,” he said next. “Look _me_ in the eye right now and tell me you didn’t feel a damn thing when I made you come.” He huffed again and shook his head. “If you can do that, I’ll leave you alone.”

She blinked her eyes open but they didn’t look at Blake - it was simply the dam breaking on the tears that needed to fall. Her fingers swiped under her eyes.

“ _Look at me_ ,” Blake demanded again. “Tell me you didn’t feel anything.”

“M..m..muscles, c..con…” she only managed gibberish instead of real words. His hands went to her arms, and he tugged her to sit back down on the couch.

“Say it, whatever it is,” he said impatiently. “I’m waiting. Tell me you didn’t feel anything when I made you come.”

Her lips pressed together as she felt more tears come to her eyes. She shut them tightly, and attempted to speak again. “Muscles contracting,” she said, barely audible. “Spasms. Reactions. But mostly muscles contracting.” She paused. “That’s what sex is. A physical reaction. It’s physical. It’s all physical.”

“Oh is that what you’re telling yourself?” He asked next, the hint of annoyance in his voice. “Then why don’t you cause your own muscles to _contract_ , Gwen? Why do you want me so damn bad for it?”

“Did you ever stop to think that I might have no fucking idea who these _feelings_ are for?!”

Her sudden, jolted outburst startled him. She looked equally as shocked, soon realizing she shared way more information with him than she intended.

Blake’s eyes focused on her, observing a minute. She was swiping at more tears just before her head dropped into her hands, an attempt to shield herself from him. 

“Bizzy…” he whispered softly, nodding his head once. A few moments of silence followed, before he sighed and shrugged gently. “Don’t you realize that’s my best case scenario?”

“Don’t you realize how being around her…” she let her words trail off, and she just shook her head in her hands. “It’s the hardest thing, but it’s the _only_ thing…”

Gwen wasn’t being easy, but she was once again in that rare, vulnerable state again even as she felt the need to try and completely conceal herself in those moments. 

It was a risky move, but he swallowed roughly before he spoke again.

“She loves you, too.”

It was another dagger in her heart, once that pushed her to stand almost immediately as the impact began to settle. Her tear filled eyes finally looked down to him, her hands slightly up in a surrendered pose. 

“This was a mistake,” she managed brokenly. He made an attempt to reach forward for her but she jerked away, anticipating it and shaking her head as she took a few steps backwards. 

As she hurried to make her exit, Blake shook his head and called out after her. “Guess I can just get you a vibrator for Christmas, maybe it’ll have better luck at making you feel something. Even though you STILL NEVER SAID IT!”

His last words pitched louder as he noticed her hand on the door, threatening to close it before he could finish his sentence. But the door inevitably closed as Gwen left, a frustrated Blake suddenly shoving and tipping over one of the chairs next to him before his face fell into his hands, groaning deeply as he attempted to tame the anger he was feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love and comments - let me know if you're still enjoying this story! 
> 
> I know this chapter was a little rough but it'll get better soon.


	13. All The Roads You Took Came Back To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer one (5K+ words!) and probably something a lot of you have been waiting for. Enjoy ❤️

CHAPTER 13

She had made the most pathetic excuse in the world to skip her studio time with Blake the next day - but without a doubt, she had known she wasn’t ready to face him yet. 

A huge mix of her own emotions coupled with the guilt, awkwardness, and hatred she often felt for herself because more often than not, she just didn’t _feel_ like everyone else around her. They had it so easy, it seemed. People got along with each other, got to know each other, and it wasn’t a big deal. It was natural, and she really didn’t know why it had never felt even the slightest bit natural when she tried to emulate what she saw.

Instead, she ended up mortified and upset - like the words were on the tip of her tongue but she didn’t know how to translate thought to speech. She wasn’t particularly good at translating thoughts to _actions_ either, which contributed to how she found herself in these situations.

She had vowed to not let herself get carried away ever again. And when she broke that promise to herself, she knew she was destined to end up in her current situation eventually. 

_Maybe he was worth it…_

Gwen physically shook the thought around her brain, trying to get rid of it, trying to train her mind to focus on something else. But three days passed and it was all she could even think about. The more time that passed, the more of an obsession it became. The guilt she felt grew along with it, and suddenly she was a woman possessed, breaking into one of the administrative offices at the recording studio where she knew she could find his address. 

The steps she took between clutching the file in her hand and realizing she was awkwardly standing and staring at his house, her feet only an inch away from the first of five stairs from the porch, were instantly forgotten. Jon was lingering in the background in the car, with instructions that he could leave if Gwen went inside. But for now, she was just battling getting up the courage to ascend the stairs.

Gwen’s hand clutched the railing, but her body didn’t move. Her eyes were fixated on the door - her final destination, should she ever get there. She sighed, frustrated with herself, and she let her eyes wander around. She noticed two rocking chairs on the other side of the door, a few plush pillows thrown on top of them. Something struck her about them immediately. Not only did they seem on brand with all of the _southern_ Blake had about him, but she could instantly imagine Blake and Bizzy rocking back and forth in them. She could see Bizzy trying to show Blake a bunch of things from school earlier in the day, her usual overexcitement about ready to make her explode as Blake could only chuckle and attempt to keep up. 

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and her body jolted slightly, startled and pulled out of her daydream. Gwen glanced at the screen, seeing that it was a text from Jon.

_It usually works a lot better if you knock._

Gwen rolled her eyes to herself and shoved her phone back in her pocket. She felt spooked now, the thought of actually _knocking_ hitting different suddenly. She retracted her hand from the railing, and turned to leave, feeling defeated. 

She had only taken a few steps before she heard a door unlocking behind her, and her stomach dropped as she took another few steps, hoping it was all in her head.

“Gwen?”

She froze when Blake said her name. Maybe she should have kept walking. Maybe he would have just left her alone if she had made it back to the car and closed the door. But she literally couldn’t move.

“Do ya think if you just stand really still, that I won’t see you on my lawn?” He asked next, tilting his head curiously to the side. “It’s a little dark, but my eyes a’int that bad yet.”

His tone was neutral - slightly friendly, even, and she wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse. Her arms crossed and she turned to face him - her mouth agape slightly, as if she was trying to offer an explanation - but couldn’t stutter one out. 

“How did you know where I live?”

And now she felt like a stalker. 

“I’m sorry, maybe I went about this wrong…” she managed with a sigh. “I should have called, or texted…”

“…well it’s not like you’ve ever responded to one of my texts, so I guess I don’t have the expectation that you know how..”

It felt like a punch to the gut. But she took it, and swallowed roughly.

“That’s fair,” she said softly, with a slight shrug. 

Her admission intrigued him, and even disarmed him. He felt some of his anger and frustration subside as his eyes went over her. Blake glanced back inside the house briefly before taking a step out onto the porch, closing the door behind him. He moved forward, taking a seat on the top step casually. As he moved closer, the automatic sensor lights illuminated between them, and his eyes met hers. He noticed hers were misty, and clearly uncertain.

“I don’t bite,” Blake said a few moments later, an obvious comment on the awkward distance between them. As if he had cued her, Gwen’s feet shuffled forward, stopping at the bottom of the stairs and looking up to him tentatively. Her hand gripped the side railing as her eyes shut tightly, her head hanging slightly.

“I fucked up and I don’t know how to apologize to you,” she whispered painfully. “Because _I’m sorry_ just sounds really dumb, but there’s nothing else that exists that feels _better_ than that right now, nothing that feels like it’s _enough_ , but I don’t think there is. And then I’m back to square one and feel like I have to start over and I’m stuck because sometimes I just feel like I don’t know how to talk like a regular person and everything just feels so _difficult_ …” 

Her words ceased as she felt Blake’s hand extend forward and rest over hers on the railing, her eyes opening again. They went to Blake’s as they blinked a few times, acclimating to the extra moisture that had appeared suddenly. A sudden bit of movement caught her eye behind Blake and her eyes went to the window, letting out an audible gasp as she saw Bizzy’s nose press up to the glass. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I’m so mortified right now,” she said suddenly, as she instantly felt uneasy. “I thought Bizzy wasn’t supposed to come back here until next week…”

“Long story,” Blake mumbled, his attention turning behind him where he made eye contact with his nosey little girl. He chuckled softly and shook his head, motioning her to come out to join them. 

“Blake, I’m just going to go, I didn’t mean to…”

His hand clutched over hers tightly, not letting her back away. “Stay,” he commanded gently, his eyes meeting her and willing her to listen. She swallowed roughly and quickly used her free hand to pat around her eyes, forcing a big smile onto her face as Bizzy pushed through the door and came up to stand behind Blake. They both let their hands fall to the side, but Gwen didn’t miss a beat.

“Hi, sweet girl,” Gwen beamed up at her. At first she felt a bit concerned as the little girl seemed off, but soon she smiled at Gwen as Blake’s arm came around her little body standing next to him. 

“Did Miss Gwen come to have dinner with me?” Bizzy asked first. “Wait, daddy, did you make sure Miss Gwen likes mac and cheese?”

“Oh, I uh — “

“ — of course Miss Gwen came to have dinner with you,” Blake interjected before Gwen had any say in the matter. “When she heard you were coming to see me early, she couldn’t wait to see you, Bizzy Bee.”

“Miss Gwen, come see my room!” Bizzy beamed and took a few steps down, taking Gwen by the hands immediately and tugging her along. “Daddy put my princess bed together today and we unpacked my stuffed animals.”

Gwen chuckled to herself and glanced at Blake as she took a few steps up the stairs - he smiled back, and she caught a hint of relief in his eyes that she couldn’t quite place. She tried to dissect it, looking back to him briefly as they reached the front door, but soon turned away again at Bizzy all but dragged Gwen down the hall. 

After a thorough tour and many introductions around the room to the various stuffed animals, Gwen was sitting cross-legged in the middle of Bizzy’s room with a large plastic crown on her head and feather boa around her neck, giggling to herself as Bizzy continued pointing out anything and everything to make sure that Gwen saw it. Blake approached, lingering in the door frame with a content smile on his face as he watched the two of them interact. 

“I’m glad Miss Gwen is around now to be the one to wear that crown, it looks a lot better on her than it does on me,” he remarked with a chuckle. Gwen’s body turned slightly to look over at him, their eyes meeting for a few moments. “Come on little bee, dinner’s ready.”

Gwen’s arms stretched up and she carefully removed the plastic crown, setting it aside on the small dresser nearby. Bizzy ran right past Gwen as she was still on the ground, and then right past Blake who was still hunched in the doorframe. Gwen’s hands braced on the floor as she pushed herself up and into a standing position. 

The room was slightly awkward as neither of them spoke - just exchanged glances. Gwen’s eyes jerked down as she felt the rough edges of the feather boa on her arms, remembering it was around her neck. She tugged at it twice and it fell away, her arm extending to release it and let it fall on the bed. 

“It’s the first time she’s smiled all day, since she got here,” he admitted quietly.

Gwen swallowed and took in his words, her eyes resting on the ground beneath her for a moment. “Is something wrong?” she asked gently, letting her gaze go back up to him. 

“I don’t know,” he sighed, holding her gaze. “Selfishly, I felt like if I roped you into staying for a little while, I might be able to get a clue or two.” He paused. “Or at least see her acting like her normal self for a little while.”

Gwen hummed, nodding once. “Is that the _only_ reason…?” she dared to ask - and while she meant it to come off confidently, her timidness and hesitation over his answer was apparent. 

Blake’s eyes softened, a smile tugging at his features. 

“Come on, _Miss Gwen_ , dinner’s ready.”

————————————

Bizzy had pushed her step stool up to the counter and had a big serving spoon in one hand, moments before she was about to dig into the cheesy goodness in the pot in front of her. Blake and Gwen entered the kitchen right before she went for it, and Blake quickly sprung into action and was by her side in the next second. He grabbed one of the bowls in one hand and helped steady his daughter’s arm with the other as she scooped.

“ _Elizabeth_ ,” he mumbled through gritted teeth. “Wait until one of us can help…”

Bizzy froze and whipped her head up to Blake, her features glaring at him. “Don’t call me that. I hate that name!”

Blake’s eyes widened, a bit stunned at her sudden outburst. Bizzy’s glare softened and she looked upset just before looking away, letting the spoon release from her hand before lowering down from the step stool. 

“Bizzy…” Blake managed in a stutter, placing the serving spoon back into the pot as he tried to find the words. Instead he helplessly watched as his daughter walked across the kitchen, obviously headed back towards her room. Gwen’s eyes moved up to meet Blake’s as she felt completely unhelpful in the moment, and he just looked defeated and confused. 

Blake’s hand went through his hair, a coping mechanism for stress as his other hand balled into a fist on the kitchen counter. 

“She is _not_ herself,” he said aloud, shaking his head in disbelief. 

Gwen hated seeing him so distressed. She took a few steps towards him, swallowed hard, and slid her arm behind his back as her other came across his front, hugging him from the side. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she spoke against his chest, allowing her eyes to go up to him. “Women are complicated. And sometimes moody.” She raised an eyebrow up at him coyly, trying to get him to take the bait. He sighed, the slightest smile coming to his lips.

“Yeah,” he whispered sadly, in agreement with her statement. 

Gwen’s hand ran up and down his back a few times. “I’ll go talk to her. See if I can find something out.”

“I was only joking earlier when I said I wanted you to stay for her,” Blake responded seriously. “I mean, you really don’t have — “

His words stopped abruptly as he felt her learn in and press up, placing a delicate kiss on his cheek, and a moment later lowering her heels back to the ground. 

“It’s the least I can do,” she responded swiftly. “Let me try?” She paused. “For my _friend_ …”

Blake sighed again as their eyes met - Gwen’s beckoning him for permission. He inhaled once before mumbling into her hair.

“Thank you,” he said, before he released her with another sigh. “Maybe she’ll talk to you.”

“Don’t take it personally, _dad_ ,” she reassured him one last time, then let her arm fall by her side as she moved across the room, heading back towards Bizzy’s room.

When she arrived, she lingered in the doorway as her eyes fell upon a small little girl simply curled up and laying down on her new princess bed. Gwen tilted her head to the side and inwardly sighed - she really had no idea how she felt like she knew exactly what to do, but deep down she just hoped that she wasn’t about to make things worse.

“Bizzy Bee isn’t so _busy_ ,” she remarked sadly, which caused Bizzy to roll onto her back slightly to look back over to Gwen. “May I come in?”

“You’re an adult,” Bizzy mumbled neutrally. “Adults can do whatever they want.”

Gwen hummed, cautiously taking a few steps forward. “I guess I’m one of those adults that doesn’t want to upset anyone, no matter how old they are,” she shrugged softly. “You’re little, but you’re still a person. This is your room, and it’s better when I’m invited instead of forcing my way in.”

Bizzy contemplated Gwen’s words, her eyes neutrally fixated on her. They stunned her in a way, like the ideas Gwen was giving her were radical. 

“You may come in,” Bizzy whispered softly, giving Gwen the final confirmation. 

Gwen’s lips turned up into a small smile, and her feet carried her forward to close the gap between them. She gently sat on the bed with her, soon swinging her legs up and laying her head on the second pillow to mirror the young girl and face her.

“You wanna talk?” Gwen asked gently, her caring gaze inviting. 

“I didn’t mean to get mad,” Bizzy whispered, her eyes downcast as the little girl just sounded so disappointed in herself. 

Gwen’s brow furrowed, really not used to the idea of such a young girl as precocious as her. “You’re human, sweetheart,” she said with a sigh, pushing the girl’s soft hair back and out of her face. “We all get mad sometimes. It’s normal.”

“Do you get mad too?”

“Believe it or not, I do,” Gwen responded. “So does your dad, and your grammy. And every single other person that you’ve ever met.”

“I have to tell you something, but I’m scared of making you mad,” the little girl admitted timidly, unable to look at Gwen in those moments. 

“I don’t want you to be scared of me,” Gwen responded gently. “You can tell me anything. I am sure whatever it is, it’s not as bad at you think.”

Bizzy’s eyes went up to Gwen - it was hauntingly familiar, as it hit her the little girl’s gaze was searching for a hint of trustworthiness before proceeding further. She swallowed roughly to keep her composure, as she realized it was the exact same thing she did - and most recently with Blake - as she knew how difficult it could be to open up to someone. 

Something clicked with Bizzy, and soon she rolled to her other side and stood up from the bed. Gwen watched as she took a few tentative steps across the room, stopping at a suitcase on the ground nearby. A few moments later she stood up and came back over to Gwen, something small clutched but hidden in her hand. She laid her head back down and hesitated once more. 

“I promise I didn’t mean it,” Bizzy whispered upset, her eyes looking down at her closed hand. “I wore it everyday and never lost it. I took care of it. But at recess, Peyton was calling it ugly and…and she grabbed it and broke it off my neck and I couldn’t fix it…” It looked like an extra layer of guilt and sadness as the little girl opened her hand, revealing the necklace Gwen had given her, now with a broken chain. And it broke Gwen’s heart how upset the little girl was over all of it.

“Bizzy, _sweetheart_ ,” Gwen managed, just before placing a kiss on top of the girl’s head. “Come ‘ere.” Gwen gently tugged the little girl into her arms just as the tiniest tear went down her little cheek. Gwen’s pinky finger quickly swiped it away. “It’s just a necklace, baby girl. I could never get mad at you over something like that.” She paused, and held her hand out in front of them. “Let me see.”

Bizzy handed it over as she sniffled, and watched Gwen turn the necklace in her own fingers to examine it. 

“We can fix it, I promise,” she nudged her, as her hand closed around it. “There aren’t too many things that break in life that can’t be mended. You just have to give them lots of love.”

Bizzy nodded and sniffled again. “Thank you,” she said quietly, and easily cuddled up in Gwen’s embrace as she began to relax and not worry about her reaction. A few moments of silence passed between them, before Gwen tried an approach from a different angle.

“You gonna tell me more about this Peyton girl?” Gwen asked gently. “She sounds really mean.”

“She’s a bitch,” Bizzy responded suddenly, which caused Gwen’s eyes to widen as she gasped. 

“ _Bizzy_ , does your father know you say that word?”

The little girl’s eyes went wide and she looked to Gwen. “What? All of the girls at school say it.”

“You’re too sweet to say that nasty word,” Gwen shook her head. “It’s not a good word.”

“Sorry,” she responded quietly. 

“Tell me what’s going on,” Gwen nudged her again. 

“Nobody likes me at school,” she whispered sadly. “I don’t like them either but I have to be there all day. Nobody wants to eat lunch with me. And Peyton and her friends won’t leave me alone. They tell me I wear stupid clothes and that my dad doesn’t love me enough to take me to live with him in California. And that I don’t have a mom because she didn’t love me either.”

Tears were already pricking in Gwen’s eyes before Bizzy finished her small confession, and she fought like hell to keep her own composure. She couldn’t even believe the words coming out of Bizzy’s mouth, and at first she was at a complete loss for how to respond. 

“Do you even realize how much your father loves you, little one?” Gwen managed after a few minutes. “God, baby girl, he is obsessed with you. Talks about you all the time. Misses you so much, you don’t even know. Because when you’re in Oklahoma and I’m here with him, I promise you’re the only thing on his mind. And I swear, he is working so hard to get things ready to bring you out here to stay for good. I mean, look at this giant princess bed we’re in right now. Do you think he would go through all the trouble to build this if you weren’t going to be here much?”

Gwen was unsure how to - or even _if_ \- to approach the subject of the girl’s mother, especially as she felt like she really didn’t know the full story. She sighed as she felt she was only partially getting through to Bizzy, and she took a risk and another direction instead. 

“If I tell you a secret, a _really big secret_ , do you promise not to tell anyone?”

Bizzy looked up to Gwen and nodded, holding her finger out for a pinky square. A small smile tugged at the corner of Gwen’s mouth - she linked pinkies with Bizzy and pecked a kiss on the side of the girl’s head. 

“I had a daughter, many many years ago,” Gwen whispered, sighing a bit as she heard herself say those words aloud for the first time, and feeling surprised how they came out the slightest bit easier than she had imagined. “I felt her grow inside my stomach. And even though I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her, the amount of love I felt for her never went away. It’s impossible to stop loving someone like that.” Gwen paused. “And I know your mom felt the same, because all moms feel like that. It’s the law.”

“Where is she now?” Bizzy asked, her big sad eyes going up to Gwen. “Your daughter?”

Gwen stroked back Bizzy’s hair in an effort to not look her dead in the eye - she wasn’t sure if she could handle that just yet. “She’s with God,” Gwen explained, and then smiled a little. “In heaven. And I know she really loves it up there.”

“What’s her name?” Bizzy asked softly.

“I named her Emily,” Gwen whispered back, and she whisked a stray tear off her cheek. “I believe she’s my guardian angel now, and that she’s always with me,” she explained, then paused. “I always imagined she was kind of like you, actually.”

“I need a guardian angel,” the little girl whispered softly, as her mind began to work through the scenarios of where she might find one - and it made Gwen chuckle as Bizzy’s eyes searched around the room. 

“You have one already,” Gwen promised her. “Because as soon as I met you, Emily knew how much I loved you, and she’s been watching over you ever since.” She smiled through the tears in her eyes. “She’s really smart like that, just like you are.” She paused, and opened her hand that still had the necklace clutched between it. “We’ll get the chain on this fixed today. And then you can wear it again and know she’s always with you, too.”

Bizzy’s eyes lit up and looked at Gwen, her delicate fingers reaching forward and turning the pendant over to the back. “The E. It’s for — ”

“ — two of my favorite people ever,” Gwen interrupted. “Emily _and_ Elizabeth.”

Bizzy’s eyes glanced back down to the piece of jewelry, content with Gwen’s answer for the time being.

“I wish guardian angels could go to dances,” she commented.

“Dances?” Gwen asked curiously. “What do you mean?”

The little girl shrugged slightly. “There’s this mom and daughter tea party and dance thing at school in a few weeks…” she whispered quietly, and let her words trail off. 

The combination of a tea party and a dance was a little much to process in Gwen’s head, she just couldn’t imagine something like that at one of the schools in California. But she reminded herself that the south was a completely different ballgame, and steeped in frilly traditions like tea parties. 

“Are you going to ask grammy to take you?” Gwen encouraged her. “I’m sure she would.”

“I can’t take grammy,” Bizzy said lowly. “Please don’t tell her but…I can’t show up with my grammy when everyone else has a mom to bring. They’re going to know. They already do.”

Gwen hummed, considering other options for a moment. “And if you don’t go, it will be just as bad,” she mused, and Bizzy nodded slightly. 

“Everyone’s talking about their new dresses and the makeup they’re going to wear,” she said next. “I don’t know much about dresses. I only have a few for church that grammy bought me.” She paused. “I wish you lived in Oklahoma, Miss Gwen.”

She felt completely gutted and helpless as her arms tugged the little girl closer into her arms. “Let me think about it some more, little one,” she said in a soothing voice. “We’ll come up with something, okay?”

Deep down, she already knew she would be on a plane to Oklahoma in a few weeks to show up for this little girl. But first, she had to check in with Blake before making a promise like that. 

The two of them laid in comfortable silence, only soon interrupted by the sound of Bizzy’s stomach growling, which strangely caused both of them to laugh softly. 

“Come on, little one, we need to get some dinner in you,” Gwen said, slowly sitting up into a sitting position. Bizzy exhaled and hopped up into a standing position next to Gwen, then took her hands to help pull her up too. They walked out the bedroom door and began down the hallway, almost running into Blake as he straightened his back and locked eyes with Gwen. 

It dawned on her that he had heard every word - it was written all over his face. His own frustration and helplessness over the Bizzy situation compounded with everything Gwen had just admitted about herself to his daughter was overwhelming when she was faced with it. Blake broke their eye contact and looked down at Bizzy, kneeling to her level and placing a kiss on top of her head.

“I love you, Biz,” he said with an exhale as he made eye contact with her. “Would you mind going and setting the table for the three of us? We’re right behind you.”

Bizzy moved forward, her little arms going around Blake’s neck to embrace him in a hug. He soaked it all in, a slight feeling of relief and love plastered on his face even as he closed his eyes. She let him go, and took a step past him to begin walking back to the kitchen. 

Blake watched Bizzy a moment before he pushed to stand tall again. When his gaze went back to Gwen, she was different - she had worked so hard to keep her composure in front of Bizzy, and that coupled with the realization that Blake had been listening finally made her crack. He couldn’t help but feel gutted as he watched the tears stream down her face. They were both stuck - frozen in place as the mutual feeling of helplessness lingered between them, albeit for differing reasons. And when she couldn’t take it anymore she took a chance - she quickly closed the distance and forced her arms around his midsection, her head burying into his chest just before she let herself cry.

He held her close - willing himself to be the rock they both needed, but more so for her as she was the one breaking.

“I’ve got you, sweet girl,” he whispered into her hair, tugging her just a bit tighter into his embrace. 

A few minutes passed and Gwen straightened up, her fingers fixing under her eyes as she inhaled in sharply. Blake’s hand cupped one of her cheeks, gently turning her gaze up to him.

“Thank you,” he said intently, looking her in the eyes. 

She sniffled and nodded, shrugging slightly before she was able to respond.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying like this,” she breathed. “You’re worried about Bizzy, you shouldn’t have to be worrying about me too.”

“I worry about both of you,” Blake admitted. 

“Did you know any of that?” Gwen asked next, half in an attempt to change the subject. “The stuff with that Peyton girl? The tea dance thing?”

“No,” he shook his head. “Though it puts a lot of other things in perspective.”

“Like what?”

“Bizzy got suspended after shoving a girl named Peyton in the cafeteria,” Blake explained. “We thought maybe it was best for her to come spend more time with me because we were all so shocked, she’s never done anything like that before. Never had any problems.”

“Am I a bad person thinking how happy I am that she shoved that other girl?” Gwen whispered, and Blake chuckled and shook his head.

“No, but don’t tell _her_ that.”

Gwen nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I’ll keep that to myself,” she promised. 

Blake gave her another full hug and pecked a kiss on top of her forehead. “Come on, we need to get to the kitchen before Bizzy burns it down.”

Gwen chuckled. “Has she done that?”

“ _Almost_ ,” Blake chuckled, and then laughed harder as Gwen’s eyes grew wide. “Kidding. Sort of. She put something in the microwave once that shouldn’t have gone in the microwave. Spoiler alert - your kitchen can smell like smoke for weeks when you do that.”

“Kitchen is good idea,” Gwen nodded, just as they both jumped hearing something crash to the ground from the other room. 

Blake couldn’t even be upset anymore and just chuckled again. 

“Told you so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your feedback! Please let me know what you think ❤️


	14. Following The Map That Leads To You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long one in 3...2...1...
> 
> xoxo

She heard his footsteps from the kitchen which brought her back to reality. 

Gwen glanced to the side as he rounded the couch, holding two mugs. A moment later he was handing one down to her, and she inhaled the strong coffee aroma that permeated her senses. Bizzy was hopefully fast asleep, and while Gwen was anticipating time alone to talk to Blake again that evening, she also felt uncertain about it, too. 

As if it was the most natural thing, Blake took a seat and stretched his arm back across the length of the couch, silently inviting her closer to join him. She shifted to come under his arm, careful to balance the hot liquid in the mug that she hadn’t been brave enough to sip just yet. 

“I want to take Bizzy dress shopping tomorrow,” Gwen forced herself to spill the beans immediately, her eyes looking down into her mug. “And I want to go to the tea dance thing. In Oklahoma.” 

Blake hummed, before taking a drink of his own coffee. “You never struck me as the _tea dance thing_ type.”

“Blake, I wouldn’t care if I had to show up to a hoedown in tattered jeans and a flannel,” Gwen said immediately, not quite amused with his response. 

“Now what’s wrong with tattered jeans and a flannel?” Blake poked back at her. “Have you ever tried tattered jeans and a flannel? Can be very comfortable, you know.”

“ _Blake_ ,” she whined. He chuckled. 

“I was prepared for this conversation,” Blake admitted, his eyes going up to Gwen. “As much as I could be, at least. I was expecting it. And it’s not that I don’t trust you with her, I do - more than you could ever know - but…”

“…but?”

“Gwen, I just want to make sure that you know that you don’t _have_ to do that,” Blake responded gently. “You have been through so much on your own, and I can’t stand the thought of you making it harder on yourself, or making it worse.” He paused. “Even if it might help her.”

“I don’t care about myself,” she admitted immediately. “Everything I said to her…I mean, do you even realize that I’ve never said any of those things aloud? To anyone?” She paused. “I don’t think that’s a coincidence. How I just felt like I needed to tell her, because she needed to hear _something_ …” She paused again. “Can you honestly say it’s _not_ my responsibility to show up for that little girl at this point? And aren’t you the one that told me I was allowed to be upset? I can be sad, I can endure a hard time. But I can’t let her down _more_.”

“I did say that,” Blake nodded. “And I meant it.”

She sighed, letting her head hang slightly. “I’m afraid there’s more going on,” Gwen continued gently. “She told me some things tonight, but I just have a feeling this is bigger than that one girl. Don’t you think it would be easiest for us to go out there, observe for ourselves? Get more answers? Girls are mean, Blake. Do you have experience with mean girls?”

“But she’s a kid,” Blake said in disbelief, looking over to her. “Isn’t that mean girls crap something that waits until like, high school?”

“Maybe when your mom was in school,” Gwen said lowly. “Times have changed.” She looked back up to him. “I know you heard what she said, but you didn’t _see_ how she said it. Blake, she’s scared. I know what that looks like.” Her voice lowered as her eyes did the same. “And I literally won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t do anything to try and help her.”

“You have a huge heart,” Blake stated his obvious observation. “And I’ll admit, I feel helpless. _Useless_.” He sighed heavily and placed his mug on the coffee table, allowing his head to go into his palms as he hunched over. 

Gwen was next to set her coffee down in front of them. “Sit up,” she encouraged him gently. “Look at me, please.”

Blake hesitated but soon did as she requested, his back stretching up and then resting gently back against the couch cushion. A moment later, he turned his gaze to her. They locked eyes again, and right in front of his eyes, he watched her hesitate and lose her nerve to say whatever it was that she had intended. When she felt like her eyes were burning from it, she pressed her lips together and looked away. 

“Usually when people tell ya to look at them, they look back at ya,” Blake commented cooly. He reached out and gently lifted her chin, gently forcing their gazes to lock again. “Where’d you go? Just now?”

“It’s nothing,” she whispered with a shake of her head.

Blake sighed, feeling the slightest bit of frustration creep up. “I know you’re trying. But Gwen, you’ve gotta stop closing up on me like that.” He paused, then whispered his next words. “It hurts.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” she whispered back, her eyes closing shut tightly. “I just lost my nerve hours ago when I showed up on your front doorstep. I’m so far out of my comfort zone here. I’m trying to explain to you how much I love that little girl and I don’t really know how or why it happened, it just did, and it makes me feel like a crazy person.” She swallowed as she mulled over her next statement. “I have to be here for her. I can’t explain it.”

“Love doesn’t always make sense,” Blake mused, his eyes going back to hers as he slightly shifted the subject. “What were you coming here to say?” The inquiry was sudden, and it stunned her a bit. “If Bizzy hadn’t been here. What conversation did you think we were going to have tonight?”

Gwen shook her head. “It’s not important, it didn’t happen.” A beat. “God I actually feel like the biggest idiot thinking about it in that context. We can talk about it later.”

“No,” he muttered, the answer of which surprised her, and moments later she felt him tug her body close to him. Their faces were inches away from one another as her hand splayed to brace herself half on his shoulder and half on his chest. “I don’t care if it’s out of context. I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense. I want to know. And I’m not going to judge you.” He paused, tilting his head slightly. “It’s time to take a leap of faith. It’s time to trust me, don’t you think?”

She realized her eyes were searching his as she tried to acclimate to what she considered a bold request. Her mouth opened but words didn’t come out. But then…

“That…the, the thing you said before, in the studio,” she whispered. “You were right.”

“What part?” Blake asked, his eyes fixating on her lips as she pressed them together out of nerves.

“What I feel…. _the fact that I_ …” she lost her train of thought as she felt her cheeks flush pink. “When _you_ …”

He picked up on her discomfort, but he couldn’t let her off so easily yet. “Feel?” Blake repeated. “Are you saying you have feelings for me, Gwen Stefani?”

She had never felt this nervous around him, and suddenly it took her over so badly she couldn’t move. His arms held her securely against him, and all she could do was let her eyes stay fixated down - anything to not have to look him directly in the eye yet. 

“I wasn’t sure,” she breathed, not realizing she had been holding it in. “I was scared because I didn’t know what was for Bizzy, and what was for you. And I promised myself a really long time ago that I wouldn’t…” she sniffled as she let her words trail off, finding herself stuck again. 

“You can’t live life like that,” Blake commented cooly. “Did you really think you could just avoid people and relationships forever? It might be easier, but don’t you agree that’s a really shitty way to live?” He paused. “I mean, how’s that been working out for you?”

Her eyes met his again. “Just fine actually, _splendid_ , really, until you ruined it.” Her tone was friendly as she eyed him, which caused him to chuckle softly.

“ _You’re welcome_ , then,” he said coyly, a small but smug smile on his lips as he took credit for it proudly. Their proximity was like a slow burn. God, she hadn’t realized how badly she wanted him until she was this close up. 

“You’ve got a lot in your life, Blake,” Gwen exhaled, her eyes closing as she felt his hand gently rub her arm. “With Bizzy, you just moved to LA - you really shouldn’t want anything to do with me. And like, knowing that in my head just makes me feel even more conflicted.” She paused, and mustered up the courage, even though her voice went quieter as she continued. “Because I _do_ feel something for you…” she said, then paused. “A lot of things.”

His hand cupped her cheek and he looked at her softly. But she wasn’t done yet.

“But I am so…” she began, soon losing the words. “Blake, I’m a mess. I have so many things going on, and I’m just not a whole person anymore. I’m broken. I’m jaded. I’m not _easy_ to be around. And you would do so much better with _easy_.”

He moved forward almost immediately, not wanting to let her get further down in her spiraling, and he let his lips brush against hers resulting in the most gentle kiss. Their lips parted and she exhaled, allowing herself to glance down, ultimately closing her eyes and relaxing into his embrace. 

“ _There aren’t too many thing in life that can’t be mended. You just have to give them lots of love._ ”

Blake using her own words against her stunned her, and she exhaled again roughly. 

“Not fair,” she mumbled. “Get your own words, Shelton.”

“Mmm,” he responded, pulling her just a bit closer. “Not when those words just work so well, _Stefani_.”

Gwen’s lips turned up into a small smile, and Blake chuckled softly before he took her lips in his again and kissed her just a bit deeper and longer. His hands ran up and down her body as she deepened the kiss in response. Her body only tensed when her mind processed his next question.

“Gwen, what’s in your back pocket?”

“Huh?”

She felt his hand smooth over the back pocket of her jeans, and she went into high alert.

“Nothing, oh my god,” she said quickly, but it was too late - Blake’s hand was in the pocket as his eyebrow raised, his eyes watching her as he pulled something hard and metal out. “Blake Blake Blake, _no_ ….”

It was too late - and she was mortified. Her face buried into her hands to shield herself from him, and as if on cue, he started chuckling as he held the object up between them.

“Handcuffs? Really?” Blake said, unable to stop laughing. “Is this what you were planning tonight?”

She let one of her hands fall away from her face, even though she still kept herself shielded from him. She reached out and tried to snatch them from him, but he pulled back and didn’t let her catch them. 

“That was the punchline of a _really bad joke_ ,” she groaned. “One I didn’t tell, so like maybe you should just forget it?”

He chuckled. “There’s no forgetting this, baby girl,” he responded cheekily. “C’mon, I like really bad jokes, you’re going to have to say it now.”

She shook her head. “Nope I’m good, but thank you.”

His hand reached out, turning her chin and gaze up to him. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” he said lowly, before kissing her softly. His hands moved to her sides and held her as he kissed her again, which seemed to relax her in the slightest. 

“Come on, just tell me,” he tried again, nibbling at her lip.

Gwen sighed and closed her eyes as their foreheads rested against one another. “I uh, I just brought them like…I don’t know, I know I haven’t proven myself to you and I know that I’m not exactly like, trustworthy to you when I say that I want this, when I say that I want to stay _after_ …” she groaned slightly at her own discomfort over her explanation. “So like I mean, handcuffs, that’s one way to guarantee I wouldn’t be going anywhere?”

Blake started to laugh again, allowing his forehead to rest on her shoulder as his arms tightened around her.

“It’s not _that_ funny,” she mumbled. “God I’m so embarrassed.”

“You’re _adorable_ is what you are,” Blake corrected her, his eyes going back to hers. They gazed at each other for a few moments before Blake spoke again. “How about instead of the handcuffs, I just work really hard to exhaust you myself?” He asked. “Then you won’t want to go anywhere either.” He kissed her deeply, his hands running up and down her back. 

She kissed him back without hesitation, a small gasp catching in the back of her throat as one of his hands went underneath and up her shirt, feeling her skin. His hand made its way into her bra, his finger soon caressing over her erect nipple. It caused her to gasp again, her body bucking gently forward for him just as she initiated the next kiss. 

They were getting hot and heavy fast, and Gwen expelled all of her strength to pull back in the slightest.

“Blake Blake, hold on,” she exhaled sharply as his lips were on her neck. “Biz…what about Bizzy…she’ll hear us…?”

He moved his lips from her neck to hover in her ear, nibbling gently before he spoke.

“Then I suggest you make sure that she _doesn’t_.”

—————————————

His skin was warm - he felt like summer, the dry heat that radiated and enveloped your senses as soon as you stepped outside on a humid afternoon. It was the kind of heat that was instantly calming; she was completely wrapped up in it, a distraction from any other place her mind could have wandered in those moments. It felt good.

_Blake_ felt good.

Gwen couldn’t muster up the words to describe just _how_ good it felt to be naked and wrapped up in his summer-like warmth. He held her snugly, but affectionately, his lazy fingers tracing her lower back as they rested in silence. Her body fit into his like a puzzle piece, and if she was still for long enough, she could have sworn their bodies were melding into one. 

Her arm was stretched across his stomach, her hand holding onto his opposite side. She was relaxed, content, and felt safe - three things that were a rarity for her to come by, and she subconsciously squeezed to hold onto him a little tighter as if she was suddenly afraid she was going to wake up from a dream, or if he was going to change his mind and disappear. 

She hated when they disappeared. 

Blake moaned softly as a response, and she felt his lips press on top of her head. Both of his hands began to wander and caress her body again, and anything else temporarily disappeared from her mind. 

“Careful, baby girl,” Blake whispered into her hair. “You might actually look like you’re _enjoying_ this.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lip - and she pressed them onto his skin without having to move an inch. Gwen turned her head lazily to look up to him - her chin rested on his chest for only a few seconds before her body snaked higher on him and she was hovering over top of him. Her blonde locks fell over her shoulders as she kissing him deeply. Blake moaned, his hands readjusting and holding her close, exploring her body as he returned the gesture.

“And what if I am?” Her words were soft, and whispered against his ear. His mouth went to her neck as he needed her more desperately after those words fell from her lips.

“Then I’d say give me five minutes then I’m going to make you come again,” he responded earnestly, kissing her again. “I want to make you come so hard that you scream.”

She moaned as he kissed her, but then sighed disappointedly as she pulled back slightly. “What a _great_ idea if we weren’t sneaking around with your daughter in the house.”

Blake sighed heavily as he forced himself to slow the pace, knowing that she was right. His hand stroked down one side of her body, causing her to shiver and release the thoughts in her head as he pulled her in for another kiss. Her leg was hiked up and thrown across him, something Blake quickly thought to take advantage of and was evidenced by her small gasp for air as he stroked playfully against her center.

“Guess that just means I have to tease you to death instead?” He whispered next, and Gwen giggled softly.

“I’m not sure if I trust myself enough for you to do that,” she responded, stroking her hand through his curls as she made eye contact with him directly. “Actually, I’m not so sure I can trust _you_ enough for that either.”

Blake grinned. “You’re probably right about that,” he responded, as one of his hands drew up to her breast and started playing with one of her nipples. “I probably don’t know when to stop…”

Gwen groaned and pressed her body against his, letting her head settle right below his shoulder as her arm clung around him tightly again.

“You got me all wet again,” she groaned in a whisper, cuddling into him.

“ _Again_?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as he chuckled. “Alright, alright, I’ll try to behave…” His arms went fully around her and held her close once more, cuddling her and placing a few small kisses on her forehead. 

Despite the tease, she found her mind wandering off to other places soon enough. The feelings of comfort and safety that came with being held by Blake were constants, and she was adjusting to them in ways she never felt possible. She felt like she could let her guard down, she felt like she _wanted_ to let him in. She realized she had spent so much time searching for something to tell her whether or not she could trust him, and somehow it had just clicked and she felt it in her current state. And she didn’t want the moment to pass her by.

“Blake?” she mumbled softly, her tone a bit more serious.

“Yes, baby girl?”

The way he called her that _twice_ now could have stopped her dead in her tracks - it was filled with so much warmth and affection, and she just wanted to stay still and drown in it. 

“Do you remember when I said that it’s the kind of secret that ruins people?” She whispered, and swallowed as she prepared herself to say her name aloud to Blake for the first time. It came out slightly hoarse. “ _Emily_?”

It struck him what was happening - she had been mustering up the courage to open up to him this entire time. The fact that she was opening up to him without a prompt was staggering, but he quickly recovered. And he sure as hell was going to handle it with kid gloves. 

“I remember,” he responded gently.

“Tony was the father,” she half whispered. “And Tony never knew.” She paused. “ _Doesn’t_ know.”

Gwen’s eyes closed as she felt like she was bracing herself - she felt Blake’s chest exhale underneath her. 

Blake was thinking over her words, and carefully selecting his response. He decided immediately to stay away from any reaction where she might think he was passing judgement, even though the idea that Tony was involved in that way and literally had no idea about it was baffling to him. It then dawned on him just how deep she had buried this, and it easily put a few other things into perspective. 

“All you’ve told me is that you think it’s your fault,” his tone remained low and nurturing. 

“How could it not be?” she inquired back to him. “I was the one that made the decision to get into the car that day when I shouldn’t have.”

Blake let out another breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in - soon after glancing down to the small blonde in his arms, curled up tightly against him, her entire being silently begging to be comforted as if she had never been before. Slowly, he shifted himself down next to her. His arms stayed around her body, and he let his head rest on the same pillow as hers as they made eye contact. The final dots were connecting - the car accident had something to do with all of this. 

“What google won’t tell you is that Tony broke my heart twice,” she began again. “It was a lot easier to keep it a secret back then, no real social media to speak of.” She sighed. “I wasn’t feeling well, I went to the doctor - I was pregnant. But I had _so_ much going on, we all did, we all felt like we were still trying to make it in the industry. We were keeping the momentum going as hard and fast as we could. But the doctor could already see signs that the pregnancy was going to be hard. I was so stressed out, and that sounds lame, but I don’t have any other way to describe it.”

“You don’t have to describe it another way,” he responded softly. “I’ve met you. You’re a total ball of stress. I’d bet money that knot on your shoulder came back within a day, if not less.”

“It did,” she admitted. 

Blake hummed, his hands both moving to her hips before gently turning her body away from him to situate her as a little spoon. He placed a gentle kiss on her neck after sweeping her hair to the side, his fingers gently massaging the shoulder in question without her even asking. His other arm was tucked underneath her, keeping her close.

Gwen’s cheek laid down on the pillow, and she let out a sigh as she just concentrated on his touch for a few minutes. “I was feeling lightheaded. I got into the car anyways. I zoned out or something on the highway and I swerved and ended up in a ditch, and then in a coma.” She hesitated. “I was pregnant one day, then the next time I woke up weeks later, I wasn’t.”

Blake’s hand rested palm faced down on her shoulder, then caressed down the side of her body and pulled her in fully against him. He watched as her gaze was distracted and processing, admittedly a relief as he felt like he was expecting her to be more fidgety, or trying to push him away. It was progress, and he wouldn’t dare alert her to the fact for fear that it would make her overthink it.

But damn, it felt good.

“When I woke up and saw Tony’s face, I didn’t have the heart to tell him,” Gwen continued. “It’s been thirteen years of not having the heart to tell him. After a while it just felt selfish of me, even on the worst of days.” She exhaled. “I know the relationship ending the second time was my fault. I couldn’t just go back to everything and pretending nothing had happened. I changed. I pushed him away, and he left. But I understand why he did.”

“He loves you to pieces, that much is obvious,” Blake commented.

“You’d think dating a guy twice and breaking up twice would make it really awkward, but we’ve still managed to stay close,” she responded. “We’re good together. Musically, at least.”

“Do you still think about telling him?”

“No way,” Gwen shot that thought down immediately. “Blake, I can’t do that to him. It would completely shatter him. And like at this point, what would even be the point of doing that to someone? He’s married and expecting his first child - “

“ - but is it really his first child?”

Blake’s inquiry stopped her in her tracks and she exhaled roughly. She wasn’t prepared for how saying that aloud about Tony would make her feel in the context of the conversation. She also couldn’t process Blake’s words fast enough to even come up with a response to them. Gwen took a sharp breath in before continuing, letting the question slide for the moment. “ - and yeah, I guess it’s hard on me because he’s getting the one thing I’ve always wanted. But I can’t be so selfish as to ruin that for him right now. He doesn’t need to know. Him knowing doesn’t change anything.”

“I would want to know,” Blake admitted quietly. “If I was with someone that I loved and she lost a baby — our baby - it doesn’t matter if we weren’t together anymore. It would gut me to think she took that entire burden upon herself and carried it around for thirteen years.”

“It was so early on though, Blake,” she shook her head. “I didn’t _actually_ know it was a girl. I just felt it in my bones. And I know it’s really dumb to name a baby that I knew had a hard road ahead of it, and I know it’s stupid that I miss someone I never met, and that I feel like she’s in heaven when I just feel like _I_ deserve to go to hell…” Her eyes shut tightly. “But in some ways, this is hell. All I’ve had is my career. And all I got from that car accident was a horrible fear of driving and inner trauma to my organs so bad that I don’t even know if getting pregnant again is even a _possibility_ …”

“I know you’re too stubborn to believe me, but it’s not your fault,” Blake sighed, and placed a kiss on her cheek. “You have the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. You have so much love to give, and god, you’re going to be a kick-ass mom and I know that because I see you with Bizzy and there is literally no other possible way that could all work out.”

Gwen blinked a few silent tears down her cheeks and exhaled, just letting Blake be there for her. She was fighting the urge to pull away, something she was so conditioned to do, and she eventually felt herself letting go to him and staying snugly in his embrace. 

“I can’t believe I’m telling all of this to a guy I’ve only slept with like, three times,” she chuckled as her fingers quickly whisked a few stray tears. She was deflecting, trying to lighten the room, and he picked up on it immediately. But he decided to play along.

“Is that what I am? Just some random you like to have sex with?”

Blake grinned as soon as Gwen’s gaze - which had a look of horror plastered across it - snapped back to meet his. He started to chuckle as soon as he locked eyes with her, and shook his head once. 

“The look on your face…” he managed with a laugh.

“I…oh my god, that’s not funny!” she groaned, turning in his arms to face him. “If you remember, I am literally over here right now because…”

Blake felt bad for teasing her and let his hand rest on her cheek, pulling her in for a sensual kiss. 

“You’re so much more than that,” Gwen whispered against his lips as they parted. His lips smiled against hers before kissing her again. She took his lead, then reciprocated as she deepened the kiss, and started to let her hand rub and wander down his stomach - then _lower_. “I can probably show you a lot better than I can tell you.” Her hand went even lower as her eyes locked with his - watching him react and falter on his composure as her hand took a _very_ aroused member into possession was like a drug. 

She leaned forward slightly, letting her lips hover at his ear as she squeezed him. “Is it okay with you if I play with this in my mouth for a little while?” Her words were sticky sweet and fuck, he was already a goner as he groaned audibly and gripped her hip tighter in frustration. 

“ _Fuck_ you can literally do whatever the hell you want,” he groaned, his head snapping back as she worked him up so easily. 

He was so distracted he couldn’t figure out why Gwen jumped up so quickly, releasing him and desperately clinging and tugging the sheet around her body. It left Blake completely naked, his eyes only going wide as he came back to reality and he sat up, hearing someone tugging hard at the locked bedroom door.

“Daddy?!” 

He heard Bizzy’s voice pitch higher, something he recognized when she started to panic. His door wasn’t usually locked, and he instantly felt guilty as he jumped up and out of bed.

“Hold on, sweetie, I’m coming!” He called out, and looked over to Gwen in a panic just in time for her to chuck his boxers at him. He caught them, and rushed like hell to get his legs into them as he was looking around for his shirt. He spotted Gwen’s bra and another clothing item, snatching it and handing them off to her just as she started to back herself into the closet. Blake found his shirt and pulled it over his head, and Gwen’s arm reached out to grab him before he got too far.

“ _My underwear is on top of the lamp on the nightstand…_ ” she mumbled the words quietly, glancing over to the small table, her eyes indicating what she was talking about.

“ _Shit_ ,” he mumbled, leaping across the room and snatching them off the lamp, pressing them into Gwen’s hands as she shrunk back into the closet. Before Blake let the door close, his hand grabbed the back of her neck and he kissed her deeply - breaking the kiss quickly with a small grin as he closed the closet door to conceal her.

Gwen’s eyes adjusted and she watched through one of the slats, tugging the sheet tighter around her body. She watched Blake open the door, immediately going to his knees to match Bizzy’s height.

“Why was your door locked??” she demanded immediately, obviously more spooked than anything else. 

“Baby girl I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was,” Blake said softly. “I keep forgetting to fix the door, it’s done that a few times.” He paused, his hand reaching out to her and resting on the side of her head. “It’s late, Biz, what’s the matter?”

“I just can’t sleep,” she swallowed, and hugged a stuffed animal close that Gwen saw for the first time. “It’s not like my room at the old house. It makes weird noises.”

Blake sighed. “I know you miss Nashville,” he responded with a hint of sadness to his voice. “New rooms take a little while to adjust to, kiddo. We’ll get you sleepin’ soundly in there in no time. Promise.” He pulled Bizzy into his arms for a hug, but that didn’t seem to satisfy her enough.

“When is that going to happen?” She asked suddenly with a sniffle, as she let Blake hug her. “I’m never here. You won’t let me live here. How am I supposed to sleep in a room if I’m never here??”

Blake sighed heavily again, pulling back slightly to take both of her cheeks into his hands. “I love you so much, Bizzy Bee, and I am _dying_ to get you out here with me,” he began. “Honey, you need to be in school, and the schools out here have you on the waiting list because it’s the middle of the school year…”

Gwen felt tears forming in her own eyes as she watched the interaction, but was careful to keep herself quiet and concealed. In one way, it was the most gut-wrenching yet wholesome scene she had witnessed. It gave her an entirely different perspective of Blake, and she realized in that moment just how much she wanted to hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright. She wanted to go throw her arms around _both of them_ , really - unfortunately she knew that would invite too many questions they weren’t prepared to answer just yet. 

Bizzy’s head hung low, as her voice went to a whisper. “ _I just miss you_ ,” she admitted with a tiny shrug.

“I promise you, baby girl, I am doing everything I can to make this go faster,” Blake’s voice responded, notably a bit more broken as Bizzy’s words had completely shaken him up. His arms pulled her in for another hug and he placed a long kiss on the side of her head. “You’re my world, little bee. It’s so hard not to have you here.”

Her little arms clung tighter around Blake, and Gwen watched his giant hand smooth over the girl’s back slowly. Blake heard her yawn, and spoke again. “Come on, why don’t you sleep in here with me tonight. That way the only weird noises you might hear are me snoring.”

The smallest, purest giggle followed in response to Blake’s words - and without hesitation he smiled and scooped her up into his arms and walked them back over to the bed. Blake’s eyes glanced directly at Gwen who was still concealed in the closet, and held up his hand to indicate that he’d motion to her when it was safe to leave. He didn’t think it would be long, and it was probably their best chance to wait it out.

Blake placed Bizzy down gently on his bed, his hand reaching and opening a trunk at the end of the bed and tossing a blanket her way. He always kept extras knowing Bizzy liked to pile them on - and he was right. She smiled as she caught the blanket, and let her head lay down on his pillow. He came up and laid beside her, his hand stroking her hair back, then gently over her eyes. 

“Close your eyes, bee,” he whispered, and she did so immediately. Blake watched her relax and pull the blanket tighter around her body, soon settling completely. 

He didn’t take his eyes off of her. He watched her drift into slumber without a fuss. And when he was sure she was out like a light, he turned his body slightly back to look behind him - where he knew Gwen was still in the closet. He motioned her silently to come out, which she did slowly.

Gwen gently dropped the sheet to the side as she got dressed in the dark, tugging her underwear up her legs and securing her bra behind her back. Once she was fully dressed she pulled her blonde locks over one shoulder, and dared to move closer to where he was laying. She hovered, slightly awkward at first as she got distracted as her eyes moved over a sleeping Bizzy in his arms.

A few moments later she came back to reality, bending forward at the waist and unexpectedly placing her lips against Blake’s. She felt the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile as he returned the kiss. 

“I hate to see you go,” he whispered faintly against her skin, and she responded with another kiss, taking care to keep as quiet as possible. 

“I’ll come by in the morning,” she whispered back delicately. Without thinking or hesitating, her hand brushed his cheek as she kissed him one more time. 

“ _I love you._.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your feedback literally means the world to me and helps keep me going in these hard times. Said otherwise, if you're still enjoying the story, please let me know!


	15. Oh Baby, Why Did You Run Away?

She had meant those three, elusive words as soon as they came out of her mouth - but she hadn’t exactly meant to say them at that time.

It was a heat of the moment thing - something about watching Blake go back and forth between caring so intently for her and then seeing him with Bizzy had an effect. She knew she was the type that loved hard and fast, but at least she could usually keep a bit of mystery about it. Not allowing herself to instead break the slight facade and lay it on him like that as his daughter slept in his arms and she was sneaking out of his bedroom half-naked. 

Gwen sighed, cringing internally as timing had never been her strong suit either. And she felt like today was going to be a little on the awkward side. 

To her relief, it was Bizzy who came barreling to the front door once Gwen rang the doorbell. She watched the small blonde tug the heavy door back, a big smile on her face. Before Bizzy could even get the screen door open next, Gwen found herself down on her level, a huge smile on her face and arms ready for her.

“Miss Gwen, you came back!”

Gwen’s arms went around Bizzy, and she hugged her tightly. “Of course I did, sweet girl, you’re my favorite person.” She beamed and held onto her for a few more minutes, then encouraged Bizzy to stand up straight as she made eye contact. “I actually came to visit and talk to you about something.”

Just then, Blake emerged from the hallway and leaned against the bottom of the stairs, coffee mug in hand. “Mornin’,” he greeted her warmly, just before taking another long sip. 

“Hi,” Gwen said, almost shyly, as she caught a glimpse of him but didn’t feel brave enough to keep his gaze. It easily went back to Bizzy, who was starting to fidget and wonder what was going on.

“Talk to me about what?” she asked impatiently. 

“Bizzy, let the poor woman come in the door,” Blake said with a chuckle. “Let her sit down, offer her some coffee, maybe.”

“Don’t drink his coffee, it’s not good,” Bizzy mumbled with her eyes widened at Gwen, and she couldn’t help but laugh. She looked guilty, as she thought back to the night before when she had more than sampled Blake’s coffee. Bizzy took a step back and waited for Gwen to stand up fully, taking her hand and tugging her through the foyer and down the hallway.

“You can sit in daddy’s chair, it’s super comfy,” Bizzy said as she tugged her along. Just as they passed Blake their eyes met - both seemed to want to say something, but they just couldn’t manage to get anything out. Gwen’s attention went back forward, as Bizzy dragged her over to the chair in question.

Ah yes, _that_ chair. She was familiar with the comfort level - her eyes fell over it, as her mind went back to the night before when Blake had her pinned down against it as he was thrusting into her. She almost looked guilty as she smiled graciously and took a seat, with Bizzy popping to sit on top of the oversized arm of the same chair. 

“Ok so now will you tell me?” Bizzy pressed again.

“I’ll let you two talk,” Blake spoke suddenly. “I’ll just be in the kitchen.”

They watched him smile and take the few steps towards the kitchen with ease, and Bizzy looked over to Gwen curiously.

“Is it bad?” she asked.

“Oh, what? No baby girl, it’s nothing bad,” Gwen responded with a big smile, and she took the little girl’s hands in hers. “I just did a lot of thinking about what we talked about yesterday.”

“Oh,” Bizzy responded neutrally, unsure of where Gwen was going to go. 

“I came up with an idea, and I want to make sure that you know that you can say no if you want to and it won’t hurt my feelings, okay?”

Bizzy nodded. “Okay,” she responded, still neutral as she just watched Gwen for the time being. 

“This….tea dance school thing,” Gwen started, then bit her lip as she tried to find the words. “I know you don’t want to take Grammy, and I get it. And I know I’m not your mom…but…” She looked up to Bizzy and watched the little girl’s eyes go wide as she anticipated what Gwen was going to say next, which made her chuckle. “If you’ll have me, I wanted to ask what you would think about…well, _me_ taking you.”

“In Oklahoma??” She exclaimed immediately. “You’re going to come to Oklahoma?!”

Gwen lightly tapped her nose, which made Bizzy scrunch it up. “Only if you want me to,” Gwen responded with a smile. “And like I said before, it’s totally up to you, but if you say yes then I think we really need to go shopping today for dresses because — “

“YES!” Bizzy interrupted with a squeal, before Gwen was even able to finish her sentence. “You’re really going to come to my school??”

Gwen laughed as the girl jumped into her arms and gave her a hug. “Yes, sweet girl, I really am,” she promised. “And don’t you worry, we’re going to find you the best dress on the entire west coast and those girls aren’t going to know what hit ‘em.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Blake peer into the room, assessing if it was safe to do so yet. When he caught her gaze, he smiled warmly at the two of them. 

“Are we going shopping today??” Bizzy’s next excited question came.

“As long as a certain little girl goes and brushes her teeth real good and gets dressed,” Blake interjected, which caused Bizzy to look back to him and smile. She looked back to Gwen and gave her another hug, whispering something in her ear.

“Thank you, Miss Gwen,” she said, before hopping off the couch and running over to Blake, her arms going around his hips. “Thank you daddy.”

“Go on, now,” Blake said, ruffling her hair. “Something tells me Miss Gwen takes a while to shop - we’re going to need as much time as possible.” And with that, she squeezed him one more time and was off to get ready. Gwen’s gaze remained, watching her go with a content smile on her face. 

“She’s cute, but you can’t trust her on everything,” Blake said, cutting through the silence. He held up his mug. “My coffee ain’t half bad, actually.” He paused. “I’m sure you remember.”

“I’m good, thanks,” she declined graciously. “Jon and I went to Starbucks earlier.”

Blake hummed and nodded, taking another sip. The silence was deafening as they both seemed to struggle with what to say. His eyes just simply stayed on her, which she wasn’t sure in the moment if that made it better or worse. 

“Last night…” she managed faintly, her gaze casting down into her lap. 

“Did you mean it?”

His words took her by surprise, and completely threw her off her game. Truth be told she didn’t exactly have any game to speak of, but anything she was trying to say next completely disappeared from her head as she was confronted by the very thing she was trying to talk around. 

Her eyes didn’t move from her lap as she finally spoke. “I think you know me well enough by now to know that I have a hard time opening up to people,” she admitted quietly. “That it’s hard for me to tell someone how I feel.” She swallowed, and shrugged gently. “In rare occasions, I guess it can come out…well…like _that_.” She paused. “Completely unplanned. And, I probably ruined everything, to boot.”

Blake took a few steps over to the couch, taking a seat adjacent from her.

“You didn’t answer my question though,” he prompted gently. “Did you mean it?”

“I can’t tell someone I love them if I don’t feel it,” she responded quietly. “So uh, yeah. To answer your question…I meant it.” It wasn’t even a second that passed before she was interjecting her next thought. “You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to say it back. I don’t expect — “

She lost her thoughts as she felt his hand make contact with her chin, turning her gaze back up to him. A moment later his lips brushed against hers, and she felt slightly more at ease even as his lips left hers a minute later. She watched as he settled back on the couch, and hated how much she already missed his touch. 

“I promised myself the next person I said those words to, it would be the last,” Blake spoke, his eyes going down to the half-empty coffee mug in his hand. “It would be to someone that loved Bizzy as their own daughter. Someone that I planned to create a life with, someone that I saw _forever_ with.” He sighed. “Because as nice as it must be to have the freedom to date and go in and out of relationships, that’s not something I’m built for. My priority has always been Bizzy, and I can’t put her through a life like that. Watching me date, watching relationships fall apart, her getting her own heart broken along the way.”

“You don’t have to explain,” Gwen whispered, a hint of pain in her voice. “You can just say that you don’t feel the same way, and that’s the only reason you owe anyone.”

“You’re not hearing what I’m trying to say,” he responded. “I’m saying that despite how fast all of this has been, how crazy this sounds, Gwen, I _do_ …”

It was a twist that she wasn’t expecting, and her eyes went up to meet his immediately as the sense of hope and relief rushed over her. 

“Are you sure?” Her voice was still quiet, and was slightly surprised at his admission. “I’m sure I can do something unattractive if you need me to snap you out of it.”

He chuckled. “Don’t you think if I was going to be deterred, it would have happened by now?”

“Okay, I’m ready!”

Bizzy’s voice boomed as it entered the room, her small legs jogging to come over and jump up on the couch to take a seat next to Blake. Gwen smiled, though the kid had some pretty bad timing. She looked between Gwen and Blake, slightly suspicious. 

“What’s going on?” she asked. “What were you talking about?”

Quick on her feet, Gwen reached out for the little girl’s arm and tugged her over and into her lap.

“I’m just trying to convince your dad here that a quick little visit to the _make-up counter_ is also needed today, and won’t kill any of us if it happens,” Gwen quipped, and Bizzy’s eyes got wide.

“Please, daddy?” her little voice strained. “All of the other girls are going to wear make-up. I can’t be the only one that doesn’t.”

Blake sighed. “I don’t want you growin’ up thinkin’ you need all that crap on your face to look pretty,” he responded. “Doesn’t that stuff like, hurt your face? Cause breakouts?” His eyes went to Gwen as the questions were directed at her.

“Do you think Miss Gwen is pretty?” Bizzy inquired next, tilting her head towards Blake.

“W…what?” He stuttered. 

“Miss Gwen. Do you think Miss Gwen is pretty?”

Gwen’s eyes averted down as she felt her cheeks flush pink.

“I uh, yes, yes Miss Gwen is _very_ pretty, but — “

“ — Miss Gwen wears make-up,” Bizzy cut him off. “So you must not really hate it that much. Please? Pretty please?”

Gwen couldn’t help but smirk to herself as Bizzy worked on her father. She was persistent, and it was adorable to watch. Blake glanced over to Gwen with a slight look of helplessness on his face. She took both of her hands and covered Bizzy’s ears, leaning forward to speak softly so that hopefully only he would hear her.

“I won’t let those things happen to her skin,” Gwen whispered. “We can get a couple of things from a good line in neutral colors.” She paused. “Trust me. I’ve got this.” 

Blake kept her gaze and Gwen felt safe enough to let her hands move away from Bizzy’s ears.

“ _Fine_ ,” Blake relented, and Bizzy cheered her victory. “But _only_ a few things, understand?”

“Okay, okay, okay!” She agreed gleefully, almost about to jump out of her skin. Gwen and Blake both chuckled as Bizzy just grinned. 

Blake’s eyes went to Gwen, his gaze resting on hers until their eyes locked. Gwen’s lips pressed together as a nervous habit, unsure she could stand the intensity for much longer before looking away. He had this stupid big grin on his face, and she fidgeted as she felt like she was being studied. 

“What?” Gwen managed softly, letting her eyes glance down to Bizzy briefly if only to get a little relief. 

Blake’s eyes didn’t move, but his hand reached out between them to his daughter. “Biz, come here,” he said, but he was still looking straight into Gwen’s eyes. Bizzy moved out of Gwen’s embrace and came to stand beside Blake. Without a little girl in her arms, she felt them awkwardly hanging next to her body, soon crossing them just to occupy them. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Blake’s eyes moved to Bizzy to make eye contact with her.

“I have a really important question I wanna ask you,” he continued, and she was enamored and curious with what Blake was about to say next. Blake glanced to Gwen, who was still fidgeting slightly, then back again. “I want to ask Miss Gwen to go out with me, but that’s something I want to ask you about first.”

Gwen felt her pink cheeks flush red, her face in shock as she realized what was happening. She felt her lip get heavy as she couldn’t think of anything to say. 

Bizzy hummed as she looked at her father, tilting her head slightly as she considered the proposition, but struggling to contain her excitement. She looked over to Gwen, who just seemed stunned. 

“But how do we decide who is going to get time with Miss Gwen?” She asked, and Blake chuckled almost immediately. 

“I think we can work something out, don’t you?” He asked in response, playfully poking into her side. 

“But what do I get out of this arrangement?” She asked back. “I get all of Miss Gwen right now when she’s here. I don’t want to have to share her and only get her part of the time.”

Gwen’s hand gently went over her mouth as a huge smile came to her face, and she was trying to keep it somewhat contained. 

“Kid, you drive a really hard bargain,” Blake mumbled.

Gwen reached out for Bizzy’s hand, taking it into her own and making eye contact with the girl.

“You’re my number one,” Gwen reassured her gently. “You always will be. And you will always get as much time with me as you want, little one. I promise you that.”

Bizzy’s arms went around Gwen’s neck in the next moment as she hugged her tightly, which for some reason just hit different and caused Gwen to get emotional as she felt her cling on and not let go. Gwen blinked her teary eyes a few times and looked over to Blake, who seemed on the edge of his emotions himself as he watched the two of them together. Bizzy stood back up straight and looked between the two of them.

“Does this mean you’ll get married?” She asked next, and both Blake and Gwen started to chuckle a bit awkwardly. Gwen bit her lip and ran her hand back through Bizzy’s hair. 

“Getting married is a super big thing,” Gwen explained, stealing a glance towards Blake for a second and hoping he didn’t feel a type of way about her trying to explain the question away. “You have to really love the person for that and spend lots of time together with them.” She paused, a small smile coming to her face. “I like spending time with your dad. Is that good for now?”

“That’s good for now,” Bizzy said, as she tilted her head slightly. 

“Hey, why don’t you go get one of your zip up jackets from your bedroom and we can get going, what do you say?” Blake chimed in, his words directed at Bizzy.

“ _Ooohhhkay_ ,” Bizzy emphasized, carrying herself down the hall. Blake glanced after her, then looked to Gwen as he seemed to struggle to find the words.

“Hey uh — I don’t want this to be weird, or like, pressure or anything, but uh…” Blake smiled sheepishly as Gwen’s gaze rested on his. “…so, uh, Bizzy hasn’t exactly….mmm…she’s never seen me _with_ someone…”

“… _oh_ ,” Gwen responded, a bit nervously as her eyes averted to her lap. “Well um, I mean, I get it. I’ll take your lead. If you want to stay cool, I mean, pretend that we’re just friends and not going out later or something…”

“No, I don’t want that at all,” Blake responded, as his hands reached for hers. He squeezed them, which brought her eyes up to his. “What I’m trying to say is…I guess I just feel a sudden mountain of pressure? She hasn’t exactly had anyone in her life demonstrate what it’s like… _how_ she should expect to be treated by a guy….I mean, I know she’s young, but I also know she’s perceptive as hell and that stuff starts _now_ …”

“Blake…” his name fell from her lips quietly, as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You’re worried?”

He swallowed roughly and shrugged slightly. “I worry about everything with her,” he admitted honestly. “Every word I say. Every action I take on her behalf. What I teach her, how I teach her. _Everything_. Keeps me up at night, too.”

“You’ve done more for me as a friend than any guy I’ve dated before,” she said softly, her hands squeezing his. “You’re the gold standard, Blake. You seriously don’t have _anything_ to worry about.”

A small, slightly relieved smile came to his features.

“If anything, you’re probably setting her up for failure,” Gwen continued. “Giving her unrealistic expectations of men. Hope she likes cats.” The cat lady stereotype was too easy for him to leave alone. 

“I don’t see you with any cats,” Blake looked at her incredulously. 

“I’m more of a dog person,” she chuckled and shrugged. “You scooped me up probably like, right on the edge of me taking the first step before a downward spiral of me adopting a bunch and giving up on everything else.”

He chuckled in response. “Good, I’m glad. Consider yourself _scooped_.” He paused, noticing the way she glanced away and her cheeks pinked slightly. “You’ll love Betty, then.”

“Betty?” Gwen questioned, just as Bizzy made an appearance again in the living room.

“Miss Gwen is going to meet Betty!” She exclaimed, taking a seat next to Blake. “She’s the best. But sometimes she’s a little lazy. I think she gets that from daddy.”

Gwen giggled and shook her head as Blake flipped through his phone for a moment, soon showing Gwen a picture of the pup as an explanation. Bizzy glanced at Blake’s phone fondly.

“I miss her,” the little girl said suddenly. 

“I promise, she’s coming out to LA with you,” Blake responded to her. “She needed to stay in Oklahoma to keep an eye on you, keep you out of trouble. But that doesn’t seem to be working, does it?”

Bizzy just smiled big - a knowing grin that told the story all on its own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and love are always appreciated ❤️


	16. I Heard Your Voice In My Sleep At Night

Before she hopped out of the car, she secured her hair back in a ponytail, and straightened a ball cap on top of her head. It was one of Blake’s - some country brand reference that she wasn’t familiar with, but it did the necessary job. 

Gwen pushed a pair of large, black sunglasses up on her nose and quickly put her hand out to grab the door to the backseat as Bizzy pushed it open a little too fast. She moved around the door and held her hand out to help the small girl jump down from the truck, soon closing the truck door behind her. Moments later she felt Blake’s arm around her back, palm resting against her hip - and she couldn’t help but feel her body naturally lean into him. The slightest smile mindlessly came to her lips as she was distracted by Bizzy walking in front of them. 

“I like this side of you,” Blake mumbled against her ear.

“What side?” Her voice was inquisitive and soft, almost as if she was caught off guard. 

Blake hummed. “Can’t quite put my finger on it,” he played off, then chuckled. “The incognito part is a little funny, though.”

“I just don’t want to _deal_ with it today,” she said lowly. “Being recognized. Being stopped. I love the fans, but today is about Bizzy and I just don’t want anything to take away from that.”

“Are you kidding? Bizzy would literally _love_ to end up in one of those junky magazines,” he chuckled and shook his head as he continued to walk. “Her old man isn’t famous enough for all of that, so it’d be new for her.”

“Please,” she scoffed, then chuckled. “You trying to tell me you aren’t famous is like you trying to say the sky isn’t blue.”

“Well, do you see anyone running up to me right now?” He asked. “It’s moderately crowded here, you know.”

“It’s LA,” Gwen explained with a shrug. “Locals are used to seeing famous people.” She paused. “This also might not exactly be a country music mecca, cowboy.”

He grinned, tugging her just a bit closer under his arm. “You still look like Gwen Stefani to me under all of that stuff. I think you’d have to be an _idiot_ not to realize who you are.”

“Lucky for me, there are plenty more idiots in the world,” she chimed in sweetly. Gwen glanced down when she felt a particular little girl take her hand into hers. 

“You walk slow like daddy,” Bizzy said, tugging her along gently. 

Gwen just laughed. “Anything is slow compared to the energy you have, Bizz.”

“Are we going to look at dresses first??” She asked next, an extra jump in her step. 

“We are, sweet girl,” Gwen responded, then nodded her head forward. “Right in here, come on.”

Gwen reached out and opened one of the tall, glass doors to the department store in front of them. Blake looked up in almost awe at the tall ceilings and ornate, expensive looking decorations. 

“Maybe, uh, we should go somewhere a little more…Bizzy proof?” He suggested sheepishly. Bizzy rolled her eyes as Gwen chuckled. 

“We’ll be good in here,” Gwen said with a small tug. “Trust me.”

There was something about the way their eyes locked in that moment that made Blake feel like he could, in fact, trust her about some things. While he felt lost and out of place - and perhaps even too big and clumsy to be in a place like this - Gwen had such an ease about her. It was her world.

And she was inviting him into it. 

“Miss _Gwen_!” 

The emphasis on her name made her giggle, even before she knew what occasion had preempted the little girl’s response. Gwen looked over and saw Bizzy stopped dead in her tracks before they could even get near the escalator to go up to the clothing departments. The little girl stood at the edge of the cosmetics department, a smile across her face. 

“Uh oh,” Blake mumbled under his breath, and suddenly looked uneasy. If he knew anything about his daughter, it was her complete fascination with all things make-up. He had tried his best to keep her from it, but he already knew he had lost the war as his mind thought back to earlier that day - the two of them working him until he relented and bent to their desires. 

“New idea, here first,” Bizzy said, trying to contain her excitement, a huge grin on her face as Gwen walked up to her side.

Gwen glanced over to Blake, who had not even started to warm up to the idea just yet. With some quick thinking, she squeezed the girl’s shoulder before responding. 

“But how would we know what colors to pick out if we don’t have a dress?” Gwen asked her. “Just think, the sooner we find out what you’re going to wear, the quicker we can find everything to match!”

It wasn’t the answer Bizzy wanted, and she sighed and shrugged a little. “I guess you’re right,” she eventually said, though she couldn’t tear her eyes off of the pretty glass counters and all of the beautiful displays. She turned her body to continue towards the escalator, but she couldn’t quite bring her gaze with them yet.

Gwen glanced over to Blake, who simply had a small, relieved smile on his face. He mouthed a _thank you_ before stepping forward to walk with them, his arm casually moving around Gwen again as soon as they stepped onto the escalator. 

When Gwen stepped off at the top to lead the way, both Bizzy and Blake seemed perplexed when they didn’t seem to be going in the direction of the dresses they saw. She led them both down a back corridor, coming to the end of a hallway where she rang a doorbell. She was walking around like she owned the place, and their shared confusion was apparent. When she looked back at them, she couldn’t help but giggle at them both.

“What?” She asked, looking between the two of them, but then down to Bizzy. “Did you really think I wouldn’t put a call in to my stylist to get us the private suite?”

Bizzy’s eyes went wide. “Oh my god, that’s _so cool_ ,” she gasped, and her little body was about to explode with excitement. Before Blake could say anything, someone was answering the door and exchanging kiss cheeks with Gwen.

“ _Mon cherie_ ,” the lady greeted her. “It’s been so long!” The lady looked between her, Blake, then Bizzy. “So long you apparently got married and had an adorable little girl!”

Though Gwen knew her old friend was simply joking, on some level, it _stung_. She forced a smile as she swallowed roughly. When she felt Blake’s protective arm come around her again - and the way she just sensed that he _knew_ how much that had stung - she realized she had to speak sooner rather than later. 

“Bette, this is uh — Blake…” Gwen began awkwardly. But then out of nowhere, she found the courage to expand on that. “…my _boyfriend_ , Blake. And uh, this is his daughter, Bizzy.”

Though Gwen only felt the way his hand squeezed her shoulder approvingly in the proceeding moments, it was a gesture that calmed her nerves and did her so much good in those moments. Bette grinned down to the younger girl.

“Oh yes, we have _many_ dresses to get through with you today,” Bette addressed Bizzy. “Would you like to come in and take a look?”

Bizzy looked up to Blake for a sign of approval, and he nodded with a smile on his face, encouraging her forward. She didn’t have to be told twice as she practically leaped into the room, following Bette to the clothing racks lined with dozens of dresses. Both Gwen and Blake smiled on, with Blake soon drawing in closer to her.

He angled down to speak lowly into her ear.

“Boyfriend, hmm?” He teased her softly, then placed a kiss on the side of her head.

“I panicked…” Gwen whispered back, then cast her gaze down to the ground. “I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t askin’ for an apology,” he responded softly. “I just wanted to let you know… _I could get used to that_.”

Her gaze popped back up to his as soon as the words left his lips. Blake made a move forward and softly kissed her.

“Miss Gwen, you have to help me pick between all of these dresses. There’s too many!”

Their kiss was interrupted and both of them chuckled softly as their lips parted. 

“Duty calls,” Gwen whispered, her hand searching for his to take into hers. 

“Come on.”

————

In between Bizzy coming in and out of the dressing room, Blake looked like he would literally rather be anywhere but where he was. But as soon as the little girl came out to show her dad a new dress proudly, his demeanor changed instantly and he’d sit up with great interest in his eyes. 

Gwen watched this cycle dozens of times already, as the little miss was intent on trying every dress on the rack - it never got old. Bizzy would come out and twirl around in front of the multiple mirrors, sometimes even hopping up on the alteration block to get a better view. When she didn’t like a dress, she’d refuse to come out - simply tossing it over the top of the dressing room to test Gwen’s hand-eye coordination to catch it at the top, before kindly handing it back to Bette to return to the hanger. 

Gwen glanced over to Blake, silently watching him as his eyes perused over the small tray of sweets on the table near where he was sitting. She had watched his eyes go back to it a few times, as if he was trying to figure out what some of them were, and part of her felt he might have been mustering the courage to pluck one up and try it for himself. 

“Chocolate is probably a safe bet,” she spoke softly, which brought Blake’s eyes over to her. A content, friendly grin rested on his features. 

“You fashion types and your sweets,” he teased. “One of these days, I’m going to get an actual piece of chocolate cake into ya.”

Gwen scoffed. “Is that really what you think of me?” She asked. “You think I’m that pretentious?” 

“No,” Blake answered honestly, the small smile not leaving his face. Both of their attentions turned suddenly as the lock clicked, and a few moments later Bizzy was coming out in another dress.

“I couldn’t get the zipper,” she groaned, and turned her back to Gwen. Gwen bent forward with a small smile on her face as she carefully zipped the dress closed, and reached forward for the sash fabric hanging by her sides. She tugged the fabric back, securing it into a dramatically large bow and the small of her back. Gwen tapped her on the side of her shoulder to turn around and face her, which she did a moment later.

Bizzy’s blonde hair fell over one shoulder as her eyes met Gwen’s. She, on the other hand, had this sudden, undeniably huge smile plastered across her face as she admired the girl. She looked down at the dress - deep red, with faint black rose accents throughout. Her hand smoothed the bottom hem and the tulle.

“This one has to be my favorite,” Gwen whispered to her, seemingly effected even on an emotional level as her smile remained constant. She reached forward and brushed Bizzy’s hair back and off her shoulder. “I think your dad is going to love it, too.” She paused. “Go show him.”

Bizzy’s smile got bigger with Gwen’s approval and she turned to take the few steps out of the room, peeking her head around the corner to where Blake was sitting. Like clockwork, his body perked up, and this time there was something different in his eyes. It was still the same adoration he had shown her with the previous 53 dresses, but she could tell, he liked this one, too. 

“I don’t think I should allow you to buy something that makes you look so grown up.”

His voice was lower, as Gwen then reappeared around the corner just in time to watch Bizzy walking up to Blake and all but running into his arms.

“But it’s Miss Gwen’s favorite,” she whined.

“Is it _your_ favorite?”

“Duh. My favorite _is_ Miss Gwen’s favorite.”

Blake chuckled and shook his head. “Miss Gwen seems to have good taste on many things.” He paused as Bizzy stood up straight again. “I think you look beautiful, sweetheart.”

“So I can get this one??” She asked hurriedly, pining for a final confirmation. 

“I told you I’m just the wallet today,” Blake poked playfully at her side. “You and Miss Gwen get to pick it out. I have veto power, but I don’t need to use it.”

Bizzy giggled, finding the word _veto_ a little funny. Gwen couldn’t feel her legs any longer as she was frozen in time, just watching the two of them and how they interacted. When she felt them again, she inhaled and forced herself to move to the other side of the room where a long table filled with accessories was laid out for them to choose from. 

“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize,” Gwen commented softly, as she let her finger wander over the various jeweled necklaces. Her eyes went over to Bizzy who was looking at herself in the mirror, and she held her hand out for her. “Emily, come ‘ere, I think I found the perfect thing.” Her eyes went back to the table.

Gwen expected the girl to hurry over, but when she didn’t feel her next to her, her brow wrinkled in confusion. She looked back to her, arm still out and waiting, but had two puzzled reactions staring back at her. Bizzy was standing still, attention fully focused on Gwen and looking at her outstretched hand - she was confused, and even a bit _worried_. Gwen noticed Blake had stood up from his chair - he was in a similar stance, with a similar look on his face. Gwen froze as she looked between the two of them, suddenly feeling incredibly out of place and pale.

“What?” It was the only thing she could manage as she let her arm lower slightly. Bizzy looked to Blake hesitantly, asking silent permission to go forward to meet Gwen. He nodded to her gently, his head motioning towards Gwen to let her know it was okay, and his eyes went back to watching her intently. 

Bizzy shuffled forward and came right up next to Gwen, not saying a word as she took her hand. The tone of the room had changed drastically, and the older blonde simply couldn’t drape a necklace around the girl’s neck like that hadn’t just happened. 

“Is anyone going to say anything?” She asked gently, and almost scared for the answer, as her brain defaulted to think that she had done something horribly wrong. Bizzy just looked back to Blake, not wanting to be the one to say anything for once. 

“Maybe you need some water,” Blake suggested, side stepping where he saw a small bucket of bottled waters. “All of this dress shopping is a sport, after all.”

“ _Blake_ \-- “

He recognized that tone - she was annoyed, and her frustration was growing. Just as his hand clasped one of the bottled waters, his eyes went to her. They cast away for a moment as he found his courage, then went back to her. 

“You said….” He began awkwardly, then sighed. “ _Emily._ ” He hesitated again, not even sure if he was allowed to say her name. His voice went even lower. “You called her Emily.”

Gwen’s face wrinkled in confusion at him. The intensity of their eyes meeting - both confused and searching for truth - was too much in due time. She cast hers back to the small girl next to her, letting her other hand smooth over her hair. Gwen’s mouth was open slightly, as if she was trying to find the words - but she was failing miserably. Nothing would come. And now she looked like a deer in headlights as she tried to figure out a way to desperately claw herself out of this horribly awkward situation. The thing is, she didn’t even realize she had done it. If it had been a slip of the tongue she was conscious of, a quick apology would suffice. But it didn’t come as easily when she didn’t even think she said it. 

A small little hand squeezed hers, bringing her attention down to the girl staring up at her with so much love and admiration in her eyes. There was a slight hint of worry as she didn’t leave Gwen’s side. The slightest gasp caught in the back of her throat as she felt one of Blake’s hands gently rest on her shoulder from behind. 

“S’okay,” he offered delicately, and placed a kiss on top of her head. But she still felt embarrassed, the feeling of the need to retreat was strong, and she began to sway slightly away from his touch without realizing it. In silent response to this shift, his hand smoothed down her side and gripped onto the side of her waist. “Come on, let’s just sit down for a few minutes. Indulge me.”

Her normal response programmed was to pull away even more insistently. She felt it in her bones, and she felt it the easiest to dull and disperse the deep rooted embarrassment she felt. But as she stood there and met Bizzy’s eyes, she found herself fighting it. She was fighting what nature told her to do in favor of those two, hazel-blue doe eyes looking up at her with so much compassion. Words still failing her, she nodded quickly and let Blake direct her over to the couch, Bizzy’s hand not leaving Gwen’s as she walked with them. She took a seat - Blake followed suit, tugging his arm around her, and soon handing her the bottled water in his opposite hand. Gwen took it from him just as Bizzy let go, and pulled herself up and onto Gwen’s lap. Naturally, Gwen’s arm went around her, as the other tipped back the water bottle as she took a few sips. She handed it off to Blake, and brought her second arm around the girl, settling back into his embrace. 

“I’m sorry,” Gwen whispered into Bizzy’s ear, letting her arms tighten the embrace, holding her closer. “You’re my Bizzy Bee. And there’s nothing better than that in the entire world.”

“Did you see her?” Bizzy asked quietly. Her cheek rested against Gwen’s shoulder as her little arm tightened around her midsection. “Is that why…”

“ — I never got to take her dress shopping,” Gwen responded quietly. “I always thought about things like this, what we would do together.” She exhaled. “You just remind me so much of what I always thought she’d be like. I got…confused. Happens when adults get older.”

“Is that like when daddy forgets he’s cooking dinner in the oven and burns the lasagna?” 

Gwen couldn’t help but chuckle, feeling a sudden rush of much needed comic relief. She glanced over to Blake, who rolled his eyes, but then couldn’t help but chuckle along with her. 

“That’s part of it, baby, yeah,” Gwen answered her sweetly. “You have a lot to look forward to, but that’s in many, many years from now. I promise.” Gwen pushed back a few strands of hair, gently pulling Bizzy’s chin up to meet her gaze. “Another thing I promise - from the bottom of my heart - is that I am so _honored_ that you’re letting me take you to your school. Because I love hanging out with _you_ , more than I can even tell you.”

The biggest smile came across her face. Bizzy waited a moment, hesitantly moving forward with asking a question that was desperately on the tip of her tongue. 

“Are you okay if I go look at the pretty necklaces over there?” she asked timidly, looking between Gwen and Blake.

“Absolutely,” Gwen responded with a smile. “Go on over and pick a few out that you like.”

Bizzy made sure to squeeze Gwen in a hug before hopping off her lap, soon making her way back across the room towards the accessories table. She exhaled a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding in, as she absently stared off in the young girl’s direction. 

“Are you alright?” Blake asked gently, but despite this, his words still startled her. 

“I’m fine,” her voice was simple, but meek, in response. She felt like she was expelling all of her energy just to keep herself together and a smile plastered across her face. Gwen exhaled again, and let her eyes close as Blake’s fingers lightly caressed her shoulder. It was oddly comforting, so much more so than she could have imagined.

Her tough exterior cracked slightly as her hand shot over to his, interlacing their fingers and squeezing it tightly as her body tensed and she forced an exhale. 

“I love you,” he whispered lowly, which got her attention and eyes on him directly. She blinked a few times and smiled through the moisture filled eyes she was trying her best to control, and whispered back a response.

“I love you too,” she said. “I love _both_ of you. I didn’t mean — “

“ — _I know_ ,” he replied simply, but in a way to cut her sentence off. 

She nodded earnestly, and let her attention go back to the little girl in the corner of the room piling all kinds of accessories all over herself. She couldn’t help but giggle at the sight - and the amount of love that she felt coursing through her veins was so overwhelming, all she could do in those moments was watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the love and comments - I know I'm a broken record, but they are truly appreciated and make me so happy ❤️


	17. Hard To Resist Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Zoe.
> 
> You have rocked my world this year and despite being a write and somewhat decent with words, I don't have any that accurately describe how much I love you. Thank you for always being there for me and literally reading every single thing I write ❤️
> 
> One last hurrah before I sign out for 2020.
> 
> xoxo

The forcefully slammed studio door hit the frame, causing the building to shake. 

If he was honest, he couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly what made the building feel like it shook suddenly. It could have been the door frame, certainly - it was flung hard enough that it could have made anyone jump. Tony’s loud, angry footsteps down the hall could have also done it. Blake watched as he seethed coming out of Studio B, not even able to mentally process which direction he was meant to be going in as he took his leave. Or perhaps it all started with the ruckus that had emerged from Studio B only moments before, an explosion in and of itself unrelated to his departure. 

The sad thing is he expected the reaction and proceeding events could have been a possibility - but he was still startled by it as it played out in front of him like a bad movie. Blake’s eyes followed behind Tony as they watched him walk down the hall the wrong way, and he stopped once he realized this and swiftly turned on his heel and went walking back the other way this time. Tony passed by Blake again, but abruptly stopped a few feet away. 

Tony jerked his head back to look at the much taller cowboy.

“You _knew_ ,” he stated in a gritted huff, his hands balling up as Tony was simply trying to somewhat control this flood of emotions that was currently drowning him. “Does _everybody_ know? I was the _last_?”

Blake straightened his posture, his eyes glancing down the hall to see if anyone else was approaching. He held his hand out lowly, and shook his head once.

“Nobody else knows,” he stated clearly, and with confidence. “That’s the way it’s plannin’ to stay.”

“How _long_ have you known?” He snapped next, pushing him further. Blake sighed, knowing it was a losing battle either way he answered that. He offered a slight shrug in addition to his response.

“I’ve only known Gwen a few months,” he reminded him calmly. If he was honest, he didn’t remember precisely _how long_ he had known. 

“Great, so what you’re telling me is the couldn’t even be bothered to tell me jack _shit_ for over a decade, but you come prancing along in here and she spills all of her secrets to you?”

Before Blake could even respond, Tony grabbed the door to Studio B and slammed it against the frame as hard as he could. It was a small attempt to get some of his anger and frustration out, and by default, Blake felt himself lurch forward once he did this. Tony threw his hands up in the air and took a step away.

“Forget it, I’m out of here,” he practically growled, pushing Blake aside to take his exit. 

Blake sighed again, his gaze watching Tony wander off at first, but then turning to the door in front of him to Studio B. He glanced to the top of the frame, realizing a small metal component had broken off and was dangling to the side. He wasn’t certain how important said piece was to the functionality of the door, but his hand gripped the handle and it was still working enough that it allowed him to push it open and enter the smaller studio. 

He switched the door between his hands, pushing it closed with a bit more care as he heard it click into place. Blake looked around the room. He was surprised to see a few things thrown about, no doubtedly a result of the muffled argument he had witnessed behind the door, and a sizable crack in the drywall, about the size of a softball. Most importantly, he saw blonde hair - decidedly faced away from him, and a little shaky, to boot. 

“He’ll come around,” Blake offered gently, but it was almost of no use. It felt useless to try and feed her such sentiments, even if he thought they were true, because they didn’t seem to do anything to help in that moment. 

“You’re forgetting I’m the villain in all of this.” Her words were simple, pained - they felt light in the air, even as the room was heavy. 

“You’re not a villain,” he countered, and sighed. “It’s a complicated situation.”

“I don’t deserve your excuses,” she exhaled. “I deserve to go to hell, really.”

His arm reached forward to close the gap between them. His hand gripped her shoulder, and tugged to pull her to turn around to face him. Blake was suddenly disarmed as his eyes fell upon her face. The broken, upset, and jumbled mess it was didn’t match her mostly steady words. He felt her body stiffen and give the slightest bit of resistance as her back hit the wall, and he was all but holding her there. 

“You really believe that?” He asked, his eyes challenging and piercing into hers. “That you deserve to go to hell?” A beat. “Why?”

“What kind of person doesn’t tell someone they were almost a father for thirteen years,” her words came off as more of a statement versus a question, as if she was proving a point. “Even though the entire thing is my fault, you could take that out of the equation and I’d still be deserving of the fate.”

“I think you’re too hard on yourself,” he stated his observation, knowing she wasn’t yet to the point of needing him in the way that he wanted to be there for her. He wanted to pull her close and hug her and never let her go - but she wasn’t ready to accept that for the time being. It was something written all over her body language - and he knew better at that point than to press the issue. “And he’ll come around,” the words repeated so easily, the sentiment sounded the best and in his heart of hearts, he knew it would be true. Gwen and Tony had way too much history to simply never speak to one another again. 

Gwen’s eyes closed suddenly as her head hung in the slightest. She pressed her lips together and shook her head to each side. 

“Why did I do that?” her voice cracked, and she inhaled sharply. “Was it just jealousy?” She sniffled and rolled her eyes at herself. “Why would I chance ruining where he’s at in life right now?”

“You know the answers to those questions,” he responded, tilting his head slightly. “We’ve gone over them. Several times…”

“And yet none of it feels important anymore,” she admitted. “None of the reasons or answers feel like they justified what just happened.” A realization seemed to hit her. “He’s never going to speak to me again.”

“Do you really believe _that_?” His words struck a balance between gentle, with a little bit of a tough love challenge mixed in. “You two have known each other for _years_.”

“I can’t even blame him if he doesn’t speak to me again,” she commented softly, as if Blake’s words had gone right over her head. 

Gwen felt her phone vibrating in her back pocket and she raised an eyebrow as her hand went back to retrieve it. As soon as her eyes fell upon the screen for the FaceTime request, they widened and she straightened up immediately. 

“Damnit, it’s already two o’clock,” she sighed and swiped her fingers under her eyes. Blake glanced down to the phone in her hands, then raised an eyebrow of his own.

“Bizzy’s calling you?” He asked.

“She had to go back to school today, I told her she could FaceTime me when she got home,” Gwen explained. 

“Yeah, I — I know,” Blake stammered, obviously aware that it was her first day back, but still processing the new information. “When did you — “

It was no use, as Gwen slid her back down the wall and plastered a smile on her face as she picked up the video call, but her face fell slightly in confusion at first.

“Hi…” Gwen said tentatively, as if she was worried. Blake stepped forward and to the side to get a look at the screen to see what had thrown Gwen off so much. He saw mostly a forehead, but he recognized that forehead.

“Mom?” Blake asked, taking a seat next to Gwen on the ground.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you two were together today,” Dot perked up in response.

“Mom, pull the camera back, we can only see every small detail of your forehead,” Blake shook his head. His mother wasn’t the best with technology. They both watched on as Dot adjusted the camera, but still managed to cut off her chin at the bottom - however, it would do, and it was an improvement. 

“How’s that?” She asked. “Ugh, you younglings with your technology.”

“Mom, why did you call Gwen?” Blake pressed, trying to gain an understanding of what was currently transpiring. 

“Oh, right,” Dot responded, as if she had forgotten why she had called. “Gwen, I just…I didn’t know what else to do.” The older woman sighed. “When I last saw Bizzy this morning, she was eating her eggo waffles and wouldn’t shut up about _calling Miss Gwen_ when she got home from school. But now…” Another sigh. “She’s been home for 30 minutes and went straight to her room. Refused her after school snack and won’t come out. I tried knocking but she told me to go away. I asked if she was going to call you, and she didn’t answer me.”

“Did something happen at school?” Gwen pressed gently. Her ability to completely forget about her own issues and just focus her care and love on Bizzy was something that would always astound Blake.

“The teachers didn’t tell me anything happened when I picked her up,” Dot responded. “And that little girl is a steel locked box. If something happened, she’s not talking about it.”

“Maybe she’ll take my call if she knows I’m here,” Gwen tried.

“Well, that’s what I was thinkin’, just had to figure out how to get this face thingy to work,” Dot responded as she began to walk. The phone tilted side to side, and Gwen heard Dot knocking on a door.

“Bizzy, there’s someone on the phone that really wants to talk to you,” she said into the doorframe. And they were met with silence. Dot knocked again. “Bizzy, _please_ come to the door…”

The phone camera was angled up in a way that she saw the door finally crack open, but she could no longer see Dot in the frame. She was looking up at the ceiling, or maybe it was the floor, as the two voices mumbled and words were hard to understand. She waited patiently as the phone shook like it was being handed off to someone, then the sound of a door closing again. A few moments later, the phone was propped up and she could see Bizzy’s face on the screen. 

The young girl couldn’t face her just yet. Gwen remained quiet as she watched her hesitate, but soon she laid her head on a pillow and repositioned the phone.

“There’s my sweet girl,” Gwen whispered lovingly, offering her a small smile. “You didn’t call me when you got home. I was worried, baby cakes.” It was partially a lie as the time had gotten away from her with all of what had so recently transpired with Tony, but if she had realized it, she would have actually been worried, so she didn’t feel so bad about it. 

As Bizzy hardly flinched a response, Gwen amended her previous statement. “I _am_ worried,” she said gently. “Honey, what’s going on? Did something happen today?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Bizzy’s response was quiet, but at least her eyes made brief contact with Gwen’s on the screen when she said it. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Gwen responded. “But you might want to sometime. Talking about bad things is good for the soul.”

_God, she felt like such a damn hypocrite the moment the words left her mouth._

“How is talking about bad things good?” Bizzy challenged. “It doesn’t make sense.”

The young girl’s tone was a bit on edge, but Gwen didn’t miss a beat. “It sounds funny, doesn’t it?” She asked in return. “But it’s true.” She paused, as silence filled the line once more. Though she was hesitant to poke any, she felt like it might be her only chance at gathering more information. “Was it…Peyton?” Gwen couldn’t forget that bully’s name even if she tried.

“It’s always Peyton,” Bizzy responded haphazardly. “I hate it here, Ms. Gwen.”

Gwen exhaled as she had to work to keep herself together. It felt like a desperately needy plea from the younger girl, and Gwen’s entire body just wanted to lurch forward and wrap her arms around her. 

“I’ll be coming to see you at the end of the week though,” Gwen tried her best to shine even the tiniest light on the situation. “Won’t that be fun? You can show me all of your favorite spots, you can introduce me to your friends — “

“ — I don’t _have_ any friends anymore,” Bizzy snapped, cutting her off. Gwen sighed, feeling slightly helpless, and feeling like Blake might make his presence known at any moment after hearing the tone. She secretly reached her hand over to Blake and held his hand, squeezing tightly as if to silently tell him to stay quiet. 

“Peyton told everyone if they were friends with me, then she’d be mean to them, too,” Bizzy finished.

Now she _really_ felt helpless in the advice-giving game. 

“Listen to me,” Gwen spoke up eventually. “This is important, okay? Let me see your pretty face.” Gwen waited until Bizzy propped up a bit more, giving her gaze to Gwen. “You are the most _incredible_ little girl I’ve ever met. God, Bizzy Bee, you’re so special, and I can’t even put into words how much I love you to pieces,” she paused, giving the girl a heartfelt smile as she was trying to keep herself contained. “You’re strong, and you’re brave. You’re opinionated and you always think for yourself. You’re wicked smart, too. Basically, you are a _huge threat_ to someone like Peyton. You have all of these amazing qualities, and I’d bet a lot of money that she takes one look at you and she feels scared.”

“Scared isn’t the word I’d use,” Bizzy responded. “She has no problem being mean to me.”

“She’s being mean to you because she’s scared,” Gwen tried to explain. “You said she’s one of the popular girls, right? Popular girls are the ones that scare the easiest. Wanna know why?”

“Why?”

“Because when someone comes along who they think is better than them at anything, they’re mean to them. Because they’re afraid that the new girl is cooler, faster, smarter, _better_. And they think that other people are going to like them more.”

“But I don’t care about being popular,” Bizzy almost whined in frustration. “I just want to be left alone.”

Gwen sighed, her gaze going down to her lap. “ _I know_ ,” she whispered sadly. She looked back up to her a moment later to continue. “But I promise, you are such a strong little girl and you’ve got this, okay? It will be hard at first, but if you ignore her, she’ll get bored with you. The trick is to not respond.”

Gwen tilted her head slightly as she watched Bizzy contemplate the plan Gwen had presented her. She looked nervous all of a sudden, her eyes darting between her lap and the screen.

“What is it?” Gwen asked, feeling as if there was something else amiss. 

“Something else,” Bizzy confirmed, clearly fidgeting and suddenly not at ease anymore. 

“You can talk to me about anything,” Gwen reminded her gently. 

Bizzy took a shaky breath in and sat up on the bed, looking around her room as if she was making sure there was nobody to hear her. Bizzy’s body leaned forward to get a better look at the door, making sure it was still shut. She brought her legs into her chest and let her arms go around them, her chin resting on one of her knees as she glanced back to the phone propped on her little nightstand. 

“I don’t know who else to ask,” Bizzy’s voice cracked in a whisper.

“Ask me,” Gwen prompted her. “Anything…”

“Where can I get a…” Bizzy inhaled sharply. “Uhm, would you buy me a…uhm…. _training bra_?”

Gwen’s heart sank as she watched the embarrassment flash across her little face. She felt Blake’s entire body tense and straighten up next to her, even though their bodies were not physically touching. She secretly squeezed his hand, willing him to stay quiet. There were at least a hundred ways he could majorly fuck this up if he were to make his presence known in the moment. 

“Oh,” Gwen said at first, her tone surprised, but she managed a neutral expression. “Do you think you’re ready?”

“All of the other girls wear them now,” she admitted quietly. “Amanda Michaelson started wearing one today, and now I’m the only one that doesn’t have one now.” She swallowed. “Please don’t make me ask Grammy.”

Gwen nodded, and considered her response carefully. “I can get a few different types and bring them with me to Oklahoma,” she responded lowly. “My stylist has your measurements, so I’ll guess the size from those.”

Bizzy was noticeably relieved, but still adequately embarrassed. “ _Thank you_ ,” she said quietly. 

“In the meantime….” Gwen offered next, which got the girl’s attention again. “Do you have any spaghetti strap tank tops? You can wear those this week until I get there, if you want?”

Bizzy nodded. “Okay,” she responded. 

Gwen sighed, casting her gaze down into her lap. “Biz…”

“What?”

“Baby girl, I have to tell your dad…”

“No, you can’t do that!” she shrieked suddenly. “Why can’t you just not tell him?? He doesn’t know anything!”

“Honey, I have to at least talk to him,” Gwen was pleading softly. “He loves you so much, and he has to know what’s going on with you. This is a big step.” She paused, considering her words further. “Don’t you think it would be much easier for me to sit down and talk to him about this?”

“It’s _embarrassing_ ,” her tiny voice responded, pleading with her. 

“I know you feel that way,” Gwen responded gently. “I remember feeling like that too.” She paused, wanting to tell her that it was a part of life, and not a big deal, but she knew the words would be lost on her. There weren’t any words that could have possibly made it less awkward for her. “What if I ask him not to talk to you about it?” she offered next. “What if I tell him to talk to me instead?” She paused. “As you get older, there are going to be things that you don’t want to talk to him about - and I _get it_ …and I know that he’s going to understand that.”

Eventually, she got Bizzy to mumble an _okay_ , despite her insistence and stubborn nature. Gwen even got a small smile out of the girl as she tried to speak of happier things - such as her upcoming trip to Oklahoma. She didn’t know how much time had passed, but she stayed completely enamored in conversation with her until Bizzy told her she was being called down for dinner. 

“I love you,” Gwen insisted, stating it confidently and intently in hopes that it would stick. 

“Love you,” Bizzy responded genuinely, and it could have ripped her heart out. 

The little girl disconnected the FaceTime call, and Gwen found her head hanging slightly as her forehead went to her knees. Her eyes closed, pushing a few tears down her cheeks that she didn’t quite know what they were for, but felt they were necessary for something. She felt like she was drowning in an emotion-filled bubble of all kinds - between Tony, and Blake, and now everything with Bizzy - she felt sufficiently drained. 

“You told her you’d buy her a… _what_?”

Gwen jerked her head to the side, almost forgetting Blake was sitting on the wall with her. His eyes were wide, he was staring straight forward, and he looked completely beside himself. 

“Judging by your reaction not even being able to say the word _bra_ , I think I can figure out why she wanted to talk to me instead of you.” Her words were not unkind, but certainly to the point.

“She’s too young for…all of that,” Blake shook his head profusely. “No. Gwen, you shouldn’t have promised that. She’s not getting one.”

Gwen’s brow furrowed. “ _Blake_.” Her tone was insistent, and commanded his attention. His eyes went to hers. Where she was expecting to find anger, she was instead met with helplessness. It softened her features, and her words. 

“Why wouldn’t she talk to my mom?” Blake asked next, as if he was stuck on the confusion that Bizzy would go to Gwen. “If she didn’t want to talk to me, why wouldn’t she go to her?”

“I don’t know for certain,” Gwen responded honestly. “But you heard her. She’s embarrassed. Girls are embarrassed about these things at her age.”

“Why wouldn’t she talk to me though?” Blake went from confused, to almost hurt. “She knows I love her. Why would she not even want me to know?” He looked so dejected, and Gwen almost couldn’t figure out what to say.

“You can’t take it personally,” Gwen offered gently. She reached her hand up to cup his cheek. “Bizzy knows how much you love her. I know she feels it in her bones. And it’s impossible to deny how much she loves you back.” She paused. “But babe, things like this….” She shook her head. “I’m sure it took her hours of trying to work up the courage to even mention it to me. You’re her _dad_. I mean, are you really upset? Did you really want to be the one to have the _real_ bra conversation with her?”

“God no!” Blake exclaimed, and shook his head. “That’s in like what, at least ten years?”

Gwen sighed again. “Ohhhh honey,” she shook her head. 

“She’s growing up too fast,” Blake said softly. 

“I hear that’s a thing,” Gwen responded. She watched as Blake let his head lean back against the wall, his gaze unfocused but in front of him as he seemed to be processing all of what just transpired. She felt for him. She saw a man that had only known one way of life raising his daughter, and things were about to change their relationship forever. Bizzy couldn’t stay a little girl for the rest of her life, and Gwen knew Blake knew this. But it didn’t make it any easier. 

Her hand reached over to the one leg he had bent and propped up, and gently pulled it to the ground. This piqued his interest and his eyes went to her, just in time to see her press up onto her hands to settle onto his lap. She let her arms go around his midsection and let her head lay on this chest. 

“How do you do that?” He asked moments later, the vibrations from his speech hitting her suddenly. His hand stroked through her hair.

“Do what?”

“All of it,” Blake admitted, his arm tightening around her side. “How do you just know how to handle these things?” He asked first, then paused. “How do you just _know_ what I need?” His eyes went to the ceiling, as he chose his next words carefully. “How do you go so quickly from having a really bad day of your own to being completely and fully available and _invested_ in helping Bizzy through hers instead?” 

He had done the latter many times - it was part of being a parent. He knew when his daughter was in any level of pain, or even simple discomfort, he couldn’t sleep at night. Every tear that fell from her eye felt like a punch in his gut. He already had his gun collection polished and displayed in a conspicuous area in his home in preparation of the day Bizzy dared to start being interested in _dating_.

He had to remind himself sometimes that Gwen _wasn’t_ a parent, at least not in the traditional sense. He was in awe of her love and natural instincts that particularly shown through whenever Bizzy was around. 

“I don’t know,” she responded honestly, quietly at first to his first inquiry. She had no idea how she made those decisions. Truthfully, she felt like she was taking shots in the dark and just hoping it worked out - hoping that whatever she said would make things better and not worse, hoping that whatever she did would bring comfort instead of pain. 

She turned her gaze up to him as she contemplated the rest, and how she would answer. Her brain was visibly working as she struggled slightly to begin.

“I did have a bad day today,” she admitted at first. “I feel sad. I feel guilty. And I still question if I should have done it, even though on some level I trust your belief that it was the right thing to do.” She closed her eyes a moment as she felt his fingers caress through her hair once more. “It didn’t matter anymore when I saw her. I can’t explain it, I don’t know why. When she hurts, _I_ hurt. And that kind of hurt is worse than what anyone can do to me personally.”

He knew exactly what she was talking about - he felt it every day. It almost made his stomach nauseous listening to her describe it, because he found it was one of the most difficult things in the world to live with. Blake felt a sudden urge to want to protect her from it, but it was futile. He knew it was impossible to protect someone from a feeling or reaction they get from love.

“Tony is an adult. Whether or not he ever speaks to me again, I know he’ll move on. He’ll have to find a way to do that. He’s going to have this beautiful little family soon that his life is going to completely revolve around,” a small smile came to her face over the thought, as she was genuinely so happy for him. “Bizzy’s still young. She’s learning, and it’s harder for her to get over things. Everything that happens now shapes what she’ll be like. The stuff going on at school feels like the sky is falling in her world. It’s just…. _different_. It’s worse. Things are put into perspective.”

He let her sentiments sink in before he responded.

“Did you, in a round about way, _kind of_ just take my advice?”

“What?”

Gwen’s voice pitched higher at the return inquiry, a small, albeit questioning smile playing across her lips. 

“You just admitted that Tony would move on,” Blake pointed out. “Not so much a villain anymore, are you?”

Gwen opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but words failed her. She didn’t have a response to that. Her eyes glanced down to her hand resting on his chest, watching her finger fidget against his shirt absently. He leaned forward to whisper in her ear, as words were currently not a problem for him. “Don’t fight it,” he said, then placed a kiss on top of her ear. He shifted and took her lips with his a moment later, and before she could say anything to the contrary. 

She sighed as their lips parted, and let her forehead lean into his. 

“I don’t think I’m going to get anything else done in the studio today,” she said lowly.

“I feel the same,” Blake agreed, letting his eyes close a bit as he pondered. “Mmm. You know what though? I could _really_ go for a milkshake right about now.”

“A milkshake?” She giggled, finding it random. “What made you think about that?” 

“A huge secret about the male species is that we are _always_ thinking about the next thing we’re going to put into our stomachs.”

Oh, that was too much of an opening for her to ignore. A small smile played at her lips. 

“And here I was just thinking about the next thing I wanted in my _mouth_.”

Blake grunted in response, his arms tightening around her even more. He leaned forward, closing the gap to kiss her intently. He made sure to drag it out, wanting to savor it. 

“That was _lovely_ , but I can’t say it was what I originally had in mind,” she whispered sweetly. Blake just chuckled, the easiest response as she once again rendered him speechless.

“I’m taking you out for milkshakes,” he mumbled genuinely, with a smile. “And later on, I’m going to cook for you. I’m going to put wood in the fireplace, and curl up with you on the couch under that big grey blanket I know you love.”

She suddenly felt her heart being faster. “And then?” She pressed immediately, unable to hold herself back, and desperate for him to continue.

“And then….” He responded, his lips going to her ear again. “You can put anything you want in that pretty mouth of yours.”

His words made a shiver go down her spine, and the smile returned to her lips. She exhaled and sighed as she felt Blake’s lips trail down to her neck, placing a few soft, barely-there kisses on her skin. 

“Let’s go get those milkshakes then,” she said, breathlessly.

He nibbled at her neck. “What’s the sudden rush?” He asked lowly, placing another kiss.

“The faster we drink those shakes, the sooner we get home,” she explained. “Sooner I can let myself go, not hold back. Cause baby, I’m not sure if I can get through _all of that_ without…” 

She sighed again, moaning softly as his warm lips kissed her neck again. Blake moved his lips to kiss her properly once more, then let his hand gently pat her side to tell her to stand.

“I like the tease,” he admitted. “I think it’ll be fun to watch you squirm all afternoon…”

“You’re mean,” she groaned, but contradicted herself immediately as she pecked a kiss on his lips before standing. She held out her hands for him, and Blake partially used her help to stand up himself. 

“I like to think of it as _thoughtful_ ,” Blake countered. “You’re going to enjoy it ten times more if I can make you _needy_ for it.”

“Still mean,” she countered sweetly. 

He tugged her close the next moment to whisper in her ear again. God, the way he did that was so sensual in and of itself. 

“I will _never_ leave you unsatisfied, baby girl,” he said lowly, but confidently.

“And that’s a promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who makes writing worth it.
> 
> I read every comment, try to respond to them all, but one thing is true across the board - they give me life. Knowing you're out there makes me feel less alone. Feedback literally shapes my stories and it's so important to keep going. I'd love to hear from you one last time this year ❤️
> 
> Stay safe, and happy new year to all.
> 
> xoxo


	18. Your Lipstick Got Me So Out Of Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course we're starting out the year with smut. You expected nothing less from me, right?
> 
> xoxo

Gwen sighed, allowing her head to arch back slightly as she felt his lips brush against her skin once more.

It was becoming a routine - a sweet, relaxing inevitability that she looked forward to when she was with him. Try as they might, it didn’t matter what else they tried to occupy themselves with - they ended up on the bed, sometimes the couch, sometimes the kitchen counter, their lips battling for dominance.

Sometimes it was slow and sensual, which was hard at first for her to adjust to as it all just felt so much more _intimate_ with Blake. She felt exposed; she couldn’t hide anything from him, but a slow comfort and sweetness was developing over time. As soon as his fingers gently caressed against her skin it brought her back to center, accompanied with an exhaustive but loving sigh.

“I have a present for you,” Blake whispered in her ear, and she felt a small surge of anticipation in her stomach.

“A present?” She questioned softly, a small giggle caught in her throat.

Blake’s lips trailed up her cheek, placing a kiss on her lips. “Consider it a late Christmas present…”

“Christmas?” She giggled again. “Christmas was three, four months ago…”

He kissed her again. “Okay, stubborn,” he teased, his fingers gently teasing her sides. “Late birthday present?”

Gwen couldn’t help but giggle again. “My birthday was almost _six_ months ago…”

He sighed, pretending to be frustrated as he tickled her sides - she squealed suddenly and wiggled in his lap. “Happy _half birthday_ present, then,” he said more confidently. Her eyes caught onto his - a smile tugging at her features as her hands rested delicately at the back of his neck. “Now will you accept it?”

“I would have accepted a late Christmas present,” she grinned. “Even though you didn’t know me on Christmas…”

Blake groaned. “Woman, you’re _infuriating_ …” he teased her before kissing her deeply once more. Gwen returned the kiss, relaxing into his embrace for a few moments. “There is a caveat, though. Your present _might_ require you to strip naked first…”

He could have gone hard just from the small, shocked gasp that escaped her lips in response. The slight tentative smile with those large doe eyes enlarging at the request. 

“Why do I get the feeling you totally just made that up?” She asked sweetly, letting her finger trace down the front of his chest as her eyes went back to his and locked.

“Mmm,” Blake responded, his eyes soon following her finger’s trail across his body. “It’s _totally_ relevant. I guess you’ll just have to trust me…”

Her lips took his into another deliberate kiss. “Blake Shelton, if you want my clothes off, you’re going to have to make it happen for yourself.”

“Mmm…I don’t think that’s what I want,” he responded coyly, his fingers slipping under her shirt to tease her skin again. “I think I’d rather watch _you_ remove them.” He paused. “I have the leverage, baby girl. I don’t _have_ to give you your half birthday present…”

Gwen groaned, kissing him again before sliding off of his lap to stand up at the side of the bed. Blake’s hands drew up her back as he kept her close, Gwen standing in between his spread legs. Her fingers clutched the edges of her shirt, and she slowly dragged the material up to expose her bare stomach. She continued, tugging it up and over her head, tossing it to the side. She gasped and giggled as Blake suddenly tugged her forward, kissing her deeply as his hands kneaded into her.

Gwen returned the kiss, pulling back to look at him as she bit her lip.

“Just like that?” She asked breathlessly, allowing her own fingers to drag against the skin near her collarbone. She tilted her head as she drew her fingers lower, letting them brush slowly and into one of her bra cups. Her lips pressed together as she teased herself, her reaction indicating the arousal she was causing herself to feel. “Is this what you had in mind, baby?”

“ _Faster_ ,” he commanded, practically growling at her. Though the word only partially made sense, she could gauge what he meant. She smiled as she watched him squirm, and instead of listening to his command, she ignored it for now as she let her hand leave one cup and travel into the other. She sighed, letting herself be completely effected by herself.

“If I have to strip myself, should I not get to also decide _how_ to take my clothes off for you?”

Blake didn’t answer her question, but instead let his hands draw down the back of her body, both resting on her ass before squeezing it tight. “Get these off,” he commanded, unexpectedly drawing one hand back to slap one side of her ass. The additional gasp that he caused to fall from her lips hardened him even more.

“Blakey, _patience_ ,” she teased him, letting her hand fall to her side. She took one of his hands away from her ass, drawing it up between them. She shrugged twice to cause one of her bra straps to fall down her shoulder, and placed his hand over her breast. “Come on, Blakey, _play with me_.”

He lost his composure and his mouth went forward - his hand turned to hold her breast as he shoved the fabric of her bra aside, his mouth soon taking her breast completely. Her breathy, _needy_ demeanor was surely to be the death of him. Gwen’s fingers gripped the hair at the back of his neck needily, moaning softly as his tongue swirled and his mouth gently sucked and teased. His hands gripped her sides as he held her upright, feeling her falter and lean into him for more support as she let the pleasure sure through her body.

Gwen let her opposite arm lazily reach behind her back an an attempt to fully release her bra, but as Blake intensified his teasing, she couldn’t quite get the hook.

“Help me,” she whispered, nearly whining. 

“You told me to _play with you_ ,” Blake mumbled. “I couldn’t _possibly_ concentrate on two things at once…”

He smiled against her skin as he took her breast back into his mouth, relentlessly teasing her again as she whined in pleasure. 

“Since when do you _listen_?” She groaned, and he giggled.

“When teasing you makes it _hard_ on you,” he responded in between tongue swirls against her erect nipple. “God baby, you have no idea how _hard_ it is on _me_ right now.”

She let him continue, helplessly, her hands clutching onto him as her body twitched and responded to the tease. When she was sufficiently frustrated, both hands pressed into his shoulders, forcing his mouth off of her. The loss of his tongue against her skin nearly stung, and she watched as he leaned back - his elbows on the bed, his eyes gazing over her body. A small, wry smile tugged in the corner of his mouth as it was so _obvious_ how hot and bothered she was already. 

His finger hooked under the center of her bra and he tugged it once and released it, indicating he wanted it off.

The look on his face was undeniable. He wanted it off _now_.

Gwen playfully swat his hand as he retracted it back. “ _No touching_ ,” she snapped quietly. His smile grew even bigger as he felt she was getting into it. He was back leaning on both elbows again, his hands subtly twitching at his sides in anticipation of touching her again.

He watched on intently as Gwen’s hands drew behind her back and she fiddled with the hook, releasing it nonchalantly and letting the straps slide down her arms. She dropped the fabric without a fuss - and to Blake’s surprise, her hands rested on top of his thighs and she went down to her knees. Her head tilted to the side as she let her hands caress up and down his jean-covered thighs. 

Her eyes flashed up to his that were watching her, and she let her cheek lean against one of his inner thighs.

“Don’t tell me I’m the only one losing my clothes for this,” she murmured softly. And though he knew she wasn’t trying to be particularly _seductive_ in the way she said those words, it was quite possibly one of the hottest things he had ever seen.

Gwen Stefani. On her knees. Her eyes large and dripped in pure innocence as they looked up to him. _Begging_ to take his clothes off.

Fuck. He needed to get better control of the situation. 

“You’re stalling,” he said roughly. “You better start stripping, or I’m not going to give you your surprise.” 

The small whine he heard in response to his threat was indescribably satisfying, and watching Gwen scramble back to her feet was even more so. Her hands pressed up on his thighs to help her stand, and though it was beyond tempting to touch her again, he restrained himself. His eyes rose as she stood up straight.

Gwen bit her lip as she drew her hands to the top of her jeans, slowly unbuttoning them as she watched him watching her. Just as she moved her fingers to her zipper she moaned, realizing one of Blake’s hands reached out and was teasing her and breaking her concentration. She let herself lean into his touch helplessly.

“ _Keep. Going._ ”

She mustered all of the strength she had left to clutch the zipper in between her fingers and she pulled it undone - quickly moving her hands back to her waistband and working her jeans down her hips, then her thighs. She swooped close to the ground to tug the jeans fully off - and when she stood up fully again, the image of her standing only in hunter green hipster underwear was a delicious sight.

Blake sat up and off of his elbows, letting his hands go to her hips. He teasingly tugged at her underwear line, letting his fingers wander under the fabric and trace south.

“Good girl,” he whispered against her lips before kissing her. She returned the kiss, smiling through it as she angled and adjusted towards him in the next moment, forcing him to trace against her center instead of the current path his finger was tracing. His opposite hand squeezed her ass and he moaned in frustration. “I take that back. You’re naughty as _fuck_.” His voice was strained as he gave up on his restraint, greedily grabbing the small bit of fabric and stripping it off of her so quickly, her head could have spun. His hands grabbed her ass and he pulled her onto his lap - forcing her legs open and herself exposed to him before setting her down.

She lunged forward and kissed him deeply and desperately, soft moans escaping her lips as his hands were all over her during his return kiss. As his lips went in to kiss her neck, she sighed heavily as her thighs clenched tighter to his sides.

“I know I can be naughty, but do I still get my present, Blakey?”

The vibration from his chuckle against her skin was another tease. “I’ll let you have your surprise,” he responded. “But there might be a few more… _consequences_ now.” He paused, then kissed her neck again. “Do you still want it?”

She felt something stir deep inside. “Yes, please,” she said sweetly, pulling his lips up to hers again for a soft kiss. Blake smiled through his kiss and his hands gripped her sides again, tugging her gently off of his lap. Blake stood up, tugging his own shirt off and ditching it to the ground.

“I guess I’ll have to take these clothes off too,” he commented, glancing down at her. “You got my jeans all wet…” He grinned, tugging at his belt buckle.

Gwen felt her cheeks flush pink. “Sorry,” she whispered, slightly embarrassed. 

Blake chuckled. “Fuck, I’m not,” he grinned and tugged his jeans and briefs down. “It’s so hot that you’re already that wet. God, I love what I can do to you.”

Gwen’s lips pressed together in a smile, her eyes casting down as Blake went into the bottom drawer. He pulled out a small red gift bag with white tissue paper, which piqued Gwen’s curiosity. Blake slid behind Gwen on the bed to sit back down, pulling her in between his legs - his chin resting on her shoulder.

“Open it now?” She asked, turning to look up to him.

“You’ve definitely earned it,” Blake responded, a hint of mystery to his voice. His hands caressed up and down her arms, and her eyes turned back to the small red bag.

Gwen tugged the tissue paper out first, seeing a small, unmarked, rectangular black box. Her eyebrow raised as she took it into her hands, slowly pulling the lid off the top. What she saw immediately caught her off guard, and not knowing how to react and almost feeling slightly _embarrassed_ of all things, her reflex was to close the lid and look away.

“ _Blake_ ,” she mumbled under her breath, and he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Is this…?” She tried to compose a thought, but she fell short. “ _Really?_ Why?”

She swallowed roughly as she suddenly felt jumbled in her own thoughts, but soon her mind was haunted with those words he had yelled after her not so long ago - the only ones that seemed to make any sense of her current scenario. 

_**“Guess I can just get you a vibrator for Christmas, maybe it’ll have better luck at making you feel something. Even though you STILL NEVER SAID IT!”** _

Christmas present. The vibrator she was now holding awkwardly in one hand. She felt unsure, but definitively guilty and even a bit like a failure as she tried to decipher the meaning.

“Hey…” Blake’s words were whispered gently into her ear as his fingers caressed down both arms again. “Where’d you go just now?”

“What?”

She snapped back to reality as she realized he had responded to her but she hadn’t caught onto the specific words. She looked back down to the device in her hand. “What is this supposed to mean?” she asked neutrally, but it was apparent to him there was a level of uncertainty underlying in her voice. “Are you trying to tell me something?” A bit of panic flashed across her face. “Am I doing something wrong? Am I not enough?”

Blake was wholly unprepared for her confused, mixed, and slightly alarmed reaction. And her asking him if she wasn’t _enough_ for him was truly the part that made him feel gutted. He took a moment to think through a response, his hands not leaving her arms as he exhaled before speaking again.

“Do you trust me?” He asked her finally. “Enough to explain before you think up any other worst case scenarios in your head?”

“Why do you think I’m doing that?” she questioned, tone neutral.

“I just have an inkling,” he whispered back into her ear, and she nodded.

“I trust you,” she whispered back. “I got naked for you, didn’t I?”

He felt the tension in her shoulders subside, which also brought him relief. “And you have _no idea_ how much I appreciated that…” he smiled and let a finger trace down her side. “Come ‘ere, lean back against me. Try to relax.”

Blake’s hands both fell to her waist, and he soon helped position her differently up against him. He kissed her slowly on the neck as his hands moved to her thighs to gently pull them apart and direct them open, her knees bending and naturally falling out to each side. Her body was exposed and completely open to him, the realization of this once again stirring something deep in the pit of her stomach.

“Close your eyes,” he whispered next, and he took the box out of her hand. She sighed and did what she was told, and she soon felt his hands wandering all over her body. A few minutes of this and she was relaxing easier into him, an indication that she was ready. 

His hands didn’t stop moving across her skin as he spoke again. 

“I want you to tell me how you feel,” he said gently, watching her reaction in the next moment. Though her eyes were closed, her face wrinkled in confusion.

“I don’t understand,” she said softly. “Like do you mean right now? Because that’s complic — “

His finger came onto her lips to stop her mid-sentence. “Don’t overthink it,” he said next. Blake reached out for the vibrator sitting in the box next to him, flicking it onto the first setting. His eyes went back to Gwen’s body, and he soon let the vibrations at the tip make contact with one of her knees slowly.

She gasped at the sudden contact, her hands gripping onto Blake’s thighs below her in an effort to stabilize herself. 

“One word,” he prompted again. “How do you feel?”

Gwen hesitated, working to find the response in her brain that would fit her current predicament. And there was only one word that kept ringing in her head.

“Nervous,” she admitted shyly, and in a low voice.

“Do you still trust me?” Blake asked gently, only slightly moving the tip against her skin as he felt the need to ask again. “Can I keep going?”

“Yeah…” she exhaled, and she felt his other hand splay across her lower stomach. Her lips pressed together as she felt the tip of the vibrator begin to trail against her inner thigh. It was tantalizingly slow as she felt her body coming to life in a different way.

“One word,” Blake prompted her again. She realized what he wanted her to do, her nerves suddenly coursing through her body.

“Anticipatory…” she managed, as the vibrator moved closer to where she so desperately wanted it. 

After what felt like a lifetime in and of itself, Blake let the tip slide gently against her slick center - his hand tightening against her body as it attempted to buck against him. The small moan that escaped her lips sounded so helpless as her body was begging for more. But he wasn’t quite ready to give her anything more substantial just yet. Instead, the slick edge trailed up her opposite thigh as she tried to force her body not to writhe and beg for more.

As soon as he changed course with the vibrator and it was heading back down her inner thigh to center - her muscles tightened and he spoke again. 

“One word,” he prompted, and she moaned and gripped just a bit tighter to him.

“ _Titillated…_ ”

“Fuck, that’s a really good word,” Blake almost growled, finding himself completely turned on by that. He let the tip stop two inches short of her center and he held it there. “Say it again.”

Gwen let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding in and a frustrated groan as she realized he stopped.

“You’re _titillating_ me, Blake,” she exhaled as she squirmed. “You make me feel _titillated_.”

His lips went to her neck and his hand drew up to cup a breast - his fingers soon teasing there. He kept the vibrator in place against her skin.

“You’re just making me think about your _tits_ ,” he joked lowly. “And all of the ways I could possibly tease them…like this…” He rolled her nipple in between his finger and thumb, and she was writhing again. 

“But…but how do I get you to think about…” she exhaled, having a hard time finishing her sentence. “ _Vi _…”__

__His hand palmed the vibrator and pressed it into one of Gwen’s - as soon as he was certain she had a hold of it, his second hand drew up to her second breast and he began to tease them in unison._ _

__“Why don’t you give yourself a little taste of it,” he said lowly against her skin. She barely caught the words from his lips as her body writhed at the extra dose of stimulation._ _

__“ _Fuuuuuck…_ ,” she gasped, as one hand clutched Blake’s thigh and the other tightened around the vibrator that was now in her hand. _ _

__“That’s not a feeling, baby girl,” he teased her, then nibbled on her earlobe._ _

__“I…feel… _fucked_ ….” she groaned then giggled softly, the words coming out with obvious difficulty. _ _

__“And shy, apparently,” Blake murmured as his fingers continued the tease. “Let yourself have it…” he whispered, his eyes glancing down to the vibrator in her hand. She had it hovering tentatively near her center, but not touching just yet._ _

__Gwen caught her breath and groaned softly under his touch, forcing herself to focus on the vibrations clutched in her hand. Her hand came to life as she tightened her grip and tipped it back to an angle, allowing the tip to brush completely against it. She moaned immediately and felt Blake’s arms tighten around her body - a safeguard as he anticipated the full body attempt at bucking under both touches._ _

__“Give yourself more,” he commanded gently into her ear. “Get yourself closer to the edge…”_ _

__“I can’t…” she exhaled at a half-whine. “It’s _so_ much…”_ _

__Blake smiled and let one of his hands draw down to hers, and clutched over it holding the device. He gently took it from her palm and pressed it against her inner thigh, dragging it slowly back into her center, letting it caress back and forth as it drove her even crazier._ _

__“One word,” Blake prompted her again, enjoying her squirming underneath him._ _

__“Wet,” she said quickly and without thinking, swallowing roughly as both hands clutched onto his thighs again. “Aroused. Desperate. _Close_ …” Her back arched into him suddenly and she bit her lip hard._ _

__“That was four,” he chuckled softly, as he changed the pattern of the vibrator once more. He let it draw up one of her inner thighs to give her a small break, and she sighed wistfully. Tension left her body even as she remained on high alert - anticipating the stimulation._ _

__She focused on his touch - she felt his fingers caressing over her body as he switched the vibrator to her other thigh. Though he didn’t prompt her, she found herself admitting to another on her own moments later._ _

__“Loved,” her voice came, vulnerable and innocent. Blake took a moment to process this admission of hers - looking down on her even as her eyes were still closed, her body twitching under his touch. His lips pressed a kiss on top of her head, and he turned the device to a higher setting as he led it back to center. He braced his grip on her as she writhed more, her breathing growing labored._ _

__“ _Closer_ ,” she whispered with a moan, her back arching again. “Baby, so close…” _ _

__Blake pressed the button to push it onto the highest setting, her moans and gasps the encouragement he needed to stay the course. Before long, she was trying to mumble something incoherently, soon managing it just before she went over the edge._ _

__“ _Orgasm…!_ ” she exclaimed and gasped, her body tensed completely as her center rode up against the device to ride it out. Her body melted into Blake’s as she started to come down from the high minutes later, before bucking almost violently up against him as she was suddenly overstimulated with the vibrator against her. Blake moved it off of her completely, hitting the button to turn it off._ _

__“Shh…” he whispered into her ear, his hands caressing her gently. He shifted her up and pulled her close in his arms, holding her as she began to recover. Her body was like jelly, slumped into him and completely dead to the world. She didn’t move, and he was simply content brushing the locks out of her face as her eyes remained closed - her cheek against his chest._ _

__He held her like that for several minutes, only looking down as he felt a shiver from her body. Her eyes opened tiredly, but she didn’t shift away. Her arms remained loosely around his midsection, even as her mind seemed to spark back to life. Blake pulled a large blanket around them, and continued to hold her as he kept an eye on her. While her body felt relaxed and she felt like a puzzle piece fitting up against him perfectly, her expression was taking a turn for the worst case scenario. One moment it was neutral, and the next it was slowly devolving into a frozen, tentative gaze fixated straight in front of her._ _

__“One word,” he prompted her, keeping in line with the recently familiar pattern. His hand caressed the side of her head as he watched her close her eyes for a few moments. “Gwen?”_ _

__“ _Terrified_ ,” she managed hoarsely, as her eyes opened again. Her bottom lip involuntarily trembled and she let her head hang, sniffling softly. She began to pull away, a sudden move accompanied by two additional, whispered words. “Embarrassed.” He heard a sigh._ _

__“I’m sorry…”_ _

__She swiped under her eyes and exhaled again as the apology fell from her lips, laying on her side and turned away from him. Her body curled up as she tugged a blanket over her body and remained silent._ _

__Blake sighed, shifting to prop himself up on his elbow next to her, hovering near her body. He hesitated, but gently rested his hand on the blanket over her shoulder._ _

__“I really want to hold you right now, baby girl,” he said in a low voice, obviously concerned. “Is that alright?”_ _

__She hesitated, but her response did not disappoint. “Yeah…” she managed, though absentmindedly._ _

__His hand gently squeezed her shoulder, and he soon shifted down, pulling her slowly to him as a little spoon. He placed a few soft kisses on her neck, and held her in silence for a few minutes before speaking again._ _

__“Why _terrified_?” He whispered. And he felt her entire body exhale under him. _ _

__“Intimacy isn’t easy,” she admitted softly in a whisper. “That was…” she forced an exhale, then shrugged as she let go of that thought. “ _Not_ easy.”_ _

__“I’m proud of you,” he responded, and left it at that. It was simple, true, and didn’t try to cloud her thought process._ _

__Gwen exhaled, and in one swift motion, shifted in his arms to face him, laying down on her opposite cheek and letting her eyes finally look at his. They searched for a few moments before she dared to say a word._ _

__“I’m scared to get too close,” she whispered, having to divert her eyes from his briefly. “Scared to get attached, because I don’t want to lose you.” She paused. “And I guess if that makes me look weak, then I guess I’m weak.”_ _

__Blake couldn’t help himself - his immediate response caused him to move forward, pressing his lips gently into hers. He let his forehead lean against hers, and he felt compelled to add in a few _words_ of his own._ _

__“Lucky,” he whispered to her. “Most days, I feel lucky. Maybe even a little confused, because I have no idea what you see in me, and yet you actually want to be with me and I didn’t have to do much of anything.” He chuckled lowly, stroking gently against her cheek. “Complete. Like there was this piece of me missing. Things were always just okay, but I didn’t know what I was missing that would make things _great_.” Another pause. “In love. Because I have never felt like this about anyone before. I’m _addicted_ to you, Gwen Stefani. _And if that makes me look weak…_ ”_ _

__The smile that came across his face as he stole her words was disarming. She brought her finger up to his lips to stop him from speaking further._ _

__“Just shut up and kiss me,” she requested sweetly, retracting her finger from his lips._ _

__And in the next moment, he pulled her close, and kissed her deeply. She exhaled as their lips eventually parted, whispering one additional, final word._ _

__“ _Safe_.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021 ❤️ As always, please let me know what you think!


	19. There You Go Again, Making Me Love You

“Did you ever think - in a million years - you’d be sitting on a plane bound for Oklahoma?”

Gwen’s lips tugged up into a small smile as Blake’s words were whispered in her ear. She had been oddly distracted ever since they boarded and even took off, preferring to gaze mindlessly out the window as she watched various people doing - well, _plane things_. She had been amused as she watched Blake completely take charge of their belongings, preferring to load it up himself instead of sticking one of the workers with the task. It was the tiniest of quirks that somehow managed to make him even the slightest bit more attractive to her. 

“No,” she whispered softly, as her gaze didn’t move from the window. She let her head lean back as the plane went through a cluster of clouds and there was no longer anything to see out of the window. Her hand reached for his, and she quickly interlaced their fingers. “I’ve never even been to Oklahoma, if you can believe it.”

“Oh, I can believe it,” Blake chuckled softly, squeezing her hand once they were interlaced. He picked it up and kissed the top of it, just as their eyes met. “You’re tired, baby girl.”

She hummed, her eyebrow raising. “I wonder who’s fault that is.”

Blake glanced around the cabin briefly, ensuring they were alone, his eyes soon going back to hers. “Weren’t you the one that couldn’t keep her hands to herself….?” He inquired lowly. “Even after you came twice, I think it was you that said — “

“ _Blake Shelton_ ,” she shrieked, her eyes going wide as her hand covered his mouth to get him to stop speaking. They both giggled softly together, with her diverting her eyes and shaking her head, though with a smile still plastered across her face. 

“It was a good night,” Blake added. 

“That it was,” she agreed, then couldn’t help but let out a yawn. 

“You know there’s a bed in the back,” he mentioned. “Might do you some good to get a little more rest.”

Gwen hummed softly, as she considered it. “Come with me?” She asked a moment later. 

“Me, you, and a bed don’t have the best track record for _rest_ ,” he teased lightly. 

“Are you saying you don’t trust yourself to lay next to me in bed?”

“Do _you_ really trust me to lay next to you in bed?” He turned the question back on her with a grin.

She leaned forward, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Yes,” she answered softly. She hovered close to him a moment and couldn’t stop another yawn from taking her over. 

He squeezed her hand. “Come on, sleepy head.”

The transition felt quick between the cabin and the full sized bed in the back. Blake lowered onto the bed first, knowing he’d take up the most room. He reached his hand out for her as she lowered herself down, easily curling up to him and settling into his body. She let her eyes close as his finger traced along her cheek, a small smile as he innocently pressed his lips against hers. 

“You look like a bunny rabbit,” he whispered.

She scrunched her nose as it brought a small smile to her face, accompanied by a faint giggle. “Hopefully a cute one,” she whispered.

“The cutest,” he affirmed.

“How long is the flight?” She mumbled.

“Little under 3 hours,” he responded, his voice matching hers. “We’ve probably been in the air about half an hour.”

“Kay,” Gwen responded, even fainter then her question. “Just a little nap, maybe.”

“As long as you need,” he said, kissing her forehead. “I’m gonna close my eyes too.”

And they did. The silence fell between them, and Gwen easily succumbed to sleep. She was comfortable in a way she hadn’t felt before - the ease that brought her let her mind wander to the clouds.

——

When she woke, her body jolted and she sat up, as the unfamiliar whizzing engine startled her awake. 

She felt Blake’s hand reach for her back and her head turned to look at him, his touch startling her. 

“Just me,” he said immediately, a look of concern on his face. He had been on this side of Gwen waking up suddenly before, and he didn’t want to spook her further. 

Her eyes met his and she sighed, her body releasing some of the sudden tension. She felt a pang of guilt as she caught the concern on his face. 

“Sorry,” she whispered. “Forgot where I was.” 

Without another word, she shifted closer and let herself lay back down next to him. Like clockwork, his arms were around her, holding her close. Even though they had made a lot of strides in recent weeks, the fact that she immediately went to him like that warmed his heart. She craved comfort, and she was learning to make her first move one towards him.

“You were out for a while,” he said gently. “Feeling better?”

Gwen groaned softly. “Dunno yet,” she admitted. “I’m still in that _just woke up_ groggy feeling. I don’t wanna move.”

“You don’t have to, for a little bit at least.”

Silence fell between them again. Neither of them felt like they needed to fill the air between them. It was Gwen who eventually spoke up.

“Hey Blake?”

“Hmm?”

Gwen propped herself up, glancing down to him a moment before her hand reached forward to cup his cheek. She kissed him softly, soon breaking their lips apart and letting herself settle back down. A small smile came as she let her eyes close again. 

Blake grinned over at her. “What was that for?”

“Nothing,” she responded softly. “ _Everything_.” One eye opened a moment later to peek up at him, and he caught her trying to steal a glance. She chuckled, and shook her head. “Ok, maybe _one thing_ …”

“You’re a terrible liar,” he chuckled.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“Master distractor, though,” he commented back. He gently squeezed her sides. “Come on, spill. What’s up?”

Gwen hummed as she squirmed, shifting to lay on her back, but still in his arms. She smiled as he placed a kiss on her neck while she found the words. 

“Adrian’s wedding is next month,” she began quietly.

“Yeah?” He asked lowly, before placing another kiss. “Already?”

“He uh…” Gwen laughed, and bit her lip. “He had a lot more confidence in me than I did a few months ago when his fiancée sent the invites,” she explained, pausing to exhale softly as Blake had another kiss placed trailing down her neck. 

“You’re not the best with that,” he agreed, and another kiss. “We’ll change that, though.”

“Do you have a button for that?” She asked sweetly, her eyes going to his. “I need some right now.”

He left another kiss on her neck before pulling up slightly to hover over her. Their eyes met in the silence, and the intensity grew. In the next moment his hand drew up between them, his finger pressing down onto her nose like it was pressing a button.

“Right _there_ ,” he said with a straight face, though it was hard for him to maintain. As soon as the words left his mouth, she was in a small fit of giggles. He grinned, letting her get a few out before his lips kissed hers. 

“Dork,” she whispered against his skin as their lips parted. He pecked another one on her quickly, and let his head lay next to hers on the pillow. Blake hummed in response. 

“Would you…go with me?” she asked in the faintest of voices. “He gave me a plus one, thinking I’d find someone to go with and uh…I didn’t think I would, I mean, I was honestly probably just going to bring Jon but uh…” she exhaled. “I want you to go with me.”

“Of course I’ll go with you,” he affirmed, like it was no big deal. Because to him, it wasn’t. They were at a place now where they were comfortable with each other, and it kind of stung that she had so many insecurities to get over just to ask him something like that. “You thought I’d say no?”

“I dunno,” she shrugged. “And like, if Bizzy is in town or something, like I get it. You don’t have to, it’s more important for you to spend time with her when she’s in LA.”

“Don’t worry about the schedule,” he dismissed gently. He was touched over how thoughtful she was when it came to his daughter. “We’ll figure it out.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the pilot coming over the speaker to let them know they would soon begin landing. They both sat up, Gwen swiping under her eyes feeling as if some of her makeup was out of place.

“I look a mess, don’t I?” She asked to nobody in particular. 

Blake held his hands out, pulling her up once she took them. “No,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “You look perfect.”

She groaned a little as her arms tightened around his midsection, and she leaned into him as she allowed him to lead the way back to the cabin.

——

Gwen felt her stomach flip as soon as Blake pulled into the long, winding driveway.

Her eyes were fixated out the window, her entire body leaning into the door as she was eager to get a peek at their destination. She soon saw a house come into view in the distance. A house made of smooth, ornate cobblestones - and while the size was more humble and grandeur, it was a beautiful masterpiece. The gardens around it reminded her of a house right out of a storybook; she imagined it must have been even more beautiful in the warmer months when the greenery was in bloom.

Blake hadn’t even managed to park the truck at the end of the driveway before she spotted two little legs running out the front door at full speed towards them. To Gwen’s slight surprise, Bizzy was eagerly hovering on her side of the truck instead of Blake’s. 

“ _Chopped freaking liver_ ,” Blake mumbled, shaking his head. Gwen giggled as her hand went to the door. 

“Don’t take it so hard, dad,” she responded cutely, pushing it open. “I’m sure you’re next…”

Blake chuckled again, and Gwen turned in an attempt to jump out of the tall truck. Instead, something - or rather, _someone_ \- jumped on her instead.

“Miss Gwen!” the little girl exclaimed, landing in her lap and basically catapulting herself into her arms. Gwen screeched and laughed at the sudden greeting, her arms immediately flinging around the girl and squeezing her tightly.

“My favorite little bee,” she whispered fervently in return. She found herself holding the little girl so tightly, she wondered if she was afraid of losing her if she let go. “ _I love you so much_ , you know that?”

Bizzy pulled back a little to look up to Gwen, questioning her tone. When she saw Gwen’s eyes begin to water, concern flashed across her little face. 

“What’s wrong?” Bizzy asked. “Did I hurt you when I jumped on you? I’m sorry…”

“No, sweet girl, you didn’t hurt me,” Gwen said with a shake of her head. Her hand rested against the side of her head. “I’m just so happy to see you.” She paused. “And you have no idea how hard it was to be in California this week away from you.”

Bizzy let her head lean against Gwen as she looked up to her. “It was hard for me too,” she admitted, and her voice lowered to a whisper. “ _Please take me back with you…_ ”

Gwen felt a gasp catch in the back of her throat as she tried to control her face, and her emotions. Those six little words broke her heart, and she wasn’t sure if she was thankful that Blake had walked around the truck and had joined them in the next moment. On one hand she had an out, but on the other, she was working hard for her composure.

“I think your dad is _dying_ for a hug,” Gwen prompted her, forcing a smile.

“I mean look, I know I’m not as cool as _Miss Gwen_ …” Blake said, putting his hands up in the air in defeat. Bizzy grinned, and shifted towards him - Blake catching her and easily swinging her up into his arms. 

Bizzy clung to him tightly in a hug. Blake exhaled, holding her in that hug for a moment with his eyes closed. He opened them and looked down to Gwen just as the first tear fell down her cheek. He held out his hand for her and she took it - he pulled her right up to them, and brought her into the hug.

“Aren’t you three just the cutest looking thing.”

Dot was hovering nearby, a smile on her face as she watched their three-way hug. Blake was the first to break away, setting Bizzy down on the ground before taking a step over to her.

“Hi Mom,” he greeted her, and gave her a hug as well. Dot smiled bigger and returned the gesture, her hand going against Blake’s stomach as she raised an eyebrow. 

“You’re losin' weight!” She exclaimed suddenly. “This shirt here is swallowing you whole - we need to get you a new one. What, does Gwen have you on that LA twigs and berries diet or somethin?” 

Gwen giggled as she walked up beside him, Bizzy in tow.

“ _Mom_ ,” he groaned, rolling his eyes. “My shirts are fine, thank you.”

“You’re dating a rockstar now, dear,” Dot said through gritted teeth, not so subtly motioned to Gwen with her head. “One that I actually _like_. Maybe just a _little_ more effort might not kill you…”

“Is this “jump all over Blake” day and I just missed the memo?” He asked, already exasperated, but his frustration was cut short as soon as Gwen’s arm went around his midsection. 

“Blake doesn’t need to change anything for me,” she said sweetly.

“See, I don’t need to change anything for Gwen,” he repeated the sentiment, his arm tugging her closer. 

Dot just laughed and shook her head. “Okay, alright, you win,” she said, putting her hands up in defeat the same way Blake did, Gwen noticed. “Come on in, I’ve got taco shells made up and ready for lunch. I’m sure you’re both hungry.”

The four of them made their way into the kitchen, plates soon filled up with overstuffed tacos. Dot had really gone all out - a large assortment of toppings were laid out, from cheese to sour cream and even avocado. There was an unexpected ease, even a feeling of _home_ that she felt deep inside as they sat down to the table and joined hands to pray over their meal before digging in. 

When Blake and Dot seemed to get into a side conversation, Bizzy reached over to Gwen next to her and tugged at her arm. She motioned her closer so that she could whisper.

“Did you bring…?” Bizzy asked timidly, not even able to finish the sentence. 

Gwen picked up on the meaning immediately. “Tucked safely in my bag with the other things I brought for you,” she whispered, her eyes intent. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

“Did you tell him?” she asked, but didn’t seem like she really wanted to know the answer. 

Gwen took her hand and squeezed it. “He knows,” she admitted to the girl in a whisper. “But he’s not going to bring it up, ok?”

Bizzy nodded with a sigh, turning back to her plate. Gwen let her hand rest right above Bizzy’s knee, squeezing it gently, her eyes lingering on the girl a few moments before she turned back to her own plate. 

The afternoon seemed to slip away after that. As soon as lunch was eaten and the kitchen cleaned up, Gwen took Bizzy by the hand and the little girl hopped up on the bed as she pulled her suitcase up to lay out their clothes and accessories for the evening. And before she knew it, they were starting to get everything together and ready. 

Gwen’s eyes narrowed as she looked up at Bizzy, who she had propped up on the corner chair for her to do her makeup. She was on her knees in front of the younger girl, her brushes laid out next to her on the dresser, switching between them every so often as she painted her masterpiece. She felt Blake’s presence behind them, hovering at the door, his eyes noticeably on them.

“Staring at it won’t make it go away,” Gwen joked softly, but didn’t move her eyes away from Bizzy. She took another small brush and glided another color onto her eyelids. 

“I have a healthy imagination,” Blake protested with a soft chuckle. 

“You just don’t understand, daddy,” Bizzy said with a sigh, and a small shake of her head. Gwen’s finger pushed the girl’s chin back the other way as she continued.

“You better feel lucky that we met Miss Gwen, little bee,” Blake responded. “I don’t think I’d let anyone else put any of that…. _stuff_ on you.”

“Does it look bad?” Bizzy asked, her head turning to look up to Blake. It was so sweet and innocent and she seemed genuinely _afraid_ that something was wrong with it. It kind of broke him a little bit.

“No, sweetheart,” he said with a sigh. He took a few steps into the room and took a seat on the bed near them. “You look beautiful,” he admitted a few moments later.

“Look up,” Gwen asked gently. “And don’t move anything, okay? Be super still.” Bizzy did as she was asked, and Gwen slid the mascara brush up quickly onto the girl’s lashes. She did the other side as well, twisting the cap on and trading it out for a lip gloss nearby. 

Blake watched as the blush pink shade was smeared onto Bizzy’s lips, and Gwen’s finger lightly tapping the girl’s nose. 

“Perfect,” Gwen said, a content smile in her tone of voice. Bizzy grinned and hopped up off the chair, her little body hurrying to the dresser mirror to look. 

“I’m going to go show Grammy!” She announced suddenly, and as soon as she had hopped up to look, she was jogging out the door in search of Dot. A smile came to Gwen’s lips as her eyes fixated on the door, even after Bizzy disappeared from view. It slowly began to fade, and Blake watched her get lost in her own thoughts. 

Tentatively, he placed his hand on her shoulder nearest to him. It got her attention, and he spoke just as she turned her head to look back and up to him.

“Thank you again for doing all of this,” he spoke somberly, and it hit her so intensely she couldn’t manage to keep eye contact with him. It was overwhelming, but she managed a quick nod and a sad smile as her eyes went to her lap.

Gwen reached to the ground to gather a few of her cosmetics, busying herself as a distraction. “I love her,” her voice was tiny and dismissive, as if those three words explained everything away perfectly. 

“I know you do,” Blake responded cooly. “But I also know this is hard for you.”

“I realize that’s Bizzy, and not Emily, if that’s what you’re trying to gauge right now.”

She cringed internally as the words came out of her mouth, realizing she had thrown up a defense before she could even think it through. Her head shook once before he could get a response in. “Sorry,” she whispered, her eyes going up to the ceiling in frustration. “You didn’t deserve the brunt of my frustration.”

“I had a feeling you were still holding that in,” he admitted gently. 

“How could I not?” she asked him in a defeated whisper. Gwen sighed, placing a few cosmetics in her hands on the nightstand next to her. She turned from her knees to sit on the ground, and just glanced up to him. She hesitated, but soon found the words. “You’re right, though. Sometimes it is hard.”

“Do you…” Blake began, but soon backed out of the line of questioning immediately as he realized he was ill prepared for it. He wanted to know if that was the only time it had happened. He wanted to know how much she had built up in her mind about Emily over the years. And he even wondered it any of it had interfered with reality. It was one thing to cope, but he wasn’t quite sure if this was that. “ _Can we_ ….talk about it sometime?” He redirected smoothly, purposefully not putting any pressure on her to have the conversation.

“Sometime,” she nodded quickly, repeating his word. “But Blake, I can’t go down that road right now…not with…” She was gesturing to the wide open door that Bizzy had just run out of, and looked back to him.

“ — I know,” he interrupted gently. “Wasn’t even gonna ask.” He paused, then held out his hands to her. “I would _kinda_ like to hug you right now, though. That ok?”

“I can handle that,” she said softly, a small smile tugging at her lips as she took his hands and pulled herself up. She landed to sit on his leg, soon letting her body melt into his as his arms went around her to hold her close. She soaked every moment of that embrace in - working hard to commit it to memory, forcing her mind to just focus on his strong but gentle hold.

The inevitable footsteps running down the hallway toward them brought her back to present. Her eyes opened and she sat up a bit just as Bizzy came barreling back into the room. She stopped suddenly, looking between the two of them. She looked as if she was going to say something, but the words drained from her before she got the chance. 

“You ready to get your dress on soon, baby girl?” Gwen asked, breaking the silence. Her words caused Bizzy to move forward tentatively, her initial hesitation fading slightly.

“Yes,” she responded, a smile coming to her face. Blake’s other arm went around his daughter, pulling her close to his side and kissing the top of her head. “You need to get your dress on, too.”

“I will,” Gwen promised with a smile. “I have to do that after I wrestle you into yours, though.” Bizzy giggled, looking up to Blake knowingly. 

“Don’t look at me,” Blake said defensively. “Miss Gwen just knows everything about you at this point, and she’s learned on her own that you, little bee, don’t know how to stay still for five seconds.” The quiet, angelic smile on the little girl’s face made all of them laugh softly in unison. 

“Alright, I think it’s time for me to step out, let you two get dressed,” he said, placing a quick kiss on Gwen’s cheek before she stood up to allow for him to do the same. “Call me if you need me, alright?”

Bizzy shifted to stand by Gwen as Blake made his way to the door, her small arm coming up and around Gwen’s midsection and holding onto her as if it was the most natural thing. 

“Well be fine, dad,” Bizzy insisted, rolling her eyes slightly. 

Blake chuckled, and glanced up to Gwen. She mouthed a _thank you_ , and he couldn’t help but smile at the sentiment. 

He closed the door and exhaled, a wave of his own emotions washing over him suddenly.

“You need to keep a tight hold on that one.”

The words startled him, and he soon realized they were coming from the bedroom across the hall. Blake hovered at the doorway, watching Dot now as she folded a basket of laundry. When she saw Blake, she spoke again. “I don’t think you’re ever going to find someone that loves the both of you as much as she so obviously does.”

“I know,” Blake responded solemnly, his eyes going back out to the door he had just closed. “That’s the plan, mom. As long as she’ll have us, she’s the plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we're almost at 20 chapters 🥺
> 
> Please let me know if you're still enjoying the story.


	20. She Will Be Loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20?! 😍 Here we go...
> 
> xoxo

She picked up on the subtlety of Bizzy’s mood shifting as soon as Blake drove the two of them up to the curb in front of the school. 

It was so minuscule, she didn’t even think Blake realized it. For most of the car ride she had been in good spirits, but she seemed to quiet down as they drew closer to the school. And now it was obvious as the two of them were standing on the sidewalk, hand in hand, Bizzy’s eyes staring up to the building and her feet not moving.

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” she murmured, her body drawing just a bit closer to Gwen’s. The little girl was faced with the sudden reality that she hadn’t thought this through, like she was suddenly wondering about all of the things that could happen. 

Gwen squeezed her hand, a moment later kneeling in front of her to be on the same level. 

“Don’t even think that for a second,” she coached her, letting a smile come to her face as she brushed the girl’s hair back behind her ear. “You have every right to be here and enjoy yourself tonight. You can’t let Peyton and those girls dictate how you live your life.”

“Just don’t leave tonight ok?” Her plea was whispered, her big doe eye staring into Gwen’s.

Gwen squeezed both of her shoulders. “You are stuck with me, bee,” she promised.

“Bizzy!”

Both Gwen and Bizzy’s attention turn to the side, as they both saw a little girl with the most beautiful olive colored skin in a dark green dress coming towards them. 

“Who’s that?” Gwen asked quietly, but with great interest. 

“That’s Ava,” Bizzy explained. “Peyton doesn’t like her either. I ate lunch with her this week.”

“Looks like things are looking up a little,” Gwen said, trying to be positive. “Maybe you do have a friend here after all?” She didn’t expect a response or say anything further as the other girl come up next to them and started complimenting Bizzy on her dress, and she stood up fully with a small smile on her face as she watched the two of them interact - but more importantly, the fact that Bizzy seemed to have a smile on her face. 

“Ava, please, you can’t take off on me like this all night!”

Gwen looked over to where Ava had come from and saw an adult version of her coming towards them - the resemblance was undeniable. The woman’s eyes rested on her daughter with Bizzy and she smiled, coming up to join the three of them. 

“They’re adorable when they’re this age, but their energy is _unmatched_ ,” the woman huffed and chuckled. 

“I understand,” Gwen responded with a small laugh. “I’ve got a _Tasmanian devil_ here, myself.”

“It’s really so nice to meet you,” the woman was genuine, and Gwen quickly noted she didn’t have an accent of any kind. She must not have been from around Oklahoma. “Ava has been talking non-stop all week about your daughter. And I really have to say I’m relieved, it’s been hard for her to make friends since we moved here.” She paused. “I’m Rachel, Ava’s mom.”

_Your daughter._

It stung, but it strangely felt good at the same time.

“Gwen,” she introduced herself politely. “Bizzy’s…” she hesitated, truly unprepared for the predicament she found herself in. “Just Gwen.”

“Oh, sorry,” Rachel responded immediately. “I just assumed. You two look so much alike.”

“It’s okay,” Gwen deflected with a smile. “I uh, I’ve been dating her dad…out in Los Angeles…” she tried to figure out the words to make the story make sense, but it was simply too complicated for initial polite conversation. “It’s really kind of complicated, actually.”

“No worries,” Rachel dismissed easily. “I’m just glad Bizzy has someone like you to show up for her.”

“I’m glad I can be here for her,” Gwen responded easily. “You know, Blake - her dad - would have put on a dress and shown up for this thing if she had asked him, but that might do more harm than good,” she chuckled softly. “And it’s apparently not cool to bring _grammy_ …”

“Ahh yes, as they start getting older, the rules begin,” Rachel nodded knowingly. 

“Come on, let’s go!” 

Bizzy’s words suddenly broke through their conversation and as soon as Gwen and Rachel turned their heads, both girls were hand in hand and off running towards the entrance together. 

“Bizzy, please don’t run in your dress!” Gwen called after her, and it caused Bizzy to stop running and look back to them. In a hurry, Gwen and Rachel half-jogged their way to catch up to them. 

“Two peas in a pod, I see,” Rachel looked down to Ava.

“Sorry,” they both mumbled at the same time. 

“Just take us with you when you want to go somewhere,” Gwen shook her head, letting her hand smooth the girl’s hair down. She nodded in response.

“Why don’t we go inside and get a table,” Rachel suggested. “Then we can get something to drink and eat a little something, yeah?”

“Good idea,” Gwen agreed and nodded towards the entrance, and both of the girls willingly walked forward towards it. 

After getting two small plates filled up for her and Bizzy, Gwen took a seat at one of the corner tables and got them both set up next to Ava and Rachel. Gwen heard the sound of a cart wheeling nearby, and soon there was someone dressed up with a cart full of teas standing at their table.

To say that Oklahoma was an odd place was an understatement. 

“Ma’am,” the young man nodded his head in greeting. “Would you and the little lady like a spot of tea?”

Gwen blinked, truly wondering if this guy was for real. And when she realized that it was, in fact, happening, she worked hard to keep her composure contained. 

“Sure, that would be lovely,” she tried to keep with the chipper and upbeat formal dialogue, but she glanced over to Rachel who was also having to look away with a smile on her face and it made it even more difficult. 

“Currently we have blackberry tea, peach tea, regular black tea, currant, and popcorn,” he explained. 

“POPCORN!” Bizzy and Ava both exclaimed at the same time, and Gwen chuckled.

“I uh - like, _real popcorn_?”

The man was not amused. “Yes,” he responded simply. 

Gwen hummed, holding eye contact for a moment. “Well alright then, you heard the little ones, popcorn for them,” she diverted her attention to the other woman. “Rachel?”

“Peach, thank you.”

“That sounds good, I’ll have peach as well.”

The man went about dutifully pouring the four ladies their tea in an old fashioned manner, managed to nod again and wished them well as he rolled the delicate cart away and to the next table. As soon as he was out of earshot, Gwen’s eyes shot over to Rachel.

“You’re kidding me, right?” She asked under her breath. “They hired…what…like, _tea butlers_??”

Rachel just chuckled. “You don’t know much about this school, do you?”

Gwen looked like a deer in headlights, soon letting her eyes go down to the tea in front of her. “Admittedly, no. Just things Bizzy tells me.”

“They’re not too fond of outsiders,” Rachel spoke lowly, after making sure their girls were occupied and in another conversation outside of theirs. “Most of the moms here also went to school here. It’s a K-12 school, and most spent their entire schooling here. Some are related. And they’ve all known each other since they were babies.”

“Wow,” Gwen breathed, as she took the chance to discreetly look around the room at the others in attendance. “I mean, I know it’s a private school and they’re not always…the most _welcoming_ , but…” She lost her train of thought, but a few moments later her gaze went back to Rachel. “Let me ask you something - what do you know about this girl in their class…Peyton is her name?”

“The wicked witch’s daughter?” Rachel asked. 

“Who’s the wicked witch?” Gwen inquired immediately.

“Arielle Taylor,” Rachel mumbled, her eyes surveying the room as if she was looking for someone. “Left corner, blonde in the center. Surrounded by her posse.”

The sight of Arielle Taylor immediately sickened her stomach. She was the stereotypical queen bee - face and dress flawless, heels high, cradling a wine glass as her razor sharp eyes seemed to be cutting random things in her view.

Wait. _Wine glass_?

“They’re serving wine?” Gwen asked confused, only able to focus on how inappropriate that felt. Rachel just chuckled under her breath. 

“She’s also the president of the PTA,” Rachel explained. “She’s the class mom, too. If there’s anything to be run at this school, she literally makes it her job. I wouldn’t be surprised if she snuck a bottle or two in for her and her friends.”

“But won’t the teachers say anything?” Gwen asked, showing her naivety about the political situation. “Is the principal here? Anyone that cares?”

“Nobody in this building is going to tell Arielle to do, or not do, anything,” Rachel dismissed, as if it was the most normal thing. 

“Great,” Gwen sighed, obviously distraught with this new information. “And I’m sure you’re about to tell me that her daughter is a smaller version of her.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Rachel affirmed. “She’s got her mother’s playbook. That little girl looks cute and innocent, but she’s a real damn life ruiner. Biggest bully I’ve ever encountered.”

“Which one is she?” Gwen asked, and Rachel discreetly motioned a bit away from Arielle to the blonde girl that looked like she was bossing her own posse around. She didn’t even have to ask which one Peyton was. As soon as she saw her, the fiery rage burned deep in her gut. She had never felt the inclination to hurt a child before, but the pull was strong in those moments. 

“I think I’m going to talk to her,” Gwen said suddenly, and Rachel’s head snapped over to look at her.

“Who, Peyton??” 

“No, Arielle,” Gwen clarified. 

“You don’t just walk up to Arielle,” Rachel warned. “Unless you have a death wish.”

“I’m not afraid of two-bit southern trash dressed up in a ballgown,” Gwen responded pointedly. “Can you keep an eye on Bizzy?”

Rachel sighed, defeated. “Of course,” she responded, then quickly added. “Tread carefully, ok?”

Gwen offered a quick smile before she stood from the table, making her way across the room and around many others just like it. As she felt herself getting closer to Arielle and her group, she felt as if eyes were following her, watching the event unfold. But she didn’t dare look around, and she must have just been imagining things in her head because literally, there was nothing special about the way she was walking up to another human being.

Right?

“Hi, Arielle?” Gwen asked politely, but also confidently, now that she was standing in front of her. Arielle stopped laughing at some joke one of the other women had been telling, her sharp eyes cutting to Gwen - her face was clearly unamused. 

“Is there a reason you’re interrupting our conversation?” Arielle gave her a slow once over, judgement practically seeping from her pores. 

“Yes, a very good reason, in fact,” Gwen responded, not letting it faze her. “I was hoping we could talk about Peyton and Bizzy. Can we step away for a bit of privacy?”

“Who’s _Bizzy_?” Arielle sputtered out, and it enraged Gwen even more. With all of the accolades and things this woman was in charge of, she felt it insulting that she would even try to pretend she had no idea what she was talking about. “Are you talking about _Elizabeth_ , perhaps?”

“Her name is _Bizzy_ ,” Gwen held her ground stubbornly. “But whatever it is that you think her name is, _yes_.”

Arielle chuckled and sipped on her wine. “And who are you?” She asked, an eyebrow raised. “You’re not her mother, I know that. _Elizabeth_ doesn’t have one. She left her, right?”

The internal rage that she had worked so hard to control was starting to bubble over. As the two other women gave each other looks and glanced away, it dawned on her that no matter how polite she was, no matter how much slack she would give this woman, she didn’t want a peaceful resolution. 

She wanted to bait Gwen into a fight.

“I came over here because I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt,” Gwen responded, her tone still neutral despite the obstacles that were in her way to accomplish such a feat. “Despite the fact that you’re standing here getting drunk at your daughter’s school with your friends in the corner like it’s high school prom, I thought, you know, _maybe_ Arielle is just misunderstood. She probably wants what’s best for everyone if she does so much for this school, right?” She didn’t let her rhetorical question linger long before she answered it. “But no, that’s wrong. You’re getting drunk like prom because you peaked in high school and still act like you’re there. And it’s really disappointing that you turned out to be the same brand of _trailer trash_ as your daughter.” She paused. “I really feel sorry for her, actually.”

Gwen turned on her heel, leaving a stunned Arielle behind her, and she almost stopped herself - the amount of eyes on her was unexpected, and unsettling. The room wasn’t silent by any means, but a handful of people relatively close by seemed stunned as they watched the altercation. But nobody said a word, so Gwen shrugged it off and made her way back across the room, and to their table. 

Rachel was staring at Gwen as she approached, mouth slightly agape as she tried to find the words. 

“I…I have no idea what you just said over there, but by the looks coming at you from around the room right now….” Rachel couldn’t even finish her sentence. 

“Someone had to say something,” Gwen mumbled with a dismissive shrug. 

“This is gross,” Bizzy’s voice came from the other side of Rachel, her small hands holding a teacup as her entire face grimaced. 

“Doesn’t taste like popcorn, huh?” Gwen asked, reaching for her own teacup filled with peach tea. She handed it to Rachel, nodding over to indicate to pass it to Bizzy. “Have mine, ok? I think you’ll like it better.” 

Rachel dutifully traded teacups with Bizzy, handing the peach to the girl and the popcorn tea to Gwen to facilitate the trade. Gwen lightly inhaled the aroma and her own nose scrunched before she placed it down on the table. Her eyes flashed to Bizzy and she felt content to see the girl easily drinking the peach tea instead. 

“You’d think they planned this for adults or something,” Gwen mumbled under her breath to Rachel, her eyes scanning the room. 

“Of course _she_ did,” Rachel emphasized, her eyes glancing back over to Arielle momentarily. “That little corner group is just trying to rush their daughters to grow up into debutantes.” 

Gwen’s eyes went down to her plate, eyeing the perfectly crafted, bright colored pastries sitting on it, untouched. “Sad, really.”

She felt her mood slump suddenly as she took in the southern reality around her. She could deal with feeling like she was out of place, and in a room full of strangers, no less. But she suddenly felt this knot in her stomach. Gwen noticed she had mostly stopped being on the receiving end of stolen glances and a few prolonged stares, but there was still something about the room that was uneasy. It didn’t settle with her, and the overt formality began to slowly chip away and take a toll.

———

To Gwen’s surprise, the majority of the evening ended up being mostly tame. Outside of the weird butlers serving tea and the deranged finger foods and small rituals she observed, it was benign. She was deeply thankful to have Rachel and Ava with them that evening as the company made it easier to bear. And no matter how she felt about something, she was certain to keep a smile on her face and a positive attitude in her tone. The last thing she wanted to do was contribute to Bizzy’s disapproval of her school. 

The two girls took them on a tour down the hall and they ended up in their classroom - she really got the grand tour as they pointed out various areas of their classroom, and showed off their art projects still drying in the corner. Bizzy was rambling on and on about how she loved when it was art week and about the kinds of things they had made so far in the year, and while Gwen had a content smile on her face as she went on about it, it was so hard to listen. 

Her eyes were scanning the adjacent wall where the teacher proudly displayed a collection of writing prompts from their class. She had caught on to something insanely familiar on one of them, and as soon as she looked back at it and realized what it was - she felt her body tense in an effort to maintain her composure, because she knew if she didn’t, she was about to lose it. Situated right above the title line read the words:

“ _My best friend Ms. Gwen_ ”

She didn’t know if she had the strength to read any further. The rest of the world faded from around her as her small, slightly trembling finger reached out to touch the paper. Not knowing when she might have another chance, she forced her eyes to read the girl’s response. 

_My best friend’s name is Ms. Gwen. My best friend used to be Sophie, but Sophie lives in Nashville and I don’t see her anymore. Ms. Gwen lives in California but I get to see her lots. And she is also my daddy’s friend which is nice but she likes me better. Don’t tell him. Ms. Gwen is my best friend because she makes me smile when people are mean to me and she takes me shopping when I need new clothes. She gives me lots of hugs and gave me a necklace and gave me a guardian angel to watch out. Ms. Gwen likes clothes and will play with me when she comes to my daddy’s house. I wish Ms. Gwen would stay with me and never ever go away. I want to live in California with Ms. Gwen cause then I could be with her all the time and never be alone._

Gwen had never read something as intensely in her entire life. And she was strong, but she wasn’t _that_ strong. The tears were coming down her cheeks as she cried silently, reading and re-reading it as many times as she could. 

“She cries a lot,” Bizzy mumbled to Ava, and it was the first time in what felt like a long time that she realized anyone else was still in the room. Bizzy’s words weren’t unkind - they were stated with the same, matter-of-fact, albeit concerned tone that Gwen had grown accustomed to. Rachel came up beside them, her eyes moving over Bizzy’s essay and a smile coming to her lips as she read the heartfelt sentiments scribbled on the page. 

“You’ve got some high compliments in there, _Ms. Gwen_ ,” Rachel commented. “My kid wrote about her best friend being the toad that lives in the creek behind our house. Apparently, he’s quite the conversationalist.”

It was the comic relief that she needed, and she found herself laughing through her tears as she whisked them away. Her eyes looked back to the page one more time as her bottom lip trembled slightly, but she forced her gaze away knowing full well she could get stuck in that moment for too long. She pulled Bizzy into her arms as she bent down closer to her level, and hugged her tightly.

“You’re right, I do like you better,” Gwen whispered into her ear. “And that’s our secret forever, got it?”

“Pinky promise,” the little girl committed to the pact on the spot with a grin. Though she was the one that wrote it, Gwen affirming it to her had an entirely different effect on the girl. It was as if she believed it for the first time. “Can we go get in line for the photo booth now?”

“Yeah, yeah, photo booth!” Ava squealed next to her, and both Gwen and Rachel laughed softly. 

“We can make that work. Come on, kiddos,” Rachel chimed in as Gwen stood up, the four of them exiting the classroom. For some reason, Gwen felt herself turning her head back to look at the writing prompt on the wall one last time, as if she didn’t believe it was actually real. 

Bizzy stuck close to Gwen as they walked down the hall, intent in heading back to the multi-purpose room where the girls had been fascinated by the photo booth earlier. A popular attraction with a long line, Gwen had suggested they wait a little while until the line got shorter for them to have some fun. Her heart was on cloud nine, and she couldn’t even think or process anything else that was happening around them as they turned a corner. 

And little did she know, the very thing waiting around that corner would set off a chain of events that would change life as they knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me?


	21. At Each Other Like We're Going To War

She had to blink a few times because she wasn’t sure what she was hearing.

Well, she knew exactly what she was hearing, but she couldn’t believe her ears. Gwen found herself with her hand splayed out at her side, catching and holding Bizzy back as she abruptly stopped both of them walking. Rachel and Ava drew up quietly next to them and remained silent. 

Gwen had watched Arielle take the microphone and the stage, but hadn’t thought much about it. After all, Rachel had touted her as the “head witch” around the school, and she seemed the type to try and crawl into the spotlight whenever the chance presented itself. 

The words “California whore” screeched across the sound system and her attention was immediately on that stage. Everyone else’s eyes were on Gwen. 

“There she isssss,” Arielle taunted as soon as her eyes met Gwen’s. “Looks like all you have to do to find a whore is call for one, and they magically appear!” 

She was drunk. And she was screeching her obscenities to a frozen room of moms, daughters, and school officials, and they were doing…precisely _nothing_ about it. Gwen at least expected someone by now to be rushing up to the small platform to usher the witch off the stage, but they were all dumbfounded as they just stood around and didn’t make a move, nor sound. 

Gwen felt something in her gut, then her bones, that prompted her to turn to Rachel. She pressed her phone into Rachel’s hand, and gently pushed Bizzy towards her.

“1-0-0-3,” she instructed to her. “My phone password. Please take her and call her father to come and get us while I deal with this? I don’t want her here.” She barely exhaled before continuing. “Blake Shelton. Blake. His name is Blake.” She couldn’t even stutter his name out as Rachel nodded and took Ava by the hand, and tried to take Bizzy by the hand but she tugged back and refused. Gwen looked down as she felt her hands cling tightly onto her arm suddenly.

“Bee, I need you to go with Rachel and Ava,” her tone was serious, and strong than it had ever been with her before. “ _Now. Go._ ”

Bizzy’s face was shocked and she gasped as she let go, her eyes beginning to water as she gave in and let Rachel pull her away. It broke Gwen in a different way as she watched that unfold, but deep down she forced herself to clench her fists because it was more important that whatever was about to happen was _not_ something that little girl should be subjected to. 

“But why are you sending the little one away?” Arielle’s voice came clearly over the sound system. “But I guess that’s what happens, isn’t it? There must be something wrong with the child. I mean a mother just doesn’t _abandon_ her daughter like that unless there’s something wrong with it.”

Gwen’s legs abruptly began moving forward, across the room and towards the stage. She had to duck around and through some people which slowed her down, but with everyone’s eyes on her, it wasn’t as difficult. 

“This one needs to be kicked out anyway,” Arielle continued, a slight slur in her words. “She wasn’t invited. The invitation said _mothers and daughters_ , not _little girls and their daddy’s whore of the week_.”

She heard every word, but nothing could distract her as her feet all but stomped up the small side stage and she was coming in hot. Arielle didn’t even move as she couldn’t imagine what was about to take place next. And before either was cognizant of what was happening, they both gasped in near unison as their bodies were tumbling off the front of the stage, Gwen’s landing and straddling Arielle’s, pinning her down with her arm retracted. 

Gwen got a few hits in before she felt others around her trying to break the two of them apart.

“Don’t you EVER fucking talk about my daughter again!” 

Her voice was a terrifying, possessed screech that echoed painfully throughout the room. Her eyes were almost popping out of her head in fury as she jerked against the few brave souls they got a hold of her arms to pull her off of Arielle. 

She managed to kick the other woman hard in the side before she was dragged away. “What kind of sick fuck takes pleasure in bullying a kid?!”

She forcefully elbowed back into whatever person had a hold of her left arm and broke herself free, but to many people’s surprise, she didn’t lunge back at Arielle. Instead, she stalked back to the table they had been at to grab her things. 

Her feet were fast as they carried her down the hallway; she was on a mission, she had a destination. Her hand was quick as she found Bizzy’s classroom, the door easily opening as she walked back inside. A few strides and she was standing in front of the writing prompts she had read earlier. 

Contrary to her demeanor, her fingers reached up to the wall and gently pulled the paper away from the wall, minimizing the tearing in the corner as she released it from the staple. She exhaled, feeling the adrenaline run hot through her veins, so intense she thought she could have even been on the verge of a panic attack. She shook the thought, folding the paper twice and tucking it into her small purse. 

They wouldn’t miss it. Because hell would have had to freeze over before she let anyone send Bizzy back into this hell hole. 

She was fast and furious down the hallway again with her mission complete. She started heading towards the front, slightly taken aback as she spotted Rachel and the girls a lot quicker than she anticipated. 

“Oh my god!” Rachel exclaimed and gasped as Gwen approached the three of them, but she didn’t have time to worry about herself.

“Is Blake coming?” she asked in a rush.

“I uh — yeah, he’s on his way,” Rachel stammered out. “Gwen - stop, _stop_ ,” Rachel emphasized, getting her attention. “Slow down a sec. You’re bleeding. It looks like you hit your head.”

Gwen looked at her confused, and Rachel indicated to one side of her face. She touched her own face there, not feeling anything, but believing her as the crimson stained her fingers. 

“I’m fine,” she dismissed. “I don’t feel anything.” Gwen shook her head. “I’m sorry, we have to go. Thank you, uh — it was really nice to meet you both, it was lovely to spend time with you. I uh, I’m sorry…” Gwen sighed, defeated as she awkwardly tried to be polite to the two friends they had spent the evening with, even though she just wanted to get the hell out of there. She looked down to Bizzy, and held her hand out to her. “Bee, come on, we need to go,” she whispered. The little girl soon took her hand, a look of astonishment still on her face. The two of them walked down the hall towards the entrance - Bizzy turning briefly to wave to Rachel and Ava before following Gwen out the front door. 

The crisp night air hit her senses immediately as they walked outside, and she felt like she could breathe for the first time. There was nobody else on the sidewalk nor in the parking lot nearby, and the silence was a welcome relief. 

She walked a few strides alongside the building, taking a seat on the bench. As if it was natural to her, she pulled Bizzy to sit on top of her lap, her arms enclosing around the girl. Her breathing was heavy and shaky as the effects of the adrenaline began to lessen. For the first time in her life, Bizzy was so shocked and confused that she couldn’t even find words to fill the silence if she wanted to. A moment later, her arms went around Gwen’s neck and she let herself relax against her, and into the embrace. 

Gwen let her eyes close and she inhaled long before exhaling slow. 

“I’m not going to let anyone send you back in there, ok?”

Her words were weak, but determined. They were firm, and maybe deep down there was a pang of guilt as she had just made up her mind. She knew it the moment she found herself taking a detour to the classroom; she wanted to get that essay because she didn’t plan for any of them to be here again.

The silence didn’t last long. That already-familiar sound of Blake’s truck was rolling up to the curb near them. And she felt a knot in her stomach as she stood up, letting herself imagine for just a moment what he saw as he drove up to them. 

Their eyes met as Blake rolled down the passenger side window and looked at her through it. She saw his jaw drop as soon as he let himself look beyond her eyes. She felt his eyes all over her. 

He saw the calm before the storm the moment he looked at her. The water and pain in her eyes was difficult, but even more so was the blood trickling down the side of her head. Her hair was disheveled, her dress was ripped in the front. She was defeated, and yet looked enraged and energized all at once. 

He was stunned even as their eye contact broke and she moved to open the back door and help Bizzy up into the truck. Silently, she crawled up and in right behind the little girl, taking Blake by surprise that she elected to sit in the back seat with her instead of coming up to the passenger side next to him. Blake looked at them both through the rear view mirror and just stared for a minute. But Gwen wouldn’t look at him, she had her arm protectively around Bizzy and her gaze was purposefully fixated out the window. 

“Do you…” Blake began, but stopped suddenly, not moving his eyes off the rear view. “Are you really expecting me to just drive home in silence and not ask — “

Her eyes met his in the rear view. “Yes,” she responded simply, then turned her head away again. Her response was clipped, and didn’t welcome any sort of objection.

Blake was beside himself as he stared, unable to move. A few moments passed, and her eyes went back to his.

“You should probably go before I get arrested.”

———

Gwen decided to forego the fancy mixed drink she would usually crave - instead grabbing the first bottle of hard liquor she could find once they got back to the house. 

Blake took Bizzy upstairs, the two of them going their separate ways to get ready for bed. Blake soon knocked gently on her door to tuck his girl in, and try to get more information out of her about the evening’s events. 

Meanwhile, Gwen was already half through the bottle in the kitchen.

She’d take a drink, grimace, and set the glass bottle down in front of her as she braced herself on the counter. She felt like she might have been experiencing vertigo as she blinked and her vision was slightly blurry, her hands gripping harder onto the edges to steady herself. 

Alcohol and adrenaline was a hell of a combination.

“Well, Bizzy just asked me what a _whore_ is, so I feel like I’m going to need some of that, too.”

She didn’t flinch; except when it was time to pick up the bottle again for another drink. 

He drew up beside her, letting his back lean against the counter as he sighed. His eyes glanced over.

“Are you even going to look at me?” He asked neutrally. A moment later, her head turned to look at him. He sighed again, his hand reaching forward towards the gash on the side of her face. “Gwen, what the _hell_ happened?” His hand delicately held the side of her head; but she pulled back and away from him.

She swallowed roughly, the bottle coming to her lips for another drink. “Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter anymore.” She took a sip; Blake intercepted the alcohol. 

“Are you really expecting to get arrested?” Blake asked her next. “Should we be on the lookout, waiting for the sheriff to come by?”

“Who the hell knows,” Gwen shrugged. “This place is so freaking backwards, I couldn’t even tell you.”

Blake sighed, feeling his frustration growing internally. “Gwen, I need _something_ here,” he emphasized. “You’re torn up and bleeding and _drinking_ , Bizzy won’t say anything, she just starts crying as soon as I mention it…what am I supposed to think here?”

She felt stuck in that question - she didn’t know how to answer it. She let her eyes lock on the counter, just feeling defeated. 

“Will you at least please let me look at that gash?” He tried again. “I just - I can’t just stand here and _not_ …”

“Fine,” she almost whispered, and he took the invitation to move forward and close the distance between them. He held her head gently, examining it again. 

“How hard did you hit it?” He asked. 

“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “I didn’t feel it until I was outside.” Her forehead scrunched as her eyes closed.

“We should get that looked at,” he said. 

“I’m _fine_ ,” she responded, even though she wasn’t. “I have to pack tonight.”

“Pack?” He echoed. 

“To go back to California,” she explained. “I don’t know how much stuff Bizzy has and what she needs immediately, but…”

Blake blinked and tried to find the words. “Bizzy? What are you talking about?”

“She’s coming to California,” Gwen said definitively. “She needs her things. Hence, I have to pack tonight.”

“You really did hit your head,” Blake mumbled, running his hand through his hair. “Bizzy isn’t going to California tomorrow. She needs to be in school. That’s why she’s — “

“ — you are NOT sending her back to that God-forsaken place!” Gwen interrupted and burst out suddenly with an intensity he had never seen before, and one that was a stark contrast to her tone and volume moments earlier. “How can’t you see what’s right in front of your face? She is SUFFERING here. She is surrounded by these god-awful people all day that bully her and make her life hell, and she misses her father and doesn’t have friends and she is _scared_ , Blake. She is SCARED.” She exhaled. “Blake, _I’m_ scared. I — I’m scared of depression, I’m, I’m scared of her hurting herself, lashing out, getting hurt, all of the above so I am going to go upstairs and I am going to pack her things and she will be on a plane with me first thing in the morning — “

“ — stop!” Blake exclaimed suddenly, cutting her off as she just kept getting more and more worked up. “God damnit, Gwen, she’s not your daughter!” He threw his hands up in the air. “You can’t just pack her up and move her wherever you damn well please!”

Her stunned silence followed next. Though the words were something she knew as truth, the way they were hurled at her so viciously cut through her like a knife. After a few minutes just staring at him, she lurched forward and took a hold of the alcohol again, taking a large drink of it and setting it back down. 

“When her _father_ fails at parenting, _someone_ has to pick up the slack,” Gwen responded in a low tone, her body language and expression still obviously hurt from his words. She reached into her purse nearby, pulling out the folded up paper that had Bizzy’s writing prompt on it. She pressed it into his chest, forcing him to take it. “And _fuck you_.” 

Her last words were whispered, her eyes moving away as her body soon carried her to walk past him. Blake looked down at the piece of paper now in his hand curiously, then looked after Gwen as she walked away from him. 

Gwen made her way upstairs, quickly undressing and slipping into joggers and a crewneck sweatshirt. She left their room and went down the hallway where she knew Bizzy was. Her hand gently and quietly opened the door to peek inside, and to her surprise, the girl was sitting up on the bed but turned away from her. The soft sniffles that Bizzy tried to hide hit her ears and hurt her deep in her gut. Bizzy realized the door had opened and she turned and made eye contact with Gwen. 

“Hey,” Gwen whispered. “Do you mind if I come hang out with you for a little while?”

Bizzy nodded, and Gwen slipped inside, closing the door behind her. Once she reached the bed, she pulled back the covers on the opposite side and crawled under them. With Gwen laying down, Bizzy easily imitated her and did the same, her little eyes silently watching her. Bizzy closed them briefly as Gwen gently rest her hand against her cheek; but soon they were open again and Gwen couldn’t stomach the worried look on her face in silence any longer. 

“I wish I could make that look on your face disappear,” Gwen whispered gently. To her surprise, Bizzy blinked and sniffled, suddenly sitting up and leaving Gwen alone laying down. 

“Please don’t fight with each other,” the little girl managed brokenly. The mere sight of her bottom lip trembling made Gwen ill. “You can’t leave us. I don’t want you to. You can’t.”

Bizzy was fighting to hold it all in, and Gwen didn’t even need to hear the girl’s entire plea before her arms went out to her and pulled her into an embrace. The girl let herself breathe unsteadily, clinging for dear life.

“I’m never going to leave you,” Gwen promised her solemnly. “My love for you doesn’t depend on _anything_ , do you hear me?” She exhaled. “It’s forever.”

“But don’t _fight over me_ ,” Bizzy mumbled in response. “I’m sorry about my stupid school…”

“ — don’t apologize for any of them, okay?” Gwen nipped that sentence in the bud. “People get into disagreements, okay? It doesn’t mean you stop loving them.” She paused. “I’m angry at him right now. I’m sure he’s mad at me. But we still love each other.”

As the words came out of her mouth, she couldn’t help but get that nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach over the what-ifs. It was just as natural as breathing, her mind immediately wandering to asking herself _what if_ she was wrong about that. 

The silence that followed simply allowed those words to echo in her mind as she questioned them. _But we still love each other._ Bizzy settled, exhausting herself eventually and drifting off to sleep. As the words continued to ring back and forth in her head, it would be a while longer before Gwen was able to get herself in a similar state.


	22. (AO3 Fucked Up This Chapter - Please Read)

EDIT: January 27th at 7:45 AM EST - AO3 really screwed up last night and about 1000 words randomly disappeared from this chapter when posted on AO3. It seems a lot of people read it already but it's worth going back and reading again as it might not make sense (now and later)

I'm going to have to post it as a completely new update cause this stupid site isn't pasting it. 

xoxo


	23. When We Stop Keeping Score

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS ACTUALLY CHAPTER 22. AO3 WOULD NOT LET ME POST IT CORRECTLY.
> 
> It is worth reading.

She didn’t recall the steps.

In her mind, she knew she must have walked downstairs and to the kitchen at some point. But now she was trying to recall how long she had been standing in the kitchen. She remembered Bizzy being with her, she could still feel the faint impression of the small girl’s hand in hers. But she wasn’t there any more, and didn’t know when that changed.

Hunched over slightly, one hand death gripping an empty glass on the counter, the other still raised and holding onto the cabinet knob - and her vision had gone completely blurry. 

Her mind didn’t feel too far behind.

She felt like the room was spinning as she blinked and tried to make out the glass and her hand in front of her, but it was impossible. She was stubborn as she attempted again; though she was also stuck, as she couldn’t exactly go anywhere either. If she couldn’t even make out the sharp edges of a glass in her hand, she didn’t stand a chance making it to the living room.

And god, the _spinning_.

She felt the panic rise in her stomach with each passing moment, the realization settling in that she was feeling worse, not better. Her heart was beating faster as her breathing shallowed. She felt herself hold her breath in the next moment as she heard footsteps - definitely Blake’s - coming into the kitchen. They were shuffling in and warped speed, interrupted by smaller ones every other half beat; she couldn’t pull her head up as she was already exhausting her energy maintaining her current position.

“ _Gwen!_ ” Blake’s voice instantly hit her, his warm hands grasping both of her shoulders. 

“Daddy, what’s wrong with her?!” Bizzy cried in a panic. And then it hit her - she remembered Bizzy went running as soon as she felt weird and hunched on the counter, but it was a fragmented memory. It felt like an impression, or something that happened long ago that she was trying to recall. It felt like she was watching it happen, and not that it was happening to her. 

“..’m fine…” Gwen managed. Even as she couldn’t make out what was right in front of her, it was impossible to fight her instincts that her first thought went to focus on protecting Bizzy. Her vision didn’t have to be clear for her to naturally fall into that response.

She felt Blake’s steady hand take the glass from her own. She felt his strong arm slip around her midsection, his warmth on her cheek. And even though she couldn’t make out more than a blur of his face, she knew he was looking at her. Trying to catch her eye. She sighed as his hand moved to her forehead, her body finding slight relief as she had something more comfortable than a counter to lean into.

“…sit down…” the two words came just moments before her knees gave out, but Blake’s hold on her tightened and he held her up instead. Her body wanted to sit, but Blake wouldn’t let her just go down like that.

“Okay, okay, just a sec,” Blake said, helping her over to the couch nearby. He placed her down gently, slowly encouraging her to lay down. His eyes darted around the room as he tried to plan his next move, but stopped on Bizzy staring at him with that fear in her eyes. 

“See? She’s alright. She just needed to lay down.”

Blake’s words might have been a little convincing for a child, but even in her daze Gwen could pick up his uncertainty. The things parents told their children to protect them from things just bit longer. The funny thing was, she had a sneaking suspicion the girl would buy none of it in the end. 

“Why don’t you go get Grammy. Tell her to come down,” Blake suggested next.

“But…”

“Bizzy, please, it would really help me if you could go get her,” Blake echoed the request gently. “I’ve got her, okay? You’ll come right back.”

Small, shuffled footsteps went flying up the stairs.

When she felt it was safe, she felt the panicked tears stream down her cheeks. It was weird how crying didn’t feel like crying when it was all a blur. 

“Blake, I’m scared,” Gwen whispered under her breath, inhaling unexpectedly. “Everything’s blurry. I…I can’t see anything…”

“Close your eyes, baby girl,” Blake suggested, and she did. His hand gently stroked through her hair.

Her hand tightened suddenly on his arm. “I’m gonna throw up.”

Blake’s eyes widened and he sprung into action, pulling away quickly as he scrambled to the half bath. He snatched the small trashcan and brought it back, sitting on the couch and bringing it under her just before she began to heave. He held her hair back, eventually letting go as she laid flat on her back as the feeling subsided.

“Blake??” Dot’s voice came suddenly.

“I’m taking her to get checked out,” Blake responded immediately. “Please keep Bizzy here.”

“But I want to go!” The girl insisted immediately, her voice piercing the room. 

“Bizzy…” Blake was trying to respond, but she cut him off.

“You can’t make me stay here!” she exclaimed next. “I’m the one that got you to help her! I was with her! Don’t take her away from me!”

“Come on,” Dot interjected, her hands on top of Bizzy’s shoulders only briefly before she jerked them away. The tears began to fall as she defied them both and crossed the room, simply bending down and hugging onto Gwen and not letting go.

One of Gwen’s arms came to life, moving slightly to come around her back.

“Bizzy Bee,” Gwen whispered to her. “Honey…I’m okay, I just — “ her words faltered. “Daddy’s going to take me…in…in to the doctor…please…?”

It was silent next. Bizzy didn’t move, and didn’t let go.

“Biz, baby girl,” Blake tried gently, his hand resting on his daughter’s back. “Miss Gwen really isn’t feeling good, she needs to rest, honey.”

“I’ll be quiet and won’t move,” she mumbled, keeping her promise on the latter. 

“I need to get her help,” Blake coaxed her gently.

A few moments later, Gwen felt a tiny kiss on her cheek - accompanied by a very broken _I love you_ whispered.

“Love you more,” Gwen whispered in return. “Doctors are super boring, hmm.” She felt the girl’s grip loosen altogether. It was quickly replaced by Blake’s arms - one under her knees, the other behind her back, and in one fell swoop she was lifted up with ease. 

She groaned as the light from the sun hit her senses, and she turned her head into Blake’s chest by reflex. She heard Dot walking alongside them, opening the front door to the truck and lowering the seat down to a reclined position. He was laying her body inside a minute later.

“Hang in there, okay?” 

Blake’s words her spoken against her cheek before he kissed it tenderly. The truck door was shut, and soon they were off.

——————————

For a place like Oklahoma, she felt like it was one of those small towns that might not have had quick access to urgent and emergency facilities. While she had lost her sense of time, it also didn’t feel like it had been long before she felt the truck lull to a stop, Blake pushing the gear into park. She had kept quiet most of the ride over - kept her eyes closed, tried to force her body to relax as to stave off the potential of nausea once more. 

It had only been seconds after leaving the house that she had reached out for his hand, and she had kept that physical connection the entire ride, without falter. Something about just feeling him like that was enough to bring some level of comfort.

She blinked a few times, her eyes straining ahead of her as she successfully made out a decent picture of Blake. It wasn’t perfect, but it was workable. The curves and lines were apparent on his face, though it was still blurred. Blake seemed to spark to life as he realized she caught his eye; she seemed to be following his gaze. 

“Are you…” Blake began, but swallowed almost nervously. “Can you see me right now?”

“Mostly,” she responded, her eyes still straining. “Hurts though.”

“Don’t push it,” he spoke softly, lifting her hand up to his lips to place a kiss on it. It was sweet but she almost couldn’t focus on that as he still looked so worried. He placed her hand back down on the center console and slid out of the truck, leaving her in momentary silence. The passenger door opened next to her a minute later, and she turned to look at Blake. Her legs dangled off the side of the seat as his hands rested on her waist.

“I have a feeling I know what you’re gonna say to this, but would you please let me go get you like, a wheelchair or somethin?”

“No…” she said at first, her forehead leaning into his chest. She sighed. “Yes…”

Part of him would have felt better if she tried to be stubborn. The way she gave in so easily was alarming. 

His arm went around her, and his attention went elsewhere - he looked over to the building they wanted to be in. He caught the eye of someone in scrubs and waved, motioning over to them. He watched as he rushed back into the building, emerging moments later with an empty wheelchair and coming towards them. 

“Thank you,” Blake said as soon as he was within earshot. His hand tapped her side. He positioned himself on the side of her, scooping her up once again and carefully placing her into the wheelchair. She felt it began to roll as the medical assistant began to push it, Blake’s hand taking hers as he walked beside them. 

Check in was a different kind of blur. Waiting was even more so. She kept her eyes closed and her head on Blake’s shoulder as it was the only thing that kept her somewhat at peace. She was almost too scared to open her eyes, in fear that the blurriness got worse again. It was easier to live in the dark, at least for now. 

“I love you,” Blake whispered to her. The words startled her, and she didn’t know how to even respond.

“You’re not just saying that?” she whispered back. “It’s not just because…”

“…I’m telling you I love you because _I love you_ ,” Blake easily interrupted, then sighed. “What I said to you last night — “

“ — _don’t_ ,” her voice interrupted him back, and it broke.

“Miss Stefani?”

Blake sighed as they were interrupted, instead just kissing her forehead before standing up slowly. His hands took the wheelchair and he directed her back to follow the nurse. She was moved up onto the exam table; vitals were taken, she tried to explain her symptoms even though she felt like she was failing at that. She was poked and prodded, and they were only left alone for a few moments before the doctor came into the room. She forced herself to open her eyes again. The doctor was a complete blur, up until the woman got closer to her.

“Oh my,” the woman said, blinking twice as she looked at Gwen, then to Blake, and back to her. “I uh, hi,” she stumbled. “Miss - Stefani, ah, yes, I’m Dr. Daye.”

There was something off about this doctor, something awkward and unspoken. Gwen mumbled a _hi_ , and sat up a little straighter as she approached to examine. The doctor’s eye immediately caught onto the gash on the side of her head. 

“Was that Arielle?” she asked gently, as she began taking a look. But Gwen pulled away.

“What do you know about that?” She asked suddenly, a panicked spark to her words. 

Dr. Daye held her hands up in the air, leaning back a bit to give her space. “I come in peace, I swear,” she said gently. “Frankly, most of us were happy to watch her get decked last night.”

The words slowly encouraged Gwen to relax, moving back forward while keeping a cautious eye on her.

“You normally get into fist fights?” she asked inquisitively. She was now gently dabbing something onto her wound.

“Only when grown ass adults are bullying children a third of their size, apparently,” Gwen mumbled in response. 

Dr. Daye hummed, pulling out a small light next and asking her to follow it, then briefly looking into her eyes with it. Though quick, Gwen flinched back as it was too much for her. 

“I’m sorry about your daughter,” the doctor said next. “She seems like a great kid - but that’s the problem. Nobody’s allowed to outshine her perfect little Peyton.”

Gwen swallowed as she felt guilty and awkward sitting next to Blake as this woman referred to Bizzy as her daughter, especially given the night before. She stammered before managing a few words.

“She’s uh, actually _not_ my — “

“ — she is a great kid, thank you,” Blake interjected, saving her from the rest of that sentence. “Spirited and fiery as hell sometimes, but it’s part of her charm. Much like this one right here.” His arm squeezed around Gwen gently, and she forgot the rest of the words she intended to say. 

“She’s lucky to have great parents like you,” the doctor continued next. “Especially one that would stick up for her like that. Trust me, I think the last time someone stood up to Arielle was back in high school. And she was _way_ out of line with what she did.”

“Yeah,” Gwen almost whispered, her eyes going down to her lap. She felt stuck, unsure at that point of what to say. She couldn’t gauge Blake’s reaction to getting bits and pieces from the night before like this, and she didn’t want to risk the possibility that he was getting angry with her. 

“Based on your symptoms, it seems like you have a concussion,” the doctor changed the subject. “Do you remember what you hit your head on?”

“No, I didn’t feel it until later,” Gwen responded, then blinked. “Wait, a concussion? Isn’t that serious?”

“Sometimes, yes,” the doctor acknowledged. “Depends on if your symptoms get worse or better over the next few days.”

“Can she fly?” Blake asked next. “We were headed back home to California tomorrow…”

“Umm…” the doctor responded, as both fixated on her suddenly. “I’d suggest waiting at least a few days before putting yourself through a flight like that. It’s not a complete restricted thing, but if you’re having vision issues, you really should stay put for a little bit. You could make it worse.”

And just like that, her grandeur plan of packing up Bizzy and getting her the hell out of that place ASAP disappeared into thin air. 

“But there’s also the chance that I could _not_ make it worse,” Gwen tried.

“Gwen…” Blake was annoyed. She could tell. 

“Yes, you’re technically correct,” the doctor responded. “Is there a rush to get back?”

“Yes”

“No”

Blake and Gwen looked at one another after spouting off conflicting responses in the same breath.

“Okay look, my recommendation is waiting at least a few days,” the doctor stated once more. “It’s up to you if you want to follow that advice. I personally would not risk it.” She paused. “Any other questions I can answer for you?”

It took Gwen a moment to look over at her. “No,” she replied simply, before letting her gaze go to her lap. 

“Alright,” she nodded. “Well it was nice to meet you, and rest up, okay? No screens, no reading, no fist fights…the receptionist will check you out and send you on your way with a prescription to help with the nausea.”

Gwen nodded, and watched the doctor leave the room and close the door. She slid off of the table to stand, which took Blake by surprise. 

“Whoa, just wait a second,” Blake said, his body turning to lurch forward to steady her. His hands grasped her forearms and he watched her head wobble slightly as her eyes blinked to try and focus downcast in front of her. “See? You don’t need a plane to make this worse, you’re going to do that all on your own.”

His words weren’t unkind; they were kind of true, but the annoyance they created began to prick at her. 

“She said no screens, reading, or fist fights, she didn’t say anything about my legs being broken.”

That probably came out a bit pricklier than she intended. She felt the wave of guilt hit her suddenly.

“Is staying here a few more days really the absolute worst thing you can imagine?” He asked next, a bit of a challenge in his voice. 

“Yes, if it involves dragging Bizzy back to that god-forsaken building posing as a school,” she responded easily. 

“Who are you?” He asked in disbelief. “You’re not the Gwen I know. Because the Gwen I know wouldn’t leave my daughter’s school function only after throwing punches — “

“ — _yes_ , Blake, you’ve made it _incredibly_ damn clear that she is _your_ daughter,” Gwen interjected. “What was I supposed to do, let those people tear her apart? Let them bully her, let them make her situation that much worse?” She scoffed. “God, that little girl needed someone to _stand up_ for her. She needed to feel like — “

Gwen inhaled a breath suddenly as her sentence stopped abruptly, and she hunched forward slightly at her stomach. Despite the disagreement, Blake was there almost instantly, and without hesitation. 

“Trashcan,” Gwen managed. “Fast…”

Blake first guided her entire body in one move to pivot and sit in the folding chair adjacent to them. He was on his knees next to her in the next moment, holding the trashcan under her as she hunched forward closer to it. She sucked in a breath as the feeling subsided once more, letting her body hunch and melt back into the chair as she tried to catch her breath. It was silent between them as the sound of her heavier breathing was the only soundtrack between them.

When he felt it safe to do so, he spoke quietly. 

“I don’t want us to fight,” he said genuinely. “Not ever, but especially not now.” He paused. “Look at you. Look at _us_. What is it we’re trying to accomplish right now?”

“Tell me you’re not going to send her back there,” Gwen responded with an exhale. “Because I don’t care how many times I have to throw up in a trashcan, I know what I’m fighting for. And I will _keep_ throwing up in a trashcan…because I would literally kill myself to protect her, and protecting her right now means — “

And almost as if she predicted it, her breath hitched as she leaned forward again in a hunch, another intense wave of nausea coming over her. 

Blake took a hold of her hair gently. “You’re stubborn as hell,” he mumbled, and shook his head. He felt his gut wrench every time Gwen heaved and coughed, just wishing he could do anything to help besides standing by and watching from the sidelines. He sighed again, helplessly watching her lean back into the chair again to catch her breath. It dawned on him that it could have been easier - if they hadn’t started exchanging words, Gwen could have already been laying down in the truck and they could have been on their way to the pharmacy. But instead she was here, putting up a fight, electing to feel worse as she thought what she was doing was trying to make Bizzy’s life _better_.

“ — protecting her right now means fighting for her,” Gwen finished eventually, her eyes closed as her head was turned slightly up to the ceiling. 

“I won’t send her to school while we’re still here,” Blake promised unexpectedly. It felt like a small step in the direction of reaching a temporary compromise. “The rest….” He sighed. “We can talk about the rest when you’re not throwing up in a trashcan.” A beat. “She has to be in school, somehow, somewhere. That’s not negotiable.” He paused again, finding himself on a roll. “And you need to talk to me, you need to tell me what happened last night.” His eyes went over to her. “Okay?”

With her eyes closed, she nodded in agreement to his terms. “Okay,” she whispered. “All of that - all of that is fine.”

“Will you let me help ya now?” He asked. “Let me take care of ya?”

“Please,” she responded, half whining, her guard visibly going down at a rapid pace. “I feel like shit.”

His arms went around her and brought her close to hold her in his embrace for a few moments. 

“I’ve got you,” he promised, with a sigh.

And he meant it.


	24. Crawling Back To You

It was quite possibly the simplest thing that could bring a smile to her face; opening her tired, groggy eyes, and the first thing she saw was Bizzy curled up and laying next to her.

The young girl’s eyes were closed, but despite this, Gwen couldn’t help but reach forward and tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear. As she did, Bizzy slowly opened her eyes and they made contact directly with Gwen. She perked up just a bit as it hit her that she was awake. 

“What are you doing in here?” she asked softly, her voice still groggy even though a small smile came on her face. “You must have so many other better things to do than to watch me sleep the day away.”

Bizzy shook her head. “No,” she responded in a whisper. “I promised I would be here when you woke up.”

Though Gwen had no recollection of that, she couldn’t help but feel her smile widen just a bit more at the sentiment. “You didn’t have to do that for me,” she responded with a yawn. “Especially ‘cause I don’t know how long I’m gonna be awake for. Those meds are _killer_.”

The young girl’s face fell just slightly as her demeanor changed; Gwen picked up on it immediately. She wanted to say something but hesitated, trying to formulate a response in her head. Her arm reached out, easily tugging her closer. “I’m sorry I scared you, baby cakes.”

Bizzy exhaled, letting Gwen pull her closer. “It was stupid Peyton’s mom, wasn’t it?”

The pang of guilt was a sudden distraction from her foggy brain. It went back to those understated annoyances and silent jabs she clearly remembered from her conversation - if you could call it that - with Blake. 

“We were _both_ wrong,” Gwen sighed with the admission, feeling that was beyond difficult to say to her face. “She treated you horribly. Peyton treated you horribly. But I shouldn’t have gone after her like that.” She paused, letting that part sink in. “It’s going to be a long time before you understand this. But…” she sighed again. “Love will make you do some crazy things. And you have no idea how much love I have in my heart for you. But it’s so much, to drove me onto that stage to do a really crazy thing.”

“You…you could…” Bizzy tried to muster up the courage, but her eyes looked away. “You know, you could be… _mine_ …only if you want though.” She quickly spoke up again. “And you don’t have to, I mean…”

It was difficult to watch the girl struggling with her words. She seemed uncomfortable and shy in a way Gwen hadn’t witnessed before. Her fingers stroked back her hair as she tried to plan her next move, but Bizzy spoke again. 

“…it’s not like I have one,” she shrugged a little. “But…I want…I’d _like_ …”

The broken remnants of her sentences were starting to piece together, and she felt her heart stop as the meaning - what she thought she just heard - was starting to become apparent. But she couldn’t play guessing games on something so serious; she needed to hear it fully for herself. 

“What do you want, sweet girl?” Gwen asked gently, in the softest tone she could manage, and she was preparing herself. She knew her stomach would drop if Bizzy elected to say the word she _thought_ was circling her mind, but a little cautious optimism never killed anyone. 

“A _mom_ ,” Bizzy replied, just barely audible.

And just like that, any level of cautious optimism came to a crashing halt. Before her head stopped spinning, her body jolted slightly as there was a soft knock on the bedroom door. A few shuffled footsteps later, and Blake was sitting on the bed next to Gwen, bending down and forward to place a kiss on the top of her forehead.

“How are you feeling?” He mumbled against her skin before sitting upright again, his hand gently placed on her hip.

“Sleepy,” she managed, her mouth still slightly open as she looked down at Bizzy, who almost seemed more content that their conversation had been interrupted. Bizzy shifted aside and sat up straight, which allowed the room for Gwen to slowly push herself up and into a sitting position. She groaned as her eyes adjusted, thankful for Blake’s arms steadying her.

“Take it easy, no rush to do anything,” he said softly. “Brought you some meds,” he added, handing her a white pill and then reaching for the small glass of water on the nightstand.

“Thanks,” she whispered gratefully, taking both and throwing it back and down with a few swigs of water. Her eyes went to the window, and she looked at it curiously. “What…what time is it?”

“Half past eight,” Blake responded. “Uh, it’s morning. It’s tomorrow, you slept yesterday away.” 

Gwen groaned softly, her eyes going to the window again in disbelief. “Seriously?” She asked, then looked back to him with a single shake of her head. “I just remember getting back…” her thought fell off as her face scrunched slightly. “I tripped? Did I trip on the stairs?”

“A little,” Blake nodded, waiting patiently as she put things together.

“Then I was here,” she said, her hand resting on the bed.

“Daddy carried you, like a Disney princess,” Bizzy interjected, wanting to be part of the conversation again. 

“Your daddy is one of the good ones,” Gwen responded with a small smile, letting her head lean against Blake as her eyes rested on the girl. “Don’t you forget that, okay?”

Bizzy nodded, and her eyes caught with Blake’s in the next moment. 

“Why don’t you go hop in the shower, get dressed,” Blake suggested. “And you can help Grammy make bunch and we can give Gwen a little time to wake up.”

“Okay,” Bizzy said easily, hopping up from the other side of the bed. Blake looked almost perplexed, how it was almost too easy that time. She came around the other side and gave Blake a side hug before moseying away. 

As soon as Blake was sure Bizzy’s footsteps were down the hall, he looked back to Gwen. The two of them looked at each other for a moment, before Gwen was defeated and she swallowed roughly, looking down into her lap. 

“How are you feeling, really?” Blake tried softly, but it was the last thing on her mind.

“Did you hear what she said?” Gwen changed the subject immediately. “Right before you…”

“Yeah…” Blake sighed, his own gaze going down to his own lap.

“I didn’t know what to say,” Gwen admitted. “That one threw me for a loop. I mean, all of this is so complicated…and I don’t want to say anything that we don’t talk about first…”

“…you’re not so bad at flying solo on that,” Blake admitted with a small shrug. “I heard you tell her what you did was wrong.” He paused. “You mean that?”

Her eyes went up to his and she bit her lip. “Would you think less of me if I said _no_?”

Blake chuckled softly. “No,” he admitted, his head tilting to the side. “But it was a good thing to tell her. Helps avoid at least one playground scuffle, I’d like to think.”

“She needs a mom,” Gwen’s voice changed and broke quietly, as she was hung up on that small part of the conversation. “But I think the worst part is having to hear her actually say those words. That broke me.” 

She found the courage to look up to him; but she felt a small gasp of surprise at the back of her throat as she realized Blake’s eyes were teary in a way that matched her own. She hadn’t seem him like this before, and she was beside herself. 

“Oh no,” she said with a sniffle, and she moved forward towards him. “Look, I already cry at the drop of a hat, you can’t do it too.” She paused, pushing herself up to sit in his lap - her arms went around his neck. “I’ll never stop now,” she whispered, holding onto him. 

“You need to though,” Blake said, his arms naturally coming around and holding her close. “Crying while _concussed_ probably will make it worse.”

She sat up straight in his lap, her face now a mere few inches away from his. “Maybe,” she whispered, just as she let her hand cup his cheek. She exhaled roughly, working up her nerve once more. “You know I’m always going to be there for her, right?” She tried to force a small smile as her head tilted. “You literally can’t get rid of me now.”

“I know,” Blake nodded, his voice a whisper. “The guilt sometimes gets the best of me.”

“Why guilt?” She inquired gently. “You’re a single father, Blake. It’s not like you took her mother away from her. She took herself out of the equation.” 

“I’ve never figured out how to explain that to her,” Blake admitted. “How do you tell a child their parent didn’t want to be their parent? How do you do that in a way that doesn’t make her think she did something wrong?”

“I don’t know the answer to that,” Gwen admitted honestly, her eyes casting down. “I know I’m not…I’m not _that_ ,” she began again, though more awkwardly. “But…I want to, I mean, I _could be_ , and I’m not like saying we should get married right this second or do anything drastic but I just know that I love her and I _don’t_ totally know what this is but it doesn’t matter to me and…” she sighed heavily. “I don’t even know what I’m saying. I just…I want her to feel it in her bones, I want her to _know_ she has me.”

“She does,” Blake said confidently. “God, if she knows anything, Gwen, she knows that.”

“Maybe it’s good that you stepped in when you did,” she responded quietly. “Cause if I talked like this to her, no matter what I was saying, ugh, I would have backed myself into so many corners already.”

“I don’t think that’s as true as you think it is,” Blake said a moment later. “You have an ease about you when it comes to her.”

“Except when she’s threatened,” Gwen qualified. “There’s no _ease_ in me for miles.”

“But there is a pretty decent right hook in ya, if the gossip mill is to be believed.”

Gwen’s eyes went back to Blake’s, as if searching permission to test and see if it was ok to laugh. He grinned softly, and she let out a small chuckle. She let her head lean in and against him.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. He pecked a kiss on the side of her head.

“S’okay,” he responded gently. “Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to hit someone because of that little girl?”

“But you didn’t, I’m sure,” she relented, and sighed. “And it’s not just that I guess.”

Blake hummed, letting his fingers caress her lower back as he patiently waited for her to continue. 

“I know I’m not her parent,” she mumbled. “I know I can’t just steal her and take her wherever…” She began to fidget. “I just want her in a good place, that’s all I’ll ever want. And this place…it’s hurting her, Blake. And that’s killing me.”

“I know,” he admitted, much to Gwen’s surprise. “You have certain instincts that get a lot stronger when she’s around. I see it. I don’t fault you for it.” He paused. “I mean god, Gwen, the greatest love you could ever show for me is love for my daughter. We’re both so lucky to have you.”

“You’re an incredible dad to her,” Gwen said next. “It was shitty of me to say otherwise.”

“It was shittier for me to say what I did to you,” Blake responded, his arms tightening around her. “I read her writing prompt, you know.”

“You did?”

“Of course,” Blake answered. “Where did you get it?”

Gwen groaned softly, knowing that it was his way of trying to prompt her for the full story of that night. Her body sunk, leaning back then crawling back to lay down in the bed. Blake raised an eyebrow, curiously following suit - his arms soon pulling her against him to spoon right as he laid down with her.

“I stole it, technically, I guess,” Gwen admitted lowly, biting her lip. 

The way in which she was so serious about it made Blake chuckle. “You’re a thief now, too?” he joked softly, kissing her cheek as he heard the faintest laugh. “Where did you steal it from?”

“Her classroom,” Gwen explained. “We had been walking around the building earlier in the night and I read it then. And as soon as I was heading out the front door and _hopeful_ that none of us would ever go back there…I made a pit stop and took it off the wall.”

“What are we going to do with you?” He asked, gently poking her side. 

“It’s part of my charm,” she said with a shrug. “Besides, it _belonged_ to me, okay? It’s great and all that Bizzy got class credit for writing it, but it’s mine.” She paused, her gaze turning to look up at him as a sudden realization hit her. “You kept it, right? You still have it?”

The shock in her eyes made him feel too guilty to try and even joke in response. “Of course I do,” Blake responded. “I wouldn’t get rid of something like that.”

Gwen nodded and relaxed a little, readjusting her head on the pillow. 

“You gonna tell me what happened?” He prompted softly, a after a few moments had passed. 

“I lost control,” Gwen responded, her voice small. “I know I did.” She paused, letting the silence take over between the two of them. “I just couldn’t stand to listen to how these people treated her. What some of them said. It made me so angry and I felt so helpless, because it wasn’t just some of the kids. It was adults, too.”

She inhaled a breath, letting it out slowly just before she launched into an accurate assessment of the night before. She started from the beginning, telling him all about Arielle and leading up through their final confrontation. When the story was finished, his finger gently stroked against her cheek and he made eye contact with her. 

“Thank you for being there for her,” Blake said finally, exhaling. “For loving her so fiercely. I could never thank you enough for that.” He paused, then added, “….despite choice of method.”

“I’ll try to get better at those,” she whispered genuinely, closing her eyes to readjust herself, curling back up with the pillow next to her. “I’m gonna snooze a little longer, that ok?”

“Of course,” Blake responded. “Only goal we have today is for you to rest up.”

——————

With Gwen out of it most of the day, he didn’t need to wonder where Bizzy was at any given time - that girl was glued to her side, whether she was sleeping or awake. 

It was touching, really, as he began to realize that his daughter felt the same amount of intense love for Gwen that she felt for Bizzy. Deep down he knew they were bonded together for life, despite only knowing one another for a short amount of time. He hovered at the open door, his eyes easily watching Bizzy just laying next to Gwen - her eyes open, so much hope in her eyes as she just wanted her best friend to wake up and feel better. 

Soon, Bizzy noticed Blake was hovering at the doorway - and he almost lost his nerve as those two little eyes looked at him curiously. He forced a small, albeit sad, smile, his hand motioning for her to come over. The little girl hesitated at first, glancing down at Gwen for a moment just before pushing herself off of the bed. Her feet carried her over to Blake, and his hand rested on her back as they walked out of the room.

Blake pulled the door shut behind them, then got down on her level.

“You know she’s gonna be alright, yeah?” Blake asked, suddenly hoping that within all of the chaos, that he had at least remembered to make that clear for her. 

Bizzy nodded, then her gaze cast down. “She got hurt cause of me, though.”

“That is simply not true,” Blake nudged her a little. “And she wouldn’t be happy to hear you say that either.” He paused, and then sighed. “We should talk about some things,” he continued in the next breath, though he was already starting to feel nervous about it. 

“Am I in trouble?” she asked, as if she was just expecting it at this point. 

“Should you be?” Blake tried to joke a little with her, offering a small smile in an attempt to get one out of her. “Nah. It’s nothing like that. I just — “ Blake’s words stopped suddenly as he tried to figure out what to say. “You’re growing up so fast. And — I uh, I know you probably have questions.” He paused. “Questions, like…about your mom?”

Bizzy’s eyes widened, as if that was the last thing in the world she thought Blake would ever want to talk about with her. She knew better from over the years. Anytime she mentioned it, he got a funny look on his face, and she had been defacto trained to not ask much of anything anymore.

She looked like she had a million thoughts running through her mind - and that she was desperate to start asking questions, but something was holding her back. 

“It’s okay,” Blake whispered to her, trying to encourage her to speak when she so obviously wanted to.

She started simple.

“What’s her name?” her small voice trembled slightly, her eyes going back to her father’s. 

“Megan,” Blake answered calmly. Bizzy thought on the name for a few minutes, letting it circle around in her head.

“Where is she?” Bizzy whispered, and Blake felt a punch in his gut. 

“I honestly am not sure where she is,” Blake replied. “I’m sorry I don’t know that.”

Bizzy nodded once, her little brain obviously working through a lot of information. Blake was preparing for the worst, his worst nightmare of what she would possibly want to ask or know. He just felt it in his bones as she took longer to muster up the courage again. He watched her eyes as she began to get upset, on the verge of breaking, but not quite there yet.

“Why…why didn’t she want me?”

And suddenly he felt broken, as if someone shattered him into pieces with a baseball bat. He could’t help it, or focus on an answer - he just moved forward and took her fervently into his arms, holding her tightly against him. He nearly felt lightheaded from all of the energy he was burning in an attempt to hold it together. Bizzy clung tightly, somehow both eager and terrified of the response she would get.

“You are the most incredible little girl in this entire world, Bizzy Shelton,” he exhaled. “You’re my entire life. You’re so smart, and loving, and _annoying_ sometimes, but damnit, don’t ever change, because you’re you and I don’t want you to be anyone else.” His hand gently rubbed up and down her back. “Anyone that spends five seconds with you falls in love with you. Just look at how excited Miss Gwen is every time you’re around, she is completely in love with you.” He paused, mustering the final words, which came out lighter than intended. “It’s not that Megan didn’t want you, baby girl. I remember when you were super tiny, she’d just lay around the house with you all day. Didn’t matter what was going on - you could have been sleeping, eating, getting distracted by the TV, anything.” 

He swallowed roughly, still piecing together some of the words as he was going along. “Sometimes, people that we love are sick. They don’t know how to love back anymore. She needed to leave so that she could take care of herself, cause she wasn’t doing good here. She was sad.”

“I made her sad,” Bizzy managed definitively. 

“No, _I_ made her sad,” Blake partially lied. He was already exhausted trying to dream up a kid-friendly version to explain mental illness, but knew it was almost futile. He felt that if he shouldered the blame, maybe at least she could stop blaming herself. “She loved you so much. You _are_ so loved, and wanted, I promise you that from the bottom of my heart.”

“But if she loved me, she would have stayed,” she blinked tears down her cheeks as the words came out.

“It’s not always that easy,” Blake responded. “Adults are really complicated. You didn’t do anything wrong. And I am _so_ proud to be your dad, little one.”

Bizzy stood up straight and looked at her father, his fingers immediately wicking a few of her tears away. She sniffled and inhaled, strangely similar to how Gwen did when she was upset; the thought of which brought him to the other part of the intended conversation. He took a breath, moving some of her hair back and out of her face. 

“Did you tell Miss Gwen that you wanted her to be your mom?”

His inquiry was gentle, but to his surprise, she started to cry softly.

“Honey…” Blake said, his arms going out for her again - but she backed away. 

“I’m…I’m sorry,” she managed through the tears, then shrugged a little. “I just want one.” She inhaled suddenly. “I just want her to be.”

“I know you do,” Blake whispered gently. “That’s not something to be ashamed of. She loves you so much.” 

Bizzy just nodded, letting Blake take her back into his arms. 

“I just want you to know that you will always have Gwen, ok?” he said next. “She doesn’t have to be your mom to love you as much as she does. She can do everything a mom does - she’s going to always be there for you, talk to you when you’re sad, give you hugs, anything you need. You’ve got her wrapped tight around that little finger of yours, kid.”

“Then why can’t she be?” Bizzy asked next. “If she can do everything a mom does, why can’t she be…”

“I have a feeling she could be one day,” Blake boldly offered next. “I want that day to be so special when it does happen. I think it will definitely be worth the wait.”

The silence between them made him a little nervous as he watched her ponder. He sighed, before speaking again. “I know it’s hard to understand,” he offered, trying to smooth it over. “All I want you to know is that you’re so loved, little bee. You will always have that.” He paused. “And you’ll always have me, can’t ever get rid of me.”

Bizzy nodded, though she didn’t look up to meet his eyes. 

“I wanna go sit with Miss Gwen again,” she spoke lowly. 

Blake hummed. “Why don’t you come with me to the store instead?” He asked gently. “We could get some ice cream, surprise Miss Gwen and Grammy with an ice cream party after dinner tonight?”

He almost chuckled at the very predictable conflict in his little girl’s eyes - he knew she wanted to be with Gwen, but he also knew it was hard for her to resist ice cream.

“Only if we’re not gone a long time,” Bizzy relented. 

“I’m sure Miss Gwen is just gonna sleep while we’re gone,” Blake offered. “And she’d probably want you to get out of the house for a few hours, not just stay cooped up inside.”

“Can I pick three flavors of ice cream?” Bizzy asked next, her curious eyes going up to him as she started to tip-toe into negotiation territory. It was so hard not to laugh, because it was crazy how she knew just when to start asking for more things that she wanted. 

“How about _two_?” Blake negotiated, an eyebrow raised. 

The sly smile that came across her lips a moment later was enough of a confirmed answer for him. He held out his hand to her and she took it, squeezing tight as they began to walk down the hall towards the stairs.


	25. Stopped Using My Head, Let It All Go

“ _Gwen Stefani._ ”

The way Blake groaned her name so suddenly, so accusatory, made her physically jolt. She was sitting in the overstuffed chair in the living room - reading glasses perched on her nose, laptop in her hands - eyes now on him as he walked across the room towards her. He towered over her as she remained seated, just looking up at him. 

“Give it to me,” Blake said confidently, holding his hands out.

“I’m _fine_ , Blake,” Gwen whined. But he didn’t let up and just stared at her a bit more intensely. “This is _important_.”

Blake maneuvered himself to plop down with her in the overstuffed chair, tugging her to sit on top of him when there wasn’t room for them both. She closed the laptop and let him position her on his lap, her eyes meeting his. His finger stretched out, pulling her reading glasses down her nose a bit to look at her from overtop of them. 

“If it was _that important_ , I would have done it for ya,” Blake said pointedly. “No. Screens.” His last two words were emphasized, and he pecked a kiss on her cheek in the next moment. His silent way of letting her know he was only being hard on her because he cared about her. 

“That is wholly unrealistic in this day and age,” she countered. “What am I supposed to do, stare at the wall? You won’t even let me watch TV.”

Blake hummed, and leaned in to speak softly into her ear. “Are you saying you’re in need of a form of entertainment that doesn’t involve a screen?” 

His exhale against her skin and the small nibble she felt on her earlobe made her sigh, forcing herself to not concentrate too much on building anticipation. “Mmm. It’s not nice to tease when you know there’s zero chance of follow through.” 

He let his lips brush against the skin on her neck. “Says who?”

“You’ve been treating me like a glass doll,” she said softly, as his lips were distracting her once more. “Not letting me lift a finger. I doubt you’re going to go there.”

“You’re not entertained right now?” He asked next, and a shiver went down her spine from the unexpected exhale against her skin that tickled her. She giggled softly, her fingers pulling his chin up so that she could make eye contact with him. Her eyes glanced down to his lips just as she leaned in kiss them.

“No more distractions,” she mumbled next. “No more kisses. I need to get back to work.”

Blake groaned. “Baby girl, you can do anything you want as long as it doesn’t involve opening that laptop again.”

“How am I supposed to find Bizzy a school in L.A. if I can’t look at the internet?” she asked next, her voice low as her eyes kept contact with his. 

The sentiment struck him hard. He couldn’t help but smile so genuinely as his hand gently ran up and down her arm. 

“Is that what you’re doing?” He seemed almost shocked as he had a hint of concern in his eyes, then sighed. “While that is an incredibly sweet gesture…babe, it’s not worth making yourself worse over. Your eyes and your brain need to rest.”

“Didn’t they just rest for like, a whole day?”

The look Blake gave her next indicated he was not amused. She tried again. 

“What if you read it to me?” she asked sweetly, letting her head lean into him a little bit as she looked up at him. 

He stared at her a minute as if he was considering her proposal. “You don’t think I’ve combed every inch of the internet already?” Blake asked with a sigh. “You don’t think I’ve called every school that exists that doesn’t scare me to put her in?”

“I’m sure you have,” Gwen nodded. “But you haven’t dug through my network, have you?”

“Your network has not been dug through,” he agreed, plucking the reading glasses off her nose before they tilted forward to fall off. 

“I have to know someone, Blake,” she sighed, looking down to her lap. “I can get her in somewhere. I know I can. I just need to go through the list…”

His eyes went to the laptop she was holding, then back up to her.

“I will read anything to you as long as you _swear_ you’re not going to look,” he relented. She grinned and handed the laptop over to him, and let her head lean back against his chest. “I’m serious,” he warned, right before opening the laptop back up. 

Gwen did as promised and she didn’t look at the screen, electing to close her eyes as she knew the temptation would be too great, or she would forget. Blake glanced at the laptop, seeing a few internet tabs up, a spreadsheet, and Google maps. The spreadsheet was detailed, including information about location relative to house and studio, as well as a column that included a bunch of names for some of them - he realized they were all people Gwen knew affiliated with the schools in some way.

“Jesus,” Blake exhaled, looking over the information. 

“I found a few options that are possibilities,” she explained. “But the one I think I have the best shot at getting her into is St. Timothy’s. But I don’t know how you would feel about her going to a Catholic school, even though you don’t need to be Catholic to attend. A lot of families aren’t.” 

From the sound of Blake’s voice, he seemed immediately unsure. “Sorry if like, this isn’t a real thing, but are we talking about old nuns slapping kids with rulers…?”

“No, it wouldn’t be like that,” Gwen shook her head. “There’s no way the people I know would put their kids in that kind of environment. And plus, one family I know is Jewish and they love it there, so they really stand by the fact that they like a diverse school community.” She paused. “The uniforms aren’t bad either, I have their website open on one of the other tabs.”

Silence fell as Gwen just listened to Blake click around on the laptop for a few minutes.

“And you think you could get her in?” He prompted next. 

“It’s the first place I’m going to try,” Gwen explained. “A few of the administrators go to my church. I’m also friends with one of the teachers.” She paused. “The rest are backup. I was worried how you would feel about a Catholic school so I wanted to find other options. I’d say for any of them though, be prepared to cut a check.”

“Money isn’t an issue,” Blake dismissed. “I want us together. _All_ of us.” He nudged her a little bit, and she smiled. Once she heard the sound of the laptop closing, she opened her eyes and looked up to him just in time to catch him moving forward to kiss her gently. 

Small footsteps running towards them began getting louder, and Gwen turned to look back and see Bizzy coming full speed her way. She watched as the little girl stopped abruptly, noticing Blake. It was then she saw the chocolate ice cream on the little girl’s lips, and something in her hand that she was slowly lowering out of view. Gwen had to look away as to not start giggling. 

“Hi Daddy,” Bizzy grinned. “Weren’t you going to go fix Grammy’s car?”

Gwen shifted to move to the couch adjacent to them, and Blake leaned forward as he looked at his daughter.

“I was on my way but then I caught Miss Gwen here on her laptop when she shouldn’t be,” Blake said, eyes narrowing in on the little girl. “Speaking of _caught_ …” his eyebrow raised. “Whatcha got there?”

“Something for Miss Gwen,” Bizzy responded, shifting on her feet a little as she looked guilty.

“Ahh,” Blake responded. “Is that _something_ also the same thing that’s all over your lips? And wasn’t that _something_ supposed to be for _after_ dinner?”

Bizzy just giggled and grinned, shrugging a little. “I don’t think that was the rule,” she responded coyly. She brought the spoon to her lips again and took another bite from the pint of ice cream in her other hand. 

“Oh, but I think that _was_ the rule,” Blake challenged her back. 

Gwen laughed, reaching out for Bizzy and tugging the girl to sit with her on the couch and in her arms.

“Let my sweet baby girl eat ice cream, it’s the weekend,” Gwen looked over to Blake with a pouty lip as her arms hugged Bizzy tight.

“See, Miss Gwen wants some too,” Bizzy said next. “It wouldn’t be nice to make her wait until after dinner when she doesn’t feel good.”

“I haven’t even seen you share any with her,” Blake challenged next.

Bizzy swallowed a big bite and soon scooped up the next, turning to offer it up to Gwen. She couldn’t help but smile as she leaned forward, taking the bite from her. 

Blake looked over to Gwen. “Look, she’s all cute right now, but when she won’t go to sleep tonight from all of this sugar, she’s not going to be so cute anymore…”

“I don’t think this little adorable princess could ever lose her charm,” Gwen said, kissing the top of her head for extra emphasis. Bizzy just grinned at her dad, knowing Gwen was on her side.

“I’m never going to win again, am I?” he asked next, and the three of them laughed.

“Did you ever?” Gwen responded, her eyes catching his. 

Their mutual gaze lingered for a few moments as neither of them wanted to look away. Gwen’s attention was pulled as Betty jumped up on the couch next to them, soon laying her head near Bizzy hoping to catch a drop of the ice cream. 

“No,” Blake admitted, shaking his head. “No, I didn’t.”

——————

After one final survey across the tarmac, Blake exhaled as he turned to ascend the stairs into the private jetliner. His eyes glanced over to the side, seeing someone load a few things under the plane just before he ducked his head to step on board and he disappeared from view. 

He passed the cockpit, rounding the corner and moving carefully into the main cabin. Unexpectedly, he stopped in his tracks as his eyes fixated on the still scene in front of him. Gwen was sitting in the row furthest back, her body bent and leaning towards the window she was sitting next to. He noticed her eyes were sleepy as they gazed out the window blankly, the only sign of life a blink every so often. And what warmed his heart the most was the fact that her arms were full - Bizzy had curled herself up in Gwen’s arms, her little head resting against her shoulder - eyes closed. He watched as Gwen’s fingers traced back through his daughter’s hair almost aimlessly, but it had already been enough to lure the little girl to sleep. 

The trip had been a whirlwind for all of them. But there was just something about watching the two of them together like this - so close, almost as if they both brought each other the comfort they needed - that made him feel like it would all turn around a lot sooner than he anticipated. 

“Alright out like a light,” he said quietly as he approached. Gwen’s attention went over and up to him, her eyes following his as he took a seat with them. She immediately drew closer to him, the arm he easily draped around her shoulders a welcome gesture. 

She glanced down at Bizzy sleeping, one shoulder shrugging slightly. 

“She had a rough week” Gwen whispered back, as she let her head lean back into his arm. “And like, it’s really hard for me, because I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what I could possibly say to her to make _any_ of it make sense, and that’s probably because none of it makes any sense to me.”

“You had a rough week, too,” he reminded her, tilting his head slightly. But she just shook her head. 

“It’s not the same,” Gwen responded. “She’s just a child. She’s too young to understand why those people are so awful. And I don’t know how to explain that to her in a way that will make her understand that it has nothing to do with her, and that none of it is her fault.” She paused. “I just hope she can leave it all behind and that she has a better experience, wherever she ends up.”

Her eyes moved back to the window as they taxied down the runway. They closed briefly as Blake pulled her close, both of his arms around them as he kissed the side of her head.

“I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you.”

His tender words were whispered, and for a moment she wasn’t even sure he had really said them. She felt her body freeze but soon her neck turned and her gaze followed. By the time she could manage to look him in the eye, hers were filling with moisture. 

“You don’t have to say that,” she whispered, a hint of hesitation and almost pain in her voice.

“I know I don’t have to say it,” he responded, tone and volume matching hers. His hand reached forward and his thumb brushed away a tear on her cheek. “But I wanted to.” He paused. “Because I mean it. And I can’t go another minute without you knowing how much I’ve wanted to say that to you.”

Gwen’s eyes blinked a few more times and she pressed her lips together in an attempt to compose herself. She exhaled roughly as a few more tears streamed down her cheeks.

“Baby girl, I’m not trying to make you cry,” he said delicately, his lips pressing against her forehead. “If it’s really that awful to think about, I can take it back.” He was teasing her, but she wouldn’t have any of it. Her gaze snapped to his quickly.

“Don’t you dare,” she whispered. “Don’t _ever_ take that back.”

Blake smiled briefly and leaned forward to kiss her properly - the softest kiss gently caressing against her lips.

“Please don’t break my heart, Blake Shelton.”

Those words hit him hard, like a punch to the gut. The implication that she just expected it at this point stung. 

“That’s impossible when you’re holding mine in your arms right now,” he responded. “And god, Gwen, you have _no_ idea how much she fucking loves you.”

“I love her too,” she whispered back. “It was the first and only thing I was sure about in such a long time. And it’s why I couldn’t leave her here, not with those people.” She sighed before adding clarification. “Your mom is great with her, I know she loves her granddaughter to pieces, but there is so much about what makes this little girl special and if she stayed out here for too long…”

“…I know,” Blake agreed sadly. He paused, hesitating as he seemed to be working up the courage to continue. “You’re the missing piece, Gwen. I really feel like you’re the person - the energy - the _love_ that’s been missing and neither of us knew it. We didn’t know it until we felt what it was like to be loved by you - because by then we realized we wouldn’t know how to go back to a time _before_ that love.”

She was completely taken off guard. Gwen inhaled sharply as she was trying to keep herself composed, but was failing. The tears were streaming faster as her face broke, and her lips pressed together. Before she could manage a response besides just more tears, Bizzy began to shift and stir a bit in Gwen’s arms, and they both looked down to her as she partially opened one eye.

“Come on, baby girl, I think you need a little more sleep,” Blake said, moving forward. “Lets go tuck you in back there.” He was referring to the bedroom in the back, his head nodding towards it. 

A very tired Bizzy sighed, giving in immediately as Blake scooped her up and out of Gwen’s arms slowly. Her head rested on Blake’s shoulder, her slightly open eyes gazing over to Gwen as they were met with a soft smile through her tears.

“Miss Gwen is crying,” Bizzy mumbled, her head pulling up slowly to look at her.

“Don’t worry about me,” Gwen managed softly, brushing the girl’s hair out of her face. “Sometimes I just love someone so much that it makes me cry. You guys are really good at that.” She forced another smile to her, then glanced to Blake briefly. She leaned forward, and kissed Bizzy’s forehead, which encouraged the little girl to lay her head back down on Blake’s shoulder. 

He stood slowly, and the two of them disappeared to the back of the plane a moment later. Blake returned only minutes later, quicker than she anticipated. 

“Must have really been tired,” Gwen commented as he took a seat with her again.

“I must say, that was the easiest I’ve ever seen her lay down,” Blake responded, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Usually she’s such a ball of energy, it takes a while.”

Gwen nodded once, and shifted over closer to him. She took a seat in his lap and leaned against his chest, her arms holding tightly around his midsection. His arms returned the embrace, curiously watching her as he held her and she kept quiet for a while.

“Can I ask you a question?” he spoke gently. “I mean, it’s just been on my mind for a while…and I’m not even sure I really know how to ask…”

“You can ask me anything,” she murmured in a response, not letting go of his midsection. Her mind was running through the possibilities, but there was only one topic outstanding that she knew Blake wanted to inquire about. It made her feel a bit uneasy as she anticipated the question, as she worked through the possible answers in her head even though she didn’t know what she was answering yet. 

“I don’t want to upset you,” he commented, his fingers trailing down her arm absently. 

“You want to ask about Emily, right?” Gwen turned her gaze up to him and she was surprised to see the sad, sympathetic look that met her eyes. “It’s the only thing I know you have burning questions about. Sensitive topic. Just a wild guess.”

“If it’s too much…”

“…it’s okay.” Gwen’s eyes got caught in his for a few minutes, a welcome distraction even as she didn’t completely want to make that intense of direct eye contact with him as she started to feel vulnerable. She hadn’t even said anything yet and she was already feeling some type of way about it. “What is it that you want to know?”

“Is she…” Blake began, but suddenly stopped as he found himself having the same issues starting this conversation as he did before. “What do you…” he tried again and sighed, feeling defeated. “Gwen, I’m sorry, I suck at this. I don’t even know what I’m trying to ask.”

“She was real to me, for a little while.”

The words stunned them both as Gwen quickly looked down, soon electing to let the side of her head lean against his shoulder as if it was safer than facing him. “I never told anyone that,” she whispered, barely audible. 

Blake hummed gently, taking a careful approach. “How could you have?” He responded quietly. “You never told anyone that you were pregnant.”

She shrugged a little. “It started off innocently enough. I just let my mind wander when it hurt too much. Started to think about what she could have been like, if she would have looked like me, those kinds of things.” She paused, closing her eyes briefly. “Thought about what her personality would be like. What we would do together. What our lives would look like, even with Tony in the picture.”

“You were devastated,” Blake said gently. “You were trying to hold on to something.”

“Then it became easy to think about her when things got rough,” Gwen continued. “When I needed help, something to believe in. It was easy to escape to this world in my head where we could just go shopping together, or whatever. It was easier to imagine I came home to a family instead of an empty penthouse.”

“How long did that go on?” He asked with an ease about him that was so incredibly disarming. Just a compliment to her vulnerability. 

“More at the beginning I guess,” she explained. “After I pushed Tony away and he was gone, more so then. Because I just felt helpless. Losing the baby, then losing him right after was a lot, even if in the long run the two of us weren’t meant to be together.”

Gwen’s fingers moved to her face to whisk a few tears away from under her eye, but she kept herself curled up in his arms and didn’t move otherwise. 

“Did you ever see her?” Blake asked next. “Like as if she was in front of you?”

“No, it wasn’t like that,” she responded. “I guess there were days when I wished I could manifest that. I don’t know if I thought it would be easier.” She exhaled. “I thought about it so much sometimes that it felt real. Her personality, mostly. Or just a presence.” 

She paused, choosing her next words carefully. “It really hurts that I don’t even remember calling her Emily,” she spoke softer, and let her eyes close. “All I can say is that I’m sorry, and all I can hope is that you don’t think I’m completely damaged goods or insane or whatever you might be thinking. The truth is, Bizzy is so much more than I could have ever dreamed up in my head. _So_ much more. And knowing she’s not mine…I don’t know, maybe my mind is falling back subconsciously. Maybe without a child of my own, it’s causing me to think more about the one that almost was.”

Her eyes dared to go up to his a moment later, searching for comfort and maybe even a bit of security. The silence was long between them, but she soon spoke up. 

“Are you ok with all of that?” She asked reluctantly. “I know it’s not normal, and maybe I did a shit job of even explaining — “

Her words abruptly stopped as his lips gently pressed against hers. Her body had tightened up through her ramblings and the simple, soft touch caused her to immediately loosen her shoulders. She focused on how he held her, the gentle movements, the small caresses. She closed her eyes and just let herself be in that moment with him.

After minutes passed, she turned her head and gaze up to him - her eyes making direct contact with his.

“I love you,” she almost whispered - those three words instantly lit up Blake’s face with a smile.

His fingers brushed her chin, pulling her back up to him. No words were exchanged as he kissed her again, and then deepened the kiss as his arms tightened around her body. His lips hovered near hers, soon dipping to speak into her ear. 

“Now and always,” he said in return. 

It was a promise - a declaration that he was all in. The familiar trauma from past relationships came flooding back, as if triggered by something so sincere - the thoughts that tried to convince her that it wouldn’t last, that he wasn’t truthful, and almost any rendition of how it could all go wrong. And for the first time, she could see clearly what as right in front of her. She was able to push them aside. 

And she was able to _believe_ him, without hesitation.


	26. Just Wanna Be Deep In Your Love

Just when she thought she felt ready to sing another take, he had his way of stopping her.

Blake’s hands were dangerous as soon as they rested on her hips - they distracted her, and made everything else nearly impossible to concentrate on. She was a goner as soon as his lips brushed against her neck - the simple touch made her feel weak in the knees, yet she was equally as grateful that she had him to lean back into. 

It took so much effort to get Blake to let her and her concussion into this studio. And now he was doing everything he could to not even make it productive.

“Blakey,” she whined, but didn’t move from his control. “We’re _so close_ to being done with our song and this…” she exhaled, “…this is not helping.” She giggled as his lips tickled her skin.

“Mmm…correction…” Blake responded, nibbling her earlobe. “We have _plenty_ of takes recorded for the song, but you’re just a perfectionist and are over-scrutinizing all of your parts…” His arms wrapped around her waist, securing her close to him. 

“Well it must be nice not having to scrutinize yourself,” Gwen commented lowly, as her attention went down to tug her phone out of her pocket to check it. Her words piqued Blake’s interest. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” He probed, then soon kissed her cheek. She slid the phone back in her pocket and sighed.

“You can just sit down and pop headphones on your ears and get it all out and perfect in one take,” Gwen explained. “It’s like your voice can do no wrong. The rest of us have to work at it.” She paused. “The rest of us have a lot of ground to make up.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” He inquired immediately. When she just shrugged and quietly sighed, he was surprised. “You’ve had how many successful albums? How many live shows, fans, all of that? And you think you have a lot of ground to make up?”

“It’s not a big deal,” she responded, trying to change the subject. “It just is what it is.”

“Do you wanna know why it takes you so many recordings?”

She sighed again, not totally knowing if she wanted to go down this road as she felt a trap coming.

“Why?” she asked quietly, as she ran out of her own ideas.

“Because you think way too much about all of it,” he responded. “I watch you do it, when you sing. You’re in your own head. You can’t connect with an audience through lyrics when you’re beating yourself up for missing a key or flubbing a lyric in your head.” He paused. “Then the cycle continues. You get more upset, the takes get worse, you get frustrated. And then you end up here trying to over-correct by drilling more takes that you don’t need but you’ve convinced yourself that you do.”

“I’m not built like that,” Gwen admitted, a half response to what he was saying. “I can’t just come in here and let everything go.”

“Why not?”

“Because it has to be good,” Gwen responded next. “I have to sing good.”

Blake straightened up his posture a bit, his hand on her hip encouraging her to move with him. “Come on, let me show you something.”

“Where are we going?”

“Just out here to the control room,” Blake responded. Gwen let him lead her, and a moment later she watched Blake take a seat in one of the rolling chairs right up by the controls. He tugged her down to sit on his leg, his arm securing her in place. “Listen to this, and tell me what’s wrong with it.” He reached over to press a button between them, and one of Gwen’s takes began to play.

It hurt a little as he watched her face - she was clearly not enjoying listening to the sound of her own voice. A minute later he pressed the button again, pausing the audio, his eyes going up to her.

“I didn’t hit the key I needed to, in the middle,” she began. “My voice did this weird….I don’t know, squiggly thing? - right after it. It’s like I lost control of it and it dropped or something then went back up higher and it sounds _weird_ and unintentional.”

“Is that it?” He asked in the next breath.

“Isn’t that enough?” She questioned right back.

“You didn’t hit the key in the middle that we wrote,” Blake agreed. “But the one you did hit? I think it worked out even better. I think there’s a different layer of vulnerability to the song just because of it.” He paused, then couldn’t help but chuckle. “And this… _squiggly thing_ , as you called it? I think that’s the coolest part of your vocal range in this song and it would kill me to think you’re trying to edit that out so you can sound like one of those cookie cutter pop stars with no personality.” He nudged her. “That _squiggly thing_ is hot.”

Gwen couldn’t help but feel embarrassed as she giggled and shook her head. “The squiggly thing makes me sound like an amateur.” 

“Mmm. Why do I get a feeling that this goes so much deeper than the squiggly thing?” He asked next. “Or, better yet, it has nothing to do with the squiggly thing?”

“Oh please, enlighten me with your new theory,” Gwen said, tone deadpanned as she glanced at him. He noticed her check her phone again, and he wanted to ask about it, but stayed on the current course.

“Well, either you’re just looking for an excuse to be around me longer in here,” he joked, which caused her to roll her eyes and laugh. “…or, you’re makin’ these things up in your head because you know what comes next.” She raised her eyebrow, curious about this, though she could have made a guess where he was going. “Cause you know as soon as this song’s done, you’re going right back in that booth to start recording your solo album.”

“We don’t have to talk about that,” she murmured. She felt herself start to get anxious, which led to her standing up from his leg and walking behind him. Her arms crossed, and she was beginning to pace ever so slightly. “If you’re annoyed with me now on a duet, just wait until there aren’t any other voices to cover mine — “

Her words stopped abruptly as she hadn’t meant to let them get as far as she did, and she just shook her head.

“You’re in your head again,” Blake said, his eyes following her bit his body remaining still and seated. “Gwen, you’re only standing in your own way…”

“That’s not _true_ , Blake,” she responded quickly, her eyes going to his. “I don’t need to sabotage myself. I have plenty of things already working against me that will do that for me.”

“You never answered my question,” Blake said. “From before. Do you _want_ to be done? Do you want to give it all up?”

“You don’t get to choose sometimes,” Gwen responded, her eyes shutting tight as she exhaled. “Sometimes, the choice is made for you.”

“Nobody’s making the choice for you, Gwen,” Blake pressed. “The only person getting in your way is _you_ right now.”

“Nobody’s making the choice for me?” She repeated, as her pacing stopped to look at him dead on. “I’m a woman in my forties, Blake. I’m old,” she exhaled. “Washed up. Not even really a good singer, I mean for crying out loud, all of the artists they’re signing these days could run circles around me. I don’t have the range. Why would anyone be interested? Why would anyone care? All I’ve ever done is work in this band and that’s worked out just fine, but that arrangement worked because it didn’t rely on me having this incredible voice. There’s instruments and dancing and guys singing and it’s just a party and low pressure and now you want me to throw myself into oblivion?”

“Can you really sit there right now and tell me that you’re _not_ in your own head?” Blake tried to redirect. “After all of that, I mean, baby girl…it hurts so much to hear this is what you really think about yourself.”

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Gwen sighed sadly. “Men are different. They don’t age out of this industry. And you are literally a country king that can just come in here after a few beers and make it happen, and I _wish_ I was more like you. I do.”

“Where’s your notebook?” Blake asked next.

“What?” She responded immediately. “Purse. It’s in my bag, why?”

“Go get it,” he prompted her, his head nodding towards her handbag. 

She sighed, not questioning him and she moved across the room to retrieve the notebook she kept with her. She walked back, her eyes watching Blake. He just pointed to the recording booth and stayed silent for a moment.

“The duet is perfect,” he explained. “I’m going to send it over for the final mix. And you’re going to go in there with that notebook and just sing. Sing whatever you have.”

“I don’t have anything finished,” Gwen almost gasped.

“No, you don’t have anything that meets your definition of finished,” Blake relented. “But I know you have full songs in there. Just let the world go, try and see what happens.”

When she didn’t move - her mouth was just agape, staring at him for a minute - Blake motioned again. “Come on, let’s go,” he said, pointing once more. 

She shuffled her feet as she still felt stunned walking into that recording booth. Her eyes watched his, unsure, as she pulled the headphones over her ears. She just looked at him like a deer caught in headlights. This was something that surprised her, how she just froze - how she was suddenly scared to sing in front of him. This was a man she loved, a man she had been intimate with, someone she had shared some of her darkest thoughts with. And she couldn’t even make a sound. 

Blake’s gaze softened, as he realized she was struggling. He sighed as soon as he saw her check her phone again, getting distracted by it.

“Whatever is on that phone of yours is not gonna help you,” he said gently. “What is it? What’s going on? What do you keep looking at?”

“Nothing,” she said, sliding the phone back into her pocket, and gently crossing her arms.

“Why are you so closed up today?” He asked. “Did something happen?”

“Blake, I mean that literally _nothing_ is on my phone,” Gwen stated confidently. “No missed calls, no texts, nothing. I mean god, aren’t you nervous about today too? We take Bizzy in to a new school and I make sure she has her phone if she needs us and I don’t know what’s worse - hearing from her or not hearing from her.” She paused. “How am I supposed to know if she’s okay?”

“You don’t,” Blake replied honestly. “You don’t get to know if she’s okay. You have to wait and worry on the sidelines with the rest of us.”

“I’m not a _sidelines_ type of girl,” she mumbled. 

“If something is drastically wrong, the school will call,” Blake explained. “Am I nervous about today? Hell yes, I am. I want her to do well. I want her to make friends. But sitting around and worrying about it isn’t gonna help anyone.”

“Well, you have it all together, it seems,” Gwen nodded. “Must be nice, but I’m new to this whole _caring about a kid_ thing.” She paused. “You’re the total package, Blake. You’re cool, calm, and collected. You can act like a normal person when you send your kid off to school and you can just randomly break out into song and turn it into a number one hit.” Her voice grew significantly quieter. “The rest of us have to work a hell of lot harder.”

“You think I know what I’m doing all the time?” He responded cooly. “Do you know how hard it feels sometimes for me to try and relate to what she’s going through because I’m a single father and don’t know what it’s like to be a girl her age? Do you think it’s easy for me to think about the fact that she’s getting older and then I _really_ don’t know what I’m going to do then?”

Gwen sighed, and removed the headphones from her ears and hung them up on the stand. She exited the recording booth and walked up to stand in front of him. “I don’t want to fight with you,” she whispered to him, her eyes locking on his. “We’re on the same team. We want the same things. We shouldn’t fight.”

His hand reached out easily to cup her cheek. “We’re not fighting,” he assured her. “We’re…talking in slightly elevated voices that contradict each other occasionally.”

Gwen couldn’t help but giggle and shake her head before she closed the distance between them, her arms around his midsection hugging him tightly. She relaxed into his embrace as he kissed the top of her head.

“I want you to have the world, Gwen,” he spoke gently into her hair. “And it’s so hard to watch you get in your own way.” He paused. “I’m just trying to help.”

“I know you are,” she replied. “I know you don’t have any negative intentions.” She let her chin rest on his chest as she looked up to him, the silence between them a comfort in and of itself. “Come ‘ere, come sit down with me.” She let one of her hands reach forward and to gently hold on to his before moving over to sit on the couch. He followed, settling down next to her.

He watched as her eyes went around the room, an ironic half laugh escaping her lips. “This place used to be like a safe haven for me,” she explained. “The studio. Spending hours here, getting lost in thoughts and lyrics. The excitement building underneath the surface when you’re working on a record.”

“This is still that place,” he offered, tilting his head slightly as his eyes stayed on her.

“Maybe,” she relented. “Doesn’t feel like that much anymore.”

“You started caring more about what other people are gonna think,” he said next. “Come on, sweet girl. You know you can’t do that. You know the way this works is that you just have to come in here, pour your heart out, and hope for the best.” He paused, letting her think on that for a moment. “Were you always this worried when you’d make songs with the band?”

“No, I wasn’t,” she responded honestly. 

“Forget the recording booth,” Blake said next. “I know you have part of something in there. Sing it to me. Don’t try to make it perfect, I just want you to feel it.” He nudged her. “I’m not here to judge you, and I already think you’re incredible.”

Gwen sighed heavily, keeping an eye on him for a few moments before her gaze went to her lap. She fidgeted. She knew she didn’t even need her notebook, she had something sitting on her chest already.

_  
For a long time, I was in love  
Not only in love, I was obsessed  
With a friendship that no-one else could touch  
It didn’t work out, I’m covered in shells  
_

Her raw voice struck him, and he was immediately entranced. The emotions behind the words were starting to build - and though she was looking away, he could still see it in her face. Blake reached over and grabbed his acoustic guitar, placing it in his lap as he awaited her to continue before he began to follow her lead and strum a few notes along with her voice.

_  
And all I wanted was the simple things  
A simple kind of life  
And all I needed was a simple man  
So I could be a wife_

_I’m so ashamed, I’ve been so mean  
I don’t know how it got to this point  
Oh, I always was the one with all the love  
You came along, I’m hunting you down  
_

His guitar faded as he realized her voice stopped, and her eyes looked up to him. He was overwhelmed and couldn’t speak; just the simple content of her words was so much to unpack in and of itself, nevertheless the emotion and power behind them. 

“That’s all I have,” she confirmed quietly. “You wouldn’t lie to me, right? You’ll tell me if its terrible?”

“I…I wouldn’t lie to you,” he stammered, shaking his head as he placed his guitar out of the way. “Hold onto that. Whatever the hell just happened, don’t let go. Because that was incredible.”

“I didn’t think anyone would want to hear that,” she admitted. “Silly dreams, right?”

Blake moved forward, gently laying her back down onto the couch. He moved behind her, his arms holding her as he laid down with her. 

“Hold onto those too,” he spoke into her ear, placing a kiss on her cheek. Gwen shifted slightly in his arms to look at him, her neck stretching up to kiss his lips. His hand brushed her hair back as he returned her kiss. 

His gaze went down to his thigh, feeling a vibration against it. Blake raised an eyebrow, moving his arm down and landing on Gwen’s hip - it was her phone in her pocket as the source. She twisted slightly, giving him easier access to pull it from her pocket, and flashed the screen in between them. 

“It’s time to go pick up Bizzy, that’s the alarm,” she said softly, with a sigh. She wasn’t sure if it was an anxious or relieved one. 

“Hard part is over, momma bear,” Blake pecked a kiss on her cheek as he chuckled lowly. “Let’s go pick up the cub.”

_Momma bear._

Oh, she got immediately stuck on those words. Her hand laid against his chest, preventing him from shifting to sit up. The look she gave him was just so heartfelt, as it was slowly turning into a small smile. 

“That means a lot,” she whispered, and Blake smiled back at her before kissing her again. As soon as he pulled back, she leaned up to kiss him more. Her hand rested on his neck and she completely lost herself in the moment.

“When you kiss me like that…” Blake whispered into her ear with an exhale. “That’s what you have to do in that recording booth. You’ve gotta let yourself go like that - enjoy the moment. I feel it when you do that.”

Gwen hummed. “Well I guess we’ll be making out in the recording booth next session,” she quipped, a sly grin on her lips as she sat up with him. 

“Gonna hold you to that one,” he chuckled in response, holding out his hand to her as he stood up. “Let’s hit the road.”

—————————

Gwen quickly learned that school car pickup lines were _not_ her thing.

As soon as Blake pulled the truck into the parking lot, her eyes fell upon the long line of eager parents wrapped around the building one by one, waiting to drive up to the entrance. She didn’t realize she was half out of her seat as she was leaning forward, eyes scanning over the dash as she both took in the surroundings and wondered if she’d spot Bizzy anywhere. 

“This is going to take forever,” she grumbled, glancing over at Blake. As usual, he was cool as a cucumber, just chilling nonchalantly with his hand casually placed on the wheel. 

“It’ll be quicker than you think,” Blake offered her, raising an eyebrow at her impatience. 

“Is this really the best way to do this, though?” Gwen pressed next. “We all just have to wait in line to get our kid? Isn’t it faster if they just release them into the parking lot or something?”

“Great idea,” he agreed at first, but she missed the dripping sarcasm. “So not only are the kids then at risk for getting hit by a car, none of us can get out because we’d just be one giant blob of cars, people, and kids trying to get situated.” 

Gwen huffed as Blake chuckled again. 

“Well so far they’ve only put three children into cars since we’ve been here,” Gwen observed. “What, it’s like the kids aren’t ready or something so they have to run them down? Bizzy’s not like that. Bizzy’s going to be ready and waiting for us.”

Blake chuckled harder and shook his head. “Your optimism kills me right now,” he said. “As if she’s not in that building right now, only half-packed on her book bag, and getting distracted by ten things when she’s in the middle of finger-painting or something.”

But Gwen’s brain had already moved on. “If she doesn’t come out with a smile on her face, don’t say anything about it,” she said next. “If she’s upset or didn’t have a good day, just don’t make a big deal. Maybe she’ll open up on the way home.”

“Me? Why you tellin’ me all of that?” He couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I’ve done this a few times, you know.”

“I’m sure you have but like, I just want to make sure you don’t put pressure on her,” Gwen responded immediately. “And don’t call her Elizabeth. She’s probably fragile today.”

“Thank you, Dr. Phil,” Blake quipped and shook his head. “Will you sit back and take a few deep breaths? I think you’re gonna be the one to frighten her if you keep this up.”

“Okay,” she exhaled, settling back into the passenger seat. “I feel kind of weird anyways.”

“Weird how?” He asked. “Weird emotion, or weird sick?”

“Somewhere in the middle,” she murmured. “Maybe more weird sick.”

Blake glanced to the back, knowing he had a few bottled waters stored in the pocket behind the seat. He pulled one out and handed it to her.

“You think it’s your concussion?” He asked, his tone concerned. 

“Thank you,” she said softly, taking it and soon drinking a few sips. “Probably,” she responded. “And probably your fault. You made me look at a screen earlier today.” Even through her weird feeling she forced a small smile, enjoying poking fun at him.

“I did no such thing,” he poked into her side playfully, his eyes soon going back in front of him. “Look, here she comes.”

Gwen’s entire body perked up, weird feeling disappearing into thin air as she saw little legs jogging over to the truck on Blake’s side. Someone with the school opened the door to the backseat, and Bizzy hopped up a moment later.

“Can we get ice cream?!” she asked hurriedly, a big smile on her face.

Gwen and Blake looked at each other and started to laugh. She wasted no time trying to work them to get something she wanted.

“Hello to you, too,” Blake responded at first, chuckling. “Not even a _Hi Dad!_ in greeting first? Just straight to begging for ice cream?”

“Well, yeah!” Bizzy responded. “Because Alexa said that the best ice cream in the entire world is right across the street from school and if I don’t say it fast then you’re going to drive away and we’ll miss it!”

“Alexa, eh?” Blake inquired next. “You guys have that google thing in your classroom?”

“Alexa’s a _person_ , dad,” Bizzy said, rolling her eyes. “She sits next to me. Also, Liliana agrees and says it’s the best.”

“We send you away for one day and you have a whole new life with all of these new people we don’t know,” Blake mused. “Slow down, little bee, tell us about your day.”

“I’ll tell you allllllll about it over some nice, cold ice cream,” she tried again, with a grin. Blake looked over to Gwen, an eyebrow raised.

“What do you think, Ms. Gwen?”

“I think my Bizzy Bee deserves some ice cream after a long day at school,” Gwen easily sided with Bizzy, to nobody’s surprise. “She drives a hard bargain, it might be the only way to get anything out of her.”

“She’s right, it’s the only way I’ll talk,” Bizzy added quickly, and soon the both of them were looking at Blake, anticipating his next move. 

“You two are going to do this for the rest of my life, aren’t you?”

Blake shook his head, turning the wheel the opposite way and towards the shopping center across the street. A small, excited squeal escaped Bizzy. Gwen took his hand in hers.

“I sure hope so,” she said softly.

The sentiment was not lost on him. And he couldn’t help the smile that came across his lips.


	27. Looks Like An Early Winter For Us

She had spent so much time in her closet, trying to pick a dress. As soon as Blake pulled his truck into the valet line, for some reason, all of the time spent getting ready almost felt silly. 

The stars had aligned in some way when Bizzy was handed an invitation to a sleepover from one of the girls in her class that coincided with the evening of Adrian’s wedding. It took the pressure off of Blake to try and figure out what to do with his precious daughter that night, and gave the two of them some alone time to be together. 

It was something they both had silently been craving, as Bizzy living in California full time had felt like a bit of an adjustment. It was a beautiful, wonderful, and amazing adjustment - but an adjustment, nonetheless.

Blake came around the truck and offered Gwen his arm, which she gladly took. Her attention fixated forward as the decorations and flowers began coming into view as they walked inside the winery pavilion. She saw Adrian and Nina’s name up in lights, and it almost took her breath away. She was so incredibly happy for them, but weddings always made her feel some type of way. 

It always made her question why she hadn’t had one.

“Gwen!”

Her attention turned to the side as she heard her name - her eyes fell on Erin, who seemed moderately happy to see her. Tony must not have said anything. 

Gwen pushed a smile on her face and hugged Erin as she approached. Her very prominent baby bump got in their way, and Erin just chose to laugh.

“Still not used to that,” she joked, placing a hand on her own stomach.

“My god, it’s been a few months, I can’t believe you’re here,” Gwen said genuinely. “Weren’t you due like, a week or two ago?”

“Ugh, yes, I’m ready to get this thing out of me,” Erin complained. “I mean, my perfect little angel face is just taking her time to come into the world.” Her eyes went to Blake. “And who is this strapping gentleman on your arm?”

“Oh, um, this is Blake,” Gwen awkwardly fumbled through an introduction. “We’re uh — together, I mean, we’re dating, he’s my boyfriend.”

Blake smiled and held his hand out to shake Erin’s. Just as their hands broke contact, Tony approached, handing his wife a sparkling water. He gave Gwen brief side eye, glanced at Blake, then kept his attention focused on Erin.

“We should get you seated,” Tony suggested. “You’re not supposed to be up this much, remember?”

“You worry too much,” she responded, then looking between him and Gwen. “What’s with you two tonight?”

“Erin, let’s go sit down,” Tony responded, a bit stronger. When she didn’t immediately agree, he began to walk away. Erin’s face wrinkled in confusion and looked at Gwen. But Gwen quickly cast her gaze down as she felt upset and embarrassed. 

“Go,” Gwen encouraged her. “It’s okay, don’t worry about me.” She forced a smile, but Erin just looked confused.

“ _Erin_ ,” Tony said again, and Erin looked between Gwen and Blake quickly before she began to walk towards him. 

“It was good to see you,” she said. “I — I’m sorry…?” Erin sighed as Tony slid an arm around her shoulders, the two of them heading to the opposite side of the venue. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come,” Gwen whispered, just before she found herself drawing back and in closer to Blake. She needed only the comfort he could bring as she let her arm snake around him, holding onto him from the side. 

“Nonsense,” Blake responded. “You’re not here for anyone except Adrian. If Tony has a problem and can’t act like an adult, well, fuck him.”

Gwen looked up to Blake and nodded, but didn’t move otherwise. “Thank you for being here with me,” she said. “Especially since…well….all of _that_ …”

“I know you don’t feel this now, but it’ll get better one day.”

Gwen shrugged a little. “I can’t hold my breath for that day, right?”

“You’re right,” Blake agreed. “I know you don’t want to think about this, but even if he does something crazy like never talks to you again or something, you’d be ok in the long run.”

“I need a little air, I think,” she exhaled next. “I’m starting to feel weird again.”

“Do you want to go home?” He asked, concerned. 

“No, I don’t want to miss the ceremony,” she responded. “Just some air.”

Blake nodded, his arm going around her as he led her out a side door onto a patio. He plucked a bottled water from the side of the bar and handed it to her, sitting next to her as they walked up to a small bench.

“Gwen, I’m worried about you,” Blake said lowly, his hand rubbing her lower back gently. “I’m afraid something’s wrong. You keep feeling like this.” He paused. “You know, Oklahoma medical treatment was always just fine with me, but maybe they missed something - we should get you checked out.”

“I got a concussion, Blake,” she sighed. “The doctor said these were all very normal things in the healing process.”

“Amuse me, then,” he tried next. “What’s the harm in going back in?”

She sipped on her water. “Not tonight,” she said softly. “Tonight we’re here to celebrate Adrian marrying the love of his life. I can’t miss that.”

“I know,” Blake responded.

“And by morning whatever this is will be gone,” she said. “Comes and goes. It’s almost gone, actually, I told you I just needed some air.”

“Just think about it,” Blake said, not fully giving up. “God, you’re stubborn, woman.”

Gwen sipped more water, not even fazed by the assessment. “You like it,” she commented, raising an eyebrow as she stood up fully. Her hands went out to him, and he took them, soon joining her to move back inside. 

———

The ceremony was beautiful, though admittedly a little hard to watch as Tony stood right next to Adrian the entire time. She watched as Tony would occasionally glance to Erin, offering one of those small, somber smiles she knew so well from him. They were understated, but made a statement at the same time. His smile almost made Gwen feel even more guilty - like when someone is angry with you and you have to watch them be nice to everyone else in the world. Like they left you behind, and they’re enjoying their lives without another thought. And without you.

She wanted Tony to move on and be happy. But not at the exclusion of their friendship. 

By the time the reception hit, she had this feeling in the pit of her stomach that he was doing it all on purpose. He was being social - working the room in a way that he normally would not have usually. Tony was usually the laid back, hang in the corner, low-key type of guy while Gwen was usually the one that was more outgoing. Watching him work the room seemed to have the opposite effect on her as she hung back like a wallflower, trying not to be so obvious.

Her eyes went to the side as Blake approached, holding two glasses of champagne, one outstretched towards her.

“Mmm,” Gwen hummed in response as she took it, but carefully placed the glass on the table next to her. “Thank you, babe, but I might need to wait a little while on that.”

“Still not feeling good?” Blake sighed. “Gwen…”

“I know what you’re going to say, and I’m fine,” she sighed, her arms crossing over her body. “It’s just…weird. Hard being in a room with him like this. He’s not usually this… _social_.”

Blake’s eyes followed hers, landing on Tony briefly. 

“You could be too,” Blake tried next. “I mean, if you wanted to.”

“Gwenny!” 

Gwen turned to look behind her, a small smile playing on her lips as Adrian and Nina were making their way over to them. Adrian seemed to be in a great mood, perhaps a little alcohol fueled, as his arms went around Gwen in a hug.

“Aren’t weddings fun?” He asked her as he squeezed her a bit tighter. Adrian released Gwen and went to Blake, giving him a hug also which caused them both to giggle. 

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not,” Gwen laughed, and moved over to the bride. “And Nina, god, you’re such a gorgeous bride.” She smiled and hugged the woman.

“After hours picking out a dress, and a few hours in these shoes, that literally means the world to me!” Nina quipped, hugging Gwen back with a grin on her face. She looked between Gwen and Blake. “Have you guys had cake yet? It’s to die for. I only had a bite and I’m starving though, so I could be overselling it.”

“We were going to hang back a bit and wait for that line to die down some,” Blake responded politely. “Congratulations to the both of you, it was a great ceremony.”

Adrian pulled his bride into his arms from behind, kissing her on the cheek. “We should get married everyday,” he commented. “Really, this wedding was so easy to put together…”

“…stop right there, Mr. Young,” Nina said in a scolding tone. “It was easy because you didn’t have to do anything. If I never see another book of decor themes again…”

“Oof. Fine,” he replied.

Gwen laughed at their banter as Blake easily slid his arm around her. “Where’s the honeymoon, again?”

“Fiji,” Adrian responded. “And still trying to convince this one to add on a few days in New Zealand at the end…just a little three hour flight…”

“Yeah, work is gonna love that,” Nina quipped with a laugh.

“You only get married once,” Blake offered, then added with a chuckle. “That’s the goal, at least.”

His small quip caused the others to laugh, with Gwen drawing a bit closer to him. 

“Don’t let us hold you up,” Gwen offered. “I know you guys have a lot of people to see, and Nina probably wants more of that cake before you have to catch a flight.”

“Thank you both so much for coming, means the world,” Adrian responded genuinely, going in for another hug. 

Gwen pecked a kiss on his cheek and hugged him tightly. “Love you,” she whispered. “You’re going to make a great husband, don’t you forget that ever.”

As they said their goodbyes, the lingering smile began to slowly fade from her features and her gaze wandered back to Tony, just by default. He had moved about fifteen feet towards the other side of the room, she noticed. She turned her head back towards Blake as she felt him take her by the hand, and gently tugged her forward.

“Dance with me,” he said confidently, which caused the small smile to appear again. She walked forward with him, and even though she felt the desire to say something, she kept quiet instead and let him lead her to the edge of the dance floor. 

She listened intently as the song changed, recognizing it, but not placing it. 

_  
Settle down with me  
Cover me up  
Cuddle me in  
_

Her arms slid up and around his neck, his hands went to her hips to hold her close as they began to sway.

_  
And your heart’s against my chest  
Your lips pressed to my neck  
I’m falling for your eyes  
But they don’t know me yet  
_

He leaned forward as he swayed to speak in her ear.

“Have I mentioned tonight how beautiful you look?” He kissed her cheek softly.

“Maybe a few times,” she whispered, a smile on her face.

“Not nearly enough, then,” he murmured back. 

_  
Kiss me like you wanna be loved  
You wanna be loved  
You wanna be loved_

_This feels like falling in love  
Falling in love  
Falling in love_

_Settle down with me  
And I’ll be your safety  
You’ll be my lady  
_

Her arms moved down from his neck and wrapped around his midsection, which allowed her to rest her head more comfortably against him. She craved being close to him in those moments, and she let herself get lost if only for the duration of the song. He held her as they swayed without a destination, swayed without a defined purpose. They just were. 

Gwen’s eyes opened as the tempo on the dance floor suddenly picked up with a new, upbeat song. The quiet world she had just lost herself in with Blake seemed like a distant memory, as they gracefully stepped off of the dance floor, arms around one another. 

It only took a minute, a mere sixty seconds, before her eyes were back on Tony. She felt the stress and anxiety that had melted away on the dance floor suddenly hit her back in real life. 

“Blake?” she said softly, before turning to look up to him. As soon as his eyes met hers, she spoke again. 

“Will you take me somewhere?”

———

Blake was surprised that the _somewhere_ she was craving to go to so badly was the studio, especially given their last visit there. The two of them waltzing in wearing formal clothes seemed wildly out of place, and yet, there was something motivating Gwen. She had the look of drive and determination on her face - but he wasn’t sure yet what it was geared towards.

He watched her go into the recording booth immediately, which surprised him once more. He raised an eyebrow curiously, watching as she put the headphones over her ears. She then pulled a piece of paper and a book on her lap, and sat on the stool just before she was scribbling down on the page. 

Blake continued to watch her in awe, taking a seat in front of the controls and keeping quiet as she continued to write. She took another piece of paper from the small stand nearby and continued to write, slowing down in random bursts to read over and rearrange. 

The quiet of the studio - interrupted only by an occasional, quick stroke of the pen - felt like the calm before the storm. What kind of storm, he wasn’t quiet sure of, but he was going to stick around as long as it took to find out. 

Minutes passed. He wasn’t quite sure how long it actually had been, but he felt like they had arrived to the studio quite some time ago. He watched as she grabbed one more piece of paper, writing more smoothly, as if she had figured something out.

Gwen’s head popped up suddenly to look at Blake, and she caught his attention. 

“Can you give me something simple?” She asked. “Maybe like, track 8 or 9 just to have something to work off of musically?”

“Sure,” he nodded, and reached for the pre-recorded music tracks. They weren’t anything special, but it was helpful to have something to match her voice. 

Gwen nodded softly as she heard the music flowing into her headphones, and she let herself close her eyes briefly as she tried to find a starting point. 

_  
It looks like an early winter for us  
It hurts, and I can’t remember sunlight  
An early winter for us  
The leaves are changing color_

_The sun’s getting cold, it’s snowing  
The sun’s getting cold, it’s snowing  
_

She paused, trying a few different variations of the last line. 

_  
The moon gravitates around you  
The seasons escape you  
I always was one for cryin’  
Always was one for the tears  
And you lied to me all these years  
_

Gwen stopped singing, and looked up to Blake through the glass. She tugged her headphones around her neck, and pressed her lips together.

“It’s not perfect, it needs work.”

She looked like she wanted to say something else, scrutinize it even further, but she kept quiet as she awaited Blake’s reaction instead. 

“We’ll work on it,” Blake responded genuinely. “But babe, I have no idea what you’re talking about. That…that was _good_.”

“And we’ll make it _great_ ,” she said, a newfound confidence coming over her. “Together.” A pause. “Right?”

“Try and stop us,” Blake said, a small, devilish grin playing on his features.

A smile came to her lips next as they held one another’s gaze. She was soon distracted, feeling her phone vibrating in her back pocket. She pulled it out, a look of confusion flashing across her face.

“What is it?” Blake asked. “Who is it?”

“I…” she began, sliding to answer. “It’s Adrian,” she explained, then spoke into the phone. “Adrian?”

“Gwen, come quick!” Adrian’s voice suddenly rang in her ears. 

“I’m texting you the address now.”


	28. Just Wanna Be There Where You Are

“Adrian, don’t — “

It was no use, she heard the line click off in the next moment. She just stared straight ahead, stunned for a moment. She came back to reality as her phone began to vibrate, and she saw that he was calling her back.

“Adrian??” She exclaimed, obvious worry in her voice. “What the hell is happening?”

“Hospital, Gwen, you need to come to the hospital,” Adrian said. “Erin’s water broke, she’s having the baby now!”

Her mouth opened to respond but nothing came out at first. Sudden images of the entire wedding party rushing to the hospital - many of which she considered her family - came to mind. Something hit deep in her stomach as she felt left behind. As the realization hit that she couldn’t - or really, shouldn’t - go to the hospital. 

“Adrian, I….” she stammered, and closed her eyes. “Just take a few pictures and text them to me, yeah?” She paused. “Tony won’t want me there. And that’s ok. And it’s a long story. Please give them lots of love.”

“What are you talking about?” Adrian sounded confused. “Gwen, Tony told me specifically to call you and tell you to get your ass down here.”

“He did?” Her voice broke, but she soon shook her head. “No, that’s not possible. Adrian…”

“Will you get your ass down here already?” Tony’s voice came over the line, much to Gwen’s shock. “I’m freaking out, I’m about to be a father, I am pissed off at you but damnit, Gwen, you’re not going to miss my kid’s birth.”

She was stunned - excited, worried, but mostly just frozen in place. Blake reached forward, taking the phone from her.

“We’re on our way, see you soon,” Blake said, and hung up the phone, handing it back to her. 

“Was that a concussion hallucination, or…?”

Blake’s arm went around her, encouraging her along. “Come on now, you heard the guy, we gotta get down there,” he said, as they began walking together out of the studio. “First kid? Trust me, you don’t want to anger the first time dad. If there’s only one thing I know, it’s that he’s freaking out right now.” 

Gwen seemed to have trouble believing and even moving with him. Blake stopped, his eyes looking straight at her. 

“Gwen, Tony needs you right now,” Blake said confidently. “He doesn’t have anyone else like you.” He paused. “You’ll regret not going. I know you will.”

She nodded quickly. “He…he really wants me there?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Blake emphasized. “Come on, truck, let’s go!”

———

Despite the chaos of the hospital, coupled with their group waiting anxiously in the waiting room, it was still surreal to be there.

Part of her thought that maybe Tony would change his mind any moment - the reality sunk in that they were in a hospital awaiting the arrival of his first born coupled with the fact that she was the girl that just recently told him she lost _their_ child over a decade prior. The irony made all of this strange, though that fact alone was lost on most in attendance. 

Gwen easily had taken a seat on Blake’s lap when there was a shortage of chairs in their area. She was fine with this; comforted, even, as she liked his arms around her like that. In a way, his embrace was a constant, subtle reminder to remain grounded. 

Her finger traced a random pattern against his chest as her eyes watched both Tony and Erin’s families interacting. Closer to them was Adrian and Nina, still dressed up in their wedding attire, casually speaking to Tom and a few others that had also come along. 

“What time is it?” Gwen mumbled against Blake’s chest. His hand stroked back through her hair as he checked his phone.

“Almost one,” he responded quietly. “You doin’ alright?”

She was trying to suppress the nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach that had resurfaced minutes prior. The last thing she needed was Blake knowing she didn’t feel good again.

“Yeah, just going to go to the bathroom,” she said, jumping up a little bit quickly to leave. She made it around the corner before Blake could respond, inhaling a breath as she entered the restroom she remembered passing on the way in. Her fingers locked the door quickly and she found relief as soon as she hovered over the toilet. 

She inhaled and took a few breaths, her one hand still clutching her hair to hold it back as her stomach settled. She felt a tension headache hit her immediately, and even she had to wonder if her concussion was getting worse, or if something was wrong. 

She stood up sooner than she should have, but she knew she had to balance between relief and staying in there too long. She pulled herself over to the mirror and got herself together, splashing warm water on her face and patting it dry. Her hands ran back through her hair, taming a few disheveled pieces. She took a few deep breaths and turned, hand on the doorknob, turning it to open the door.

But something was immediately in her way.

Gwen’s eyes went up to Blake’s as she gasped, stopping abruptly, as he was standing in front of the door frame and blocking her path. 

“Geez, you scared the hell out of me,” Gwen said with a sigh.

“Are we both gonna pretend you didn’t just throw up your dinner in there?”

“I’m fine,” she dismissed. “I feel better, so…”

“…so _nothing_ ,” Blake finished. “You’re going back to the doctor in the morning, I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Don’t make a scene,” Gwen whispered lowly in desperation. “Not here, not now with everything…”

“Not trying to make a scene,” Blake said, his hands up in the air as if he was surrendering. “Making a scene would be dragging you to the other side of this hallway and checking you in to get checked out.” He sighed heavily, shaking his head. “I’m just trying to make sure that something isn’t very wrong with my girlfriend. Can’t you understand why I’m so worried about you?”

She was about to respond, but suddenly Tom came from around the corner to approach them. “Hey, uh — “ Tom looked back and forth between Blake and Gwen awkwardly. “ — I was coming to look for you. Baby’s out and healthy. We sent Adrian and Nina back first so they could say hello then catch their flight…”

Gwen felt the forced smile on her lips. “That’s great, I’m so relieved,” she offered.

“Everything, uh, ok here?”

Gwen nodded swiftly. “Just fine,” she responded. “Just a bad headache, that’s all.”

“You have a _headache_ now, too?” Blake looked back at her, offended that she hadn’t even mentioned it. And for some reason, she felt her cheeks flush pink.

“Will you give it a rest, please?” Gwen begged of him. 

“Will you stop playing around with your life?” Tom unexpectedly chimed in before Blake could. “A bad headache this close after a concussion? Jesus, Gwen, you need a doctor.”

“Wow okay,” she scoffed. “I didn’t sign up to get double teamed tonight. I can’t do this.”

And with that, she side stepped both of them, making her way back to their little corner of the waiting room with the others. Only a few minutes passed before she heard her name from behind her.

“Gwen?” Adrian asked, and she turned to meet his eyes. “Tony wants to see you now. He said to send you and Blake back.”

She swallowed roughly as he approached her. “Are you still sure?” she asked in a whisper. 

Adrian’s arms went around her in a hug. “Wouldn’t lie about that,” he said. “Come on, you’ll be fine. Whatever it is that happened between the two of you…”

Gwen nodded, taking a half step back as their hug broke away. “We’ll see,” she said. “Anyway, you guys should probably get to the airport. I’m so happy for you, I don’t think you realize how much.” Blake was now standing behind her, further evidenced as she felt one of his hands gently rest on her shoulder. 

They said their goodbyes, and somehow Gwen managed to force herself to start walking down the halls, back to where she anticipated to find Tony and Erin. Her steps grew noticeably shorter, slower even, and her arms crossed as the room numbers began creeping higher - closer to the one she was looking for. 

“Did you ever stop and think maybe the fact that I’m here to see Tony is the reason why I feel so awful?” She asked lowly, so that only Blake could hear. 

“Is that really something you believe?” Blake asked, and it caused Gwen to stop completely. Her eyes just went to his - they were neutral, no hint of emotion in them. 

“No,” she whispered, and let her gaze cast down to the floor for a few moments. She pressed her lips together and offered a small shrug. “I’m worried too, okay? I’m scared something’s wrong.”

“Then why — “ the words came out as an immediate response, but he was still trying to form one in his head.

“Sometimes it’s better not to know things,” she responded. 

“Not when it comes to this,” Blake responded with a sigh. 

“It’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one that’s at risk of someone telling you that your brain is broken, or bleeding, or whatever.”

“All the more reason to know if any of those are true,” he responded. “So we can fix it. So you don’t have to keep feeling like shit.” 

In his next breath he stopped walking, and his hand clutched around Gwen’s arm to get her to do the same. She stopped easily - probably because she was already wishy-washy about the direction she was heading in, but he waited a few moments before she turned completely to look at him.

“I love you,” Blake said tenderly, and somehow those three words wiped away any annoyance she had felt that evening in the hospital waiting room. “This is what happens when someone loves you - they worry about you. Can you just let me worry about you?”

_Can you just let me love you?_

She recognized the true question he was asking almost instantly. The fact that it was staring her in the face so persistently was unsettling. He was doing that thing again when he was looking right through her, even when she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be seen. 

“I told you before we started this…” Gwen replied finally, with an exhale. “…I told you I was difficult to love.”

“ _Difficult_ , maybe,” Blake agreed, with an amused shrug. “ _Difficult to love?_ Not a chance in hell.” He exhaled, letting his hand raise up to cup her cheek. “Even when you’re being _difficult_ , there’s no question in my mind about loving you.”

Gwen blinked a few times, her eyes stuck on his. His thumb moved slightly to whisk away a tear that had escaped and began falling down her cheek. 

They both sidestepped as they were temporarily distracted by a nurse rolling some kind of a machine down the hallway, and realizing they were in the way. Blake’s hand left her cheek and moved to her shoulder to help guide her aside, and slid down to her hip, tugging her just a bit closer. He kissed her forehead, then lowered as if he was going in for a kiss on her lips - but Gwen quickly brought her finger in between their lips before he could try.

“As much as I want you to, trust me, you do not want to do that right now,” she mumbled.

Blake grunted softly, obviously annoyed, but knowing she was right. “Just stay still,” he said. “Keep ‘em closed.” Before she could laugh or even respond, he pressed his lips gently against hers. As soon as they parted she giggled and shook her head, letting her hand slip down between them to take his into hers. She began walking down the hall again, keeping him close to her. 

It was only a few moments before they were stopping in front of the hospital room. Gwen seemed to hesitate as she looked at the door for a moment - as soon as Blake squeezed her hand, she seemed to start breathing again. 

She knocked softly, peering in through the small crack in the doorframe as she opened the door wider. The two of them slipped inside, moving around the privacy curtain. Erin saw Gwen immediately and flashed her a happy, albeit tired half-smile, which she returned easily. Her eyes went to Tony in the corner, cradling a small bundle in his arms. 

Her eyes met with Tony’s - he didn’t seem to hesitate to step forward towards Gwen. The hardness she remembered from earlier in the evening seemed to disappear. She watched as his eyes went down to look at his daughter, and even though all in all it was an incredibly sweet sight, she couldn’t help but feel the weirdness of the entire situation in the pit of her stomach.

“Would you like to hold her?” Tony asked, and all Gwen could do was nod profusely and smile.

She took the baby into her arms gently, immediately enamored and preoccupied as she cooed and cuddled up to Gwen immediately. She only looked away briefly as she felt Tony’s hand on her shoulder, helping point her in the direction of the chair positioned right next to Erin. Gwen took a seat, and her eyes didn’t tear away from the little one again. 

“I think I’m gonna steal her,” Gwen whispered to Erin. “Precious babe, she’s _perfect_.”

She felt a little guilty over the concept of _stealing_ , even as an obvious joke. She just hoped Tony hadn’t heard that.

“You are more than welcome to come over and spend time with this little one,” Erin laughed softly. “I can already tell, she’s going to be a handful.”

“How’s mama doing?” Gwen asked, her eyes going up to Erin.

“Mama’s just tired,” Erin said with a sigh. “Happy. In Pain. Kinda like, everything.”

Gwen’s smile grew bigger, realizing she was probably feeling some of the effects of medication still. Blake pulled up a chair next to Gwen, letting his arm drape around her. She felt Tony maneuver to the other side of Erin’s bed, pulling the other chair up to the side. 

She felt Tony watching her as she held his little girl. She wanted so badly to look up to him, but a part of her was scared. She had gotten over her fear that Tony would change his mind if she showed up; now her fears were more centered over the fact that this small baby in her arms brought so many things up to the surface for her, and she would literally hate herself if she managed to ruin any of this. 

Gwen gasped softly as her tiny little hand grasped around one of Gwen’s fingers.

“I think she likes you,” Tony said softly, which almost startled her. It caused her to temporarily forget her fears and her eyes went up to his and locked. Tony was different. He was… _softer_. Something about the way he was looking at her almost made her think he was in the process of _forgiving_ her. She could only imagine what that looked like to him in those moments - his ex-girlfriend holding his daughter after recently learning in some ways, it actually _wasn’t_ his first.

What happened next could have knocked her completely over.

“Would you…um…” Tony began, looking down briefly before looking over at Erin. Tony took his wife’s hand in his and squeezed it, before looking back to Gwen. “We would like to ask if you’d consider…um…being her godmother?”

Gwen looked between Tony and Erin, and then even briefly to Blake in utter disbelief. “Are you serious?” Her voice pitched higher as it broke; she was suddenly overwhelmed. 

“Of course we are, silly,” Erin laughed softly. “We wouldn’t joke about that, come on.”

“We both know that if something were to happen to us, she’d be in the best care with you,” Tony explained. “It’s something we’ve been discussing for a while.”

“Are you sure?” She asked, looking between them. “I mean, you guys thought through everyone else and, and — you really want it to be me?”

“Yes, we _really_ want it to be you,” Erin emphasized. 

Gwen was speechless. Her eyes just went down to the tiny little girl in her arms, clutching onto her finger. She looked so peaceful. Gwen leaned forward a little to place a kiss on top of her sweet little baby head, already intoxicated with the little one. 

Her eyes went back to Erin and Tony - they were teary, and all she could do was nod profusely to accept. 

“Did you decide on a name finally?” She managed, her eyes then going back down to the baby. 

“Coco,” Erin responded proudly. “And we’re not changing it, it took way too long to make a decision.” 

“Sweet Coco,” Gwen said with a smile. She felt Blake place a kiss on the side of her head, which turned her attention over to him. “Do you want to meet little miss Coco, cowboy?”

“She looks so happy with you, though,” he responded. “I forget how tiny they are when they’re born.”

“Are you scared of her because she’s the side of half of your forearm?” Gwen giggled, not missing an opportunity to poke fun at him. “Come on, I bet she’ll love you even more. You’ve got that giant cowboy human heater thing going on.”

“Oh, alright,” Blake said with a chuckle, getting his arms up and ready. Gwen smiled as she leaned forward carefully, gently passing the tiny little girl into Blake’s very large arms. As soon as Coco realized she wasn’t holding Gwen’s finger any longer, her little hand retracted in search for it. Blake noticed, offering his pinky, which she grabbed onto as soon as she felt it was there. 

She underestimated what it would be like to watch Blake with a newborn baby in his arms. Immediately, she felt her ovaries screaming.

“I remember when Bizzy was this small,” he said gently. “Talk about being terrified of something. I don’t think I slept for weeks.”

“Did you think she was going to attack you or something?” Gwen giggled. 

“No, you dingbat,” Blake chuckled and shook his head. “When it’s your child, that’s just how it is. You worry.”

A quick glance around the room confirmed she was the only one that truly didn’t know what that meant, even though she could comprehend it on an intellectual level. 

“Hey, can I talk to you for a few?” Tony asked, directed at Gwen. “Outside?”

Gwen’s eyes widened a bit as they went over and up to Tony. “I uh,” she said immediately. “Yeah, sure. Blake?”

“Oh, we’ll be alright in here,” he said, not even looking up to Gwen - he was now mesmerized by little Coco. “Take your time. We’re great.”

Her stomach was a wave of sudden butterflies - half of them were enamored with Blake in those moments, and the other half were nervous ones as she tried to figure out what Tony wanted to say to her. She stood up, even though she wasn’t sure if she could feel her feet underneath her.

They stepped out into the hallway, and before either of them could speak, Tony wrapped Gwen up in a hug unexpectedly.

She gasped and didn’t move at first, her eyes wide with disbelief. She didn’t know why but it made her eyes begin to water all over again - and when he let her go, she was still standing in shock, her arms partially outstretched. She wasn’t used to Tony being overly affectionate - so when he was, there was usually a reason. 

“How could you do that? Keep that to yourself all of these years?”

The sudden change between the embrace and the meaning of his words struck her deep. 

“You don’t want to listen to this now,” Gwen whispered to him, with a shake of her head. “Not with your perfect little girl in that room waiting for you.”

“I might have to actually fight Blake over her, it seems,” Tony joked cooly, trying to lighten the mood just a tad. “But I do want to hear it now, actually. It’s the only thing that makes sense to ask right now.”

Gwen sighed, rolling over in her mind how she wanted to respond for a moment. 

“I couldn’t do that to you,” Gwen began softly. “It felt cruel. On one hand it wouldn’t have done anything for you to know about it, but on the other it could have caused a lot of damage. It could have made you feel obligated to stay with me, when I think we both realized we weren’t meant to last forever.” She paused. “And that could have ruined our friendship. Could have ruined the band.”

“I never understood why you acted the way you did after your accident,” Tony admitted. “It came from left field. You didn’t want anyone to help you. You built a wall so high I don’t think you’ve ever been able to break through it, not completely.” He paused and sighed. “I mean, it made sense when I found out. But that also made me so angry at you - not just about how you kept it from me, but what that meant you did to yourself this entire time.”

“I think about her a lot,” Gwen admitted back with a small shrug. “A lot more at first, and a lot more lately, just being around Bizzy…it’s… _a lot_.” She exhaled. “I know that sounds really dumb, but…”

“ — it’s not,” Tony cut her thought off sharply, before she could finish it. 

“I wasn’t trying to ruin anything with Erin and Coco by telling you now, either,” Gwen responded, almost a pleading tone to her voice. 

“I know,” Tony nodded. “But I guess I’m not clear on why it actually _was_ now? I mean thirteen years, Gwen, why was it now?”

“It was Blake,” Gwen admitted lowly. “I didn’t exactly have any plans to tell him about it either - things just uh, happened, and it kind of made it where I had to, but umm…you know, he just kept trying to get me to listen to him when he told me that if he was in that situation, he would have wanted to know. That he wouldn’t care if he wasn’t with that same partner anymore, but he would want to know.” She closed her eyes tightly. “And I’m sorry if I made the wrong decision and you don’t feel that way.”

Tony pondered this for a few moments before he spoke again. 

“Blake is right,” Tony agreed. “Given the choice of knowing or not knowing - I am glad that you finally told me.”

Gwen let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding in. She just nodded, and couldn’t help but lurch forward to give him another hug.

“Thank you for letting me be part of today,” she said genuinely. “And for making me a godmother, I mean, my god, I’m going to cry all over again just thinking about that.” She paused. “I don’t deserve that.”

“You’re the best person for the job,” he responded. “I know how much you’re going to love her. It was no contest.” 

Deep down, she didn’t believe it. But she wasn’t going to argue with him about it either. Maybe he knew something she didn’t - after all, he still picked her even when he was incredibly angry at her, and that had to mean something.

“Well, I’m sure you have a lot of visitors waiting to get back here,” she said fondly. “Maybe if I can pull Blake away from the baby, we can get out of your hair and let next of line come in.”

Tony nodded, a small smile on his face as his eyes went to the door. “Gwen?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t wanna like, jinx this or anything, but…you’ve got a real shot here. Don’t blow it, ok?”

“What?” She questioned, eyes going to the door. “You mean…Blake?”

“Mmhmm.”

She didn’t quite know how to respond to that - her mouth with slightly agape and she just shrugged and nodded. 

“I mean it. He’s good for you. You’re…different.” He paused. “Different is good.” Tony couldn’t help but chuckle. “Never in a million years did I think you’d end up dating the guy, but I think you found your match. Someone who doesn’t let you get away with all of your bullshit.”

“Well, you’ve got me there,” she admitted. “Blake isn’t subtle.”

“And that’s _good_ ,” Tony emphasized. “I’m happy for you.”

“You too, Tones.” She sighed. “Love you.”


	29. I'm Hurting, Baby, I'm Broken Down

It had been a long, difficult morning - and more than anything, she was just _tired_. 

She was tired of feeling this way. She was tired of her anxiety getting the better of her as her mind wandered over worst-case scenarios and why she still felt so nauseous, how she was still getting headaches in the way she was. She wasn’t sure fully if she had convinced herself or if it was true that they seemed to be getting worse, and more frequent. 

Her day had started with a groan as Bizzy came in and jumped on the bed just a little too roughly, for which the girl apologized and settled down once it was brought to her attention. She felt off from that moment, as she couldn’t recall a time when she had been so instantly bothered by movement like that - and especially not when it came to Bizzy. 

She remembered snoozing in bed as she heard Blake on his phone making her an appointment after she made it clear she wasn’t doing that great. His fingers gently played in her hair, delicately massaging her scalp - this was the first thing that brought her comfort, and something to cling onto. 

Breakfast was a no-go, and she opted to lay on the couch in the living room adjacent to the kitchen as she listened in on Blake and Bizzy eating their breakfast and chatting. They’d call over to Gwen occasionally, checking on her, continually offering to bring her anything. It was Monday morning, and she soon heard Bizzy jump up quick as her ride pulled into the driveway. She heard the girl grab her backpack and her footsteps quickened, but they weren’t going towards the front door. They were soon standing in front of Gwen, a look of concern hovering as she was greeted with a kiss to the forehead. 

It was moments like those that made her want to cry; the sweetest little seconds in time that just made everything feel better.

“Have a good day at school,” Gwen had managed. “I love you, little bee.”

The ride in Blake’s truck to the doctor was uneventful. Within minutes of their arrival, she was ushered back into a series of tests, medical assistants asking her numerous questions as she tried to keep her attention on them long enough to comprehend and respond. She hadn’t realized how much she was physically leaning on Blake, how much he was supporting her upright, until he shifted slightly and she had to catch herself to stay fully upright. 

It was as if she hadn’t slept at all, and yet, she didn’t even remember waking up once throughout the night.

Eventually she was curled up and laying down during a particularly extended break from the doctors and medical assistants. Blake had a chair pulled up next to her and he just slowly continued to stroke through her hair, knowing that it felt good for her. He was afraid to think it was the only thing she had like that as the rest of her felt so shitty. 

There was a sudden rustle at the door and a muffled voice, and soon the doorknob was turning. Gwen opened her eyes and sighed, and on autopilot, she began to slowly sit up straight again on the exam table. 

“Thank you both for being so patient,” the doctor said with a genuine smile, looking between the two of them. The doctor seemed to linger on the back and forth a bit longer than expected. “Ms. Stefani, I uh, have some results that came back that I’d like to discuss with you…” her eyes went over to Blake, as she abruptly stopped speaking.

Blake caught on and shuffled to his feet. “Ah, that’s my cue,” he said easily, and he took a few steps forward to leave. Gwen’s hand went out to clutch onto his arm automatically, which caused him to stop and look back. The worried look in her eyes gutted him.

“You’re leaving?” She managed the question towards him in a hoarse tone. Blake looked between her and the doctor, a bit conflicted. He didn’t know what the doctor was going to say, but he didn’t want to put Gwen in a bad spot to have to choose for him to stay or go. She needed the information - whatever it was - and the power to decide what to do with it. 

“I’m just going to be right outside, okay?” He responded, his hands cupping her cheeks as his lips pressed a kiss into her forehead. “I can be back in less than a second. Okay?”

Gwen just stared at him but soon nodded, letting her gaze go to her lap. Whatever this was felt serious, and she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to know anymore. 

The doctor waited until Blake was fully out of the room and the door was closed behind him before continuing.

“Am I dying?” Gwen asked, before the doctor could get a word out.

“Umm, what? Oh god, no — “ she responded immediately, then seemed to recover from the shock of Gwen’s very forward question. “I uh — so you said that ever since the urgent care center in Oklahoma diagnosed you with a concussion, you’ve been feeling sick?”

Gwen nodded. “Yeah,” she affirmed. “Nauseous at random times, a lot of headaches. I feel a lot more tired than usual too.”

The doctor hummed. “Well, they could have been right about that. We did a CT scan and it came back just fine. Now, a CT scan won’t show a concussion, no scan will, but it would show any bleeding or fractures or other issues possibly if a concussion was getting worse.”

“So what are you saying, it’s something else?”

“Let me ask you a question,” she said next. “When was your last period, do you remember?”

Gwen opened her mouth to respond but nothing came out. It was only a few seconds of stunned silence before she shot it down immediately. “I’m not…” she shook her head. “No, that’s impossible. I can’t have children.”

“How is it that you know that?” She pressed gently. 

She felt her heartbeat starting to race - the adrenaline coursing through her veins as she felt herself getting angry. And she felt numb, too far gone to put a stop to it - whatever was about to come out was just about to come out.

“Because I was in a goddamn horrific car accident thirteen years ago that threw me into a coma and — “ she lost her nerve mid-sentence and she inhaled a breath fast as she had already forgotten to breathe. “It’s _not possible_.”

The doctor carefully reached out for one of Gwen’s hands, slipping a piece of paper into it as she held it in front of her. 

“I know about the accident,” she responded. “I read your medical record. And there wasn’t anything _definitive_ that said…” her voice went lower. “…after your miscarriage, I mean…”

“Stop it,” Gwen snapped, her head jerking up suddenly as she pushed the paper back and into the doctor’s hands. “Stop it!” Her voice went a bit louder as she swiftly went to her feet, going for her handbag sitting in a chair nearby. “You made a mistake. You did something wrong. Do you think it’s _funny_ dangling the one and only thing I’ve ever wanted in my entire life as the answer when it’s not even _possible_?! Who do you think you are that you just come in here and tell someone _that_ when you don’t even know!”

“Miss Stefani - Gwen — “ the doctor tried to interrupt, holding the paper in her hand up. “This right here, this is how I know, you can’t fake bloodwork — I mean to be completely sure and safe, we want to do an ultrasound…”

“Get away from me, don’t touch me,” she jerked back and her hand was on the door. She stormed out with newfound strength, and right past Blake. 

“Get me the hell out of here, take me home, these people are idiots, I can’t believe you brought me here.”

Blake’s jaw dropped as he was stunned; not expecting her to storm out after the condition he had just seen her in, and she was rambling about how the doctors were idiots and - _Jesus_ , what the hell was going on?

“Gwen??” He called out after her, jogging down the hall to catch up. Once he was only a few feet behind her, he dared to try and place his hand on her shoulder but she abruptly jerked it away and kept storming towards the exit. “Gwen, what just happened?? Will you slow down and tell me what’s going on, please?!”

“Just get me out of here, I’m serious,” she responded, in a tone slightly less crass as the first. She ignored him and just kept power walking. 

She made it outside and she felt the sun hit her face, but she couldn’t let herself get preoccupied with that. She kept moving forward; the truck very much in her line of sight. Blake let her walk, keeping pace with her somewhat closely. She went for the passenger side door and he sighed, resigning himself to head to the driver side door. Maybe she would clue him in if they were sitting in the truck and could take a breath. 

Blake climbed in the front seat and popped his keys into the ignition, starting the truck up with another sigh. He noticed Gwen hadn’t opened the door yet, and he glanced over to see her standing in front of the passenger side door - completely frozen. Her hands braced on the side of the truck and she had this haunted, inexplainable look on her face as her eyes just stared right in front of her.

It was then he realized she was scared to get inside. 

His eyes continued to watch her as he moved his finger on the door to roll down the passenger window between them. 

“Honey?” He tried softly, and the pet name seemed to snap her back to the present.

Her hands pulled back, and she was no longer touching the truck any longer. 

“I’m going to walk, actually,” she said suddenly, taking a step back.

“Excuse me, _walk_?!” His hand popped the driver door open so fast and within seconds, he was standing next to her. “You’re going to walk where, exactly?”

“Home,” she replied. “I’m going to walk home.” A pause. “Exercise never killed anyone.”

“But L.A. traffic and people walking on shitty sidewalks have definitely killed many,” he responded immediately. “Gwen, we’re at least ten miles from either one of our homes. You’re telling me you’re going to _walk_ that? Not only is that insane on any other day, but after the morning you just had?”

“I don’t have a choice,” she replied in an eerily calm voice. Intellectually, she realized she was a contradiction. She wasn’t pregnant; she couldn’t have been. She had a concussion and she must have gotten the doctor with the short end of the stick. But she realized she wasn’t getting in the truck for all of the opposite reasons. She felt stuck between the two, and obviously conflicted on how to proceed. So she just stood there, wishing the world away.

She felt his hand lay gently against the base of her neck; his lips pressed against her head. Suddenly her chaotic mind seemed to calm as she found herself hyper focused on his comforting touch. 

“I don’t know what’s happening right now,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “But baby girl, I’m scared. I don’t understand.” He paused, letting his hand rub down her back in the slightest. “I know you don’t like cars. I know you don’t trust hardly anyone to drive. But you trust me, remember? Almost from the very start.”

She swallowed roughly, but remained silent as she didn’t have a response to that. She couldn’t process any of it really, and she wasn’t even able to explain why she was in her current state. Luckily for her, in absence of Blake connecting the dots, he at least understood that fears and trauma could show themselves at any time. 

“What is it, do you need me to call Jon?” He offered gently. “What do you need right now?”

“I just want to go home,” she responded weakly. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Okay,” he responded quickly, wanting her to know that he had heard her. “I can do that for you, I can help with that.” He paused, delaying the obvious to point out that she needed to get into the truck for that to become a reality. “Are you hungry? I think we have some pasta leftovers — “

“ — _my_ home,” she cut him off mid-sentence. “I want to go back to my place.”

He was slightly shocked by her request, but shot it down in his mind immediately. “I’m not just going to take you back to your place and leave you there all by yourself,” he responded, trying to keep his tone gentle. “I — I mean, no — “

“ — all you’re going to do is keep asking me what’s wrong and I don’t have an answer for you,” she inhaled sharply. “I feel like shit and all of this….all of this is too much, I’m overwhelmed, I can’t even think — “ she inhaled again as she forgot to breathe, and let her eyes close.

“Let me take you home - let me take care of you,” he responded. “That’s the most important thing to me right now. In return, I won’t ask questions.” 

Her head turned towards him, her eyes tentatively locking onto his. He had gotten her attention; his compromise was something she was interested in. Because if she thought about it for more than two seconds, going home with Blake and having him take care of her with no questions was ten times more appealing than an empty penthouse and the inevitable constant questioning texts he would send. 

The offering of no questions asked was like a permission slip. Her face broke a moment later, and suddenly her arms were around his midsection clinging onto him tightly as she just let herself cry. His arms closed in around her, and though it was hard to hear her this upset, he was just thankful he seemed to have gotten through to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry? 😬


	30. My Broken Pieces, You Pick Them Up

His heart had dropped when he received the first call.

It had been a voice message, a call missed as he was occupied unloading the dishwasher as his mind was reeling over Gwen. Since they had gotten home, she remained quiet and curled up in bed, and he was doing exactly as he promised - not asking her any questions. It was driving him crazy, but as soon as he brought his phone to his ear to listen to the missed call, the knot in his stomach felt as if it had exploded. 

Getting a call from the school counselor at your daughter’s school was usually never a good thing. And the woman’s request to speak with him as soon as possible didn’t settle well, either.

He had called the counselor back and she asked him to come in. He debated this, feeling torn between the two people in his life that needed him the most. He expressed frustration as the lady wouldn’t even give him a hint. _What is it with women and their secrets today?_ He agreed a moment later.

He remembered slipping into the bedroom where he was sure Gwen was still in the same position he had left her in. Blake had kept it vague, not wanting to alarm her, but needing to let her know he was heading out for a few hours before picking up Bizzy. She didn’t respond more than a hum, acknowledging that she had heard what he had told her. 

And that brought him present, sitting in the guidance counselor’s office as he stared at her, waiting for an explanation as to what all of this was about. 

“Mr. Shelton, did you hear me?”

The guidance counselor’s name was Lynette, he had learned. A perfectly nice, if not cryptic, woman on the outside, but so far all she had spewed out were pleasantries and those were not something Blake had the mental capacity to process in those moments. 

“What?” He asked next, his gaze going once around the room as he blinked. “Where’s Bizzy? Is she alright? I just want to know what’s going on.”

“Bizzy is alright,” Lynette confirmed. “Physically, she is alright.”

“Why did you say _physically_?” Blake questioned immediately, and he felt himself sit up a bit straighter. As if he was about to jump into action, but didn’t really know why. 

“Mr. Shelton, how familiar are you with anxiety attacks?”

“Anxiety attacks?” He echoed, looking at her questioningly. “I uh — I mean, well, I know what they are, I guess….I think my girlfriend had one earlier today, that’s really the only way to explain all of _that_ …” he realized he was rambling and reined himself back in. “Why are you asking me about that?”

“Girlfriend?” Lynette inquired, steering the conversation slightly as she rustled through her notes. “Would that be, uh — the _Miss Gwen_ I’ve heard so much about today, by chance?”

“Yes,” Blake confirmed simply. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?” He paused. “Was Bizzy in here with you today?”

“We have reason to believe that Bizzy experienced an anxiety attack today, Mr. Shelton,” Lynette said gently. 

“She’s a kid,” he dismissed. “Are you being serious right now?”

“Over recent years - what with technology and modern times - these are unfortunately not just a predominantly adult issue,” Lynette responded. “A lot of children have issues centered around anxiety.”

“And you’re telling me Bizzy is one of those children,” Blake responded, tone neutral. “Just…just tell me what happened, please?”

“We’re not quite sure what caused it,” Lynette admitted. “But earlier this morning, she seemed to be keeping to herself. When her teacher approached her, she was exhibiting signs of an anxiety attack. She seemed to have trouble breathing and her hands were trembling. Her teacher paged me, and I brought her here to settle down for a while.”

“Where is she now?” Blake asked immediately. 

“She’s back in class,” Lynette explained. “We spent a few hours together. I didn’t let her go back without making sure she was ok to do so. She wanted to go back to her class.” Lynette sighed, and pressed her lips together. “Mr. Shelton, I’m not here to give you a diagnosis. I’m just here to let you know what all happened today so that you are aware and can possibly look into it. Though with a few things Bizzy told me, I think it could be a good idea for you to first talk to your daughter.”

“Why, what did she tell you?”

“She seems to have had a lot of change in her life lately,” Lynette elaborated. “She told me she grew up in Nashville, then about her time in Oklahoma and now in California. Sounds like a lot for a little girl.”

Blake’s jaw felt tense suddenly. “I’m doing the best I can,” he said with a quiet intensity. 

“Oh, no — that’s not what I was insinuating,” Lynette jumped in immediately. “Bizzy told me how much she loves you and all about your relationship, I think it’s wonderful. She seems to be enamored with your girlfriend as well.”

Blake felt his body tensing slightly less as Gwen was mentioned in relation to Bizzy. “Yeah,” he responded simply. “Sometimes Gwen is the only person that she wants to talk to. She’s outgrowing her old man.”

“A strong female in her life is a good thing, for sure,” she responded, then changed course. “Look, I don’t want you to be alarmed. Sometimes these things happen and when a child goes through a lot of changes, that can definitely be a trigger.” She paused. “But we know about it now. We can keep an eye on it. I think maybe the best thing to do is try to instill a sense of normalcy for her.”

“Normalcy,” Blake almost scoffed, with a shake of his head. 

“I’ll check in on her at least once a day for the rest of the week,” Lynette promised. “If she starts acting differently at home, I would appreciate being kept in the loop.”

“Acting differently,” Blake responded. “How so?”

“If she starts having difficulty sleeping, if she seems more irritable than normal, fidgety, or if her eating habits change,” she responded. “It can be anything, but those are some of the most common.”

“O—okay,” Blake responded, trying to take all of this in. Lynette reached across her desk, and handed Blake a few pamphlets.

“Just for a little research,” she offered, and he took them. He watched as Lynette’s eyes popped up to the glass as something caught her eye. “And there she is now.” The woman motioned for someone to step forward, and Blake turned to see Bizzy tentatively walking towards them, her backpack swung over one shoulder.

“Hey, little bee,” Blake said, a small but sad smile on his face. His arms opened to her. “Come ‘ere. I missed you today.”

“Am I in trouble?” Bizzy mumbled, stepping forward for Blake to wrap his arms around her. 

“I dunno, should you be?” He asked a bit playfully, knowing that was the response she would expect. “Why, are you feeling guilty, kid?”

A small smile came to her face. “I’m not,” she giggled softly, but it slowly faded and she just let her head rest on his shoulder. 

“You ok?” He asked, letting his hand rub her back. 

“I’m sleepy,” she responded, but a moment later, raised her head up to look at Blake. “Where’s Miss Gwen?”

“Miss Gwen is at home cuddled up in bed,” Blake responded. “She’s still not feeling good. Bet she would love your company though.”

If only one thing in life were true, it was that putting those two in a room together might be the only possibility he had of them evolving into better spirits. He was chopped liver, but he didn’t care, as long as his girls were safe. It really struck him in those moments just how appreciative he was for Gwen’s relationship with Bizzy. 

“What do you say, how about you and I blow this popsicle stand?” Blake offered, and Bizzy giggled and nodded. “Alright.” They both stood up, Blake slipping her book bag off of her back to swing it up over his shoulder. 

“Goodbye, Miss Bizzy,” Lynette said warmly. “It was so nice to spend time with you today.”

“Goodbye, Ms. Lynette,” she responded politely, and turned to leave in front of Blake.

“ _Thank you_ ,” Blake mouthed to Lynette, before turning to leave. Lynette nodded, and turned back to the pile of paperwork sitting on her desk. 

———

He pushed open the bedroom door slightly, bowl of macaroni and cheese warmed up and in hand. His eyes fell on Gwen, still curled up small on the bed, face turned away and out of view. 

Blake stepped forward and walked to the other side of the bed, gently sitting on the edge just in front of her. He brought his hand to the side of her head, gently stroking a few times. He couldn’t help but feel a rush of contentment as she leaned up into his touch, unashamed of showing that she was craving it. She had missed it. 

“You slept through dinner, I brought you some mac and cheese,” he offered, and this piqued her interest enough and caused her to open her eyes.

“Really?” She asked groggily, her eyes narrowing in to examine the bowl in his hand. She shifted forward slightly and sat up slowly, Blake’s arm soon draping around her front to hook on to her opposite hip. She reached forward, taking the bowl from his opposite hand.

“I’m glad you’re hungry,” he responded, as he watched her dig in and take a few bites. Gwen’s eyes went up to his.

“Thank you,” she said genuinely, then looking back to the spoon to scoop another bite. 

He wanted so badly to press - ask questions. He was still in the dark and was desperate to know what was going on with her, what the doctor had said, but he just kept thinking back to that stupid promise he made to her earlier. 

“Feeling better at all?” He asked instead. At least it was something. 

She shrugged a little as she twirled the spoon around in the bowl. “Yes and no,” she responded. “I was hungry though so this is helping a lot.”

“Good,” he responded honestly, and with a nod. Blake found his gaze travel down to the bed in between them and he sighed, trying to figure out if what he was about to do was really the best thing. “Hey, listen, um…” he struggled to start the sentence. “If you’re up for it, there’s something I really need to talk to you about.” He sighed again. “It’s about Bizzy.”

Gwen’s head snapped up immediately, already fearing the worst. “Is something wrong with her? Where is she?”

“Oh, no she’s okay, I mean, right now she is, she’s watching TV in her room,” Blake covered quickly. “I just got a weird call from the guidance counselor at her school today, and I don’t even think you’ll believe any of this, because I sure didn’t, but I just don’t know what to do at this point…or if I need to do anything…”

Blake’s words stopped as he felt Gwen’s hand clutch onto his arm and squeeze to get his attention. When his eyes met hers they were filled with uncertainty.

“What happened?” Gwen asked. “You said she’s ok _right now_ , but the open ended question on that is really making me nervous.”

“They said she had an anxiety attack at school,” Blake said almost hoarsely. “And I’m just sitting here thinking like, do they realize she’s just a kid? Kids don’t have those, right? I mean that’s crazy?” He reached down into his pocket and pulled out two folded pamphlets. “They sent me home with pamphlets, like what is even happening? They said it could be because of all of the changes, but then what’s the fix for that, undoing all of the recent changes?”

“I…” Gwen responded, shellshocked. “What — what caused it? Do they know?”

“No,” Blake responded, shaking his head. “She spent a few hours with the counselor. She thinks we should just keep an eye on her. But I just can’t get over — I mean, everything else?”

Her mouth was just open, her eyes looking down into the bowl in her hand. She didn’t have the words to respond, she didn’t understand how that was even possible. 

“I’m really fucking this up, aren’t I?” Blake said in a whisper, talking to himself.

“It’s my fault she goes to that school,” Gwen said with a shake of her head. “It’s my fault she’s in California. Blake, please, just blame me for all of it. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But you’re not at fault,” Blake responded. “I mean, I’m her father. Did I miss something? Did I give my own kid whiplash because of everything that’s happened the last six months?”

_Undoing all of the recent changes._

The simple phrase stuck out to her like a sore thumb. She was a _recent change_.

“Are you sure she’s ok?” Gwen said, obviously worried. “I mean, she came and saw me a few hours ago. She seemed normal. But I don’t know, I could have missed something.”

“They gave me long list of things to watch for at home,” Blake sighed. “Basically if she doesn’t act like a robot, it could be a concern. It’s all just so much. I mean, how am I supposed to know the difference between she’s not hungry because she’s a kid and she’s not hungry because she has…anxiety?”

“Let me see,” Gwen said, holding her hand forward for the pamphlets in his hand. Sadly, he moved his hand forward, placing them in her palm. She took them and folded them up, tucking them under the pillow behind her. 

“Why did you do that?” He asked, surprised by the move. 

“Because you’re giving me anxiety right now,” Gwen responded gently, placing the bowl on the night stand next to her. “Come here, lay down with me.” 

Gwen shifted back to allow him more room, and though he hesitated at first, he soon gave in and laid next to her. Her fingers combed back his curls as her head settled onto the same pillow with him. 

“Fuck pamphlets,” Gwen said next, her eyes locking and making contact with his. “Bizzy is your daughter. You’re not going to fix any of this with pamphlets.”

“Then how do I fix it?” He asked. 

Gwen shrugged slightly. “I don’t know if you do,” she admitted gently. “But all you can do is love her and support her. All you can do it keep an eye out for her. And if issues come up, we tackle them together.” She paused. “There is no shortage of love and support for that little girl in this house. I’m not worried about it.”

Blake chuckled at the irony of the situation he found himself in. “How is it that we got to the point where I’m the wreck about something and you’re not even _worried about it_?” His eyebrow raised. “And why does your own logic not apply to yourself? _If issues come up, we tackle them together…_ …”

“ — _don’t_ ,” she responded quickly, a sudden tenseness coming over her. She felt her body begin to shrink back - she was pulling away from him. “You promised. Don’t go there.” It was a warning, and one that he unfortunately was going to heed. Her eyes were intense on him.

“I did promise,” he said, begrudgingly. “But it hurts that you won’t talk to me.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” she responded. “I have a brain injury. Gimme a break.”

“Is that all?” He asked, having no particular direction for that. “I don’t think you’d be this upset if they just told you it was your concussion.” He paused. “You’re going to have to tell me eventually what was so bad.”

“Not tonight,” she responded, and turned away from him. 

Blake sighed, and let his arm slip around her and tug her back closer against him. “I love you no matter what.”

“You say that now,” Gwen said, swallowing roughly. 

“There is nothing that could make me not love you, Gwen,” he reminded her. “And I know that you not believing that has more to do with your past than it does with me, but I’m not sure what I can do to make you believe that. It’s just true.”

Gwen tapped his hand with her fingers, her head nodding once to the door. A small, comforting smile soon came to Gwen’s lips on instinct as she saw Bizzy standing there. 

“Hi sweetheart,” Gwen said softly, as she slowly sat up a bit on the bed, with Blake doing the same. Bizzy walked over to them, hopping up to sit on the bed. “What’s going on?”

“Just wanted to come see you,” she responded. The smile on Gwen’s face grew a bit bigger. 

“I love when you come see me,” Gwen replied easily, and she let her arms reach out for her, pulling her into an embrace as she laid back down. She kissed the top of her head before she laid her head back on the pillow, and she caught Blake’s eyes briefly as he looked down at the two of them together. He couldn’t help but smile, before laying back down with them. He pulled both of them into a gentle embrace as Gwen started to speak again. “I think we should do something super fun this weekend, what do you think?”

Bizzy considered Gwen’s proposition with a soft hum. “Like what??” She was immediately intrigued, and soon turned to lay on her back so that she could look up to Gwen. 

“Anything you want, baby cakes. California has lots to do and see,” she responded with a smile.

“But are you going to feel better by then?”

_No. Because I’m pregnant, and this is how it goes._

The rogue thought invaded her brain and it caught her off guard. She had opened her mouth to say something but had stopped once she realized what had just gone through her head. She blinked and shook it away. 

“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” she managed. “Don’t worry about me so much.”

“Can we get ice cream?” She asked next, and it caused Gwen to giggle. 

“You’re going to turn into an ice cream cone one day,” she joked. “Of course we can. But come on, you gotta think bigger than that.” She paused, thinking for a minute, and a bigger smile came to her face. “I think I know _exactly_ what we should do.”

“What??” Bizzy almost jumped up in excitement, knowing that Gwen had something up her sleeve. 

“You wouldn’t happen to know anyone that might want to go to Disneyland, do you?”

“OHMYGOD are you serious?!” Bizzy exclaimed as her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open, and Gwen started laughing.

“Alright now, take it easy,” Blake intervened, raising an eyebrow over at Bizzy. “That’s a very long day and we need to see if Miss Gwen is going to be up for something like that.” Blake’s words seemed to temporarily quell the fire in Bizzy’s eyes as she realized he was right. He leaned forward to mumble in her ear. “ _Honey_ , you do not need to promise anything extravagant, especially when you can hardly get out of bed...”

But it didn’t faze her. She knew Bizzy had a bad day at school, and there was literally nothing else in the world that she cared about in those moments to try and make it right. “But I want to go to Disneyland, too,” she responded, looking back at him and also raising her eyebrow. 

Blake shook his head as she just looked at her. She couldn’t help but let the angelic smile slip onto her face, which made him chuckle. He looked back to Bizzy.

“We will see about going _if_ Miss Gwen feels better,” he repeated pointedly. 

Bizzy grinned and laid back down, cuddling up to Gwen. “Will we get to ride in the giant teacups like they do on TV?” She asked, completely ignoring her father. 

“We will not only ride the giant teacups, we will go on the ride so many times that we’ll ride in all of them,” Gwen promised. “They have cotton candy bigger than your head and giant Mickey Mouse shaped pretzels, too.”

“I’m invisible, I swear,” Blake muttered, giving up. 

“Oh no, but we do need you there,” Gwen turned to him. “Who else is going to hold all of our bags and swipe the credit card while we have all of this fun?” Her smile grew bigger, and they both chuckled. Gwen looked back to Bizzy. “I think the first thing we do is get a pair of Mickey Mouse ears on your dad, what do you think?”

“Yes, daddy needs Mickey ears,” Bizzy laughed as she pictured them. “And you need Minnie ears, Miss Gwen.”

“I think I do, you’re right,” Gwen agreed. “What are you going to get though?”

“Pink mickey ears!” Bizzy responded immediately, needing no time to think about it. 

“Oh I’m sure they have some of those, we’ll definitely sniff them out.”

“I hate to be the wet blanket, but I think it’s time for a certain little one’s bedtime,” Blake chimed in. “Plus I think Miss Gwen needs to rest a little bit more.”

Gwen raised an eyebrow as she glanced over to him. "But you're so good at being one..."

Bizzy sighed, but relented. “Okay,” she responded, looking to her father. She sat up, and sweetly kissed Gwen’s forehead. “Goodnight, Miss Gwen,” she said softly.

“Goodnight sweet girl,” she responded. “Sweet Mickey Mouse dreams.”

Gwen watched as Blake walked around the bed and Bizzy hopped off to follow with him. Even just watching the two of them walk out of the room was such an adorable sight. Her eyes lingered a moment before she closed them, and readjusted to lay on her other side. 

The silence was almost deafening - the thoughts and anxiety and worries she had tried to suppress or make sense of seemed to come flooding back all at once. She felt the slightest flutter in her gut, and suddenly she couldn’t even focus on anything else. Was her body playing tricks on her? Was she imagining things? Was her anxiety causing her stomach to turn and she was mistaking it for something else entirely?

She felt another quick flutter and still didn’t have answers to these questions, but she just wanted them to stop. Because the more she thought about it, the more she was transported back to thirteen years prior where she thought she had previously experienced a feeling like this before.

And in a mess of her emotions and incomplete thoughts coupled with anxiety, all she could think about was Emily. And that alone caused two tears to stream quietly down her cheeks; because fabricated or not, feeling anything like that was jarring, to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew - you guys still with me? Hitting that chapter 30 milestone 😍
> 
> Don't hate me too much. It's all a part of the journey.
> 
> xoxo


	31. Need A Little Sweetness In My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a LOT. Special thanks to my lovely "Madison" 😉❤️
> 
> Coming at you live in 3...2...1...
> 
> xoxo

She felt guilty for tossing and turning so much. 

There was this fidgeting restlessness that overcame her body, even though she was tired. She was exhausted, actually, the kind of exhausted that even made her muscles ache in the slightest. She remembered glancing over to the clock, first confirming it was the middle of the night. Her eyes then went to Blake, sleeping soundly next to her, his arm lazily and loosely across her body. 

Every passing second was filled with even more guilt as she watched him snooze. She didn’t realize how hard it would be to keep a secret from him. For how much she thought she would break down if she tried to even start to believe any of it could be true, it was almost worse seeing Blake reeling and worried. Doubled up with everything he was probably thinking about with Bizzy, and she knew she wasn’t making things easier on him. 

She was the problem. 

She let her mind wander into what-if scenarios. What if she woke him up right now and came clean? What would his reaction be? Would it do either of them any good? Her body tensed as she thought about it, knowing it would be useless. She could barely consider it herself, let alone say the words out loud. 

Gwen sighed to herself, slowly maneuvering away from him and slipping out from under his arm as to hopefully not wake him. She pulled one of Blake’s hoodies draped on the chair around her, making her way down the hall and eventually finding herself in the living room. 

She was headed towards the couch, but she almost jumped out of her skin and she gasped, seeing something move in the overstuffed chair. Or rather, _someone_.

“Bizzy?” She said groggily, and the small girl sat up a little bit straighter. “Babe, what are you doing down here?”

“I just couldn’t sleep,” she responded tiredly, her arms crossing over herself. 

“Why didn’t you come get one of us?” Gwen asked next, taking a seat on the couch adjacent to her. “Are you alright? Are you feeling ok?”

“I’m okay,” Bizzy responded. “I just can’t fall asleep.”

“Me either,” Gwen admitted, and glanced over to the TV for a moment. “Sometimes when I can’t sleep, putting on a movie helps.” She looked back over to Bizzy. “Wanna watch one with me?”

“Daddy doesn’t let me watch TV this late,” Bizzy said tentatively. “But if _you_ say its ok…”

Gwen offered her a small smile. “I can keep a secret,” she said, tilting her head to the side. She watched as Bizzy’s eyes glanced from the TV back to Gwen, and she nodded. 

She fluffed up a few pillows on one side of the couch, and pulled a large fleece blanket from the top of the chair and sat back down, then curling up on the couch. Her arms were open for Bizzy and the girl hopped up from the chair and laid down with her, the two of them cuddled with the blanket a moment later. Bizzy had the remote in her hand and clicked the button to turn on the TV. 

“Anything you want to watch,” Gwen encouraged her, wanting her to pick. She watched Bizzy click over into Disney Plus and scroll through the movies, eventually settling on _Lilo & Stitch_.

“Have you seen this before?” Bizzy asked.

“No, I don’t think I have,” Gwen responded.

“Its real good, I promise.”

Gwen chuckled softly. “I’m sure it is,” she responded. Her fingers gently brushed the girl’s hair back and she kissed the top of her head before letting her arm go back around her. 

“I love you, Miss Gwen,” Bizzy whispered gently, and Gwen could have burst out crying on the spot. Instead, she peppered kisses all over Bizzy until she made her giggle. She stopped, and squeezed her just a little tighter.

“Love you more.”

———

She hadn’t been sure who had fallen asleep first, but she knew they were both out before the movie ended.

When Gwen opened her eyes she realized she was no longer laying on the couch, but she was back in bed. Blurred memories of Blake hit her memory suddenly, filling in the gaps of how she got there. Gwen stretched and turned her head to look at the clock - it read half past nine.

She sat up and yawned, trying to get her head around the fact that it was much later than she thought. Her hands ran through her hair and she swung her feet on the ground, slowly standing up and making her way downstairs. 

Her eyes fell on Blake as soon as she entered the kitchen - his back turned to her at first. But when he realized Gwen had joined him, he turned attention towards her.

“Hey sleepyhead,” he said, his arm easily going around her waist as he kissed the top of her head. To his surprise, her arms went around his midsection in a full hug.

“Hi,” she responded, just lingering for a few moments. She looked around. “Is Bizzy at school?”

“Yep,” he responded. “Found you two on the couch this morning when I went to make sure she was up getting ready for school.” He paused. “Everything ok there?”

“Hmm?” Gwen responded, distracted at first. “Oh, yeah, she was fine. I came down because I couldn’t sleep, turns out she couldn’t either.” She shrugged gently. “I put a movie on, hoping it might help her fall back asleep.”

Blake hummed. “Were _you_ ok?” He narrowed in specifically.

“I was fine,” she said with a nod. “I couldn’t stop tossing and turning, I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You’re not a bother,” he mumbled into her hair, and slid a small plate her way. “I made some extra hash browns if you’re hungry.”

“Thanks,” she responded quietly. It took her a few moments to muster up the courage to speak up again. “Blake?” She forced her gaze up to him and he was immediately focused on her. “Umm, well, if you’re not busy today…maybe, uh, could you take me to the studio?”

He seemed surprised by the request. “The studio?” He echoed. “You sure you’re up for that?”

She shrugged a little. “We’ll find out, right?”

He felt slightly conflicted as Gwen seemed to be doing a bit better. And still no mention about why she was so upset days prior. 

“I’ll take you anywhere you want,” Blake responded genuinely. “No plans today. Honestly, was going to try to convince you to get out of the house with me for a little bit, but you made that part easy.”

Gwen just nodded as she began to feel her nerves start to rise. “It’s just that…you know…” she shrugged a little, as she struggled to verbalize in the following moments. “That’s been a good place, I think, and I can’t really think of any others right now, so…”

“…you don’t have to justify yourself,” Blake said as soon as he realized she wasn’t finishing her sentence. “Maybe a shower first? Might help you feel better too.”

“Yeah,” she agreed, with a nod. “I’ll do that.”

———

An hour had passed.

It was mostly in silence, the gentle _tick_ of the small clock on the wall the only subtle noise that echoed throughout the room. Blake soon realized that coming to the studio was more about a place to hide away for her, and that was ok. He had watched her linger awkwardly near the control table when they arrived, and so he took her hand then took the lead to pull her over with him to settle onto the couch. 

To his surprise, she took to the idea quickly. She curled up to him and her head rested against his shoulder, and she allowed herself to rest and close her eyes. 

“Will you just tell me if you’re sick?”

His gentle, timid words broke the silence that felt like it had gone on for an eternity. While she was sitting with her guilt, his question stung just a bit more. 

She turned her head to look up to him with a small sigh, and their eyes met. He looked more worried than she had ever seen him before. And her guilt grew even more. 

“You…” she began hoarsely, and cleared her throat just as her eyes closed briefly. Her voice fell down to a whisper. “You are everything I’ve ever fantasized about.” She blinked, and Blake recognized the moisture starting to appear in the corners of her eyes. 

“Shh…” Blake whispered, his thumb swiping gently on her face. Gwen closed her eyes and her hands rubbed her face, then her fingers ran back through her hair. She sniffled briefly then stood up, holding her hand out to him.

“Come with me,” she whispered. Blake stood up within a few moments, taking her hand.

“Where are we going?” He asked as he began to follow her. They were headed towards the recording booth. 

“Just in here,” she responded. She stopped outside the door for a minute, pressing two buttons to start and then pause music. Blake watched her with curiosity, and then she led them both into the booth. 

“Do you want me to sit at the controls?” Blake offered. 

“No, I need you in here with me,” Gwen responded quietly, and she reached for the headset. She pulled herself up to sit on the stool, and she pulled the headset over both ears, but then readjusted them so that the left one tucked behind her ear instead. Blake stood tall next to her, and she struggled to find the words that she intended to use to explain. 

“I wrote another verse, to that song, the one we were working on the other day,” she finally explained. “I want to sing it for you.”

He offered her a small smile and a nod as his right hand loosely wrapped around her back and settled on her opposite hip. “Yeah?”

She inhaled shakily and nodded, looking away. It was taking all of her energy not to let herself tremble in front of him in those moments. 

He placed a kiss on top of her head. “I’m sure it’s great,” he offered. “You don’t have to be nervous to sing it in front of me.”

She exhaled, knowing he quite literally had no idea what was about to hit him. She pressed a button on one of the headphones to start the music. 

_  
And all I wanted were the simple things  
A simple kind of life  
And all I needed was a simple man  
So I could be a wife  
_

The music she allowed to play in between the two verses felt like an eternity and yet it was too quickly. Her eyes closed as she continued, feeling herself forcing the words out.

_  
I always thought I’d be a mom  
Sometimes I’ve wished for a mistake  
_

She felt her left hand clench tighter on the seat below her as the adrenaline began to course through her veins.

_  
The longer that I wait  
The more selfish that I get  
_

Her other hand reached over to his that was resting on her hip. As she sang the last line, she guided his hand to her stomach, and held it there.

__  
You seem like you’d be a good dad  


She felt her body freeze as her eyes closed, and her hand kept his in place on her stomach. She felt like maybe she forgot how to breathe, she felt like her gut was on a high speed rollercoaster. And she couldn’t even make herself look up to him yet.

He had been nodding his head along gently to the beat as she sang, keeping time as he heard a bit of the music through her headphones. And he had stopped suddenly as he realized not only her no longer singing, but her sudden change in demeanor. His mind was struggling to make the connection, but he just stared dumbly as he felt she was trying to tell him something. 

He felt her hand flinch over his, and his glance went down when he realized she was holding it on her stomach.

_Her stomach._

His mind jumped back in warped speed to the last words he heard. 

She was so sick lately. Moody. Nauseous. They have sex. A lot of sex.

_Holy fuck._

He wanted to test this, though. He gently began to try to move his hand away from her stomach, just to see if it could have been a misunderstanding, maybe this didn't mean anything at all. But as soon as he did her hand tensed back to life and she held onto it tighter, directing it back the few inches or so to where she had put it before. 

“Blake?” Her voice broke, as she couldn’t help the tears swelling in her eyes. 

“Gwen, are you — “ he felt so awful saying those words out loud given her history, even though it was suddenly hitting him smack in the face. He came around to stand in front of her - both hands on her hips, his thumbs gentle and on the edges of her stomach. His mouth was open and he was trying to speak, trying to get words out, and before he could even stutter he watched as her face broke and she had a complete meltdown in tears.

“Baby, baby, baby,” Blake said, taking her into his arms and holding her. “Shh…” He rubbed her back and continued to shush her, but it didn’t seem to be doing much. “Honey, why are you so upset?”

She inhaled sharply as she made an attempt to quell her crying in order to respond. “I can’t get pregnant, Blake,” she trembled, biting her own lip in an attempt to calm herself in the slightest. 

“But you are?” He whispered, his hand moving up to the side of her head to steady her gaze towards him. The way that he was looking at her all caring and concerned was as comforting as it made her feel guilty. 

“You…you didn’t get in the truck after the doctor…” Blake was piecing it all together. “You were mad because…” Blake groaned and almost hit himself as his hand covered his face. “Oh my god, I am such a fucking _idiot_ …”

She shrugged a little. “You can’t fake a blood test,” her voice broke again as she blinked a few tears down her cheeks. “I looked it up.”

“ _Honey_ , why are you so upset?” He pressed again. “Baby girl, isn’t this — isn’t this something you _want_?”

“I can’t do this, Blake,” she inhaled quickly. “I’m going to fuck everything up. If I even get that chance. Because I’m not supposed to be able to have kids, and I’m so _old_ , you don’t honestly expect me to believe something is growing in there?” She paused and rolled her eyes in frustration. “With my luck I got pregnant and lost it before I even knew about it and that blood test just picked up on that and all of this is going to end up being some cruel joke.”

Blake reached up and gently removed the headphones from both of her ears and hung them on the stand. “Come on,” he encouraged her and took her by the hand, his arm going around her and guiding her out of the recording booth and back to the couch. He gently pushed her shoulders to sit down, which she did without a fuss, and he sank to his knees in front of her. 

His arms went on both of her sides and he leaned in at eye level. “Breathe,” he insisted, keeping eye contact with her. She sniffled and swiped at her eyes, finding it harder to look away from him as he was so intently focused on her. Once she was a bit calmer, he spoke again. “Baby, everything is going to be alright,” he said gently. “You should make an appointment, though. I’ll go with you if you want.”

Gwen just nodded a few times and sniffled again, as she was trying to calm herself down. She leaned to the side, letting her head lay against the tall arm rest on the couch, and she curled her legs up under her and to the side. Her eyes focused on Blake as her breathing returned to normal. She closed them as he moved forward, one arm around her waist and he placed a kiss on her forehead.

“I’m scared,” she whispered the admission to him before his lips left her skin. He settled back in front of her and gave her a sad, knowing look.

“I know you are,” Blake responded quietly. “But…this is a good thing, isn’t it?” He paused. “I mean, I know it’s a little early and the timing is fast, but we’ve talked about kids. You know I’d love another.”

She exhaled long as her eyes found his again. “Are you _sure_ you would want this?” She questioned immediately. “Blake, I mean, we’re not even _engaged_ …”

Her words stopped as he brought his finger to her lips to stop her mid-sentence. She looked at him confused for a moment as he pulled it away.

“Let me fix that,” he said intently, and those four words caused such a surge in adrenaline, she couldn’t help but sit up straight as her expression remained confused. “You know, I had all of these ideas for how this was going to go. How I would get Bizzy to help, where we would be…”

“Blake, please don’t do this because you think I’m pregnant,” her voice broke. She watched him reach for his coat that was laying on the couch next to them, digging into the pocket. She gasped in surprise as he pulled out a small ring box.

“I’m _not_ ,” he emphasized. “Because I already have the ring, and I was already planning on doing this. It just hasn’t felt like the right time. But it does right now, because I don’t want you to ever think for a second that I don’t love you or that I don’t want to be with you, and even if something awful happens, that is never going to change.” He exhaled. “I need you to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I want to be with you no matter what happens. And that’s why I’m doing this now.”

She was blinking tears down her cheeks as her eyes focused on the ring box, and at this point she couldn’t distinguish between the ones that were happy and those that were because she was upset. As soon as he opened it, the sight alone overwhelmed her all over again.

“Will you please do Bizzy and I the honor of spending the rest of your life with us?”

“Of _course_ I will,” her whispered voice broke as her lip trembled, and she couldn’t hold back and longer and lunged forward, her arms clung around him tightly. He returned the embrace, his hand rubbing up and down her back. “But are you really sure?”

Blake chuckled lowly and shook his head. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,” he admitted, then paused. “Though I think Bizzy is going to be _pissed_ that I did this without her. She told me this morning that she wanted us to ask you at Disneyland this weekend in front of the princess castle.”

Gwen couldn’t help but chuckle through her tears when she heard that. “Bizzy knows already?” Her voice broke again as her heart turned to mush. She straightened to sit up a bit to meet his eyes. Blake nodded.

“Wasn’t even worried about asking her what she thought,” Blake admitted. “Let’s face it, she likes you a _hell_ of a lot more than she likes me.”

Gwen laughed again and shook her head. “That’s not true.” Her eyes went down to the ring box, and to his surprise, her hand moved forward and closed the lid. Her gaze went up to him. “Ask me in front of the castle,” she whispered. “I know why you did this now. But I want to make sure that she feels like part of it, too.”

“You gonna promise to say yes?” Blake teased her, and they both laughed. 

“Just make sure to remind me that morning,” she joked back, and her laughter only ceased as he moved forward and pressed his lips against hers. She didn’t let him pull away just yet, instead tugging him back forward and kissing him deeply once more. 

When he did pull back, he grinned a little and ducked down, lifting her shirt enough for him to place a kiss on her bare stomach, too. She offered him a small, teary smile as he looked up to her. He pushed to stand, moving onto the couch next to her and taking her entire body into his arms. She exhaled, finally feeling a bit of peace as she let her head lean against him. 

“I’ll make an appointment,” she said gently, as her finger started tracing against his chest. 

“And I’ll be there,” Blake affirmed, kissing the top of her head. “Now and always.”


	32. You Are The One Thing I'm Living For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is ALSO a lot ❤️
> 
> xoxo

Her hand clutched Blake’s tightly as they followed the nurse back to the exam room. 

Just as he said he’d be, he was a hundred percent in and there with her that day. He was overly attentive, giving her extra love as he knew that she was using all of her energy just to keep herself somewhat calm and collected. He noticed the tension in her body grew as soon as they checked in, and he felt the little jolt from her body as her name was called to the back. 

She tried to listen to the nurse and answer questions without feeling nauseous, but in the end, it was impossible. She was handed a gown and the nurse left, and she blinked a few times as the reality of it all still had not sunk in. 

“Babe,” Blake said softly, bringing her out of her frozen state. 

“I’m scared, Blake,” she whispered.

“Honey, I know you are,” he responded. “Whatever is about to happen, it’s all going to be okay. I promise you that.” 

She had nodded and slipped the gown on, climbing up to sit on the exam table. Blake moved forward and let both of his arms come completely around her, holding her like that for what felt like a small eternity. If only they could have stayed like that, because any relief she felt disappeared into thin air as soon as she heard the door knob turn. 

The doctor quickly introduced herself but Gwen was so derailed with her own thoughts, she missed it almost completely. She almost missed the part when she was told to lay back and get comfortable, hesitating a few moments before both Blake and the doctor were looking at her and obviously wondering if she had heard and understood. She moved back some and adjusted, with Blake adjusting a few pillows underneath her right before she leaned back completely. His arm wrapped under hers and he interlaced their fingers together, squeezing her hand to let her know he was there. 

“It’s going to feel a bit cold down here,” the doctor advised. “It goes in easier if you relax.”

She exhaled and her eyes closed. She felt Blake kiss her cheek. And her mind went numb. 

“Does momma want to see?”

“That depends,” Gwen managed. “What exactly do you want to show me?”

Blake squeezed her hand. “Gwen, you’re going to want to look at this,” Blake encouraged her. She opened her eyes and her gaze went to Blake first - his gaze was loving and encouraging and he nodded his head to the other side of her where the live picture had developed on the screen. 

“Everything looks good so far,” the doctor said, moving the wand around slightly as she examined the picture. “Two strong, fetal heartbeats…”

Gwen’s head snapped over to the doctor so fast, she could have hurt herself. 

“Why does my baby have two heartbeats?” She asked immediately, as worry came over her. “Is that fixable? That’s not normal?” She was starting to scramble to sit up just out of panic, but Blake tightened his grip a little and tried to soothe her instead. 

“There’s nothing to fix,” the doctor responded. “Each of your babies has one heartbeat. They look great. No need to worry.”

“Each?” Her voice broke, and her eyes went to the screen. “Babe… _babies_?”

“ _Two_ …?!” Blake’s eyes almost popped out of his head, and his jaw was definitely on the floor. He watched as the doctor adjusted the monitor slightly towards Gwen. 

“Women over forty have a higher chance at multiples. Baby number one is right here,” the doctor pointed to a part on the screen. “You can see the head right here…the body…there’s the heartbeat…” She moved her finger a bit lower. “The umbilical cord is right here…looks really good.” Gwen watched as she clicked around on the screen for measurements and took a handful of snapshots. The doctor shifted focus, narrowing in on the second. “Baby number two,” she announced. “Head is here…the little heartbeat…” she was walking Gwen through everything a second time. “Looks to be about nine weeks along…”

“Nine weeks??” Gwen gasped, jarred by the timeline. She let her head lay back as her eyes went to the ceiling. Beyond the fact that she was being shown _two_ babies on the screen, the fact that she was nine weeks along was equally as shocking to her. “But…how could I not have known?”

“Some people go longer without knowing, it really varies,” the doctor responded. 

“How big are they?” She managed, but with difficulty.

“They’re both about the size of a cherry,” the doctor responded. Gwen wasn’t sure if this information helped or terrified her more, but she just nodded and kept her eyes on the ceiling. 

Blake leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Is this a bad time to make a joke about _popping your cherry_?” Something about his words calmed her just a bit, and she opened her eyes and looked over to him.

“You didn’t pop anything,” she whispered back. “You fertilized the _shit_ out of me and made me _grow_ these two cherries.” He chuckled lowly. He was obviously enjoying this. But his amusement took a drastic plummet as soon as she spoke again, this time to the doctor. “Am I going to miscarry again?”

The doctor looked to Gwen then Blake, her mouth slightly open as she wasn’t expecting the sudden question. “Both babies are in great shape,” she responded gently. “I don’t see anything that’s cause for concern.” She paused. “With twins, we do want to see you more often for scans and visits just to keep an eye on things.”

“But there’s two,” Gwen pressed again. “And I’ve only made it to nine weeks. Don’t I have to make it to 12 weeks? Isn’t that how this goes? And…and two is more risky than one. Can I even keep them alive?”

The last thought of hers punched him in the gut.

“Can we have a few minutes?” Blake cut in, looking over to the doctor. She nodded and stood up, leaving the room swiftly. Once they were alone, he tapped gently on her leg. “Hey, come ‘ere, sit up for a minute.”

He stood up next to her and she shifted, allowing for him to take a seat on the table behind her. 

“I’m not breathing,” she whispered brokenly, just before the tears fell down her cheeks.

“Shhh….” He tried to soothe her. “Hey, come on now…”

“Two?” She asked, her voice pitching high. “Before I came here I only had to think about keeping one alive but now I have to keep two alive? I can’t even keep _one_ alive, Blake!”

“Gwen, you are _not_ at fault for…” he sighed, closing his eyes. “What happened with Emily could have happened with anyone…”

Her hands were covering her face and she was trying to get her breathing under control. “This is all I ever wanted and I should be so happy right now and I get that but I can’t be happy because I’m too scared,” she admitted. “I’m in my forties. Twins are twice as risky. Thirteen years younger and more weeks along and I still lost a pregnancy. How is this going to be any better?”

“We do research,” Blake said confidently. “We figure out what it is exactly to expect. We get you the best medical care and we listen to even the tiniest damn thing that they say…”

“I’ve already royally fucked all of this up,” the realization hit her suddenly. “Nine weeks. Blake, nine weeks.”

“What about nine weeks?”

“I _literally_ hurled my body at another human being as a weapon when I was technically pregnant!” She exclaimed suddenly. “Oklahoma. Arielle. I was _pregnant_ when I did that.”

“You need to let that go,” Blake advised. “Right now. You heard the doctor, everything is _fine_ , and you cannot just keep inventing reasons to beat up on yourself.” He sighed. “What I do know is that if you work yourself into a panicked ball of stress, Gwen, that _will_ cause problems. Baby, please, take a few deep breaths.”

Gwen sighed and nodded, knowing he was right, just being terrible at the execution. She inhaled shakily, letting her body lean back to relax against him. After a few minutes, and much steadier breathing, she spoke again.

“I’m allowed to be terrified, right?”

Blake hummed. “You’re entitled to all of your feelings. More importantly, you’re allowed to be happy,” he responded. “Excited, even.”

“I just really hope that you don’t think that I don’t want this,” she whispered. “I feel like the second I let myself believe it, something is going to happen.”

“I’m not going to sit here and feed you lies,” Blake said gently. “Anything can happen to anyone at anytime, for any reason. But you can’t live your life in fear of that. You can’t put all of this stress on yourself. It’s not good for anyone.” 

He paused, his head nodding forward and over to the monitor. “Look at that, right there.”

Gwen’s eyes turned over to the monitor at his request, and she felt one of his hands softly rest against her stomach. The warmth from his hand alone felt nice, and it helped take some of the anxiety away. 

“I think they both look like you,” Blake commented. “And thank god it’s you and not me. I’m glad they got the best genes.”

Gwen chuckled but raised an eyebrow up at him. “Blake, they’re literally blobs the size of cherries, are you saying I look like a blob?”

“No, but I was hoping some dumb thing I said today would make you laugh.”

Gwen shook her head and sighed, her eyes fixated on the images up on the screen. “Just help us get to twelve weeks, please,” she whispered, her had going over his on her stomach. “Maybe I’ll feel a tiny bit better then.”

“What is the significance of twelve weeks?” he inquired. 

“85% of miscarriages happen before twelve weeks,” she mumbled. 

That was a hell of a statistic for her to have on hand. 

“We’ll buckle down and get to twelve weeks, then,” he agreed. 

“We can’t tell anyone before that,” she whispered. “It’s too much pressure for me.”

“We won’t tell anyone,” he promised. “Taking pressure off of you is the most important thing right now.” Gwen nodded, and her hand squeezed his gently. 

She felt Blake’s phone in his pocket buzzing, and she sat up straight to allow him to answer it. 

“Hello?” Blake said, his hand rubbing up and down Gwen’s arm. Her gaze went to the monitor and she got lost in her own thoughts as she just stared at the ultrasound pictures. She felt a twinge of concern as she heard Blake sigh. “Yeah — okay. I’ll be right over.”

Once he hung up, she turned back to look at him. “What’s wrong?” She asked. 

“That was Bizzy’s school, they asked me to come in again,” Blake sighed. “Do you want me to drop you off at home on the way?”

“No, I want to come,” she responded. 

“You sure?” He asked. “You up for that?

Gwen nodded. “Of course,” she responded. “Just let me get dressed and we can go.”

———

Pulling up to Bizzy’s school didn’t feel good this time around.

Blake wasn’t acting overtly nervous, but Gwen could tell he was holding it in for everyone around him. She felt it, too - she was just worse at hiding things. The car ride from the doctor’s office to the school had been quiet, just the silence and the small comfort that was brought by their hands intertwined existed between them. She was almost thankful for their arrival, a chance to move and expel some of the nervous energy that had built up.

His arm had gone around her as they walked through the entrance, checking in with the front office administrator. They were soon led back - Gwen saw a familiar mop of blonde hair as soon as she rounded a corner, and her face lit up with a smile as soon as Bizzy turned and locked gazes with her. Gwen sank down onto the bench with her and wrapped her arms around the small girl. 

“I missed you today,” Gwen mumbled to her, trying to keep her words as neutral as possible. Blake took a seat on the other side and his arms went around them both. Gwen watched as he just silently closed his eyes - and it hurt deep in her gut to see him like that. 

Gwen sat up a little, her head turning to the side as her finger gently pushed back some of Bizzy’s locks. Her eyes fell on a small bandaid on the side of her forehead. “Did you hit your head, sweetheart?”

Before Bizzy could answer, she heard someone calling for Blake.

“Mr. Shelton?”

Gwen’s eyes went over to Lynette, then to Blake as he sat up a bit straighter, releasing Bizzy from his hug. Lynette was motioning him into her office, and Blake just looked over at Gwen helplessly. 

“Go,” Gwen encouraged him. “I’ve got her.”

Blake’s gaze lingered and he soon nodded, standing up to follow the counselor. 

“Am I in trouble?” He heard Bizzy mumble the question to Gwen. “I didn’t mean to fall over.”

His gut tightened as he heard that.

“Oh, no, baby girl,” Blake heard Gwen consoling her. “Come here.”

The sound of the office door closing behind him shook him back to reality, and his eyes went to Lynette as soon as she rounded her desk.

“What happened?” Blake asked, remaining stoic. “Is she alright?” He paused. “And please, just tell me like it is. I need to know.”

“Bizzy had some trouble today,” Lynette said gently, with a nod. 

“ — okay, trouble, what does _trouble_ mean??” It was obvious he was getting frustrated. 

“ _Trouble_ means that your daughter seemed to get so overwhelmed at one point that she…” Lynette let her words trail off, then sighed. “She lost consciousness for a minute.”

“She _passed out_?”

“She was with the nurse for a bit. I heard what happened and I went down to check on her. Mr. Shelton, I hate to say this, but I think it might have been worse than we originally thought…”

“Worse? You think?” Blake snapped immediately, then took a step back and sighed. “I apologize. I’m sorry. I — I just don’t even know what to think right now.”

“No apology needed,” Lynette brushed it off sadly. 

“Did she say anything?” Blake asked next. “I mean, do we know why she’s…upset? Is that even the word?”

“The only thing Bizzy talks about and shows an interest in remember is her life in Nashville,” Lynette admitted. “She shuts down when I ask her about Oklahoma. Her responses are short when I ask her about her life here. But she’ll talk all morning about her house in Tennessee, her school and her friends, her sports teams, everything.”

“Nashville,” Blake repeated, and sighed. His eyes went out to look through the glass, catching a glimpse of Gwen very gently talking to Bizzy. The love his daughter had for Gwen was so obvious in her eyes, and the sight of them together very temporarily took the sting out of the conversation he was currently in with Lynette. He remembered it, and looked back to her briefly. 

“Where does all of this go?” Blake asked next. “What now?”

Lynette sighed. It was obvious what she was about to say was not going to feel good. 

“Do you have any flexibility at all…” she began. “…to go back?”

“Back?” He repeated. “Back to Nashville?”

“This isn’t a normal amount of anxiety that your daughter is exhibiting,” Lynette responded. “Her entire world has been shaken up a lot lately and she’s having difficulty processing this. She’s having so much difficulty here that her anxiety gave her a panic attack and caused her to…”

“She had a panic attack?” Blake echoed. “But she’s a kid.”

“Exactly my point, I’m afraid.” Lynette paused, and just watched Blake’s face reeling through all of the emotions, all of the jumbled thoughts. “And there’s no easy way to say this either, but not only am I not sure if it’s good for her to continue to keep coming to St. Timothy’s, but it also might not be up to me…”

“You’re going to kick her out?” Blake was shocked and appalled. He probably would have put up a fight if he had the words.

“Bizzy is a wonderful girl,” Lynette tried. “But it might not be safe for her to be here if her anxiety is this bad.” She sighed again. “Please, this is not a judgement or an indictment on your daughter. I’m worried for her.”

“And the solution is…move back to Nashville?” He was in utter disbelief as his eyes went out the glass again. Bizzy was a bit more lively as she interacted with Gwen - they could always pull each other out.

_Gwen._

“I think it could be the best thing for her,” Lynette commented. “I know things like that are not always possible, but in this case, I’d recommend looking into it. Can you handle your career and affairs from Nashville?”

“I…” he stuttered. “…I…I don’t know.”

“Mr. Shelton, we want to support you and Bizzy in any way we can,” Lynette responded. “I can refer you to a colleague that specializes in childhood anxiety. Get you a second opinion…”

“You want to support her but you won’t let her come to school here anymore,” Blake responded with a nod.

“Mr. Shelton, do you really want your daughter to be here?” She asked back. “Knowing she feels this bad every day?”

“Thank you for your time,” Blake said next. “We’re going to take our daughter home now.”

“Alright,” Lynette said. She reached into the top drawer in her desk, and handed Blake a business card. “My colleague. I think you’d feel better having a second opinion.” She paused. “And as a courtesy, my school director will refund the semester’s tuition…”

“ — I’m not worried about tuition,” Blake said, shaking his head. “Keep it.” His hand was on the door the next moment and his feet carried him out into the hallway; he went to his knees in front of Bizzy.

“Hey, little bee,” his voice was much more enthusiastic than how he felt. “Why don’t we blow this popsicle stand and go eat a bunch of ice cream?”

“You’re not mad?” Bizzy almost whispered, finding the offer of so much ice cream to be too good to be true. 

“Did you do something else? Should I be?” He tried to fall back on one of their normal inside jokes, but Bizzy’s small, slightly confused smile made him realize she wasn’t up for it. “I’m sorry you hurt your head today. I could never be mad at you for something like that.” His hand rested against the side of her head. “I think all _three_ of us could use some ice cream right now. What do you say?”

Bizzy nodded, and Blake offered a slightly bigger smile as he reached to her side, taking her backpack from her. He slid the small strap up and over his arm, but she still didn’t seem convinced. 

“I think you’re going to feel so much better once you get that first bite in your mouth,” Gwen encouraged her, standing up next to Blake. She offered her hand out to her and she took it, hopping off the bench.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wellllll.....did I cause whiplash? 😬 Let me know what you think!


End file.
